To Love And To Fight
by annieDD
Summary: Ok, so, as you can see, this is my GoT fanfiction. It's mostly about Tywin Lannister youngest daughter, Lady Elena Lannister (OC) and her role in Westeros and in lives of the people she is surrounded by. Love, Honor, Duty, Fierceneness, Friendship, Family, War. RobbxOC. Rated M for language and for certain future scenes. Enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

**Ok guys, I decided to give this a go. Ok, warning, spoilers about the Red Wedding ahead. But if you haven't heard about it yet I'm not sure if you would want to read this story at all. I always liked Robb Stark and even though I think that what George R. R. Martin did was amazing for the story, I was kind of sad that my favorite character didn't get a happy ending. Yes, I know, happy ending in Game of Thrones, ha-ha-ha. I had imagined this completely different story mixed with the one that was going on in the TV show (I've just started reading A song of ice and fire, give me a break :D ) so I created an completely new character, Elena Lannister, youngest daughter of Tywin Lannister. Give it a go, I think you might like it. Well, especially if you like the Starks. Please, I live and breathe for constructive criticism, so don't be shy, and tell me what you think. English isn't my first language, so I am terribly sorry if you catch some mistakes that will annoy you. And now, let us go to the land of Westeros. **

**Enjoy :)**

I took in a deep breath as I walked over to the mirror. Another day, another act to play. I would rather be anywhere else. Somewhere as far away from here as possible. South, beyond the sea, or North, beyond the cold. Well, probably beyond the sea. I never really was a fan of the cold.

Sadly enough, I'm stuck right here where I am now, at Kings Landing. I suppose that I could lead a much worse life, and that I should be happy for what I have now, and what I had while I was growing up. But when you wish for freedom, there isn't enough gold in the world that could keep you satisfied.

Braid or loose curls? And the dress? Red or golden? Cleavage or no cleavage? Heavens forbid that I look like a normal girl of my age. Oh no, I have a reputation to uphold. Always and forever, be a true Lannister, a lioness, no matter the challenges before you. Like I ever cared about that!

A knock on the door had brought me back to reality.

-Come in.-I said, still staring at my reflection.

-Good morning my lady.-said Elisa, my hand maiden.-What would you like to wear today? And what would you like for me to do with your hair?-she asked as she approached me. I could see in the mirror before me, she had a big smile on her face. She is usually all smiles and happiness. I guess it could be said that I envy here for that. I use sarcasm quite frequently, but I do not smile that often.

-Whatever works Elisa, you know I don't really give a damn about such trivial things.-I told her.

-Because that is my job.-she said with a smile. I couldn't help myself, so I smiled back at her.-Now, sit, and let me do my work. The faster we finish, the faster I can bring you your breakfast.-she said, and I did not argue with her anymore on that topic. In this land of snakes, she was the closest thing I had to a friend. Well, she and Gendry. If a friendship is sneaking out of the castle in the middle of the night just so that I could talk to him. My sister wasn't very fond of the two of us spending so much time together and when I was barely ten name days old, she had forbidden me to even talk to Gendry. And I have been defying her ever since.

Eventually, I was dressed in a light blue dress and my hair was pulled back in two braids. As soon as Elisa was done, I turned away from the mirror. I couldn't bear to look at myself any longer.

She brought me fruit and wine. And it is not even mid-day. She must have confused me with several other members of my family. But I did not complain. I never really liked the idea of demanding perfection from the people who work for me. Well, for my family. Sometimes, even if I wasn't happy with the way they did something, I wouldn't complain. I do not want to be called a needy Lady.

I was reading a book when I heard another knock on my door.

-Come in.-I said, my eyes still on the page.-Do you mind bringing me some water Elisa?-I asked.

-Well, I'm not Elisa, but I guess I could be trusted with that task.-I heard a voice and I smiled, knowing who it was even before I looked at him. Tyrion.-Hello sister.-he said, with a small smile on his face, and I jumped off my chair. I ran over towards him, fell on my knees and hugged him as strong as I could.-It's nice to see that you missed me as much as I missed you.-he said, and I smiled.

-Of course I missed you Tyrion, you're one of the rare persons around here that I don't detest.-I said as I was pulling away from the hug, and getting back on my feet, not wanting to hurt his feelings in any possible way.-Besides, you're my big brother. Of course I missed you.-I told him, and he smiled.

-Well, I'm not exactly sure Big is the word. I'm more often known as The Imp.-he said.

-Oh stop it.-I sad, only slightly annoyed. I was used to it by now.

-But it is the truth. You think it still bothers me?-he asked, and I shook my head.

-I know it doesn't. But it bothers me.-I said, determination present in every word I spoke, and he smiled. He may not me troubled by the fact that he was a dwarf, and he did not give much thought about what people said to him, but I did. He is what he is, and that doesn't make him any less honorable or kind. Of course, some of his lifestyle choices do, but I never was the one for judging.-Come, I'm sure you won't be able to say no to some fine, Dornish wine.-I said, and he followed me to the table on the terrace.

-Because I didn't drink enough of it while I was in Dorne?-he asked, but I filled the cup for him anyway. I know him.-You look beautiful Elena. But I must say, you need to cover yourself up a little bit unless you want to catch the eye of every single man in Kings Landing with a working penis.-he said with a smile.

-Do you hear that?-I asked quietly, pretending to be listening to something. He listened as well.-Oh, I know what it is. That's the sound of Dornish whores, crying their eyes out because the young Tyrion Lannister has returned to Kings Landing.-I sad with a smile, and Tyrion was laughing.

-Oh, how I missed you.-he said while wiping the tears from his face.-The only person in our horrible family that I love and respect.-he said. Yes, and he never fails to mention that in front of the family.

-You are the only one I respect, but I do care for Jaime.-I said with a smile, and Tyrion rolled his eyes. The two of them are the only reason I have managed to remain in Kings Landing for as long as I did. My dear, lovely sister, never was the caring kind, not when it came to me. I think that pure hate is the term that describes her feelings for me. And, of course, nerves of steel, because that is what it takes for you to be nice to the person you hate. Cersei might not love me, but she will be damned if anyone other than our closest family will learn of it. I might have a reputation, but so does she.

Unlike her, my father never really tried to hide his hate towards me. The only reason he even talks to me is probably because Tyrion is an even bigger embarrassment to him than I am! But, I was the one that killed mother. Those were the words Cersei used. Other people said that she died while giving birth to me. Father wasted no time sending me away as soon as he could. When Cersei gave birth to the heir of the throne, Joffrey, father sent me to Kings Landing, to live with her, her husband, the King, Robert, and my two brothers. I've only been to Casterly Rock, my true home, three times in my entire life. I guess that father didn't want a reminder to the death of his beloved.

And with all honesty, I never complained about that arrangement. My sister never cared for me, but my brothers always did. As did the King. His feelings for me, in his own words, are a mixture of respect and regret that I wasn't the older sister. He might be the King, but I did not ever want to switch places with my sister. I'm perfectly happy as being just the Queens younger sister. If I could have a say in it, I would be downgraded. Never the Queen.

Life away from father had its benefits, no doubt. I was more free here than I could ever be in Casterly Rock. I grew up with my niece and nephews who I love dearly. With the exception of Joffrey. He's a prick. And if I was in Casterly Rock, I would have already been married, or at least betrothed. Here it was different. King Robert didn't yet have the need to push me into someone's arms, and I was more than happy about that. People do tend to think that I am surprisingly smart, for a Lady at least, but when it comes to marriage, I'm as stupid as it gets. Yes, I still firmly believed that I should love my husband, that I should marry out of love, not because an arrangement was made without me having a say in it. Sadly enough, I never did feel the power of love. And now, when I'm 19 name days old, I was starting to get used to the idea that my marriage will highly likely be just an arrangement. My only hope was that Robert cares enough for me to give me a freedom of choice. Sometimes, a girl can only hope.

-Well, at least we can agree on hating father.-Tyrion said, and took a sip of wine while I was laughing.

My thoughts were still on my future marriage arrangements, not in the present. I suppose that if I do want to fall in love, I should move around a bit more than I do. I should be talkative and friendly, like any Queen's sister should be. But not me. I always preferred reading in patience, or doing unladylike things like practicing sword fighting and archery. Come to think of it, no wonder Cersei is ashamed of me.

-So, tell me about your stay in Dorne.-I said with a smile when I came back to the present.-It's been years since I've been there, I can't even remember it. And please, I would like to hear about Dorne, not of Dorne's finest whore houses.-I added, knowing all too well where Tyrion spend most of his time.

-I might visit whore houses more than frequently, but I never really had a wish to talk about that with my baby sister, Elena.-he said, and I laughed.-And Dorne? Dorne is beautiful, breathtaking, as it always was. Actually, I have some news for you from Dorne.-he added, and I frowned. News for me?

-What kind of news?-I asked, not sure if I wanted an answer. As far as I know, I don't have any friends in Dorne. I was there only once, and I was a child then, I doubt I was even 10 name days old at the time.

-Prince Oberyn.-Tyrion said, and I frowned. I have heard of him before.-He asked me whether you were to be married, are you betrothed to someone.-he said and I am sure he could see the color was leaving my face with his words.-You were still a child when you met him, but I could have seen the way he looked at you. He had assumed you would grow into a very beautiful woman, which you did. And now he just confirmed my suspicions of his interest.-Tyrion said with a small smile on his face. Gods, no!

-Prince Oberyn Martell wants me to be his wife?-I asked, amazed that I was even able to say the words that came to my mind. Never before was I shocked by some news like I was now.

-He didn't use those exact words, but it wasn't that hard to guess.-Tyrion corrected me.

-I, to be married, to a Dornishman?-I asked, completely shocked, and Tyrion raised his brows.-No, Tyrion, I do not say that because I think I deserve better and that marrying a Martell would be an insult to my heritage!-I said, slightly mad at him. Why would he even think something like that? And here I thought that he knows me better than anyone else.-I'm saying that because I'm not exactly glad that the man who wants to marry me already has 8 illegitimate daughters with his paramours! That is very… fertile. And I am very… inexperienced.-I added, almost sure I was blushing. That man would probably tear me in two on our wedding night. My fear was very much understandable.

-Well, if you two do marry, it would be on you to destroy the myth that the daughters of Casterly Rock, and Kings Landing, considering where you grew up, are nothing more than dead frogs between the sheets.-Tyrion said with a smile. Sadly, I've heard worse.

-Oh, fuck you.-I sad coldly and he started laughing. After a few moments, I was laughing along with him. He knew that if I curs at him, I never actually mean it.-I have to ask you for a favor. I beg of you, do not mention this to the King. I have no doubt that Oberyn Martell is a man who could please me in many, many ways, but I'm still a child compared to him. I don't wish for the King to think of us as an option, especially if the offer isn't yet set to stone. Maybe it was just a thought, not an idea.-I said.

-I'm sorry, what exactly you don't want me to mention to the King? I forgot what we were talking about.-he said, and I smiled. Of course, I could always count on Tyrion.-Now, you, my dear sister, need to tell me something. What happened while I was away? And what do you think actually happened while I was away?-he asked, staring at me, and I knew what he meant. Unlike many others, Tyrion did care to hear my opinion, especially when it comes to some important things. As he said himself, he always found me incredibly insightful. I never agreed, and I never denied it, either. I might notice things that other people don't, but that is because I watch, not because I'm incredibly intelligent like he says.

-Well, Jon Arryn's dead. I'm guessing you already knew that. If they didn't send you a raven, I'm sure you didn't miss his body in the hall.-I said, and he nodded.-They say that the fever took him. Since you're asking me what I think of it, I'm sure you have your doubts about that. As do I. There is no doubt in my mind that Jon Arryn was murdered, killed, poisoned. I have no idea who could do such a thing, but I wish I did. I would love of them to get a taste of their own medicine.-I added coldly. I always had much love and respect for Jon Arryn. In many ways, he was like a father I never really had. An guardian in a way.

-And what of his family?-Tyrion asked.

-His wife and son fled Kings Landing as soon as they could. I can't really blame them. Anyone in their right mind would want to get away from here as soon as possible. Too many snakes if you ask me.-I said.

-The most important now question is who will Robert appoint as the new Hand of the King.-Tyrion said.

-No, the most important question is who would be foolish and stupid enough to except the offer.-I said, and Tyrion laughed.-One Hand of the Kings is dead, and I'm guessing so will the second be. Probably before Jon's body becomes cold as ice.-I added. Sadly, I can already guess how it will end. Whoever gets asked to be the next Hand will have to expect. It's almost impossible to say No to the King.

-I don't know my dear sister, but I suppose it will be interesting to watch. And you and I both have front row seats.-he said. I barely smiled. It's not something to be happy about, at least not for me.

-I do not know, but…-I started, but as soon as I spoke, I was interrupted by a knock on the door.-Come in.-I said, loud enough so that the person who was knocking could hear me. It was Elisa.

-My Lord, My Lady.-she said while bowing.-My Lady, The King has asked for your presence.-she said.

-Yes, of course.-I said. Yes indeed, it is very difficult to say no to the King.-Brother, you will have to forgive me, the King needs me.-I said, a bit to formal, but he knew it was because of Elisa.

-Do not worry. I need to speak to him as well, I will wait until you finish.-he said, and together we walked out of my chambers and went to the Kings chambers. I knocked on the door and did not enter until he gave me permission. Then, I walked in, with my head bowed down.

-Your Grace, you wanted to see me?-I said, and as soon as I looked up, he nodded.

-Yes, please sit Elena.-he told me, and I did as I was told, siting in one of the chairs on the other side of the desk he was leaning on.-I wanted to tell you personally that your sister, our children and myself are heading North. And you and your brothers will be joining us.-he said. I did not expect to hear that. As far as I know of, no trip to the North was being planned, but again, I do not know everything.

-If that is what you wish Your Grace.-I said, not asking my questions out loud.

-Winterfell. To visit my friend, Eddard Stark.-he said, knowing at least what one of my questions was. As soon as I heard the name of his friend, Lord of Winterfell, I knew what was the point of this trip.

-Your Grace, pardon my indiscretion, but are you planning of appointing Lord Stark as the new Hand of the King?-I asked. I could not stop myself. Eddard Stark was his close friend, and I could not understand why would he ask him to do such a thing. I knew I wasn't wrong, I knew it when Robert stared at me.

-Elena, you know very well I respect your opinion.-he said, and I nodded. He never failed to mention it, and I suppose that is just one more reason for Cersei to hate me.-Please, tell me, why do you think that that is not a good decision?-he asked. It bothered him that I didn't agree, I could see that much.

-No one doubts Lord Stark's capability Your Grace. He's been in charge of The North ever since you became King, and in my humble opinion, he is doing it very well. But, Your Grace, Jon Arryn is dead. And under suspicious circumstances, you cannot deny it. Do you really wish to put your closest friend in that position Your Grace?-I asked, hoping that I wasn't stepping over some sorts of invisible line. I'm sure he won't listen to me, but I can only hope that he does. I might not know Lord Stark personally, but from what I've heard, he is a very good man, an honorable one. Just like Jon Arryn was. And look at him now.

-I trust him more than anyone.-said Robert after he considered my words for a few moments. I can actually understand. As a King, Robert fears for his life. And Lord Stark is possibly the only person who can be put to that position and not do anything to harm Robert.-The decision is made. We leave for Winterfell tomorrow morning. Order your maids to pack you up.-he said, and I nodded. Lovely. Not only am I sentenced to sharing a carriage with my loving sister, but we're heading to the cold, freezing North. I need to prepare myself in every possible way for this month's long journey.-One more thing Elena.-Robert said, and I froze as I was about to stand up. I sat back down again. I could see that he is choosing his words more carefully now. He never chooses his words carefully.-I think that we should start looking for a husband for you soon enough. You're 19. It is time.-he said. I could just feel my throat dry up. I was afraid this day will come soon, and here it is, just after Tyrion informed me about Oberyn Martell.

-If that is what you wish Your Grace.-I said quietly, using the words I have used before.

-Lena, let's just quiet screwing around.-he said, and I was surprised. I have heard him cursing, to many times to count. But never while he was speaking to me. And he used the name only my brothers use, and Gendry. Not everyone can call me Lena, not if I have any say in it.-You do not want to get married, do you?-King Robert asked. Well, if he can guess, I might as well be truthful.

-No, Your Grace.-I answered.-At least not yet. My father is not interested in that, so my marriage is only your decision. I would prefer not to rush, to wait, to marry out of love, not because of some deal. It's not like we don't have allies.-I said with a small smile on my face, and he started laughing.

-True.-he said with a smile.-You always were more of a Baratheon than a Lannister.-he said. That is also something he never fails to mention. And I suppose he is right. It's not a surprise, considering that I was raised here.-Gods, how I wish you were your older sister. Or a little less moral.-he said, and I smiled, even if I was feeling very uncomfortable.-I will give you some time.-he said, and I nodded, relieved.-But if too much time passes, I will take the matter in my own hands. I will find you a husband. And do not worry, I will not give you up to just anyone, you can be sure of that.-he said. I do not know why, but I trusted him. I honestly do not know why. I was a witness of the way he treated Cersei, and it is not how I wish to be treated by my future husband. But him and Cersei did not love each other. I think that he never really forgot his lost love, Lord Starks sister, Lyanna. The whole reason war started years ago, and the reason that Robert sits on the Iron Throne. I guess that if my future husband will love me, he would never treat me like Robert treated my sister. If two people love each other, I believe that things such as wine and whores cannot come in-between.

-Thank you Your Grace.-I said with a small smile.-If I do not find love myself, I will be more than happy to marry a man you find acceptable. If you allow me, I shall go and pack for the trip.-I said, and he nodded. I got up, and bowed.-Enjoy the rest of the day Your Grace.-I said and I left his chambers.

-What happened?-Tyrion asked me as soon as I closed the door behind me. I guess he could see.

-We're going to Winterfell.-I said, and I took a deep breath.-And Oberyn Martell may eventually take me to Dorne.-I said in a very cold tone. I did not wait for his response, I just headed towards my chambers.

Some things I will never understand. Why was it so worrying that I am 19 years old, and not yet married? Just because Cersei married Robert when she was very young, doesn't mean that that should be what I do too. At this point, I have at least 15 to 20 good years for giving birth to babies of my future husband. Why do we need to rush into this? Like I said, some things I shall never understand, and marriage is probably one of them.

**So, this was the first chapter. Please, don't be shy and tell me what you think! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

I took a deep breath, and opened the door of my chambers. Trying to be as silent as i possibly can, I was walking around the long halways and corridors. This is not something I heaven't done before. In fact, i did it more often that i could count, at least a few times every week for the past ten years! You could say that I knew my way around the castle, even at night. But tonight was different. My whole family and half of the Kingsguard were getting ready for the trip that starts tomorrow morning. It is going to be a long month ahead of us, and it is starting tonight. I have no doubt that half of the castle was awake, just as i would be, if I wasn't sneaking around like I was. What I am about to do may be the stupidest thing I have ever done. I'm risking a lot, but I just could not leave without seeing Gendry and talking to him.

So I was ready to sneak, I was ready to run around, I was ready to be caught and I was ready to be punished. If it comes to that. But most of all, I was ready to do anything so that I could see him tonight.

Navigating my way through the hallways was easy. The hard part was leaving the castle itself, but I have head years of practice. As soon as I reached on of the doors that lead to the garden, I pulled my hooded cloak over my head, and I started running. Barefoot, of course. It didn't take me long to reach the gates. I did it. I just need to get to Gendry, and do it once again. The risk wasn't there only when I was leaving the castle. Actually, it's an even bigger risk to return. They might think I was an intruder and shoot me on sight, before asking to see who I was. I don't know why, but I was sure that that will not happen. And I must say, the security of our castle is very poor if a ten year old child can run in and out as she pleases.

I did not slow my pace as I was making way to the house where Gendry lives. The sooner I get back, the better. I can only hope that Gendrys master is asleep. Gendry works as a blacksmiths apprentice. And the blacksmith is horrible to him. I have offered countless times to help him, to do something, I was even ready to threaten the blacksmith, but Gendry never let me. He is quite honorable. And he does not think a Lady should fight his fight. Personally, I think that's stupid. But I do as he says.

I peeked through the window of the room that belonged to Gendry. There was no light in it, but I was not ready to give up just yet.-Pst!-I hissed quietly, but after a few moments, I did not hear a response.-Pst!-I hissed again, this time a little bit louder. I hear movement and my heart stopped for a moment. It started beating again as soon as Gendry's head appeared on the other side of the window.

-What the hell are you doing here?-he whispered, and I rolled my eyes.

-Why, because I never done this before?-I asked and I smiled when I saw that he smiled too.-Come on, get out of there, I need to talk to you.-I said. He started climbing out of the window and I took a step back. As soon as he was out, we made our way to the quiet place on the beach that was very well hidden from the road. We were safe there for the past 10 years, I do not see why that should change. But I am aware just in how much trouble we would be if we are caught. I wonder if Gendry does too.

-Lena, what is going on?-he asked with a small smile as soon as I sat on the sand, next to him.-I know you did this before, but it's been a few weeks since the last time.-he said, and I rolled my eyes.

-I see you didn't notice.-I said, and he laughed.-I just… I wasn't feeling that well. Since Jon Arryn died I am not sure about anything anymore, and the thought of that makes me feel… I don't know how does it make me feel, but I do know I was not good company. And my brother was gone. I just didn't want to leave my chambers to be honest.-I said. That's the good thing about Gendry. I can trust him and tell him anything. I know that he will understand. And the best thing is that he doesn't get mad easily.

-I understand.-he said.-It isn't difficult to be a bit sad when you have the family you have.-he noticed.

-True. You still don't want us to change places?-I asked, and he laughed as he shook his head. He and I often joked that he would rather be a bastard than a Lannister. Seven Hells, I think that I would rather be a bastard than a Lannister! But, not even that will give my freedom. Gendry is my age, his mother died and he never knew who his father was. He has no one in this world, well, other than me. And he still depends on someone. He needs to be on good terms with that savage of a blacksmith he works for if he wants a meal and warm bed to sleep on. And still, he is dead serious when he says that he would rather be a bastard than a Lannister. And I understand.-I do have some news. Tomorrow morning we will be leaving for Winterfell.-I said and I could see the surprise on his face.

-Will you be coming back?-he asked and I laughed.

-Of course I will be coming back, why would you think otherwise?-I asked, surprised by his question.

-Well, it's not like they didn't consider marrying you off.-Gendry said, and my smile disappeared.-See? It's not such a stupid question now, is it?-he asked and I was able to smile slightly.

-Yes. Well, I will be coming back. At least, that is what the King told me. And I do not appreciate you telling me what you did, because the only think I can think of right now is that I'm pretty sure that Lord Stark has a son that is somewhere our age.-I said slightly angry and that made Gendry laugh.

-Well, nice knowing you Lady Elena Lannister.-he laughed, and he laughed even harder when I hit him on the shoulder with my fist.-No, seriously now. I'm glad you will be back. I get that you will have to marry someone someday. And I just hope it isn't as far as Winterfell. Seven Hells, that's far away.-he said.

-I know. But if and when I get married, no matter where I go, you will have to visit me.-I ordered him.

-Yeah, I'm sure your husband will be quite happy about that.-he laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

-Well, if he's not, I'll make him. And if he does not trust me enough to know that you are nothing other than a brother to me, than something's wrong in that marriage.-I said and we both laughed.-I will miss you. The journey there and back will take at least two months. And I suppose we will be staying there for a couple of weeks. I'll write to you as soon as I get there.-I said. Gods, I don't know how I would handle this if he didn't know how to read and write. When I met him, he didn't. But I decided to change that. Ever since I was a child, I was trying to enforce equality. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but at least I taught Gendry to read and write. And thanks to that, I will be able to send him letters.

-And I will write you back as soon as they reach me.-he said. We looked at each other for a moment, and then we hugged. I had my arms around his waist, and his arms were around my shoulders.-I will miss you. Sometimes I wish you weren't a Lannister. Just a normal girl. I wish you were my sister.-he said.

-And you know I wish that too.-I said as I pulled away.-But some things cannot be changed, and my family is one of those things. I should get back, and so should you. Do me a favor Gendry. Please, do not get yourself in trouble. I want you alive and well when I come back.-I said, and he started laughing.

-You're worried about me? Oh, sweet Lena. I'm the one that should be worried. Not about you, but about the North.-he said, and I rolled my eyes.-When you arrive, the will have no idea what hit them. They are expecting some stuck up Lannister girl like your sister. And they will get you. Honestly, I will not be surprised if I get a letter from you saying that you climbed over the wall and decided to join the wildlings! Actually, please don't do that.-he said. Gods, he can be such an idiot. But a loving idiot.

-I will not, you ass!-I said as I hit him in the shoulder once again.-Gods, you can be so annoying.-I said.

-So can you. Personally, I think that is why we get along so well.-he said. Sadly, he might be right.

-I'm leaving now.-I announced, and he laughed.-Be careful, and so will I. And no Gendry, I will not be joining the Wildlings!-I yelled when I saw that he was ready to tease me about that again.-Good night you idiot. I'll see you as soon as I get back. And don't forget to write!-I yelled while I was already running away from him. So much for being quiet, I just yelled from the top of my longs. I have more luck than I have brains, I'm sure of that. And it was confirmed when I reached my chambers without being seen by one single guard. The castle seriously needs to be protected better. I suppose that I should tell Robert about that. But I will not. Yes, I am more than ready to risk mine and my family's lives just so that I can see my friend whenever I want to. So much for me not being selfish. Maybe I am a true Lannister.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I turned to the mirror, to see my reflection. Dark, brown eyes and hair that was an even darker shade of brown. I did not look like a Lannister. Not one slightest bit, and I was never more thankful that I took on my mother's side than I was now.

As I predicted even before we left, this trip was pure torture. I was stuck in the carriage with Cersei, Myrcella and Tommen. Of course, the children were not the problem. I loved them with all my heart. My sister, on the other hand, was as difficult as she ever was. I try not to dwell on it too much. I am sure that I annoy her just as much as she annoys me, if not even more.

-You must remember my dear.-she said to Myrcella, as she was braiding her hair.-Lord Stark and his family are the Kings dear friends. But that does not change the fact that they are below us. I have no doubt in my mind that they are savages that we should not spend too much time with.-she added. I was no longer able to contain myself. I let out a sigh as I rolled my eyes.-Something to add, dear sister?-she asked me. I swear to the Gods, if I wasn't used to it by now, her stare would freeze the life out of me.

-Not much, no. I was just amazed by the way you teach your child to judge people before she even lays eyes on them.-I said coldly. I honestly wonder sometimes who her behavior still manages to surprise me.

-Teaching normal people that may be a bad thing, but we are Lannisters.-she said. I smiled at her.

-Last time I checked, your children were Baratheon. And that is no way to teach a child, no matter if they are princesses or peasant's daughters. If you excuse me.-I said and left the carriage before she could say anything else to me. I did not waste my time as I made my way to the Kings tent. I waited for him to allow me to enter before I did so.

-Oh dear gods, what do you want now girl?-he asked, but I could see he was smiling.

-If it is not a trouble Your Grace, I would ask you to ride on a horse for the rest of our journey to Winterfell.-I said.

-Yes, you may.-he said and I didn't hide my wide smile.-I suppose I should be surprised that you managed to handle your sisters company for this long.-he said and I laughed.

-Well Your Grace, you know that better than anyone.-I said. At least I made him laugh. And for the next couple of days, I do not need to handle Cersei anymore. Yes, Joffrey is also riding, but I'm sure that he will be easy enough to loose. And I always have my brothers to keep me company.

The Kingsguard was already used to me being like this, so there were no looks of surprise when they saw me in, well, men's clothing. It was unacceptable for a Lannister to wear pants. For any other girl, it could be fine. But not for me. And that is why I enjoyed it so much. I love not fitting in. I love being different. And it is all worth wile when I see surprise on people's faces when they see that not all Lannisters are pretentious pricks. I suppose I shall be seeing a lot of surprised faces when we reach Winterfell.

Today, we are finally arriving. I could see the castle in the distance a feel of excitement rising in me. As much as I am excited to see new places, I am that much scared of meeting new people.

I was riding with Jaime. And it turned out to be a mistake. I confessed my troubles to him. Unlike Tyrion, he wasn't ready to fight my fight with me. No, he just disagreed with me in a few seconds.

-Lena, I understand why you are not happy about that.-he said, and I rolled my eyes.-But if you are to be married, I believe Dorne is a good place, and House of Martell is a good House.-he said. Yet again.

-You do not understand Jaime.-I said, not just ready to give it up.-From what I heard, the man is a beast.-I said and it made Jaime laugh. Oh, what does he know, he hasn't touched a woman since he became a knight. As far as I know of, he might have never touched a woman at all. About this, he know nothing.

-Even if that is true, that may not be a bad thing. Look, Elena, you are not like other woman. You know that, I know that, and I'm sure that half of Westeros knows it by the way rumors spread. You are very difficult to control. You do what you like, and you do not think that you need to explain yourself to anyone. You like to fight, to ride, to be free and to keep your pride. And for a woman like you, there is no better place than Dorne. There, you can stand proudly by your husband's side.-he said.

-Right next to his paramour, yes?-I asked and he could not contain his laughter.-Jaime do you think of me as an idiot? Do you think am a smart, or a stupid girl?-I asked him.

-Elena, to this day, you are one of the smartest people I have ever met.-he said with a small smile.

-Thank you. I like to think that I am not that stupid. But, when it comes to love and marriage, I am as stupid as it gets. I still live in some sort of… illusion, were I get to marry the one I love. And I would wish for it to be like that. I do not like talking about a wedding when there is no wedding.-I said quietly.

-I understand. You should get ready for our arrival. You do not look like a proper lady.-he said to me. He was right. I did not look like the Queens sister, not at all. And that is the way I am going to keep it. As soon as I decided that, I let out my hair. If was curly from the braid. I'm sure I look better now.

-There. I am ready.-I said and Jaime laughed. After a while, I laughed with him. I do not care if it is not appropriate. I am being myself. And at least I am polite. No one wants to see the other side of me.

I entered Winterfell next to my brother, before the King and the carriage. I could see the Stark family lined up before us for a brief moment, before they bowed to the King. For a moment, I coughed the eye of a man who must be Eddard Stark. I would have nodded, or done anything to acknowledge his look, but it was rude to do so before the King says his hellos. So I got off my horse quietly and waited to be introduced. I did not listen to their interactions. I was just looking around, taking in Winterfell.

It is much different than what I'm used to. I grew up near the sand, the sea, the sun. And WInterfell was the complete opposite. When I imagined Winterfell in my mind, it looked a lot like Casterly Rock. And still, I was very wrong. Dark stone, cold air, so cold that you could see your breath and a lot of forests and woods. It is in no way bad. It is just very different from my usual environment.

-Elena Lannister, the Queens sister.-I heard the King say, and I suddenly snapped out of my thoughts. I came close to them, and Lord Stark bowed his head to me, as did the rest of his family. Even if I was someone with a greater title then theirs, I did not give a damn. The man is older than me, and much wiser than I am. And to me, that deserves my respect. So I bowed as soon as he looked at me.

-It is an honor to see you My Lady. Welcome to Winterfell.-he said with a smile which I returned.

-The honor is all mine. Lady Stark.-I said, and his wife and I bowed in the same time. I could see that they were surprised with my actions, but again, I did not give a damn. I smiled and nodded to each of the Stark children. There were two little boys, about ten and six if I dare guess, the older Stark boy, who was around my age and two girls. One, the exact replica of her mother, about 14 and the younger one, who looked just the way I felt when I was near my sister, like she would give everything she has to be anywhere but here.

I didn't stay at one place for long. I took a few steps back and joined my brother. I wasn't really listening to what they were speaking, but when I looked up, the King and Lord Stark were heading somewhere, and Cersei did not looked pleased, at all. It didn't take me long to realize what was this about. Robert is in the home of is great love, Lyanna. And even if she is not amongst the living any more, he wanted to see her. To pay his respects. No wonder Cersei looked like she was beyond angry.

-Find our brother.-she told Jaime and I could guess why she didn't tell me that. Tyrion left early last night. I'm sure he is at a whore house, somewhere around Winterfell. In my opinion, he is a grown man that can make his own decisions. But right now, I envy him. At least he wasn't in Cerseis company.

Before I got a chance to say something to Jaime, possibly making him laugh and roll his eyes, we were being taken to our rooms by the servants. Well, if we're staying here for a while, I suppose there will be plenty of time to make fun of my family, pretending like I'm not one of them by blood. Because by looks and character, it is obvious we do not belong together.


	3. Chapter 3

The chamber I will be staying in for the next few days, weeks, hopefully not months were smaller than the ones I have in Kings Landing, which made sense. I'm just a guest here. And either way, I always did think that I had way to much space. The chamber was more than fine. I noticed that there were a few books on the table beside the bed and I wondered how much trouble and work did our arrival cause for the Stark family. I just met them, but they seem kind enough. I think I will have a good time here.

-What do you think of WInterfell My Lady?-I heard Elisa ask and I snapped out of my day dreaming.

-I like it well enough.-I said. I did not see the need to lie to one of the persons who I trust the most.-It is very cold here, but I have no doubt that I will be used to it very soon, tomorrow even.-I said.

-I think it is beautiful. It hasn't changed much since we were here last time.-she said, and I frowned.

-I'm sorry Elisa, what did you say?-I asked her. Was I losing my mind? I was never before in Winterfell.

-I was saying that it hasn't changed much. Or at all to be honest.-she said with a smile, before she saw the look on my face.-You don't remember my lady?-she asked, and I shook my head.-Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. You were very young. If I remember correctly, you were 5.-she said with a smile.

-And you remember it?-I asked her. Gods, what is happening, did I have a hole in my mind now?

-My Lady, I know I may look young, but I am 10 years older than you are.-she said with a smile, and I couldn't help but laugh.-We were here for at least a month. I know you may not remember it, but you had so much fun here. You were running around with the Stark children and your nephew. You were around snow for the first time. It's a shame you can't remember.-she said, and I smiled to her.

-I guess I can't remember it since so many things have happened in the next 14 years.-I said and she laughed.-I am mostly surprise that no one told me this before we got here. No, do not dare and blame yourself.-I said when I saw that she was about to apologies.-I was thinking of my sister. I could have easily embarrassed myself by saying Pleasure to meet you to a man I already met.-I said with a bitter tone. For a moment, I thought Cersei did it on purpose. But it doesn't help her if I embarrass myself.-She probably thought I remember. We never did talk much.-I said with a smile that Elisa returned. She has been my made ever since I could remember. And seeing that I don't remember my previous stay here, in Winterfell, she was my made probably before I could remember. She knew of my cold relationship with my sister.-I suppose I should pick out a dress for the feast, shouldn't I?-I asked her, and she laughed.

-I was thinking you will choose pants again my lady. To keep the eyes that were on you when we arrived. You do like to make an entrance.-she said and I swear to the Gods, my stomach because of laughing.

-That is true. I do like to make an entrance, but I do not like to keep the attention on myself. You pick me out a dress; I do not have the strength to think about it. I just need a bath.-I said, and she nodded.

-I will prepare the water in a moment.-she said, and I sat down on the bed. The it was very soft because of the furs on the covers. I suppose nights here can be very cold. I suddenly remembered Gendry.

-Elisa, please, remind me tomorrow to write a letter to a friend of mine.-I said trying to sound casual. I did not fool her, as she moved the sheered folding screen so that she could see me. I looked guilty.

-It's that Gendry boy again, isn't it my lady?-she asked. Gods, why do I feel like I'm being scolded?

-Yes, it is.-I said, slightly defensive. She knew about our friendship for years now.-Elisa, you know he is just a friend. I would never act around like a… well, like a whore.-I said, and she sighed.

-You were sneaking around last night, weren't you my Lady?-she asked. I did not need to answer, she could see it on my face. How does she sound so judging and respectful at the same time?-My Lady, I am aware that I should keep my mouth shut, but I just cannot. What you do is very dangerous. If you get caught, no one will believe that you are just friends. You will be punished, and I doubt that boy will see the light of day again.-she said. In a way, she is right.-I beg of you my Lady, don't do that.-she asked.

-I guess you're right. And you have nothing to worry about now that we're here.-I said with a smile.

-Yes, until you decide to sneak out with someone from Winterfell.-she said with a smile, and I laughed.

-That is the one thing you do not have to worry about Elisa.-I said, and she shook her head.

-We'll just see about that My Lady. Come now, you bath is ready.-she said. Gods, how I love that woman. There are times when I think that I would not be able to handle this without here with me.

As soon as she braided my hair, I sent her off. Not only do I need my rest, but she needs hers to. She will be back again before the feast, to get me ready. I was not happy about that. I would have preferred to stay in my chambers until tomorrow morning, but when you have a King as your guest, there is no such thing as a normal night. I have no doubt that we will have pretty lavish feasts every night until we leave.

At least the bed was very comfortable. I was reading one of the books that were on the table, but I must have fallen asleep. I was very tired after all. It seemed like my eyes just closed when I heard a knock on my door. Is it time for the feast already? I do not want to deal with strangers at this moment!

-Come in.-I said and I got up in a seating position. And I jumped straight up when I saw that it wasn't Elisa who knocked on my door end entered. It was Robb Stark, Lord Stark's eldest son.-My apologies my Lord, I thought it was my hand maiden.-I said, a bit breathlessly. Brilliant start Elena, no doubt about it.

-My Lady, I have to apologies, I have interrupted you in your rest.-he said, but I shook my head.

-You did not, don't apologies. Would you like some water?-I asked as I poured myself a goblet.

-Thank you my lady.-he said, and moments later, I handed him another goblet. I took a good look at him. He is very handsome, that is sure. He looked like both his mother and father, but I could see more of Lady Stark in him. Auburn hair, piercing blue eyes. I was sad and happy at the same time when I realized that I'm not that fascinated by him. Happy, because I could stand my ground, not falling for every blue eyed man I meet. And sad, because it would be at least interesting. I guess I just saw to many man in Kings Landing to be affected by one now. Although, I did find the Northern men much more attractive.

-What can I do for you my lord?-I asked with a small smile. Surely he did not come here just to see me.

-I wanted to see if you were happy with your accommodations and if you need anything my lady.-he said. There is no doubt in my mind that his mother trained him well for this. He was very… rehearsed.

-Everything is more than well my lord.-I said with a small smile.-And please, call me Elena.-I said.

-In that case, I am Robb for you.-he said, and I nodded with a smile.-I also wanted to ask you whether you will allow me to accompany you to the feast. Not only because of tradition, but because the halls in Winterfell can be very confusing if you're new to them.-he said, and I smiled, while poring myself some more water. I would happily agree to go with him either way, but I felt a small bit of satisfaction when I thought about Cersei's reaction. She may not love me, but she won't like seeing me with a Northerner.

-Yes, yes, of course.-I said, a little distracted. I looked at him again. He was tall, wide in the shoulders. I'm not sure if that is because of the way he's dressed, because of the furs, or is he really masculine. I did not see anything Cersei spoke about on our way here. So far, the Starks have proven themselves. I would dare say that the Northerners are more civilized than my family.-And I apologies in advance for my family's behavior.-I added bitterly and he frowned.

-Why are you so sure that they will behave badly?-he asked me, and I smiled.

-Probably because I have lived with them for 19 years.-I said and he smiled.-The King will be drunk even before the feast starts. My sister will be looking down on every single person in the room. One of my brothers will be watching my every move like a watch dog, and the other brother, if he even bothers to show up, will be drinking too much wine and making rude commends. Do not say I did not warn you.-I said and he smiled.

-And what will you be doing Elena?-he asked, and I smiled.

-What will I be doing? I will be drinking a lot of wine and praying to the Gods that I find a person I can have a decent conversation with.-I said and took a sip of water. I sound bitter. Yes, he must think I am a very bitter person. Probably because I actually am.

-I have to notice, it is true what they say about you.-he said, and I raised my brows. Do I even want to know what does he mean with that.-You are nothing like your family.-he said, and I started laughing.

-For once, the rumors are true. I was always more like a Baratheon than I was a Lannister.-I said, but not before I realized what I was actually saying.-Gods, forgive me Robb. I am too honest for my own good. And you do not want to listen to this. Me and my tongue. I apologize.-I said. I wasn't doing this to save my reputation, I was doing it because I will bore the man to death the way I started now.

-There is nothing to apologize for. If you need someone to have a decent conversation with, I am here.-he said, and I smiled. Good job, he actually remembered something I said. If he does that often, I guess he will know his way around women. Gods Elena, look at the man. And he is an heir. He already knows his way around woman.-I should probably leave now, since I'm in your chambers. I will come to collect you before the feast.-he said, and I just nodded. He left the room, and I returned back to the bed.

I feel quite sad now. I wish I was one of those girls who knew how to talk to men. Not talk, but flirt. That is a talent in my opinion. The only thing I can use is sarcasm and too much honesty for my own good. I suppose there are men who find that charming, but I have yet to meet them. And that is not the only thing. I was sad because I am apparently immune to men too. I can make my decision on whether they are attractive to me or not, but that is it. I have never felt anything while talking to a man I find attractive. Not a single thing, and yet, I still wonder why I didn't fall in love yet.

Yes, I may be a fairly smart girl at times, but when it comes to men, flirting and love, I know nothing.

As soon as I found myself in the dress Elisa picked out for me, I regretted not wearing the pants. It was a beautiful dress, just like any other we packed to take with us. Dark green, more fitting for Winterfell than for Kings Landing. Elisa really has an eye for that. But, sadly, as beautiful as it is, it is very, very, very difficult to wear it. Heavens forbid I bent down to pick something up. Now, I might downgrade myself, but that would be an event the whole Westeros would talk about. I made Elisa lift it up as much as she could. At least I wound be half naked now. She insisted I wear my hair down, so I did. Like I said, she has an eye for it, and I barely know which color goes with my eyes and hair. Come to think of it, I don't know that. Gods, if I marry someday, I'm bringing Elisa. I am completely lost without here when it comes to dresses and hair. I could live without her personal guidance, but I know he has no bad intentions.

She even made me put on some perfume form Dorne that Tyrion brought to me. If she does anything else, I will think she's grooming me like a horse for sale. I'm slowly loosing myself here.

-My lady?-she said as she walked behind to me.-Lord Stark is here.-she said, and I took a deep breath.

He was waiting me at the hallway. I was once again proven that Northerners are gentlemen, no matter what Cersei said. He look right at my cleavage, and looked back to my face the next second. Now, that is also a talent. Especially while I'm wearing this dress. I like Winterfell even more and more now.

-My lady, you look very beautiful tonight.-he said and I smiled. At least he seems honest enough.

-Thank you my lord. I was under the impression you were Robb to me, and I Elena to you.-I said, and he laughed.-You look very handsome Robb.-I said, as he took my arm under his.-And now is time for the show of the evening.-I said with a sour smile, but he laughed.

-Do not be so negative Elena. I am sure everything will be just fine.-he said, and I nodded.

-I must say that it is evident you have never before dined with my family. I hope it is acceptable for me to sneak off and sit with the children, they always have better stories. Your younger sister seemed particularly interesting, I would love to get to talk to her.-I said, and he started laughing.

-Arya?-he asked, and I nodded.-Believe me, she noticed you to. I give her two days before she tells you she wants to be just like you.-he said and we both laughed. I knew it! I know a rebel when I see one.

-Well, if young Arya does say it, for the first time in my life, I will actually like hearing it.-I said, and he smiled to me. At that moment, we entered the big hall. I was prepared to the fact that a lot of people will be staring at us. I am the Queens sister, and he is the heir. It was… inevitable. I bowed to him before I sat next to Cersei. Unlike me, Robb did get to sit with the kids, and I could only think of how jealous I was of him. I'm still a child to! But no, I was here, listening to my boring sister, who barely bothered to respond to Lady Starks questions. I stepped in, to save her from the rudeness of my sister.

-You have changed very much since the last time I saw you Lady Elena.-she told me with a smile.-You were five years old and running around this hall with Robb and Theon.-she said, and I smiled. And this was exactly why I had to been told about our previous trip. I would have embarrasses myself in front of this kind woman, and I would have probably insulted her. Thank Gods for Elisa.

-I don't remember anything unfortunately. If my maid hadn't told me about it, I wouldn't even know I was in Winterfell before. I am sure I liked it here even then.-I said and Lady Stark smiled kindly.

-You did love it here. You were muddy and dirty every time you played outside.-Cersei said, and I laughed, knowing that even the memory of it annoys her.-I hear we might share a grandchild someday.-she told Lady Stark and I am sure that my jaw hit the stone floor. What in the name of Gods…

-I hear the same.-Lady Stark said, and I followed her gaze. Oh my. I guess I should have seen this one coming. If the King is really asking Lord Stark to be his Hand, I should have known that he would want to join houses. And now that poor, beautiful girl will be stuck with a prick that is Joffrey. Poor Sansa. I am sure she just sees a future king, not the real boy. Joffrey always was good with disguises.

In that moment, I noticed the king grabbing one of the servants. He will take her on the table if he isn't stopped. I needed to get away from this. I asked for permission to leave, before I found myself standing behind Robb and Arya, asking if the seat in-between the two of them was taken. Arya was the one who nodded, slightly confused. I sat down, and I filled the cup in front of me with beer. I shouldn't be drinking beer after wine. Mixing is never a good idea, but I didn't really care. I took one sip of it, and I almost threw up, right then and there.

-What in the seven hells is this?-I asked breathlessly. The whole table laughed. Language Elena.

-Dark beer.-Robb said with a smile.-Not everyone can handle it.-he added.

-Well, I can. With a fair warning.-I said and almost drank the whole cup at once. It was quite good actually.-I guess the North is growing on me.-I said making a face, and they all laughed.

-Let me introduce you.-Robb said, and introduced me with everyone at the table. Sansa was the only one who was nowhere to be seen. And also, Theon Grayjoy, their ward, was seated at this table.

-It is lovely to meet you, and thank you for your hospitality. I hope you do not regret it.-I said, and at that moment, I could see the King kissing that servant he was grabbing by the ass just moments ago. I might not be very fond of my sister, but that is not the way to act in front of your wife.

Gods, this is going to be a long, long night.

-Elena, is everything alright?-Robb asked me. I'm not sure if he's pretending, or he really didn't see.

-Nothing worth mentioning.-I said with a small smile. I already said too much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, this is chapter 4. So far so good if I dare say :) Again, I apologize for the mistakes, English is not my first language, and I sometimes don't see the mistakes until the chapter is already published. And I might refer to Elena as Eleana by accident, because when I first got the idea, she was named Eleana. I decided to change my mind, because I read a RobbxOC fanfiction, and a very similar name to Eleana was used. I don't want to take any chances. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. Please, tell me what you think about the story. And if I didn't mention it before, I don't own anything from the GoT universe; it all belongs to the amazing George R. R. Martin. My only creation is Elena. **

How bad can this be? The King is drunk, but that is not exactly something I've never seen before. Still, I think he should not behave like that, not here. We are guests. He might be the King, but even he should show respect to the family that let us stay in their home. I started looking around, searching for Tyrion. I know he has his priorities, but I was sure that he will show up. Apparently, I was wrong. I am sure that the Northern whores are quite… charming. Still looking around, I caught Jaime's eye. I knew it. I knew that he will watch my every move. Would it kill him to have a little fun? I do not need protection here.

I decided to start a conversation with someone. Robb and Theon Greyjoy were already talking, and I did not want to impose. Rickon and Brandon were playing together, and the only one left for me to talk to was Arya. Well, it's not like I didn't planed on doing that before.

-Where is your helmet?-I asked her with a smile. I could never look down on a child. To me, they are smarter and braver than any of us adults. Even if I don't exactly count as an adult just yet.

-It would be and insult to the King and his family.-she said. I'm not surprised. She is rehearsed as well.

-Maybe it would.-I said, and I smiled.-But I doubt anyone would hold that against you. I am sure that you and I can practice something tomorrow if you'd like. Archery perhaps?-I asked and I smiled as I could see her face just light up with excitement. Robb Stark was right. Arya did notice that I am not like the rest of them. It wasn't exactly difficult to notice, considering the way I entered Winterfell.

-You do not have to do that Elena.-Robb said quietly, so that Arya couldn't hear him. I turned to him and I smiled. It's time for them to realize they do not need to act like that around me.

-It would be my pleasure.-I said. He looked at me in a questioning way, and I nodded. I would be honored to spend time with little Arya. She seems like she needs someone like her around. From what I could see so far, she and Sansa do not exactly see eye to eye. Sansa is a Lady, probably even born to be a princess, a Queen. And Arya… she is everything but that. Just like me. As I was about to ask her if she had some practice in archery before, a loud laugh caught my attention. Again, it was the King. And he was still grabbing the servant, laughing and spilling wine all over his face and clothing. I just… I can't look at it any more.-I need some fresh air. If you excuse me.-I said and got up from my chair. I wanted to escape without anyone noticing, but that was not easy. Both Robb and Theon knew the rules of sitting with a Lady, and they were up on their feet as soon as I was. I nodded to them, not wanting to be rude, and I made my way through the crown. As soon as I was walking away, I realized that I have no idea how to get outside. I suppose I should just find a door, and hope it leads me outside. On the other hand, I was right about my brother. Jaime appeared before me.

-Where do you think you're going?-he asked me. Elena, he is only worried about you. Try and relax.

-To get some fresh air. You don't need to follow me around like some lost puppy Jaime. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I am sure you have better things to do than to follow me around.-I said. He did not get insulted, he know how irritated I can be when it comes to my freedom to walk around without being followed. Instead of arguing with me, he let me go. I opened the door in front of me, thankful that I did in fact find the door that leads outside the castle. As soon as I stepped out, I wasn't sure that was a good idea. It was beyond cold. I'm just not used to this weather.

The dresses I usually wear are a lot thinner, but that does not make this one appropriate. I wasn't feeling well any longer. Afraid that I might lose my balance and fall, I leaned myself back on the castle walls. I'm feeling sick to my stomach and I cannot decide if it is because I drank both beer and wine, or because I was embarrassed with my family's behavior. Why must our every visit end like this? Can't we just have one normal night, without whores, drunks, arguing, not trying to hide or resentment? Why can't we have just one normal night? Not for the sake of us, but for the sake of the Starks. King Robert and Lords Stark may be like brothers, but no matter how well they know each other, there was no preparation for what is yet to come. That is the saddest part. This is only just the beginning. The first night out of many.

The King and Tyrion, lost among the whores. Cersei and Jaime, playing their roles. And what about me? I am lost somewhere in-between, trying so hard to show to everyone that I am not like these people, that I am not what they all expect me to be. I wonder if I should even bother. I might show one thousand times that I am not like the rest of the Lannisters, and people still might see me like one.

As soon as I thought that I should probably get back to the hall, something grabbed my attention. I moved to my left, and I could see a boy, well, a man, swinging his sword at a dummy, with all his strength. I tried to see him better, but the dark was… well, to dark. The only thing I could see was that he was tall enough and that he had dark hair. My curiosity got the best of me. I slowly walked down the stairs and over to him, holding my arms tight to my body, hoping to save at least some of my body heat.

-What did that thing ever do to you?-I asked. Sometimes I really am to bold for my good. And yet, I said that with a smile. He turned around, slightly irritated, than changed his expression. He didn't expect me.

-Forgive me my Lady.-he said coldly and he bowed his head. Now that I was close enough to see him as more than just a dark shadow, I realized that I recognized him. He was standing behind the Stark family, as we were greeted upon our arrival to Winterfell. I knew he wasn't just some stranger.

-Elena, please.-I said, and he nodded. Is he a ward? If he is, than he and Theon should be in the same position. Why is Theon with the family and this man isn't? Come to think of it, I was told that Theon was practically a hostage of the Stark family. It did not seem like he was to be honest. And when I see that this man is treated even worse, I can only wonder what he did.-You know my name, Northerner soldier. I do not know yours. I got me at a disadvantage.-I said. I was sure of myself now. It is obvious by his built and the way he handles a sword that he is either a soldier, or about to become one.

-I am Jon Snow my Lady.-he said, and bowed his head, yet again. Snow? Oh, now I see it. He must be Ned Stark's illegitimate son that my sister was talking about on our way here. She was belittling the Stark family so much with it that I almost commented that I am sure that King Robert has more than enough bastard children, scattered all over Westeros. I have never heard of it, but only because it was never allowed to speak of it. I am sure that many whores raised their bastard, Baratheon sons.

-You are Lord Starks son?-I asked, and he nodded.-Why aren't you inside with the rest of us?-

-Lady Stark thought it might be an insult to the royal family, to have a bastard seated among them.-he said, and I frowned. I am not sure I have such a lovely opinion on Lady Stark any more now.

-That is nonsense.-I said, and he looked at me, very much surprised.-In what way is it a bastards fault that he is who he is? If somebody is to be blamed, that should be the mother and the father.-I said. I will never be able to understand why children always pay for their parent's mistakes. I've seen that more times that I could count, and yet, it never ceases to amaze me.

-Would you say the same if your husband brought a bastard child to you, expecting you to be a caring mother to him?-he asked, and I could just sense the bitterness in his voice.

-I am not married, but if I was, yes, I would say the same.-I said, and he was surprised by it.-I don't think that I would ever be able to forgive the husband. But the child, I would love like it was my own.-I said.

-It is true what they say about you Elena Lannister. You are a very odd lady.-he said, and I was laughing.

-It that is what they say… I should probably get inside. The North might be breathtaking, but I am still not used to some aspects of it. I will see you around Jon Snow.-I said, with a small smile, and I walked away before he could say anything more to me. I almost ran into the castle.

Now, this is better. Not that cold. But, I was still not ready to face my family and our hosts. And my mind was still very much preoccupied with Jon Snow. I do not know what it is, but there is something very intriguing about that man. I might even say fascinating. Unlike everything I saw in Winterfell, unlike everyone I met here, he stood out. Robb Stark was well rehearsed, the pride of his family, eldest son, the perfect husband to some little lady. And Jon Snow was the bastard, the one who doesn't say too much, but you can still see that he does think about it, the shame of the family. I grew up, surrounded by Lords and Ladies, and that is not something that I can be interested in, not much. On the other hand, I tend to attach myself to my bastard friends, often forgetting that we live very different lives.

Yes, there is no doubt in my mind that I will think about Jon Snow a lot while I'm here, maybe even when I leave. It's a shame. I already know I won't be able to swoon over him. He is very handsome and good looking, that is a fact. But, if I had liked boys with his complexion and hair color, I would have washed Gendry up, polished him, and made him into a Lord. And he would pretty much be another Jon Snow. I definitely did not like that, but I also didn't know what in the name of Gods I do like!

Gods, that is my problem. I pay too much attention to details. If I don't grow up soon enough, I might end up with Loras Tyrell! And we all know I am not what he finds fitting. Sneaking around the castles at night might allow me to see Gendry, but it also allows me to see some things I never should have seen. Than the Gods Varys knows that I'm not one of his little birdies. If he only knew the things I know…

No, Elena, not now. I will not think about unpleasant things. Not tonight. I will try and have some fun.

I looked for Tyrion, but I wasn't surprised when I didn't see him. Jaime was talking to Lord Stark, so now I had two choices. To sit with my sister and Lady Stark, or to sit with the Stark children. It took me two seconds to decide, and I walked over to sit between Arya and Robb.

Arya had a lot of questions for me, and Robb was the strict big brother who was trying to save me from her. Until I explained that I do not need saving, and that I actually enjoy my conversations with her. And not only her. As I was beginning to relax a little bit, I finally got a chance to speak to Sansa. She also had a lot of questions for me, mostly about the life in Kings Landing. Even if the topics Arya talked about were much more interesting to me, I answered to Sansa's questions with an smile on my face. After all, she is a child, and she does think that life with ball gowns and crowns and princes is interesting. The more I talked to her, the more I felt sorry for the poor girl. I could clearly see that she had no idea what she was getting herself into. And Joffrey, well, he looked at her like she was a brand new toy. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I have a feeling than in no time, he would get bored, and she will be an old toy that he no longer wishes to play with. Gods, how I hate that boy.

I decided to call it a night. I was getting tired and sleepy, and if the rest of our days here are going to be just like this one, I will need my rest. I was just about to wish everyone a good night when Arya decided to start a food fight. Well, no one will fight back, but she just threw her food at Sansa, hitting her in the face. I tried not to laugh, but as soon as everyone except Sansa was laughing, I joined in. I saw Lady Stark giving Robb a look, and he got up to take his sister to her room. I also got up.-I'll go with you.-I said, and he nodded. As soon as we were in the hallway, Arya was complaining, and Robb was scolding her.

-It was just a little food.-she said. I took a deep breath and kneeled so that we could be the same height.

-Not for a Lady.-I said, and she looked at me.-Arya, no one should be stopping you from wanting to be what you want to be. And that should go both ways. You should respect your sister's choices. Sansa is different to you. And even though it was just a little food and even though it was funny, you shouldn't do that again. She is your sister. Your bond should be stronger than anything else. And now, young Arya, goodnight. Tomorrow, you and I will have a great time.-I said with a smile, and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled, went to kiss her brother, and got into her room. Robb offered me a hand, and I took it. One more brilliant move from me today, kneeling in front of a Lord. I'm horrible at this.

-You are good with her. And with children, in general.-he said as we were walking over to my chambers.

-I have to be, I practically grew up with Myrcella and Tommen. I love them with all my heart. And your sister reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age. Maybe even too much.-I added and smiled.

-And you and your sister are as different as Arya and Sansa are.-he said. I shouldn't be surprised that he noticed. I do not choose my words carefully when it comes to talking about my sister. And she has no control of her facial expressions when she even looks at me, let alone talks to me. It is obvious to anyone who cares to notice, that she and I do not get along. Never did, never will.

-That is almost certain. But I would dare say that Sansa has a lot bigger hart than my sister does.-I said to him. Thank Gods, we were in near my chambers. As soon as I reached the door, I almost cried out of joy. I will no longer have the chance to confess anything else that I already didn't confess.-Again, thank you so much for your hospitality Robb. I honestly hope that my behavior and the behavior of my family didn't cause you much trouble.-I said quietly. It was mortifying, and I'm not even the one in my family who is that interested in keeping an appearance. That is just not the way you act when you are staying at somebody's home, especially if they are nice to you, and so far, the Starks couldn't be any nicer.

-It is nothing we can't handle.-he said, and I smiled. I was very glad to hear that he wasn't pretending. I think I would actually be insulted if he said that he has no idea what I am talking about. In this way, he was telling me that he does know, but he doesn't pay much attention. I wish that was the case with the rest of Winterfell too.-And I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in Winterfell. Goodnight Elena.-he said, and he offered his hand. I offered mine, so he kissed it. He really is the perfect gentleman.

-Goodnight Robb.-I said as I walked into my chambers. I closed the door behind me, and took a deep breath. I started unlacing my dress. That man has no idea. He doesn't realize that this is only just the beginning. I can only hope that we, both the Lannisters and the Baratheons, will be able to control ourselves, and not make this people miserable in our presence. I do wish to be welcome to come to Winterfell in a couple of years' time, I do not want to burn the bridges.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you guys for reading so far! And don't give up on me yet. I hope you enjoyed 'till now and that you will enjoy the rest. You know the drill, follow, review, ask if there is anything you'd like to know… Here's chapter 5. :) **

I was woken by the sound of Elisa moving around the chambers. This is not just a regular day at Kings Landing, where I can stay in my chambers for as long as I like, enjoying the peace and the quiet, not having the need or obligation to parade myself around. Now, we must impress North at least with our looks, if not with anything else. I suppose that there is a good side of King Robert marrying my sister; He is not the one to draw young lady's eyes. But I have heard tales that he was very handsome once.

Elisa picked out a dress for me, yet again. Dark blue, almost even black. It was evident that I looked like I was more of a Baratheon, even Stark, and not a Lannister. I guess that was always evident, considering the lack of golden hair. Probably wanting me to fit into North, Elisa also braided my hair. I did look very… different. Good different. Definitely not something I was used to.

I was ready to go and look for Arya straight away, but Elisa informed me that my family is expecting me to join them for breakfast. How convenient. We never do things like that, but no, we were pretending like we were one big, happy family. I didn't complain. I was just unbelievably quiet for the most part.

-Goods, the cold is unbearable.-Cersei complained as she pulled her fur even closer. Be quiet Elena.

-Elena, it seems like you're the only one who likes it here.-Jaime noticed and I smiled back to him.

-Yes, I do. There is some sort of… charm. I'm not sure how to describe it. The wilderness of this place is indescribable. I'm getting use to the cold. And I really do like it here.-I confirmed with a small smile.

-If you like it that much, I'm sure you could stay.-Cersie announced with a small smile. An innocent bystander would think that she was only worried about her younger sister, that she wants me to be happy, and if that means for me to stay here in the North, then so be it! I did not believe the act, I know her all too well. She was being… a bitch. I doubt she realizes that I can also be a bitch if I want to.

-Well, Cersei, if you continue being so irresistibly charming, I might take you up on that offer.-I replied with a smile. I might hate being like here, but that doesn't mean that I can't be like her. I think I am allowed to enjoy seeing her looking at me while hatred is completely taking over her.

-Now, you two.-Jaime said and in that moment, Cersei and I both looked at him.-I'm giving up.-he announced. One of the rare things that Cersei and I have in common. Fierceness. Luckily for all of us, and our hosts, Tyrion decided to show up, just in time to stop a family argument.

-Look who decided to show up.-I teased him, and he smiled. I bent down so that he could kiss me on the cheek before he took a seat next to me. Poor Tyrion. It is obvious that he did not get much rest last night. Although, that doesn't make him poor but very, very happy. He told me once, he could never have too much wine or ladies. And if that is what he wants, than he should have it. Our lives will end before we know it. The least we can do is try to enjoy some part of it.

-Little brother, I have a feeling that I should warn you.-Cersei said using her sweet voice. Jaime and I both knew what was going to happen. Unlike him, I was ready to stand up for my brother.-The way you've been behaving since we arrived is not helping us maintain a good relationship with the people of North.-she declared, determined and proud. What in the seven hells is she talking about? His behavior? Good relationship?! Yes, I am sure people of North give a damn where Tyrion puts it every night!

-His behavior?-I asked. I know I should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn't, and I didn't want to.-If they are bothered at all, it is because the way you act. Believe me, it is more than enough to ruin the good relationship between us and the North. And one more thing Cersei.-I said while I was getting up from my seat.-You should stop raising yourself, high up in the heavens. You might be the Queen, but right now, wherever you go, people look at you with ridicule, not respect.-I basically spat at her, and I was already walking out the hall before she could think of a reply. I have a horrible feeling that I will pay for this. But that is only if she can find me, and Cersei never was the one to wander around. And even if I was an expert when it comes to sneaking around castles, I must admit, Winterfell is very confusing.

As I tried to navigate through the corridors and remember which way is the way out, I realized that I have no idea what am I supposed to do now. The plan was for Arya to join me after her classes with Septa. I don't want to wait for her in my chambers, who knows when will she be ready. I will go outside, hoping that I find a distraction. I didn't want to change the everyday dynamics of the Stark family. I know that they have to entertain The King at any given moment, but they do not have to do the same for me. I am sure that they have their work to do, and I do not want to distract them.

I would be perfectly happy with just Arya and Brandon, maybe even Rickon, the four of us running and playing. In fact, I might actually ask for that. That way I could watch the youngest children, and maybe even help the Starks a little bit. I know they wouldn't admit it, but help would be more than welcome.

I decided to look around for Lady Stark, hoping that she would agree with my plan. Now the only problem is my poor sense of navigation. It's damaged in Winterfell, usually it is more than fine. And that reminds me, I should write my letter to Gendry. I wonder if Elisa forgot about it, or didn't remind me on purpose. Oh, finally, a door! Yes, I'm outside! Now I just have to realize where I am and where I am supposed to go. But who should I ask? I have no problem when it comes to talking with normal folk, as long as a person is interesting, it can be a wolf with a dragons head. But people tend to get… scared if I approach them. Lannister reputation moves faster than my own. The only reason why I hadn't already asked someone for help is because this is my second day here. People are still not used to me, and I will not force any interaction until they know that I wouldn't cry and ask for the king to behead them if they say something slightly rude to be said in a lady's presence or something like that. I shall find my own way. Or I shall hope to Gods I happen to run into Robb on my way there.

-Pst!-I heard as soon as I took my first step. I know that noise. I use that noise. I turned around, but could not see anything. I took another step.-Pst!-someone hissed, and I try my luck. I looked up, and I was right. Arya was lying on the strong wooden planks below the roof of the terrace. And she scared the life out of me! Still, I was laughing. She is very good at hiding, I'll give her that.

-What are you doing there?-I asked her, smiling, but a little scolding could be heard in my voice.

-I am hiding from Septa.-she answered, and I laughed. When I ran away from my Septa, I never bothered staying near the castle.-And you promised me that we will train together.-she reminded me.

-I did. Come on, get down from there. I'm going to stick to my word.-I announced with a big smile.

-And what will I do if Septa catch us? She will make me go to the sewing class after all. Sansa is the one who likes that. I hate it.-she said. Oh Gods, this child is to wild for her own good.

-If Septa catches us, I will tell her that I needed your company. Now get down before anyone else sees you.-I said and I stood under her, to catch her if she falls.-If we get caught, I will at least have some us from my name.-I murmured, so that Arya couldn't really hear me. Septa might complain, but she will not make a scene, not if I'm the reason Arya ran away.-There you go.-I said when I grabed her by her waist. For a few moments, I was carrying her like a small child, but I let her run on her own very soon. The girl doesn't like to be controlled, and I do not want people to think that I am pretending to be an overly caring Lannister. Both Arya and I are just as fine as we are now.

-I'll take you to the place where we practice.-Arya said, with a wicked but harmless grin on her face.-Let's just hope we won't get caught.-she giggled, grabbed my hand and started running. Before I could realize what was going on, she pulled me away with her. I was laughing as I was running. We passed Jaime as we were running, and he looked at me like I was just… crazy. I just waved to him, and continued running. Compared to them, I am crazy. And it's been long since the last time I was bothered by that.

-So, this is where you practice?-I asked her when she finally stopped running. We were in the back part of the castle. It seemed pretty hidden, but I am sure that it won't take long for her family to find her, or us, if they want to. I doubt they think that she will be picking wild flowers from a nearby field.

-Yes. Mostly alone, but I practice with my brothers if my mother allows me.-she answered. The only reason why I was allowed to practice archery and sword fighting was because Cersei didn't care too much to complain. And, both my brothers and the King wanted to keep me happy, or at least, satisfied.

-Well, let me see are you any good?-I asked, and she nodded proudly, like she already knew she was. And she really, really was. She hit the center of the target, and I'm not sure if she even tried.-Good job!-I said, knowing that I probably sound like a proud older sister. I didn't regret that though, as soon as she smiled to me, like I am here older sister.-Do you mind if I try?-I asked, and she handed me the bow and arrow. They felt strange.-Gods, it's been a while.-I admitted, and Arya nodded her head, like she has to reassure me. And she did. There is no embarrassment in needing practice, and definitely not if someone is better than you are. So I aimed. And as soon as I did, I could clearly remember the voice of Jon Arryn in my head. Telling me to relax my bow arm. And not to hold my breath. So I did as he taught me, all those years ago. And my arrow hit the edge of the center. I smiled, but Arya, she was celebrating.

-You really didn't forget? When was the last time you used one?-she asked, and I tried to remember.

-I think it was about two years ago. I just wasn't interested in it as much as I was when I started. For the last two years I've spend more time reading and talking to Gendry.-I admitted, and I saw the questioning look on her face.-Blacksmiths apprentice. My friend.-I said with a smile.

-Do you think that I will ever stop being interested in this?-she asked, and I shook my head.

-I could never tell, and neither could you. You might. You might find something more interesting to do, or you just might wake up someday and not like it anymore. But, as you can see, it is not that easy to be bad at it once you were good at it.-I said. I did not want her to get her hopes up, because she could end up being quite broken if things don't end up the way she wants them to. And on the other hand, who wishes to kill a child's dream? What does she have if she doesn't have hope? I remember when Jaime told me that I will never be a knight. It broke me, and I was just seven at the time. A small part of me will never really recover. Only when we're children do we get the chance to be what we truly are, to be ourselves. As soon as we start growing up and learning, that freedom is ruined for good.-Come on, we still have more time. You practice, I'll watch.-I suggested and she was already getting ready. I used a hay stack as a chair, and I watched her aim and fire, with a surprising perfection for a girl her age. I think she may be better than me when I was 12. As she should be. The younger ones should always be better.

She didn't get to fire five arrows. I knew we were going to get caught. I just knew it.

-Arya Stark!-we both heard a yell, and we jumped. Thank the Gods, it is only Robb. If we were caught by Lord or Lady Stark, I don't know if I would have been able to even try to save us. You cannot try and reason with someone when you know that they are right, and you are not. At least now I will be looking at Robb. He may be an authority figure here, but he is still my age. I do not find him that intimidating. Oh, but apparently Arya does. She wasted no time, hiding behind me. She threw me to the wolves! And now, Robb was walking towards us, smiling because he can see that I am Arya's human armor.

-Arya, please, tell me why did you run away from Septa this morning?-he asked, looking somewhere behind me because he couldn't see her.-Good morning Elena.-he added with a smile, which I returned.

-Good morning Robb.-I blurted out, trying to understand what can I do now.-It is entirely my fault, I am the one who took Arya away from Septa and her classes. And I do apologise.-I added, with the best smile I could master at this moment. A smile that means I'm guilty, but please forget that.-I was looking for company, and Arya was the only person I could find. I didn't think that missing one class could turn out to be such a problem. And again, I apologize, I'll even apologize to Lord and Lady Stark.-I said. Robb is no idiot. He knows that I am doing this to save Arya from being scolded, or even punished. The only question is whether or not he will play along. He smiled.

-There is no need to do that.-he said with a small smile, and Arya finally decided that it was safe to face her brother.-If you want to spend time with Elena, you must let Septa know the next time. Now go and feed Nymeria.-he said to his sister, and she nodded. She waved at me before she ran away from us.

-I will inform Septa myself the next time I am in need of your sister's company.-I said to Robb.

-One day here and she already has you lying for her?-he asked, his eyebrows raised, and I laughed.

-What can I say? The girl found my week spot.-I admitted, not even thinking of denying it.-And she is far better company than my family.-I added, bitterly.

-If you do need company, please tell. Your family is our priority. And I wouldn't mind being away from my daily obligations. Neither would my mother I hope.-he said, and I laughed.

-Elena Lannister, the savior of the Stark children.-I announced, and he laughed.-If that is the case, I will be happy to help. I am a child myself, I know what that feels like.-

-How come you don't spend time with your nephew, you are close in age?-he asked. I couldn't contain my laughter. And here I thought that he was smart.

-That idiot?-I asked, and I could see that he wasn't that surprised. Maybe he did see that I am not that fond of Joffrey.-I would rather walk on burning coal barefoot than spend time with him willingly.-I said. This time, I did not try to keep my mouth shut. It may not be smart from me to talk about Joffrey like this, but I believe that Robb Stark won't run away and betray me. I feel that this will remain between us.

-Some things never do change.-he laughed. I could only frown.-Mother told me that you do not remember your last stay in Winterfell. I do. I am a little bit older than you are. I have plenty of fun memories from that time.-he admitted, and I rolled my eyes.

-Well, are you going to tell me, or should I just guess?-I asked slightly annoyed, and he laughed.

-We were playing around. You, Jon, Theon and myself. Sansa was too young at the time. And your nephew was still too young to be with us at all times. But when he was, he was the most annoying child you could even imagine.-he remembered, and I was already laughing. I might not remember my stay in Winterfell, but I do remember Joffrey.-You were annoyed by him. And you wanted to throw a snowball at him. But since you haven't seen snow before, you could barely make on, let alone throw one. So you asked me if I would have the honor.-he said, and my mouth dropped.

-No?-I asked, and he nodded. I started laughing.-Please, tell me you did it.-I begged, and he smiled.

-I did.-he admitted. Ah, Robb Stark, my hero.-Sadly, Joffrey started crying and your sister asked him what happened. He pointed his finger at me. Before she could say anything, you stepped in front of me and said that it was entirely your fault, and that I just helped. You were ready to take the punishment and save me from it.-he said. Gods, I was a good friend. Standing up for my friends, even then.

-Did it work?-I asked with a smile.

-Gods, no. We were both punished.-Robb said with a smile. I can't remember the last time I was laughing as much as I am now. My childhood was precious apparently, and I wasn't aware of it.

-Thank you, Robb Stark.-I said when I finally stopped laughing.-You made a little girl very happy that day.-

-Believe me, it was my pleasure. Your nephew really is an idiot.-he laughed, and I just nodded.

-Imagine living with him. Do you think that we should… repeat what we did then, if snow falls during our stay?-I asked, and Robb grinned.

-Definitely. But he is a little bit older now, we might have to plan the attack better.-he said.

-If snow falls, we will. Gods, I wish I remember all those things. It sounds like I had fun.-I said.

-And you did. We were playing every day, running around. Mother and Septa had to clean us up a little bit in the stables, so that your sister couldn't see how dirty we actually got.-he said.

-It's such a shame I don't remember.-I said quietly, and then I took a deep breath.-I guess that is life. I should be going now; I already abducted one of your sisters. I don't want to abduct you too.-I said.

-Of course. If you allow me, I will escort you.-he said, offering me his arm.

-That would be amazing. I would probably get lost if it wasn't for you.-I admitted. I put my hand on his arm and let him lead the way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Guys, I couldn't be happier. This is the best story I ever wrote, and you seem to like it, even if I'm barely at chapter 6! Thank you to everyone who reads, follows, reviews, thank you, thank you, thank you :) Ok Ana, control your emotions. Here we go with chapter 6 :)**

Winterfell was no longer a stranger to me. It's been five days since our arrival, and I can finally say that I don't get lost while trying to find my chambers. And unlike the rest of my family, I was enjoying it here. I always was weak when it comes to having a chance to be free, and act like you wish to act.

It is safe to say that the King shared my opinion. And as did Tyrion, in a way. The two of them are the only ones beside me who actually gave Winterfell a chance. Cersei and Jaime were both hopping that we head back to Kings Landing as soon as we can. Joffrey was enjoying himself on the other hand. I believe it has a lot to do with the way Sansa looked at him. And Myrcella and Tommen are happy as long as they can play. They did not complain at all.

And I? I was… I was happy. I had the freedom to do basically anything I wanted. I had great people around me. I got along quite well with Lord Starks children. Arya and I would train almost every day, I would walk around the castle and talk with Sansa. Sometimes I would also play with Bran and Rickon. And, of course, there were Robb and Jon, two people I already considered friends. I got along better with Jon though, probably because I was the only one who didn't give a damn about him being a bastard. And I even got a chance to send Gendry a letter. Of course, it would be days, maybe even weeks before I get a letter from him, but I was willing to wait.

On the rear occasions when I was alone, I would surround myself with books. Usually I would sit on the ground, ignoring the cold, leaning on one of Winterfells towers and read. I am doing it just now.

I was lost in The History of Winterfell when I noticed something. A pup was running towards me. I recognized straight away that it wasn't just a pup. It is way too big. And Arya told me about the direwolfs she and her brothers and sister have rescued and were raising them as their pets. I have only seen Jon's, Ghost, and I could see that this one was not him. Ghost is snow white, and this one was grey. It approached me just like any other dog pup would. I, on the other hand, was a bit more restrained. Even if they are trained, they still are humongous beasts. When they grow up. This one truly did act like a harmless pup. I slowly raised a hand and waited for it to approach me. And it did. It started sniffing my hand, and I smiled. As soon as he was finished, I started petting him. In no time at all, he was in my lap and I was playing with him. So much for a humongous beasts.

-You are adorable, aren't you?-I asked.-I don't know you though. I bet you're Nymeria.-I laughed. Yes, I am guessing that Arya is the one who would allow her direwolf to run around freely across Winterfell.

-Grey Wind!-I heard a yell, and I looked up. Robb was running my way. So this is his direwolf. I got up on my feet as soon as Grey Wind ran towards him.-Elena, I am sorry. I thought I trained him well, but he is still a pup. Grey Wind!-he said, yet again, as the pup was running around me. I started laughing as soon as he started pulling at my dress with his teeth. I crouched and tried to pull my dress away from him, but the pup wouldn't back down. And it made me laugh even more. I was pulling my dress and Robb was pulling Grey Wind himself until the pup finally released me. I got up, but as soon as Robb let him go, the pup was running around me again. This time, I was ready. I grabbed the pup in my hands before he could grab me. He started licking my face. Robb was apologizing over and over again as I was laughing.

-Don't worry Robb.-I told him with a big smile on my face as I was petting the pup in my hands.-He's still a pup. He's small and doesn't know better. Besides, he is an animal. You can't expect of an animal not to act like one.-I said, and he smiled. But I could still see he was worried. And I couldn't blame him. If Grey Wind did this to my sister, it would not end well. Luckily, I am not Cersei, and Robb should know that.

-He doesn't usually warm up to people, but he does seem to like you.-Robb noticed. And so did I. Grey Wind had no problem with me carrying him around.-He's very protective of all of us, especially me. Usually he just growls and strangers.-he said. Well, I'm happy that he likes me, because a growling direwolf is not a sight I wish to see. I prefer them cuddly and adorable, like Grey Wind is right now.

-He must sense my love of animals?-I guessed. I always did love animals, but I was never allowed to have one. Mostly because I wanted a dog, much like Grey Wind here. The best I could get was a cat. I don't mind them, maybe I should settle with that.-I would love to have a little beast like this one for myself. But they would never like it in Kings Landing. It would be too hot for them. And I doubt my sister would be thrilled. I guess I'll just rather take a sacrifice than listen to her.-I admitted, and Robb was laughing. Grey Wind started pressing himself to me, demanding attention, so I was scratching him behind the ears.-Besides, I have one friend here, don't I Grey Wind?-I asked, and Grey Wind howled. It looked as though he answered me, and it made both Robb and I laugh.

-Elena!-I heard a yell that almost froze my blood. I turned around, and saw the King making his way to Robb and me. Lord Stark wasn't far behind. Robb and I both bowed our heads.-Robb, I have to steal this one from you for a while.-said the King with a smile. Oh, brilliant. He couldn't just say that he wants to speak with me. He just had to make me feel very uncomfortable. Maybe even Robb too.

-Of course Your Grace.-I said, wondering what does Robert want to talk about. Especially since this also includes Lord Stark. For a second I thought that they want to arrange my marriage, possibly even with Robb! I realized that wasn't the case. They probably would want to talk to him to. Still, I had no idea what was this going to be about.-Do you mind…?-I asked Robb, looking at Grey Wind. He took him from my arms and I smiled at him.-I'll see you later.-I said, and he nodded. I turned around and both the King and Lord Stark were walking away. I followed them, speeding up my pace. We followed Lord Stark when we entered the castle; at least he knows where he's going. He held the door open for both Robert and me, and I smiled as I entered a room that must be a library.

I wasn't sure what to think. I was standing next to Lord Stark as the King sat behind a desk. I cannot even guess why he wants to talk to the both of us. Lord Stark made his way behind the desk, and now he was standing behind Robert. And they both looked at me in a very serious manner.

-What is this about Your Grace?-I asked.

-I will get straight to the point now. You know very well that I respect your opinion. Some might wonder why I trust a 19-year-old girl so much, but I have my reasons. To this day, you are one of the most insightful people I ever met. And I have met plenty of them.-he said. I wasn't sure whether I should thank him or not.-And you are part of a group of a very few people I trust. I know you don't agree with much of my decisions, but I do not need someone to agree with me. I need someone I can trust. And you and Ned are those people.-he said. I took a deep breath. It is true. I would never stab him in the back. I'm just surprised that that is enough for him to trust me.-I trust you and that is why I need you in Kings Landing. If it wasn't for that, we would be celebrating your betrothal to Robb! I can see that you like the North, but I need you in the South.-he said. Seriously? Me and Robb? I guess I could have ended up with a much worse husband, but it is not an idea that makes me happy. Thankfully, I will not think about it anymore. He just said that that cannot happen.-I need to keep my throne. And you and Ned are going to help me.-he said. Oh Gods. I do not understand what he means with all of this. I suppose I should find out. It is my turn to speak now.

-First of all, I'm glad you think that way Your Grace.-I said. Choose your words wisely Elena, choose them wisely!-But I am not sure in what way I would be able to help you.-I admitted in a low voice. I am not in a position to help him. Sure, I know and see things, but I am not Varys. And I am not as cunning as my sister. I speak my mind and very often, I pay I price for that. I do not see how I could help him.

-Lena, you don't understand.-Robert said, and I was very surprised. He does not call me like that very often.-I need to know that I have at least to people on the fucking court that wouldn't betray me. If something was to happen to me, or Ned, I need to know I can count on you.-he said.

Oh. Now I see it. He is afraid that my family would do something bad to him. As deceptive as my father is, I do not see why would he do something like that. Actually, I do see a reason for that. If something happened to Robert, Joffrey would have his ass on that throne. And both my father and Cersei can control Joffrey a lot easier than they could control Robert. Well, they can't control him at all.

-I understand what you are trying to say.-I said flatly.-No matter what happens, you can always trust in me. Both House of Baratheon, and House of Stark.-I said, looking at Lord Stark this time. I wasn't sure if I was expecting a smile, but I sure didn't get one. I doubt he even likes me.-I never did really felt like a Lannister. But, I do have something I would like to say.-I said, careful not to angry Robert. He nodded, and I took a deep breath. Choose. Your. Words!-Joffrey is you heir Your Grace. And I understand that he does need a wife, and his heirs soon enough. And I must say that I am afraid that his betrothal to Sansa was made a bit too early. I've been her long enough to get to know her well. And she is a good girl, Your Grace. She is innocent and uncorrupted and I wouldn't like to see her change. She is too good to go amongst the snakes I grew up close to.-I said. So much for choosing your words! Not only did I say to the King that he is making a huge mistake, but I also managed to scare Lord Stark! He seems like a smart man, I'm sure he knows that Sansa's life won't be a fairytale she hoped to live.

-You might be right, but I insist on joining our houses.-he said. Gods, he really can't give her up, can he? It will always be Lyanna. No wonder Cersei is as mean as she is, the thought of your husband hating you and loving a girl who's been dead for years not surely isn't helping her. But I do see something poetic in it. It must have been one of those loves that you never forget. The love you write poems about, start wars for. He did cause a war for her after all.-Now leave us, please. And thank you.-he said, and I could see that he honestly meant it. I bowed, and left the room.

These corridors are like a damn maze! I don't know how, but I managed to find myself in the courtyard. And I found Robb. I suppose he was waiting for me. Very nice of him I must admit.

-I am guessing you didn't hear good news?-he asked, and I snorted. Yes, I let out some sort of snort laughter. I definitely need to learn how to be a lady.

-Sansa's betrothal to my nephew is almost officially announced.-I said. I took another deep breath. I have already scared Lord Stark, I do not need to scare Robb too.

-One would think that a marriage to an heir should be a reason for a celebration.-he said, and I nodded. If Joffrey wasn't a prick, I would have been more than happy for the girl.-But Sansa is happy about it. And that is all I care about.-he said with a small smile. It took all the strength I had not to tell him that I doubt her happiness will last long. What do I know about it, honestly? Joffrey might like her, love her even! She may be happy with him. I will not speak about it anymore.

-I just home that she ends up married to a good man, even if it is Joffrey. I can see it in her face, she still believes in the stories, the happy endings, lovely marriage and even more lovely children. She doesn't realize that you are incredibly happy if you do not detest the one you are married to.-I said. I sound like a bitter old hag, not a girl. But I had bad role models. With Cersei and Robert I saw exactly how bad marriage can get. It is understandable that I don't believe in it that much.

-I must admit, I was scared for a moment that the King would like to get the two of us married.-he admitted in a low voice. Scared? Well, he doesn't sound too happy about it, does he?

-Don't worry, he doesn't.-I said, a bit too coldly.-He just told me that.-I added. I was not happy about the idea myself, but I must admit that I was a little bit insulted when I saw his reaction. I knew he doesn't love me, but at least he could acknowledge that in that case he wouldn't be marrying a dead body! And yet, I did not let him see it. I had a perfect little smile on my face.-He said that he would marry me off here in Winterfell if he didn't need me in Kings Landing. Gods only know why.-I said, laughing it off. He smiled, and I knew I had to be more believeable. Gods, I hate my ladylike side! I didn't even think of marrying him, and still, it bothers me that he doesn't want to marry me either! No wonder I prefer acting like I wasn't a little Lady. If this continues, I might go and join the Wildlings, just to keep this stupid feelings away from me. I hate being a woman sometimes.-I'm sorry, I don't feel my best right now. I should probably head back to my chambers.-I said, hoping to run away as fast as I can.

-Of course. Would you like me to accompany you?-he asked, and I shook my head.

-No, thank you. I know my way around the castle now.-I lied. Well, partially lied. I know how to find my chamber, but that is as far as my knowledge goes. And right now, it is the only knowledge I need.

I left before he can say another well-rehearsed line. I made my way to my chambers, and as soon as I closed the door, I collapsed on the bed. It was a very, very long day, and it is not even afternoon yet!

Memories I can't remember, responsibilities I'm not ready for, a future I will never live and being slightly hurt, not understanding why.

It is a pitty I can't remember being mean to Joffrey. In all honesty, I can live without that memory. I had my revenge plenty more times after that. And yet, he still leads. I guess you need to be a prick in order to annoy someone on a daily basis.

Responsibility is something I do not understand. I don't understand why has the King decided to trust me. I really don't. I mean, I would never kill him. And if that is good enough for him, I wish him all my luck, because it seems to me that he might need it.

The marriage talk. I was under the impression that the King will give me some time to make a choice for myself, and that he would have a say if I take too much time. And now I hear that I would already be married. Luckily for me, he is very difficult to love and even like, and he doesn't have much people he can trust. That makes me one of the rare ones. Thank the Gods he needs me in Kings Landing.

And finally, the hurt. My ego still stings. But that is just it, ego. Not my feelings. I wouldn't be too happy about it either, so I can't really blame Robb for not jumping up and down in happiness at the idea of the two of us being married. I won't hold it against him. Actually, I will, for a little while. Until my ego heals itself.

It's not like I am the prettiest Lady in whole of Westeros. I'm not that bad to look at, if I'm being honest. Nowhere near my sister. But again, she is so beautiful that it is almost unattractive. There is some beauty in imperfection, and I am not nursing my ego now.

I always thought that I never got any offers because men were frightened. I'm not exactly a normal Lady, and the one who marries me does have to ask the King or my father for my hand, and I do not know which is worse. I guess it just hurt a little bit to see that someone was just… not interested.

I hate being a girl sometimes. I hate acting that way, I hate letting feelings bother me. I suppose that I cannot escape it. That doesn't mean I won't try to control it.


	7. Chapter 7

It's been nine days since we arrived to Winterfell. The cold no longer bothered me, and people did not look at me like I was a snake in an expensive dress. We were all… used to the changes.

I was still getting along pretty well with the Starks. Especially Arya. And Jon. Just yesterday I went for a walk with the two of them. Robb declined the invitation. He said that he had things to do, but I am not that dumb. I know he was avoiding me. He obviously wasn't fooled by my reaction. I am not that good in pretending as I thought I was. But, avoiding me is entirely his choice. I too would rather live with that than with the embarrassment. And Arya and Jon were more than enough. Around the two of them, I was who I really am, no titles, no forced kindness. And they were the same way around me.

I saved Arya from the Septa today, and she was more than happy to stroll around Winterfell with me.

-Sansa told me that Joffrey kissed her.-Arya said, all of a sudden. I stopped and looked around, hoping that no one other than me heard her. Luckily, no one other than me has heard her.

-Arya, you shouldn't say that.-I told her quietly and she looked at me in complete surprise.-No, I will not tell anyone else, but if your sister has confided you with something, you shouldn't talk about it with anyone else. Not even me. But I will not tell anyone about this.-I promised. I supposed that it wouldn't be such a big deal if people knew about it, but still, it is better to keep things like that in private.

-She did not confide in me, she just hoped to make me jealous! Like I would even care about boys and stupid kissing!-she almost yelled. I know what she's going through. I've been through that. She is different than anyone else, and proud of it. But when it comes to some things, she is a proper lady.

-Well then, I will confide in you.-I said and I crouched in front of her.-I have never kissed a boy. So you are not the only one. Don't let it bother you.-I told her in a low voice and a small smile. I wasn't saying it just to make her feel better. It's the truth. I have never been kissed. And I can live with that.

-Never?-she asked. What made me laugh was that she asked that in complete surprise and shock.

-Thank you for kicking me while I'm down.-I joked and she laughed.-No, never. And I don't mind it. Because it will happen when the time is right. It's the same with you. It doesn't matter if you are 12, 15 or 20-years-old. The only important thing is who kisses you. And I am willing to wait for it. However long it takes.-I said, and I could see that she feels better now. I am getting good at this, I must notice.

-What are you two whispering about?-I heard someone ask, and I recognized the voice. It was Robb.

-That is none of your business.-Arya said to him, and it took all the strength I had not to laugh.

-Arya!-I scolded her with a small smile.-She wasn't rude Robb. You really do not want to hear our girly stories.-I said, hopping that he will give up. And if he doesn't… it's not like Arya and I both can't lie.

-You should have said it like that, and you shouldn't be rude.-he said, looking at Arya.-Septa is looking for you. Run along, Elena will be here when your class is over.-he said. He is not in a good mood. Arya looked at me with a sad smile, before heading off to find Septa. I turned to look at Robb.

-It is none of my business, but I think that you shouldn't talk to her like that.-I said, no emotion in my voice. The respect I had for this man is slowly starting to fade away. I guess he isn't wearing his mask anymore. It's one thing to act for a little while, and another to pretend to be someone you're not for ten days. I am guessing that he couldn't pretend anymore, and that this is the real him, right here.

-I am her older brother.-he said. Yes, no more pretending. His voice was as could as the weather here.

-Exactly. You are not her father. She already has one to scold and criticize her. A brother's role in a sisters life should be different than that. But like I said, it is none of my business. Have a good day.-I said, and with that, I turned around and walked away. I decided to go and find the other brother, the one that doesn't pretend. The one who looks at me and sees more than just a Lannister. The one who knows me. The one who bothered to do so. The one I considered a friend.

Jon doesn't say much, but I know his mind is working fast. He is perfectly fine with being just an observer and not a participant. And he is always free to keep me company since he doesn't have to entertain my family. As always, I found him practicing sword fighting.

-You still want to take the Black?-I asked with a small smile which he returned. I sat down on a haystack.

-My lady, if you say that again, I will think that you are interested in me in a very inappropriate way.-

-It's Elena, you ass.-I said and he laughed. As did I.-And I know I do not look at you in that way. But I bet the other girls do. I am sure there will be plenty of tears when you leave for the Wall.-I said to him.

-Yes, the girls will make me change my mind.-he laughed and I rolled my eyes.-In all seriousness Elena, why do you even bother with that?-he asked as he continued swinging his sword on the dummy.

-Because I consider you a friend and I think it's a shame for you to waste your life like that.-I admitted, without giving it a second thought. I am not ashamed of it. I really don't want him to go on The Wall and freeze to death or something even worse. I have never been there, but I have heard stories.

-A friend?-he asked ash he stopped swinging to look at me. I just nodded.-I suppose you don't have many friends then.-he said, and I laughed. I know he's joking. We wouldn't be talking like this if he wasn't my friend, and I his. Whether he likes it or not, the two of us get along quite well.

-That is true.-I admitted, and he laughed.-I can't really count my brothers as friends. That leaves me with Elisa and you. And Gendry.-I added, embarrassed that I didn't mention him at once, as a best friend.

-Gendry?-Jon asked, and I nodded.

-Yes. He is my one true friend back home. Blacksmiths apprentice. I've been friends with him since I was ten. My sister hated it, and she didn't allow me to see him anymore. Since that day, I have been sneaking outside the castle, day or night, to see him.-I said with a small smile. I hadn't seen Gendry in over a month. I miss him, I really do. And I still didn't get a single letter from him.

-And Gendry is your friend?-Jon asked and I nodded.-It seems a little bit suspicions that you would sneak out of the castle to see someone who is not and object of your desire.-he said with a small smile, and I started laughing so hard that I honestly thought that I will day of laughter.

-Gendry, an object of my desire?-I asked in disbelieve.-Oh Jon, you couldn't be more wrong. No, Gendry is a good man. And very handsome, too. Hard working, smart. But he never was and never will be an object of my desire, and he thinks the same of me. We are just friends. Gods, we could never handle each other in that way. If we were married, one of us would be dead before sundown.-I laughed.

-Do you miss him?-Jon asked and I nodded.

-I do. Gods, I do. He gives me the best advice. Always listens to me. And if all else fails, he makes me laugh. I hate being away from him, and I've been away from him for more than a month. I suppose it is a good thing you're here.-I said quietly, and Jon smiled.-I hope that you do give up on the idea to go to the Wall so that you could met Gendry someday. You would get along well.-I said, and Jon started laughing.

-You are not going to give up, are you?-he asked, and I shook my head. We started laughing, yet again.

-Jon, do you mind…-someone started, and when I turned around, I saw Robb. He stopped talking when he saw that Jon was not alone.-Am I interrupting something?-he asked, with a small, kind smile.

-No.-answered Jon, still laughing.-Elena here was trying to change my mind about going to join the Night's Watch. Yet again.-he added, and I smiled. I will not give up until the day he leaves.

-Any success?-Robb asked us both, and Jon was the one who shook his head.-We all tried Elena. He just wants to go and get killed within a week.-said Robb, looking at his brother. At least I know that I am not the only one who thinks that him going to the Wall is a stupid, terrible idea.

-Well, if the men don't succeed, it's a woman's job to try and do it instead.-I said with a small smile. Robb smiled, and Jon was let out a loud laugh.-And if someone could change a man's mind about joining the Night's Watch, it's a woman.-I said. I may not know much, but I know that.

-No matter the price?-Robb asked, very much surprised. I laughed, and I think Jon was crying now.

-Not me Robb.-I told him with a huge smile on my face.-But, if Jon here meets an appropriate girl, I'm sure he would consider his options once more. I have no doubt that that would be a lot easier if I was the right girl. Let's ask your brother, shall we. Jon? Would my body be enough for you to give up the idea of joining the Night's Watch?-I asked, an innocent smile on my face. Robb was red in the face, Jon was laughing like a mad man, and I was just smiling. I was not embraced, not at all.

-Aren't the two of you funny?-Robb asked, and I smiled at him.-I do not know why I even bother.-he said. Actually, he spat it out. I was taken aback. He obviously can't handle a joke well.

-Robb, for the love of Gods.-Jon said, with annoyance in his voice.-Maybe you could have a laugh too if you'd stop treating her like a Lannister and realize she's just a normal girl.-Jon said to his brother. Oh my. I did not see this one coming. So, that is Robb's problem with me then? I'm just a Lannister then?

-I am treating her like a Lannister because she is a Lannister.-Robb said, well, almost yelled at Jon.

-Stop it, both of you!-I said, slightly pissed off. I will not let the two of them fight over me.-You are both right. Yes, I am a Lannister.-I said, looking at Jon now.-I was born a Lannister, even if I do not act like one.-I said. I know he tends to forget that, but that is the truth. Lannister will be my name until I marry someone.-But I am also a normal girl.-I said, looking at Robb now.-And if you actually gave me a chance, you would have seen that. Look at the way I act with Jon and Arya. They do not pretend. And neither do I. If you didn't pretend, you would probably get to know me Robb. I know this isn't easy for you, and it isn't easy for me either. We all know that the Starks and the Lannisters get along only because the Baratheons are in-between. But let's just leave that to the old ones, and rise above it. Stop acting like you are the bastard, you are the lord, and I am the lady. We are all people. And in some way, we are the same. And that is the only way that matters.-I said, finishing my monologue. I did not expect to say these words, not today, not ever. But this has to stop. Why should we shy away and pretend to be something we're not, when I'm sure that we could get along pretty well, just the way we are.

-You're right.-Robb said, after a few moments of painful silence.-You are not like they are, and I should start treating you that way.-he said. Finally. Thank you Gods, he can see it now. I smiled at him.

-Then that is a problem solved. Now we only have one problem.-I announced and jumped of the haystack.-What's it going to be Jon? Are myself and my body enough for you?-I asked.

-No.-he answered with a laugh, but I took a step closer to him. He did not expect that.

-And if I was to rip my dress and say to you to take me?-I asked, trying not to laugh like a mad man. Jon blushed.-We could even get married if you care about my honor.-I said with a smile. I am enjoying this a lot more than I probably should. He was feeling uncomfortable, and I am sure Robb was too.

-No.-he said in a low voice, and I started laughing.

-Afraid that I might change your mind after all?-I asked with a sweet, innocent smile. Gods, I'm bold!

-No, I am afraid that someone might walk in on you doing what you just said, and have the three of us beheaded.-he answered. A couple moments passed, and then we were laughing, all three of us.-You are one crazy lady. Robb, you wanted something when you got here?-Jon asked, changing the subject.

-Theon. I can't find him anywhere, and I am afraid he's with Ros again.-Robb said, and Jon nodded.

-Of course it's Ros. And you can't go to a whore house. I'll get him.-Jon said, and I started laughing.

-Well, you Northerners really are charming. First name basis with whores?-I asked, still laughing.

-I'll be back.-Jon said, and he left, leaving the two of us alone. Robb smiling and I still laughing. And moments later, we were walking out outside, in a slightly uncomfortable silence.

-You wouldn't actually do that to stop Jon, would you?-he asked suddenly, and I smiled.

-Of course not. I don't know if I would do that even to stop my husband. You and I may not agree with Jon, but he is a grown man. And he makes his own decisions. The only thing we can do is hope that those same decisions don't get him killed.-I said. Well, I sure know how to change the atmosphere.-And we can also do the best we can to make him blush.-I added, and Robb laughed.

-That you did very well, even I blushed.-he said, and I smiled.-Now that we are speaking of it, I am sure that the King would help you if you have a desire to marry Jon. Even if he's a Snow.-he added.

-What in the name of Gods made you think that I want to marry Jon?-I asked, surprised. When he didn't have an answer for me, I laughed it off.-I should chose my words a lot wisely I see. Whenever I talk to a man I consider a friend, people seem to think I want to marry him. And here I just wanted someone to talk to.-I said. I just want a friend. It's not my fault that two of my closest ones are men. I am going to be misunderstood for the rest of my life. What did I do to deserve this?

-Well, you have Jon and me while you're here.-Robb suggested with a smile, and I nodded. Finally, I may get to see the real person behind that masked. Very handsome mask, but still, a mask.

-Thank you Robb. It means a lot.-I said, and I noticed Theon and Jon approaching us. Jon laughing, and Theon incredibly grumpy.-Already?-I asked in surprise, and Robb started laughing at his friends. At that moment I noticed that Tyrion was walking behind Jon.-I see that he had taken another man from the ladies.-I said in a low voice, and I could see that Robb was hiding a smile. It would have been rude for him to laugh at my brother. But I could still do so. As Robb mad his way to Jon and Theon, I made my way to Tyrion.-I don't mean to bother you my dear brother, but I must say that I think you should take it easy on the drinking.-I told him. It is very clear that he had a hangover. And it is almost sundown.

-Elena, you would dare and take away my medicine from me?-he asked, and I could only laugh. I cannot make him do things he doesn't want to do.-Which one of them do you like?-he asked, and I raised my brows, not having an idea what is he talking about.-Grayjoy, the bastard, or the Stark?-he asked.

-I have had my doubts for years, but now I can see that you really are completely mad.-I said.

-Oh, come on.-he said with a wicked grin on his face.-They are handsome men, it is understandable. And it's not like anyone of them would refuse a night in your bed.-he said, and I could just roll my eyes.

-If that was the truth, they would have done something already. They are not some beast brother. Perhaps maybe Theon. But I do not see that as a compliment. He would jump on anything.-I added.

-Anything with a cunt and breasts that is.-Tyrion corrected me. Language Tyrion, for the love of Gods!

-Takes one to know one I suppose.-I said in a low voice. I swear to the Gods, I don't think that I ever saw Tyrion laughing as much as he did now.

-Gods, you will never know how much I love you, my dear baby sister.-he said, and I smiled.-Now, let's go to my chambers for a glass of wine. I believe you know the way to them much better than I do, since you look so comfortable here in Winterfell.-he said with a grin.

-Well, yes, it's either that or the fact that you are drunk all the time and can't remember the way.-I said, and he laughed even more. I did lead the way eventually, ignoring him teasing me about the boys I seemed to spend much time with. I'm used to that, I grew up with that.

I had other things on my mind. It hurt me to see Tyrion like this, it really did. He is a grown man and I try not to patronize him, so I keep my mouth shut. It still hurts me. He has a kind hart. He should be much happier than he is, but sadly, I can't help him at all.

**Ok, so this was chapter seven. I will probably update tomorrow or like, in 15 hours, or something like that? :D I hope you enjoyed the story so far. Say if you have something to say and ask if you have an question :) **


	8. Chapter 8

Our stay in Winterfell is coming to an end. Robert announced last night that we would start our journey back to Kings Landing in two days' time. And I am not sure how I feel about that.

I really did like it here. Kings Landing was still my home, but… Casterly Rock should have been my home. And yet, Winterfell felt more like home than Casterly Rock ever did. There was this indescribable freedom here in Winterfell. One that I have never felt before and I doubt I will ever feel again.

The only thing I missed here was the sun and Gendry. And that is all. Everything else was just something that I could live without. And I know, once I leave Winterfell, I will miss much more than I initially thought I would. I will miss the people. The lovely family that made me feel welcome here every single day. Most of all, I will miss Jon, not knowing if I'll ever see him again. Once I marry some unlucky man, I will make him take me here again. But I will probably only find Robb here at that point, not everyone.

I suppose I should be happy. At least I won't be that lonely in Kings Landing anymore. Arya and Sansa are going there with Lord Stark. I suppose life there will be a lot more fun with Arya next to me.

I continued reading my book, as always, leaning on one of the towers, enjoying my peace and quiet. I was in the middle of a page when something small, but not that harmless fell on my head. As it fell down on the ground, I could see it was a small rock. I looked up, and as soon as I did, my heart dropped.

Bran Stark, little Bran Stark was holding on for his dear life in the middle of a very, very high tower.

-Brandon Stark!-I yelled, not even trying to remember that I am not his mother.-What in the name of the Gods do you think you're doing up there?!-I asked. And he smiled. Yes, he just smiled at me.

-Don't worry Elena.-he yelled down with a smile.-I've done it before.-he said. I was literally shaking.

-Bran, get down here this instant. I know I am not your family, but don't do this again. You almost stopped my heart, I can only imagine what would happen to your mother.-I said, slowly calming down.

-I can jump from here.-he said when he was only a few feet away from the ground. I shook my head.

-Do not even think about that. I will catch you.-I said. I took him into my arms, and he smiled at me.-I am very glad that you are good at climbing, but please don't do that anymore. I would hate to see what would happen if Lady Catelyn saw you like that.-I said, and he smiled at me.

-Mother knows. She doesn't like it, but she knows that she can't really stop it.-he said, and I laughed. Gods, he is such a handful! I admire Lady Catelyn. She has nerves of steel when it comes to Bran and Arya. I never thought about what my children would be like, but I can only hope that they are not like the Starks. As smart and kind as they are, I don't want to find my son climbing up the towers.

-Words can't describe how scared I got.-I said and Bran giggled.-I'm taking you to the castle now. I can't leave you in close proximity of one of the towers.-I added, and he giggled yet again. As we were approaching the castle, I could see Lady Catelyn outside. I was hoping we won't run into her. Damn.

-Lady Elena, what has happened?-she asked when she saw me, carrying her son. I managed a smile.

-Everything is alright Lady Catelyn.-I said with the same small smile on my face.-Bran only frightened me a little bit, but it is all alright.-I said, and I could see in her face that she understood exactly what Bran did and why I reacted the way I did. Come to think of it, I do not understand why I reacted like I did. Like he was my family, not just a child I know. I would have reacted the same way if it was Tommen climbing the tower, and I was in his life since his birth. I really did grow to care for the Stark children.

-Brandon, I beg of you, do not do it again.-she said in a serious voice, and her son nodded. He is lying. I know it, he knows it, and even Lady Stark knows it.-Now go find your brother.-she said, and I finally let Bran go. He ran off.-I don't know what to do with him. Thank you Lady Elena. Gods know what could have happen if you weren't there.-she said, and I smiled.

-Nothing would have happened Lady Catelyn, he is very skilled. But I still think that he shouldn't do it. And please, call me Elena. I feel very uncomfortable if you use my title.-I admitted, and she smiled.

-Only if you call me Catelyn.-she suggested, and I nodded.-And thank you Elena. Not just for today. For everything. I've seen how much time you have spent with my children, especially Arya. I am sure you had other things to do, and yet you still found time to spend with here. It means a lot to her, it really does.-she said, and I could almost feel myself melting. I didn't even think Lady Stark liked me at all.

-It is an honor Catelyn.-I said with a small smile.-I have fun with them and I enjoy spending my time with them. You have truly amazing children.-I said, and I could see the pride in her. She really did a good job.

-Thank you.-she said with a small smile. There was something off in the way she looked at me now.

-Is something wrong?-I asked, thinking that I have something on my face or something like that.

-No. I was just surprise to realize that you have a really big hart.-she said, and I smiled. She does like me!

-I don't know how that happened. I suppose I am the apple who fell far away from the tree.-I said, and she laughed.-In any case, you have no need to worry. I enjoy spending time with them. Robb is a friend of mine, and I recognize myself in both Arya and Bran. Rickon is the sweetest creature I have ever met, and I feel a sense of duty toward Sansa considering her betrothal to Joffrey.-I said in a low voice. I knew she understood what I meant. She is not an idiot, she knew very well who her daughter was to marry.

-Elena, may I be direct with you?-she asked, and I nodded. She took my by the hand and pulled me along with her to an secluded part of the courtyard, probably so that no one can hear us.-I need to ask you for a favor.-she said, and I nodded.-Look after them. Look after my family. Especially after Sansa. Since you've arrived, I could see the way things work in Kings Landing and I know that you are the only one I could trust with this. You are not like the rest of them. You're the only one who understands where exactly are they going and you're the only one they can trust. Protect them. Don't let Sansa forget who she really is. And where she came from. Keep them safe, and don't let that place swallow her.-she said in a low voice. I could feel the pain in every word she spoke. I will never understand her fear and pain, not until I'm a mother as well. But I can only imagine how it feels. And I wish I never get to feel it.

-You have my word Catelyn.-I said, and I took her by the hand. I saw the tears in her eyes and it didn't take me long to realize that my sight was clouded too.-Everything I do will be done to help them. I have always felt that I was wrong in the wrong family. At least now I can do something good because of that mistake. As long as I live and breathe, I will protect them like they're my own blood. Even more, considering that I love them more than the once with my blood in them.-I added, slightly ashamed that I cared more for… well, for strangers, new friends at least, more than I ever cared for my own family.

-Thank you.-she said, again, honesty in every word. Now we were both crying. She knows she can trust me and I know I will do my best to prove to her that her trust wasn't in vain. She hugged me. My mother never had a chance to hug me, and my sister never wanted to hug me. But when Lady Catelyn hugged me, I felt something. I felt that that was the way a mother's hug should feel like.

-Lady Elena, what are you doing here?-Lord Stark asked me as he saw me approaching. Everyone had heard his voice, and now the whole hunting party looked at me. I was in pants, not in a dress, and my hair was in a braid. And I was bringing my horse, Shadow. I am going hunting.

-I decided to join you today Lord Stark.-I said with a smile, and I could see the surprised looks.

-You again girl.-the King said in an annoyed voice. He smiled though. He's already used to this.

-What is the problem Your Grace? You don't believe that I could handle this?-I asked with a smile. He frowned. After staring at me for a few moments, he started laughing, and he was joined by the rest.

-Damn you and your talent girl! You're better than me!-he said, and I could only smile. He knows he can't stop me now.-Alright, you can join us. But stay around Grayjoy and Ned's boy. I don't want your sister complaining if something happens to you.-he said, and I laughed. Yes, like she would complain.

-Thank you, Your Grace.-I said before taking a bow. I climbed on Shadow, and made my way to where Theon and Robb were. I would have preferred not to have guardians today, but I suppose I should just be lucky I'm allowed to go at all. And if I do have to have guardians, these two are the best choice.

-You really are a crazy girl.-Theon said, and I just smiled. Yes, yes I am. And I am proud of it.

-I am glad you are joining us, but I am afraid that Arya will want to do so too.-Robb said, and I smiled.

-Maybe you should allow her to. With proper training, she would be better than half the Kings Guard. Speaking of such…-I trailed off as soon as I saw my older brother approaching us.-You won't be joining us Jaime?-I asked, a little bit surprised. Tyrion is going; I expected that Jaime would be coming too.

-No, I have some work to do. Do be careful Elena.-he said, and I rolled my eyes.

-I always am brother.-I said as he was walking away from us. Finally, there was no more chance to talk, as we were heading towards the woods. It wasn't the best hunt in history. We only managed to hunt down to stags. I killed one of them with a single arrow. As always, I felt immensely proud of myself, especially when I saw the surprised looks of the men who saw me kill it. And only moments after, I felt guilt hitting me like a strong wave. I killed an innocent animal. I did it because we need to eat, not for fun, whatever the men thought. I enjoy hunting because I can show them that I too can be as dangerous as they are, not because I enjoy killing animals. Even if I felt it often, I never allowed guilt to get the best of me. I started thinking about something else, and soon enough, I was perfectly fine.

Until we arrived back to Winterfell. Sansa was the one who came running. Bran fell of a tower and is not waking up. I barely contained back the tears, and I was not sure why I did so.

Two days later, all was ready for us to leave. The only thing I had to do was to say goodbye to our hosts.

Jon left the day before, so I already had my goodbyes with him. I made him promise to write to me. And if he doesn't, I will go to the Wall myself, and demand an explanation. He said that he would write.

Sansa and Arya are going with us, so there were no goodbyes there. After I hugged Rickon for about half an hour, I only had Robb and Bran to say goodbye to. And Lady Catelyn. So I went to Bran's room.

He still did not wake up. The Maestar said that he will probably wake up.

-Forgive me.-I said as Catelyn jumped when I entered Bran's room. For three days, she didn't leave his side, not once.-I came to say goodbye.-I said, and she nodded, forcing a small smile. She looked like she was already dead. I could not bear to look at her being in such pain, so I looked at little Bran, who was sound asleep. I took his hand. Summer, his direwolf, only sniffed for a second, before he decided that I was not a threat. Almost all of the direwolfs are used to me, especially Robb's Gray Wind.-Bran, I am so sorry I cannot say goodbye to you properly.-I said in a low voice.-But I leave without fear. Without fear for you, because I know you're a strong boy. No, a man. You are a strong man. And you are a Stark. You will find the courage to fight this, and there is no doubt in my mind that soon enough, you will be running around Winterfell again.-I said, and before I could have any control off it, tears filled my eyes. A sob made me turn around. Lady Catelyn was crying.-I gave you a promise, and I intend to keep it. You should expect my letters. Your family is my family.-I said, trying as hard as I could not to cry.

-I will never be able to repay you Elena. I wouldn't be calm if you are not with them.-she whispered.

-There is no need to repay me. It is my duty.-I said, and I went over to her to hug her.-Save you strength. Bran will need you when he wakes up. Do not worry about your husband and daughters. I am to worry about them now.-I said. I felt some strange feel of closeness with her. Like she could understand something about me that no one else could. She must have felt it to. She kissed me on the cheek.

-Thank you Elena. Take care of them, and of yourself. You are so much more than just a Lannister.-she said quietly and I smiled. I hugged her once more, and I left the room. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I leaned onto the wall, and I started crying. I can't remember if I ever cried more than now.

They do not deserve it. The Starks are by far the best people I have ever met. They are kind and they are honorable and they do not deserve this to be happening to them. This is just… it's just not right.

-Elena? Are you alright?-I heard a voice and I knew it was Robb. I was quick to wipe my tears away.

-Perfect. Never better. -I said with a forced smile.-I was here to say goodbye to your mother and Bran. And I was just about to look for you.-I said, and he smiled. I could see the worry behind it.-Robb, he will be just fine. He will wake up, I am sure of it.-I said. Ever since I heard that he fell, I hadn't stop thinking about it. He knew what he was doing when I saw him climb. It just seemed so… surreal.

-I know. That I do not doubt. I was more worried about his fall.-he said, and I sighed.

-So I am not the only one.-I whispered, and he looked at me with surprised. I practically jumped and rushed over towards him.-Robb, I saw him climb just a day before he fell. I saw him, and I saw how capable he was. He did not fall. I know it, I feel it.-I said quietly, hoping that no one else could hear us.

-I never believed in it.-he said, and I nodded. I knew I wasn't crazy!-I have my doubts about it.-he said, and I waited. Once he didn't share his doubts with me, it wasn't too difficult to guess what he had in mind. No. No. They couldn't. None of them. No way. He thinks it is someone from my family. I took in a deep breath. I wanted to defend him, but I wasn't sure I could.

-Robb, no.-I whispered.-Half of them were with us. And why would anyone of them want to hurt Bran? The only evil person amongst them is Cersei, and she could never hurt a child. She could never push a child into his death.-I whispered. I may not get along well with my older sister, but something's I am sure of. She is a mother herself. She could never do that. No. No way. Under no circumstances.

-Elena, what if he saw something? Something he shouldn't have seen?-he asked, and I sighed.

-Even if that were the truth, they wouldn't think that a solution is to push him of the tower. Robb, I do not believe in it. The guards were with us, as was Tyrion. Cersei and Jaime were here. Cersei could never do that, and I am sure Jaime would find a different solution. I know they are not exactly the kindest people out there, but they are not child assassins.-I whispered. Tears were finding their way back again.

-I am sorry I attack them before you Elena. And I am also sorry I doubt that they're innocent.-he said, and I just nodded. I can't blame him. His brother almost died. He is looking for answers.-My opinion of your family has nothing to do with my opinion of you Elena. You should know that.-he added.

-I know. That is why I hold none of this against you.-I said, and I managed a small smile.-I hope you do find out who did this. Even if it is someone from my family. I may not believe that they did this, but I know Bran didn't just slip and fall. I know it. I had seen him, and I know it. Find out who did this.-I said, and he nodded. I whipped my tears from my cheeks.-Well, I suppose this is it then Lord Stark. I have a long road ahead of me. It was nice seeing you again, even if I can't remember meeting you.-I said, and he smiled at me.-And I am sorry we didn't get a chance to throw snowballs at Joffrey.-I added with a smile, and he laughed. And honest laughter I did not get a chance to see too much these days.

-The pleasure was mine Lady Elena.-he said. He took my hand, and kissed it.-And I am sure we will have a chance for snowballs again.-he added as I was walking away from him. I turned around with a smile.

-Oh, I'm sure of it.-I said, with a smile which he returned.-I will be seeing you again Robb Stark.-I said. We exchanged one more smile, and then I left.

I have said my goodbyes to Winterfell, both out loud and in my thoughts. I was afraid that I will never see this place again. But if I happen to meet a man who is crazy enough to marry me, I will demand that we come here, at least only once more. If I am welcome here, that is.

As we were leaving, I was looking around. But not at the sights. I was looking at my brother. At my sister. At our gards. And I wondered if anyone of them would have been able to hurt Bran.

No, I don't think they would. There is no secret important enough that you will end a child's life for it.

I know them that much.

**Ok, so this was chapter 8. And things are finally moving along. Be ready, the next chapter is going to be a big one. A BIG one. :) **


	9. Chapter 9

I remember the slight rush of exitement I felt when we were going North. I had done my best to keep it hidden then, trying to scare myself more than I should. New place, new people, new judgment for every single thing I say or do. And even if I was scared of it, I was also excited about it, all of it.

And now? Now, that we're heading back home? The only feeling I could name was the one that I would rather be going anywhere else. I should have done what Gendry warned me not to. I should have just gone and joined the Wildlings. At least there I would be careless and free. At least to some point.

This was a horrible journey. Several incidents happened. One that ended with me holding a crying Arya, a dead direwolf, a lost direwolf, an injured Joffrey and a dead butchers boy.

I have no idea what to do anymore. I promised Catelyn Stark that I would keep her family safe, and I do not know any more if I can keep that promise. I want to, I really do. I just doubt I will be able to do so.

-Lady Elena?-Elisa asked at the entrance of my tent.-The King asked you to see him.-she said. I sighed.

-What does that fat idiot want now?-I asked, and Elisa looked at me in disbelief. I don't give a damn. Ever since he failed to listen to me, or Lord Stark about the direwolf matter, I have lost the little respect I ever had for him. I still don't hate him though. That is reserved for my sister.

Every single time I look at her, I see Bran. I would give everything I have not to think about it, but ever since Robb Stark shared his doubts with me, I couldn't forget about it. And it wasn't just when I looked at her. It was also when I looked at Jaime. And that one hurt me much more. I never love Cersei, but I was very close to my big brother, ever since I was a child. The notion that he might have done something to hurt Bran bothered me, deeply. But I have no evidence. So I try not to dwell on it.

-You wanted to see me Your Grace.-I said and bowed as I entered Roberts's tent.

-Yes. I have some news for you.-he said, and I nodded. Gods, what now?! Haven't I had enough?!-I got a letter from your father. Tomorrow at dawn, you will be heading to Casterly Rock.-he said. No. No. He better be joking with me.-He thinks that you should spend more time there. You will stay there for a few months before returning to King's Landing.-he said. He is serious. Oh no, Gods, no. NO!

-I was under the impression that you needed me in King's Landing Your Grace. You said so yourself, if you didn't need me there, I would be married to the Stark boy.-I said, playing all the cards I had with me.

-What, you want to marry Ned's son?-he asked, angry now.-Point well-made Elena.-he said when I couldn't speak. I don't want to marry him, but I will say just about anything to convince Robert not to send me off to Casterly Rock.-I won't lose the throne if you spend some quality time with that father of yours. And when you return to King's Landing, I will marry you off to Renly.-he said. My jaw dropped.

-Renly?-I asked, and he just nodded.-What happened to me having time to pick for myself?-I asked.

-You had your time. I would have been happy to marry you off to the North, but now I think my brother is the best pick for you.-he said with a smile. It took all the strength I had not to yell something that would make Renly lose his head.

-Thank you for your consideration Your Grace.-I spat, not even thinking of who I am talking too.

-Watch your mouth!-he warned me, and I just shook my head.

-What will you do? Have me beheaded? Feel free. It would make my family happy, and it is just about the only thing you hadn't already done Your Grace. Sending me away to that man, and marring me to a man I don't love are not good decisions. I only hope you don't regret them as much as I will.-I said, and before he could stop me, I was already leaving his tent. I really didn't give a damn. If he wants to have me killed, he can just do it. Even that is better than marring his brother.

But I will think about Renly later. My biggest problem is that I won't be in King's Landing to look after the Stark family. As soon as I realized that, I ran to my tent, to write two letters. One to Gendry, one to Catelyn.

_Gendry, the girl who will bring you this is Arya Stark, daughter of the new Hand of the King. I can't explain much in this letter, and I am sorry. They are taking me to Casterly Rock for a while, and I do not have a say in it. Please, I beg of you, look after the Stark family as much as you can. Let me know about what is going on. Keep them safe, for me. Look after yourself. And trust no one. Elena. _

_Lady Catelyn, there's been a problem. My father and the King decided to send me off to Casterly Rock for a while. I have no idea what made them do so. I can't do much for your family from there, but I will do my best. A friend of mine, who I would trust with my own life, will keep me informed. And I will be back at King's Landing as soon as I can, even if I have to run away. I made a promise to you, and I will do everything I can to keep it. Please, do not worry. I can still fix this. Let me know how Bran is doing. Elena. _

The letter for Catelyn I already send with a raven. The one for Gendry is a bit more delicate. I am going to give it to Arya, and she will give it to him. When I entered her and Sansa's tent, she already knew.

-Elena, I don't want you to go.-she said. I managed a small smile.

-And I do not want to go either. But I will be back with you sooner than you think. I promise, I won't miss a thing.-I said, and she smiled.-Do you remember who you give this to?-I asked, holding the letter.

-Blacksmiths apprentice, Gendry, I tell him Lena sent me.-she said, and I nodded. She did get it.-I will miss you.-she said, and I smiled. The girl has really grown to me. I care for her. Gods, Robert and my father better hope that nothing happens to her while I'm away. If there is a hair missing from her head, I will kill them both myself. She was like a younger sister I always wanted to have.

-I will miss you too. Don't even think I don't care, you hear me?-I asked, and she nodded with a smile. I hugged her, and kissed here on the head.-Now, sleep. I will be leaving very early. Do me a favor and please stay out of trouble?-I asked, and she nodded. I walked out of her tent, and I ran into Sansa. I also said goodbye to her. I may be closer to Arya, but I love Sansa all the same. If not for anything else, I will return to King's Landing as fast as I can for her. I made my way to Lord Stark's tent.

-Elena.-he said as soon as I walked in.-I am sorry. I have tried to make him change his mind.-he said.

-Do not worry.-I said with a small smile.-As far as I'm considered, he can marry me himself if he doesn't make me go to Casterly Rock. That bothers me far more than my marriage to Renly.-I said.

-It still isn't official.-he said.-It will be though, once you return to King's Landing.-he added.

-I don't give a damn Lord Stark. I only don't want to leave you and your daughters alone there. I swear to the Gods, both old and the new, I will be there as soon as I can. For Gods's sake, my name is Elena Lannister, I'm going to do what I promised to do! Please Lord Stark, take care of yourself. And trust no one. Take care of your daughters. I love them like they're my own sisters.-I admitted in a low voice.

-Elena, I am afraid that they feel the same way about you.-he said, and I managed a smile.-I know very well how you feel about your family. But you have to know that you are always welcome up North as a part of our family.-he said. He was being honest, I could feel it. And here I thought he didn't like me.

-Thank you. That means to me more than you will ever know. Just please, be careful. And I beg of you, do not make accusations easily.-I added. He knew what I meant, and he nodded.-The ones who are guilty should pay. But wait for the evidence. Goodbye Lord Stark.-I said, and he hugged me. As soon as I left the tent, I was praying that this wasn't the last time I will ever see him.

As soon as I arrived to Casterly Rock, I knew this was a big mistake. And I did not understand it. My father didn't want to see me at all. He greeted me with a small smile, and that was it. I spent most of my days in my chambers, reading letters and writing them as well. Gendry says that he keeps an eye on the Starks. All is well for now, but he says that tensions are rising. What he means with that, I have no idea.

Catelyn informed me that Bran woke up. That was the only good news I had in days, and yet, it was followed by the news that he won't be able to walk. And that he doesn't remember a thing. At least she says that her husband and daughters are doing well in King's Landing.

Still, that is not enough for me. Whenever I see my father, even in the hall, I ask him. I even begged. And he did not give in. If he doesn't send me away, I will run away, I swear. I won't have a choice!

-My Lady!-I heard Elisa before she even entered my chambers. She was running. I jumped of the bed.

-What happened Elisa?-I asked. I already thought that something happened to my father.

-The King is dead.-she said. I fell to my knees. I was crying and laughing in the same time. I couldn't get worse news. What will Ned Stark do now? Will I be able to save him? Why did that stupid man had to die now?! He just had to die! And in a stupid hunting accident! He just… he ruined everything!

At least one good thing will happen. I will go to King's Landing. I will have to pay my respects to Robert. To that fat idiot that almost ruined my life. And yet, he made me laugh so many times.

I was wrong. My father was not fooled easily. He went to King's Landing alone. And as soon as he returned, I started acting out. I would kick and scream and beg and cry and everything I thought might work. None of it worked. He has two more days. And if he doesn't send me away, I am going away.

-My lady, your father wants to see you.-Elisa said as soon as she entered my chambers.

-Elisa, prepare me for a journey. And yourself.-I said, and she looked at me in surprise.-Look, Elisa, if you do not want to do it, you don't have to. But I am running away. He will not keep me locked up in here while that poor family is left to the torture of that prick of my cousin. I will leave tomorrow night, and I will ride to King's Landing. You can make your choice by then.-I said, and she smiled.

-Lady… No, not Lady. Elena. I was with you since you could barely talk. There is no person, Lannister or Baratheon, that could keep me away. If you're leaving, I am leaving too.-she announced proudly. I said it before, and I will say it again. I would be lost without that girl. I smiled and took her hand.

-Thank you. You really are a true friend Elisa.-I said, and she hugged me.-I better go and see what that horrible man wants. You pack us up. Only essentials.-I said, and she nodded. I made my way through the hallways that never really felt like home. My father was in his study, sitting behind his desk.

-Please sit Elena.-he said before I could say anything. I did as he said.-There has been… a problem. Eddard Stark is held in a dungeon in King's Landing. He is accused of treason.-he said. I clenched my hands in fists. Don't let him see Elena. Please, don't let him see how much this bothers you.

-He is a good man, but what does that mean to me?-I asked coldly. What am I supposed to do know?! How will I save him from that?! Oh Gods, I begged him not to say a word! I promised his wife that I would keep him safe, and now, he's in a dungeon! There is nothing I can do now. Nothing.

-The only way Eddard Stark can keep his head on his shoulders is if he admits that he lied and if he and his family bow to the King.-he said. Oh Gods. He will never lie. And they will never bow. Robb will start a damn war before he bows to Joffrey!-I might not like that family, but I respect them for their honor. Eddard Stark won't admit anything, and his son won't bow.-my father said. He might be a horrible person, but no one can deny that he is incredibly smart.

-Again I ask, what does that have to do with us?-I asked. He won't bow. No matter the price.

-If his father dies, Robb Stark will start a war. My grandson might be the King, but you and I both know that he doesn't know how to rule a Kingdom, let alone fight a war. And the Stark family is respected all over Westeros. I know that a lot of people would prefer a Stark on the throne.-he said. Now I get it.

-You want to avoid a war.-I said. Stupid, evil, blond, son of a bitch!

-Exactly. And that is why you will do what I tell you. I know you grown to respect that family. Love them even. And I know you are the only Lannister they respect. That is why you will go to King's Landing and oversee the release of Eddard Stark, on my orders. You will convince him to apologize and to bow. I have no doubt you will be able to do so. Explain to him what will happen if he doesn't do so. He will be able to return to the North, without any punishment, and Joffrey will still have his ass on the throne.-he said.

I did not see that coming. I had no idea how to save Ned, and now, my father has given me the way. And I understand that he is doing so for his own reasons. He knows that a war would probably destroy the whole Kingdom. And yet, his solution works for the Starks.

-Why do you think he will do it?-I asked. I have no idea if I would be able to convince him. He was aware of the consequences when he made the accusations, whatever they were. He is a cleaver man.

-Because the thing Ned Stark cares about the most is his family.-he said, and I nodded. That indeed is my only hope.-And one more thing. To ensure that this will never happen again, you will go North with him. And you will wed his heir.-he said. I never expected to hear this. I thought that anything else could be another part of the agreement, but I never expected that it would be my marriage.

-What?-I asked. He did not answered.-Why are you putting me in the middle of this?-I asked, angry. Yes, I would do anything to save the Starks, but this is a decision in which I had no say in, and neither did my future husband! This is going to change my life, completely! And I did not even want that to happen!

-Because I have to!-father yelled, and that surprised me. He never liked me, but he never was the one to yell. I didn't show him my surprise. I will not let him scare me. Not now, not ever.-You will go to Winterfell, marry Robb Stark, give birth to his sons and daughters, and keep them there!-he yelled.

Now I see everything. He needs me to keep them there. He needs me to stop the war.

And I will do so. I will go up North. I will do as he says. And he will never know why I do it.

I made a promise to Lady Catelyn Stark, and I will keep it. I will keep her family safe. If that means I will have to betray my own family, I will do so. If that means leading my father to believe that I am working for his benefit, while I'm doing something completely different, I will do so. And if that means I will be a Stark, and not a Lannister, I will do so!

-Fine!-I spat out in anger. He still needs to believe that I am angry with his decision.-If you allow me to do so, I'll go and rest, since I will probably run to King's Landing first thing tomorrow!-I yelled.

-Yes, you will. And go.-he said, and I was walking towards the door.-And Elena?-he asked, and I turned around.-I will send you a wedding dress.-he said. I am not sure if I should feel honored or insulted.

-Thank you.-I said coldly. As soon as I closed the door, I started running. If I have the power to end this in my hands, I need to stop the Starks for wanting revenge before they have to do so. I wrote Catelyn a short letter. The only thing that matters now is for me to stop the North starting a war with King's Landing.

_Don't do anything! I have a plan! I will write to you as soon as I reach King's Landing! For the love of Gods, the old and the now, don't start a war. Stop Robb before he does anything he might regret. I will take care of everything! Trust me. I gave you my promise, and I will keep it! Please, just wait for a few days. Elena. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok guys, I will try something I never tried before in this chapter. I will write in more than one POV. For now I will only write in Catelyn's and Elena's POV. I do not want to complicate things, but I think it is necessary for a better understanding of the story. This is not just about how Elena feels and the decisions that she makes, but also about the way her decisions affect others. +, I only plan on a few multiple POV's chapters. And there is another thing I need to tell you. I seem to be having trouble with separating paragraphs. I have no idea how to change it, but I will continue trying. Enjoy and please, tell me what you think of the story so far :) **

**CATELYN**

-Robb, I beg of you!-I almost yelled. This has been going on for hours. And I still don't see an end to it.

-Mother, can we even trust her?-he asked. He is scared, I can see that. But so am I. I am scared that I will never get to see my husband again, but most of all, I am scared that Robb might do something on an impulse, and that we will pay a much too high price. We need to take our time in this situation.

-Yes, we can.-I answered, sure that that will girl will not fail me.-Robb, you know her. You met her. You saw, first hand, that she cares for our family. For your sisters, for Bran… She was in pain Robb. She even cares for you! And even for Jon! She swore on her life that she will keep them safe. Now, if she didn't send this letter, I would have had my doubts. But she did. And if she says that she has a plan and that there is a way, I believe her, and I think you should too.-I said. He is very hot headed. A hot headed boy. He might know how to fight, but there is not much else he knows. I want Ned out of King's Landing as much as he does. But if we charge, he will be dead before we even get close to King's Landing! And Elena says that there is a way. Not that she might have a solution, but that she has a solution. And I believe her. I saw it in her. She might just be as young and as hot headed as Robb is, but she was honest.

-Mother, she is a Lannister.-he said, and I sighed.

-Robb, she is lost!-I yelled, not knowing how else to make him realize!-Her mother died before she could even hold her, and her father sent her away as soon as he could. Her sister hates her. I've seen it, it is pure hate, believe me. Her brothers love her, but one is too drunk to realize what is going on, and the other one… well, we all know now what he does.-I said, too disgusted to actually say it.-She has no one. She had Robert, but he is dead now. Think about it Robb. You talked to her even more than I did. She is not like they are. She is different. She sees the truth. And if she doesn't, she will accept it, she won't deny it. Just please, wait. If she doesn't save them, you can cut them all in half, and I will help you. But give her a chance. Have faith in her. Not in Elena Lannister, but in Elena, that girl you met, and laughed with.-I begged. I saw them. I saw her with all of my children. She may be a lioness, but she is not just a Lannister. She is kind, and honest, and honorable. No other person in her family is like that.

-Fine.-he finally said. I have never felt such relief in my entire life.-But if she doesn't succeed, I will go to Kings Landing, and I will take Joffrey's head myself. And if Elena gets caught in the middle of it, I will not be able to guarantee her safety. You may see her as more than a Lannister, but most people see her as just that. Just another Lannister.-he said. I know he doesn't mean it. He is just angry. His brother almost lost his life because of them, twice. And now his father and sisters are in danger. If Gods allow Elena to succeed in her intentions, I am sure he will see the truth as it really is. Right now he is just in pain.

**ELENA**

As soon as the carriage stopped, I ran out. I do not have time to waste, not one second. I was still running when I entered the Great Hall. And my entrance scared everyone in it. The guards were already ready to capture me, until they saw who I actually am. Joffrey had a big, satisfied smirk on his face.

-Ah, Aunt Elena. My dear aunt, what brings you here?-he asked, with that smile still plastered on his face. I had a sudden urge to smack him. I never did have the honors; I was much too young to be a grown adult in comparison to him. But I did enjoy every single slap Tyrion gave him through the years.

-This is my home too Your Grace.-I said. And I bowed. Yes, I bowed to that idiot. I would have given everything I had not to do so, but I had to.-And, if you asked why I barged in in such an unladylike manner, I do have my reasons. I am here to oversee the release of Lord Eddard Stark.-I said. I could see his look of disbelief, and I could hear the gasps of everyone else in the room. I did not look away from Joffrey. I did not want to see anyone else, especially my brother. On my way here, I had plenty of time to think. And I realized that Robb's accusations were probably true. And I just did not want to look at him.

-Who can give away such orders if my son is the King?-I heard Cersei ask. Ah, the bitch has spoken.

-Our father can Cersei.-I said. I finally looked at her. And she was not pleased. It was also very evident that she knew that she cannot fight against our father's wishes. Joffrey may be the King, but if he does not have his grandfather beside him, he will be King for days. And maybe even only hours.-You can see it four yourself.-I said, and I walked over to Joffrey to hand him a letter from the magnificent, Lord Tywin Lannister. As they were reading it, I was looking around for the only family member I do care about, and Tyrion was nowhere to be seen. The children weren't here either. I can find them latter. First, I need to see Lord Stark. I need to speak to him, and as soon as I do so, I need to make sure that Sansa and Arya are both alright. As soon as I do that, I need to send a letter to Catelyn, since I still fear that the news will arrive about a rebellion in the North. I need to stop that if I can, and that is why I need to contact here as soon as possible. When I send the letter, I need to go and find Gendry. Talk to him, tell him what has happened, explain to him where I am going and thank him for being the most loyal of them all. Only after I do all of that, I may have a chance to see my brother, my niece and my nephew.

The tension was rising as Joffrey and Cersei read the letter. He might not agree. And if he doesn't, I'll lose my head, as well as Lord Stark. Well, if that is the world that I live in, I might as well live in it no longer. I did my best. I did what I wanted to do. At least I didn't end up married to Renly.

-Fine!-Joffrey spat out, not hiding his anger. And I did my best not to smile.-You may go and see him. And if he does what is said here that he will do, he may be a free man.-he said. I nodded, and I was already walking towards the dungeons. I did. I have no idea how, but I did it. Now I only have to convince him to lie. I do not know why, but I think I will be able to do that.

As I was walking past him, Jaime grabbed my hand. I pulled it out of his squeeze, and I continued without even looking at him. I will deal with him latter. Now I need to talk to Lord Stark. As soon as I was away from prying eyes, I started running. And I ran into the dungeons, screaming at the guard.

-Eddard Stark, I have to see Eddard Stark!-I yelled, and he opened the door. I ran inside, almost stumbling on my own feet.-Lord Stark.-I yelled, not sure where he was. Then I saw him. He was in bad, bad shape. I kneeled next to him, only metal railings between us. He managed to smile at me.

-Elena?-he asked in surprise.-What are you doing here?-he asked, and I smiled at him.

-I'm here to let you out. But you need to listen to me. My father knows that if something happens to you, that the North will start a rebellion and that Robb will start a war. He is afraid of that and he will do anything to stop it. He released you under the condition that you admit you were lying and bow to Joffrey.-I said, and I could see in his face that that is not what he wanted to here.-Lord Stark, I beg of you, let me finish.-I said as soon as he opened his mouth. He nodded.-I know you were saying the truth. Whatever you said, I know you were being honest. But you have to lie now my lord. I am terribly sorry, but you have to. If you don't, Sansa will spend her life with an abusive and mad husband, Robb will die in war trying to defend your honor, and I do not want to imagine what will happen to the rest of them.-I said. I had to say it, in order to convince him. And the sad thing is that all of what I said was the truth.

-Elena, you need to know what I found out.-he said, and I nodded.-Joffrey is not Robert's child. Neither are Myrcella or Tommen. They are not Baratheon. They are children of Cersei and Jaime Lannister. They were born out of an incestuous relationship. Cersei admitted it to me herself.-he said.

I have heard horrible stories in my life. War anecdotes from my brother, from the King, stories about their first kills, about guts, and blood, and everything horrible. And yet, none of them made me sick to my stomach as much as this story did.

And the sad part is that I am not that shocked. As horrified as I am, I am not surprised. It actually explains a lot. I always thought they were closer because they were twins, and they were oldest out of the four of us. Now I know that was never the reason. A memory came back to me. A memory I have obviously successfully suppressed until now. I was just a child, running around the castle when I saw them kissing. I don't know how I forgot about that, but I only remembered it now. And now I know that they have hurt Bran. He saw the same thing I did. He just wasn't lucky enough to have been a Lannister.

-Gods forgive him.-I whispered and I could no longer contain my tears. I don't give a damn about Cersei. Nothing can ever surprise me when it comes to her. Jaime was the one who surprised me, hurt me. He was the perfect big brother. And now I find out he is as mad as it gets.

-I am sorry, but you had to know the truth Elena.-he whispered, and I nodded. I am glad he told me. But my gratitude could not stop my tears and sobs. I could barely breathe now.

-It's alright my Lord.-I said, between sobs.-We have no prof. Until we do, there is nothing we can do. Just say it is not true. Save yourself, and save your children. I beg of you, say it is not true.-I begged him.

-You are right. I need to put my family before my honor.-he said, and I smiled.

-My lord, do not worry about that. As soon as we get you out of here, as soon as you are safe, we will gather our strength and we will fight for the truth.-I said. And I was crying for a complete different reason now. I'm surprised that I even care anymore. But even now, now that I know that my family needs to pay, I feel sorry that it has to happen. Cersei said it once. If you play a game of thrones, you will either win or die. And we have to win.

-What do you mean we Elena?-he asked me confused.-Are you betraying your family? I thought you were only here because you gave Robert your word.-he said, and I laughed. It was a painful laughter.

-It is more than that Lord Stark. I just forgot to tell you.-I said, and I took a deep breath.-Another condition you need to agree to before you are free to go home is to take me as your daughter. I have to marry Robb.-I whispered. Why would they even want me in their family after everything my family has done, not only to them, but ever?-By all means, I would be your family. And I understand that you do not want a Lannister for your son. But I… I am not like they are!-I said, and sobbed, yet again. No, now, I was crying uncontrollably. He took my hand, and I was surprised.

-Elena, I know that. You just caught me by surprise. If that is a condition, than that is the way it will be.-he said. He really is a kind man. He did not even mention the fact that his son would be repulsed by the idea of marrying me. I, on the other hand, will never be able to get that of my mind.

-They will set you free tonight. I must leave now. I need to see your daughters, make sure that they are safe. I need to talk to a friend of mine. And I also need to think of everything I just learned. I promise you Lord Stark, I will bring you and your daughters home.-I said, and he smiled at me.

-Ned. Call me Ned.-he said. I managed a smile.

I made my way through the castle. I don't know how, because I could barely walk. I look like I'm drunk.

The notion of what Cersei and Jaime have done will haunt me to my last day. And I will never be able to understand. There is no reason that justifies their actions. What hurts the most is that I'm actually trying to find a reason. I still believe in the good in this world, and I cannot understand why. Everything that I had seen in my nineteen years says differently. The ones who suffer the most are the ones who shouldn't suffer at all. And the ones who have everything never have a chance to pay for their mistakes.

-Elena!-I heard Jaime yell. I recognized his voice, and it was like someone stabbed me in the stomach with a sword. I started running. Before I knew it, he gripped my arm, for the second time today.

-Don't touch me!-I screamed and pulled my hand from his grip. He looked at me in complete shock.-Do not dare and touch me Jaime Lannister!-I yelled.-How could you? You pushed that poor little boy to keep safe that sickening relationship you had with Cersei?! You people disgust me!-I yelled.

I did not expect him to react the way he did. I expected anything other than fear. But now, as I looked at him in disgust, he looked back at me, nothing but fear in those blue eyes that only I didn't inherit.

-Ned Stark might deny it tomorrow, but I know. And as soon as he said it, it all made sense. Tyrion is the only decent human being out of all of you.-I said flatly. He is the only one who deserves any respect.

-Out of us Elena! Us! You're a Lannister too damn it!-he yelled. And he couldn't be more wrong.

-I am not Jaime. Not anymore. I doubt I ever really was one of you. But now, as soon as I get to Winterfell, I will marry Robb Stark, and I will be a Stark, and not a Lannister. Think about it. And it is all because you had to fuck that whore.-I said. It surprises me that I am still calm.

-She's your sister!-he yelled. He is defending her. And I thought I had seen and heard it all.

-She is your sister as well!-I yelled even louder. The whole castle could hear us, but I did not give a damn. I'm not the one who should be worried about who could hear what we are yelling.-I thought I knew you. I thought I had a brother who I knew better than anyone, and who knew me. I will never be able to understand why you did what you did. It is beyond sick. You make me sick. I curse this name I've been given because the last thing I want is to be related to you.-I whispered, not being able to even talk anymore. I was wiping tears that were streaming down both my cheeks. When he moved I expected him to hit me, but he did not. To my surprise, he hugged me. And as surprised as I was, I could not move. It only made me sadder. It made me sadder when I realized that there is no hope in this world that I would ever look at him, and not see a monster, but a brother. He will never be my big brother. Never again.

-Elena, don't.-he said as I pulled away. I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. It's such a shame that it is too late for that. I never was the one who's week on tears. Tears don't show that he regrets doing what he did. Tears only show that he regrets being caught.-Elena, don't do this. You're my baby sister, you're my everything. I don't want to lose you. If I have to fight, I will fight. I won't let them take you to the North. I'm supposed to protect you. You're my sister, you belong here.-he said, and I shook my head.

-Jaime, it does not help you when you say I'm your sister. If it does anything, it only scares me even more.-I whispered. That is probably the worst thing. How can I be sure that he didn't… Cersei is his sister just like I am. If that didn't stop him, how can I be sure that he didn't think of me in that way… Ugh, it makes me sick to even think about that. I have my doubts, but I don't think it was like that with me. I really was a baby sister to him. Too bad it doesn't mean a thing to me, not anymore.

-Elena, you can't mean that.-he whispered.

-Yes, I do. Jaime, we're done. I have nothing more to say to you. Not now, not ever again. I don't want to look at you anymore. You're dead to me.-I said coldly. And I walked away. Just like that, I turned my back on him. I grew up only having him and Tyrion. And now I only have Tyrion.

I could hear him calling my name as I was walking away. I could still hear him when I reached my chambers. And I was still crying.

**Wow. I usually don't think highly of my work. Well, that's an understatement. I think I mostly suck at this. But this chapter… I honestly think this was one of the best things I ever wrote. **


	11. Chapter 11

The worst thing, by far, was that I didn't have any time for myself. I needed time to think about all that has happened today, and I did not have the time. I sent a letter to Catelyn as soon as I stopped crying. I did not go into any details. And by details I mean the fact that Robb and I have to marry. I suppose I will have to tell them that in person. The most important thing now was to make sure that they will not gather an army and come charging. That is why I wrote that Ned, Sansa and Arya will head home soon.

As soon as the raven flew away, I went to find Sansa and Arya. I believe that it was nothing more than pure luck that I did not run into any member of my family. Especially the ones I did not want to see.

-Girls?-I asked as I entered their chambers. They were nowhere to be seen.-Sansa? Arya?-I asked. When I did not hear a response, I got worried. I was ready to cause a commotion when the two of them ran into me with all their strength.-Easy girls, easy.-I said with a small smile. Soon I realized that there was no such thing as easy at this moment. Both of them were crying, sobbing and trying to tell me something, but I couldn't understand a single word. I might not have the time, but they need it. So I waited for them to calm down. I do not even want to imagine what they must be feeling right now.

-Father is imprisoned.-Arya managed to stay.-There is nothing we can do.-she said, and I smiled.

-Yes, there is.-I said, and they both looked at me in surprise.-I won't bore you with the whole story. I will just tell you the end of it. Tomorrow, you two and your father will go home.-I said and I smiled when I saw their faces light up.-You'll go back to Winterfell, and it will be like this never happened.-I said.

-And what will happen with you?-Arya asked.-When you left us, you promised you will be back. And you are here. Don't leave us Elena. Whenever you leave, bad things happen. You left to go hunting, and Bran fell of the tower. You went to your father, and our father was imprisoned. Just don't leave anymore.-she said, and I pulled her into a hug. I was surprised that Sansa was the one who kept it together out of the two of them. I should give her more credit. She might not be a snake, but she is a strong girl. I can't bring myself to wonder what made her grow up so suddenly. I have a feeling Joffrey wasn't all that nice.

-I suppose you will be happy to hear that I am not leaving you.-I said quietly, and they were both surprised, yet again.-In order for your father to be a free man again, he must apologize and bow to that prick. And I have to marry Robb.-I whispered.-It is not by choice. He doesn't even know it yet. He might not even agree to it. I am afraid that he won't have the choice I must admit. My father won't be too happy to hear that there is no betrothal between us. But I will understand if that happens.-I said. They need to know the truth. They are not blind. When we were at Winterfell, I'm sure that they could see that there was nothing more than friendship between the two of us. And they need to know that Robb might decline the betrothal. I wouldn't blame him, not at all. I don't really want it either. And my family almost killed his brother and father. No, I would not blame him. In fact, I would completely understand.

-We might be family?-Sansa asked, and I nodded.-There is no other I would want for my sister more than you. I understand your fears, but I am sure that Robb will agree to it.-she said, and I smiled.

The thing is, if he agrees, it might only be worse. What kind of life will I lead with him? He doesn't love me, I do not love him. I was always afraid of having a marriage without love, but this was even worse. If he hates my family with all his heart, will he even be able to tolerate me? I am afraid that love is out of the question in this deal. I will be happy if he can even look at me.

Did I deserve it? I don't think I did. I am not a saint, but I am not a bad person either. The only explanation I have is that I am paying for my family's mistakes, and that hurts me deeply. I have a miserable life ahead of me, and yet, I am ready to live it. I could have chosen differently. I could have said no. In that case, Ned's head would be on a spike, a war would start and Gods know how many people would lose their lives. I have more in common with the Starks than I initially though. Much like them, and unlike the family I was born into, I had my honor. And I was more than proud of it.

-I have to leave you now. I will be back!-I rushed when I saw that they were both going to try and stop me from leaving.-I have to talk to my friend. When we leave tomorrow, I might never come back to King's Landing for as long as I live. And if that will be the case, I need to give my friend an explanation.-I said. I didn't even think of that until now. I didn't think it was possible, but yes, I felt even worse now.

-You will be back soon, right?-Arya asked, and I nodded. I kissed them both, and I went to find Gendry. This time, I did not sneak around. I am a grown woman, and I will be damned if someone will forbid me anything. I was too weak before, but now, now that all of this has happened, I did not care anymore. So I held my head up high as I was walking through King's Landing. Whispers followed me, as they always did here in the capitol. I have no doubt that they have already heard of my arrival and the decisions that have been made since. The only thing that spreads faster than rumors is fire. They may say whatever they want. I doubt I will ever walk this road again in my life. I just do not care anymore. The one person in King's Landing who's opinion I value is Gendry. And to him, I will have a chance to explain myself.

I made my way to his house. He was the only one there, blacksmith was nowhere in sight. I was going to say something to let him know that I am here, as he was working, and did not see me, but I ended up leaning against the wall, watching his every move.

Gods, I wish my life had been easier. I wish I was born as his sister. Or as a poor village girl. Anything other than the youngest Lannister. I wish I have felt something towards Gendry, something other than the friendship I feel. I wish he was my lover, and not a friend I love like a brother. If we were lovers, it would be easier. We would run away, and we would not look back. We would either end up living a quiet and peaceful live somewhere in the deep woods, or we would get caught. But in both cases, I would have been happier than I am now. I wish things were different. But they are not, and they never will be. I can try and change it as much as I like, but there won't be any use of it.

I hadn't stop crying since I saw him. And I was still crying when he finally realized I was hear.

-Elena?-he asked in surprise. I nodded.-Are you alright?-he asked, and I shook my head. I ran to him and hugged him with all the strength I had left in me. And once again, he was a true friend. He held me as I was crying, waited for me to calm down, and listened to what I had to say.

I was supposed to be quiet about Cersei's and Jaime's relationship. But I will not pretend when it comes to does closest to me, who I would trust with my life. If there is a person that I could say anything to, he was right here in front of me, listening to my story about what happened and what is yet to happen.

-I am very sorry Elena.-he said quietly, and I just nodded. What more could he say to me? He's not sorry Jaime and Cersei did what they did, he's sorry I feel bad about it. Especially when I shouldn't.-So, you are heading for Winterfell tomorrow?-he asked, and I nodded. Gods, I can't believe he was right after all. That night, on the beach, he was teasing me that I'll get married off while I was away… little did we know he was right all along. And now, I have to say my goodbyes to the one person I never wanted to part ways with. And it is breaking my heart. In all honesty, I could feel the pain in my chest.

-Yes. And for good.-I said, and took a deep breath.-And you should know, I have no intention of forgetting about you. As soon as I get used to the… family life I suppose, I will do my best to bring you there.-I said. I have made up my mind. It is going to take a lot more than an arranged marriage for me to lose Gendry. Actually, I will not lose him. I will not allow that to happen. I lost almost everyone else, I will not lose him. Tyrion, Elisa and Gendry. The ones who always proudly stood by my side.

-Do you think I would like it better there than here?-he asked, and I nodded. I knew he would.

-I know you would like it there. And even if you don't, I don't care. I need you there.-I said, and we both started laughing. It was a short lived laughter. It won't be as easy as it used to be I suppose.

-You know already that you are like a sister to me. If that means I have to follow you to Winterfell, I will do so.-he declared with a smile on his face. Yet again, he has proven himself to me. And what have I ever done for him? That is why I need to bring him to Winterfell someday. That is not only base on my selfish reasons. I did need my friend as close as possible. But I also want to give him a chance to get away from that man he works for. I want to see him become independent, his own man. He deserves it.

-I know. I should leave now. I have to speak to the one brother I still have. I will try to come and see you tomorrow, but if I don't manage to do so, you know what to do. Pack your bags, and wait for a letter.-I said, and he smiled at me. We hugged, and I kissed him on the cheek before I left him. I have no doubt in my mind that the absence of Gendry will leave an enormous hole in my chest. I can already feel it.

As soon as I entered the castle, I remembered one important thing. I have to pay my respects.

I slowly made my way to the royal crypt. I sighed, and I put my hand on the statue of Robert.

-You fat idiot.-I whispered, and smiled to myself. He had never heard me call him that, but I am sure that he wouldn't get insulted. He would laugh.-You just had to die, didn't you? You have no idea what kind of trouble you caused for us.-I whispered. After a few moments, I sighed.-I hope you find the peace you never had here. I also hope you are finally able to love your Lyanna. You rest, it is our turn to fight. I know you wanted me to marry Renly, but I think you would be satisfied with Ned Stark's eldest son. Yes, I am to marry him. I'm going North. And you rest in peace. Rest in peace King Robert Baratheon, King of Seven Kingdoms.-I said, and I turned around and walked away. I am not glad he is dead, but I am glad he did not get a chance to see this. He wasn't the kindest person, that is certain. But this? This he did not deserve.

I was walking to my chambers, and I knew I took my chances. I ran into Cersei almost as soon as I left the crypt. I walked past her, hoping that she will walk past me to. My hope was in vain.

-Elena, please, stop.-she said. I stopped. Why, I am not sure.-I didn't want Ned Stark dead either. It was Joffrey's decision. I would have stopped him from hurting them.-she said. I raised my eyebrows. Does she really think I believe in that? Ned Stark said that she had sex with her own brother and gave birth to three of his children, one of which is currently sitting on the iron throne, under the false claim that he is the son of the late King. And she would have let him live? I might believe in the good in people, but I am not an idiot. And the fact that she thought I would believe her, only adds to the injury.-I know I wasn't kind to you Elena.-she whispered, and I was even more surprised. Where is she going with this?-I was a horrible sister. And for that, I am sorry. I wish now that I had done things differently. You deserved better than that. I hope you find happiness in the North. I could see on your face that you liked it there. And the boy seems good enough. I wish for you to be happy like I never was. You're my sister Elena. I care for you, and I am sorry I did not realize that earlier.-she whispered. Oh Gods, she is crying. I had never thought I would see this day. She is actually crying. In my entire life, I had never seen Cersei Lannister shed a tear. And I know why she is crying now. The guilt is killing her. It is slowly growing and it is making her rotten from the inside. And the worst thing is that it is all her fault.

-It makes me sad to see that the realization of what you've done is killing you. I thought it would make me happy in a way, but it doesn't. And I know why. I am not you.-I said flatly. She can save her tears. They will not fix the things she said and did ever since I was a child to this day.-I have never tried to be. I think that might be why you despised me with all your heart. The fact that our mother died while giving birth to me was only an excuse. I hope you are happy. I honestly do. You did everything you could to get to this, and I hope that all that effort won't be in vain. You can love the man you love, your son is on the throne, and you will no longer see me. Ravish it Cersei. Ravish it as much as you can. And thank you, for your wishes. I may find happiness in the North, eventually. But I am sure I will find one other thing I have searched for my entire life. I will finally find a family. One that doesn't despise me, but accepts me, with all my flaws and virtues. On that sees the real me, and possibly do the one thing that you never could. Love me.-I said. She was crying her eyes out. And I just turned around and walked away.

I was crying when I got to the door of my chambers. I was surprised to see Lord Stark waiting for me there. He was washed up, but I could still see that he was in a bad shape. It will take time for him to recover fully.

-Lord Stark, how may I help you?-I asked, and I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my dress.

-I wanted to say to you once again that I am truly sorry.-he said, and I shook my head.

-It is in no way your fault Lord Stark.-I said with a small smile.-The important thing is that you get to go home tomorrow. You only have to apologize to Joffrey, and you are free. And considering the… other demand, I… I will completely understand if you do not want me in your family.-I said in a low voice, almost a whisper. It is not just about Robb and myself. I could see no reason why would he want to look at me every day, why would he be happy that I am the wife of his eldest son, and heir.

-Elena, you saved my life.-he said with a small smile.-You saved me, and you saved my family. There is no reason why I shouldn't want you in my family. And I know Robb will think the same way. I may not have the power to influence his feelings, or yours for that matter. I know that there is no love between the two of you, but that does not mean a thing. Cat and I didn't even know each other on our wedding day, and look at us now.-he said, and I managed a weak smile. That does give me some hope, but not much. I am sure Catelyn's family did not try to kill half of his family, like mine did to them.

-Thank you Ned.-I said, and he smiled.-I can only hope that Robb doesn't despise me.-I admitted.

-He will not, I am sure of it. If nothing else, look at yourself. He could have done a lot worse.-he said, and I laughed. I suppose he is right. I may not be what he wanted, but at least I am not ugly. Now that is what every wife wants to hear. I don't love you, but at least you are not ugly. Oh, the joy, the love.

-I must admit that I could have done a lot worse too.-I said, and Ned smiled. Robb was very handsome. And from what I could tell, he was kind, honorable, funny and a good person. I am sure that he will not love me, but I am also sure that he will not torture me in any way.-Tomorrow, everything will be over. Until it starts again.-I said. I am not a fool. I know that they would want their revenge. And they deserve it. When the day comes, I will stand by them, no matter the price. Soon enough, that will be my duty.

-I am sure we will be able to live in peace for some time Elena.-he said.-But there is something else that I need to tell you, and I did not get a chance to tell you before. I know you always thought that Jon Arryn was murdered, and that he did not die from a fever. And you were right. He died because he found out the truth of Joffreys true father.-he said. Oh, perfect. Not only did they try to kill Bran, but they have in fact killed the only true father figure I have ever had.-And that is not all. Cersei did not give birth to Robert's children, but a lot of women did. Those matters where usually… taken care of. But I found out that one of Robert's bastard children is still alive. And you know him. The blacksmith.-he said.

-Gendry?-I asked, completely baffled by what I just heard.-He is Robert's son?-I asked, and Lord Stark nodded. And I thought I heard it all today. It made a little sense though. He never knew who his father was, his mother never said. And he does have the Baratheon black hair and blue eyes that none of Cersei's children had. Yes, I see it now. He was more a Baratheon than Joffrey ever was.-He has no idea. I doubt he will even believe it.-I said as soon as I could speak. Gendry does not want to be a King, I know that. He is perfectly content with just being a blacksmith, Baratheon or not.

-I knew it was true the moment I saw him. And we have to take him with us tomorrow. He is not safe here. They might realize, and as soon as they do, he will be dead.-he said, and I took a deep breath.

-I will tell him tomorrow. He will go with us, I know that. I was planning of bringing him with me one day when I got married.-I said with a smile, and Ned smiled in return.-I cannot say if he would be willing to fight for his right to sit on the throne, I have to say.-I said. He needed to know the truth. I am sure that Gendry will want nothing to do with it, but I won't speak in his name. He has his own voice.

-That will be his choice to make.-he said, and I nodded.-I will leave you to your rest now. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Good night Elena.-he said.

-Good night.-I said, and I watched him leave. As soon as the door was closed, I collapsed on the bed. This was the longest, and by far, the worst day of my entire life. The only thing that missed was my finding out that I am my mother's bastard daughter and to hear that Renly will fight Robb for my hand. That would make this day just perfect.

Thankfully, Renly will not fight. I am sure he is more than happy with the news of me marring in the North. He is a good man, but he isn't for me. He is for Loras.

And sadly, I am not a Lannister bastard. I may not look like them, but I have their stature, and the perfect, Lannister nose. I wish I was, but I am not. I was thinking of such nonsense that I started laughing to myself, like I was completely mad.

Eventually, I feel asleep, still completely dressed in my perfect, red and gold, Lannister dress.


	12. Chapter 12

A loud noise made me jump up. My vision was still cloudy. Elisa. She was apologizing, she must have dropped something. It took me a little time to remember where I was. Oh, yes. How could I forget? I am in King's Landing, and today, I will leave, and I don't know if I will ever come back. That makes me feel slightly content. But not when I think about where I'm actually going. Winterfell. To Robb Stark.

-Elisa, breathe.-I said, hoping to calm her down, since she was still apologizing.-You are not just some maiden, and you know it. You are a friend, and quite frankly, I would lose my mind without you. You can stop apologizing.-I said, and she smiled. It is even better that she woke me up. I have no time to lose.

-I should get you ready my lady.-she said, and I nodded.-You are all packed up, and so is the Stark family. As soon as you say that we leave, we can leave.-she said with a smile. Dear Gods, this girl is efficient!

-I need to go and talk to Gendry first.-I said, more to myself. And yet, Elisa looked at me with a questioning look.-It is a very long story, but he is going with us to Winterfell. And we do have to wait for Lord Stark to… do what he has to do.-I said, not wanting to say out loud that he needs to lie in order to keep his head on his shoulders. I am not sure if Elisa knows what did he accuse my sister of, but I do know that she knows that whatever he said, he was saying the truth. When the time is right, I will tell her myself. I would trust her with that information. I just do not want to do it yet. I'm not ready.

-If you have other things to do, I can go and talk to your friend.-she suggested. That would save me a lot of trouble. But I do think that it has to be me who talks to Gendry, even if I won't be telling him straight away that he is the King's bastard son. I can't afford to tell him the truth before we leave. It might not be fair, but I am afraid that he would want to stay. And if he does, his life's in danger. He has to go with us.

-Thank you Elisa, but I have to do it.-I said, and she nodded.-Just get my bath ready and pick me out a dress and I will do the rest.-I said, and she looked at me with her signature smile.-Alright, you will do my hair too.-I agreed, knowing exactly what she was thinking of. I need to look representable today, maybe even more than ever. Beneath all that chaos, I am still leaving my family today, to go and join a new one.

-I'll prepare the bath.-she said, and I nodded. I know what she wants to talk about. She wanted to talk about that ever since she found out. The only reason she didn't ask me already about my marriage deal is because the most important thing was to save Lord Stark. And now that I've done that, she can ask what she needs to know. I don't have to answer. I could just be a proper lady and tell her that it is none of her business. I wish I could do it. But I know I can't.-How do you feel about the marriage arrangement my lady?-she asked, and I smiled. I knew it. I walked over to her, since she was preparing my bath.

-How can I feel Elisa?-I asked, and looked over to her. She had a small smile on her face.-I am to marry a man I do not love. I should just be happy that I actually met him before the wedding ceremony. Many do not have a chance to have that luxury.-I said. As scared as I am, I know I will not spend my days with some random savage. Of course, I barely know Robb, and he will undoubtedly change in years to come, but at least he won't be a stranger when I stand next to him. I hope, I hope with all my heart.

-My lady, I must say, Robb Stark is a very handsome man.-she said. I wish I could focus on that. It would be a lot easier. But no, I must think about the fact that I will spend the rest of my life right by his side.

-Elisa, I beg of you, call me Elena. I have been telling you to call me that for more than 10 years now, it is time you finally listen. The Lady thing is incredibly annoying.-I said, and she laughed.-And regarding Robb Stark's good looks… Yes, he is handsome, but all I can think of is… Is that all there is?-I asked.

-No, it's not. But I suppose it will be very important when you give birth to his children.-she said, and I looked at her in complete shock. She started laughing. Oh, she could tease me, but she can't call me by my name! She has a strange understanding of duty.-Elena, I am only saying it to make you feel better. And, in all honesty, your husband is very handsome. He also seemed like a kind man. And I know you got along well with him. So please, do not be worried. The more you think of it, the worse it will seem to you, and by the time you're face to face with him, you will be afraid and scared and all without a good reason.-she said in a low voice. I am not surprised, since I knew she was very smart. I am only impressed.

I wish she got a chance to live her life, to have a family, and not follow me around. I felt bad that she ended up with me in a way, but she always says that she prefers it this way. I suppose she really does.

-You are right for the most part. I am afraid. The problem is, I am not yet afraid of the life I will live. I am afraid he will say No, and I am afraid of the consequences that will happen. And if he says Yes, I am afraid that he will detest me before I even get a chance to… win him over I suppose.-I said. This is not the time to be scared of changing my surroundings and my unborn children. The only thing I am afraid of is that he will hate me, and that that will eventually lead to me, hating him. I don't want that. I don't.

-Elena, you are forgetting one important thing.-she said, a kind smile on her face.-You are easy to love. You are nice, kind, smart, and when you are not worried, you have a beautiful smile on your face. I cannot say when that will happen, but I can assure you, you will win him over.-she said.

-I hope you are right. The rest of my life depends on it.-I said, with a nervous laughter. Gods, I have no idea what will happen. The only thing I can do is hope for the best. And I do not like hoping. I prefer to have a say, be in control. Sadly, in this situation, I can have none of those things. I can only hope.

-Here. Your bath is ready.-she said with a smile.

I was washed, dressed in a blue dress, and my hair was in a braid. As soon as I was ready, I went to find Gendry. He listened to me, without asking any questions. I gave him some money, and I told him to wait for me just outside of King's Landing. I promised I will explain everything as soon as we are away from here, and he agreed to everything. That is a true friend. He is ready to leave everything because I asked him to do so. And I'm glad he does, because soon enough, he will find out the truth. And I need him safe. I need him far away from here as possible. And also, I am slightly selfish. I want him close to me.

I was lucky enough not to run into anyone of my family members as I returned to the castle. I never thought that the day will come when Joffrey won't be my least favorite, but it has. I need to see Tommen and Myrcella before I leave. I might be disgusted by their parents, but they have nothing to do with it. They are still my family.

I went to see Sansa and Arya. Lord Stark was with them, and he informed me that he already bowed to Joffrey, and that they are ready to go as soon as I am. I asked them for a little time to say goodbye.

I wasn't sure what I was saying goodbye to. King's Landing? I will miss the sun, and the sand, but I will learn to live without them. Gendry and Elisa are going with me, so I will not miss them. I have nothing left here. Not anymore. Only Tyrion, and I cannot seem to find him anywhere.

I entered Myrcella's chambers, only to find that Tommen was there, and so was Cersei. The children ran towards me and started hugging me, but I could only focus on my sister. She had a small smile on her.

-May I speak to them?-I asked her, and she nodded. I was hoping that she would leave us, but I could see why she didn't. She was probably afraid what I might say to them. I would never do that.-I'm here to say goodbye. I'm leaving soon.-I said, and my heart broke when I saw the look on their faces.

-Aunt Elena, you only just got here.-Myrcella complained. How can I even begin to explain this to her?

-I have to go sweetie.-I said with a small smile.-I am leaving for good. I am going to marry Lord Stark's son and I will have a new home.-I almost whispered. I may not wish to stay here, and to be anywhere near their mother, but I don't want to leave them. For a long time, they were the silver lining to my clouds. And I have failed them. I have grown to love other children as much as I love them.

-Will we ever see you again?-asked Tommen. His question caught me by surprise, and as soon as I did not answer in an instant, they knew.-Aunt Elena, please.-he begged. Tears started to fill my eyes.

-I am so sorry. I truly am. I hope I do see you some day, but I cannot make any promises.-I said. I hate lying. Especially if I care for the person. Chances are, I will never see them again. And even if I do see them, Gods know in what conditions will it happen. I am joining a family who will want nothing to do with the Lannisters. And if it weren't for the kids, I would have been perfectly happy with it.

-This is your home.-Myrcella whispered. How can I explain to her that this never was my home? I might have lived her for most of my life, but this place never was my home.

-Not anymore.-I said, and took a deep breath.-This is the way life goes. I am grown now, and I will make myself a new home.-I whispered, hoping that they will ask no more questions that I can't answer.

-Why do you have to go to Winterfell? It is cold and far away.-Tommen said, and I smiled.

-Because that is the way your grandfather wanted it to be. And don't you dare worry about me. I will be more than fine. You two are the ones who need to be strong. Be true Baratheons.-I said, lying to both them and myself. They are lions. They are more lions that I ever was. True Lannisers, by all means.

-I will miss you Aunt Elena.-Myrcella whispered, and both of them hugged me. I smiled.

-And I will miss you to. Be safe.-I said, and I kissed them both. I didn't even look at Cersei as I was leaving the room. I only hope that she will treat her children well, and that they won't pay for her mistakes.

Elisa was overseeing the preparations for our trip, so I was alone in my chambers. And I took one last look around. I have a feeling, I feel it in my bones, that I will never see this chambers again. I will never hide away here from Septa, reading books and enjoying this amazing view of the sea. I will probably never feel the warm breeze on my skin. No. I am going to a place where everything is cold and dark.

I liked Winterfell well enough, but I will miss this. Not the people, not the life I used to lead, but the climate, the view, the warmness. I know well enough you can't have everything, so I am saying goodbye to the things I love. A knock at the door brought me back to reality.

-Come in.-I said, and I looked over, only to see Tyrion walking in. I took a deep breath, and I ran to him. I started crying as soon as I saw him. I feel on my knees and hugged him with all the strength I had.

-Lena, calm down.-he said in a soothing voice, but it did not work.-Elena, I am so sorry. I had no idea.-he whispered, and when I looked at him, I knew he was saying the truth. I could see it in his eyes.-And I am also sorry for the news of your betrothal.-he said, and I managed a smile.

-My dear brother, I do not care anymore. As long as it's away from here.-I said, and I whipped the tears on my cheeks.-I would even marry a Fray if that meant I am away from them. I should be happy that I am going to a good house.-I said.

-You are going where I should be.-he said with a small smile.-You were happy there.-he added.

-I don't want to leave you.-I whispered.-You are all I have left Tyrion. I never had a mother. I do not have a brother and a sister anymore. And I doubt I ever had a father. I only have you, my dear brother. Come with me. Come to the North will me. We may find our happiness there.-I said. He liked it well enough. I am sure they have plenty of wine and whores that he can enjoy for a very long time.

-I can't. I need to stay here. I wish I could. Just, promise me you will take care of yourself. That you will not let him own you. You will stay strong and mouthy and everything you always was. And promise me that you will hit wherever you need to, even if it means hitting your family.-he said, and I looked at him in surprise. I smiled once I realized what he meant. He is on my side. He is on the side of my future family. He will be our connection with King's Landing. I knew I was right when he smiled back at me.

-I knew it.-I said, and hugged him.-I will never lose you, will I?-I asked, and he started laughing.

-No, you won't. Go on, you must leave now.-he said, and I stood up.-And one more thing. About the Stark boy… He seemed kind enough, but I do believe I should give you advice.-he said, and I nodded. I have no idea what I'm heading into, and advice would be much appreciated.-Be his friend. Be his advisor. Be his support. Be his comfort, and be the best lover he could ever have. If you are all of that to him, he will be all of that to you. If you respect each other from the very start, you will reach love more easily.-he said. I smiled. I hope he is right. And if he is not, I will do my best either way. I will not give up.

-Thank you. Thank you my dear, smart brother.-I said, and I hugged him. We walked outside, hand in hand. The Stark family was already in the carriage. The royal court was not saying goodbye to them, they are saying goodbye to me. I hugged Myrcella and Tommen once again, as well as Tyrion. And I did not even look at Cersei and Jaime until I was in the carriage. Jaime was crying, and Cersei was holding onto him. It looked as if she was sobbing. I suppose you don't know what you have until you lose it. They lost a sister. Tyrion didn't, and perhaps that is was why he was smiling. I managed to wave him goodbye before the carriage moved away. Moved away from the only life I've ever known, and my family. I didn't have the strength in me to hide my tears. Elisa, Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya were the witnesses. And I just couldn't stop. I am scared, I am scared beyond belief. The notion that I might never see them again hurt more than I could ever imagine. I will miss some of them. And some of them I hope never to see again.

-Elena, don't cry.-Arya whispered, and I looked at her.-We're going home.-she said, and I smiled at her.

-So it would appear.-I said, and the four of them smiled at me. I'm going to my new home. The only thing left is for Gendry to join us, and to tell him the truth about his father. And as soon as I do that, the only thing left for me to think of will be my marriage. And I couldn't be more scared.

**CATELYN **

-My lady!-I heard Maestar Luwin call me, and I turned to him. Robb almost jumped from his seat.-A raven for you, from Kings Landing.-he said, and I pulled the scroll from his hand, opening it at once.

_Cat, we're coming home. Elena Lannister saved me. Her father freed me under his conditions, and she is the one who convinced me to as it said. I lied. I had to lie to be free. And I did it because it was the only way to get home. I did it for the lives of our children. I am coming home to you, and I'm bringing our girls with us. And Elena is also coming. Tywin Lannister and I made a deal for my freedom. It was all his idea, and I did not have a choice. Robb and Elena are set to marry each other. Tell Robb that I am sorry that he did not have a say in this. I would have done it differently if I could. Elena isn't too happy about it either, she had no say in it. As worried as I am, I know that she will be loyal to us. And as she mentioned a few times, she had a promise to keep, so that leads me to believe that you too have faith in her loyalty. I believe she will be a good wife to Robb, even if that is not what they wanted. Again, tell him I'm sorry. Make him see that that was for the best. We start our journey tomorrow. We will be home before you know it. With all my love, Ned. _

Oh Gods. I sighed, and sat back down in my chair. They're coming home. The girl did it. And now she is joining out family. Gods, what will Robb think of that? How will I convince him to agree?

-Mother, what happened?-he asked. I looked at him.-Is father alright?-he asked. I just handed him the letter. That is for the best. Once he reads it, I will convince him. Elena might be a Lannister, but she saved half of our family. I saw it with my own two eyes that she is a good girl, and that she is loyal to us. She will be a good wife to him. She is smart, and persistent. Brave, maybe even too much for her own good. She is strong, and she is kind. She is nice. I saw her with Bran and Rickon. She will be a good mother to my grandchildren someday. And she is beautiful. She might not have a Lannister beauty in her, but that makes her even more beautiful. She is natural. If she was from another family, I would have suggested her to Robb myself. But she proved her loyalty. She saved Ned and my daughters. She will be a true Stark.

Only if Robb agrees. I was watching his face, but he showed no emotion. I suppose that is a good thing, at least he is not angry. Once he finished reading, he stood up, and started to walk away.

-Robb, where are you going?-I asked, standing up myself.

-To write a letter to Jon.-he said, and he took a deep breath.-The two of them got along like they grew up together. She will feel better if he is here. She saved my father and my sisters, and she will be my wife. I want her to feel as comfortable as she possibly can, given the circumstances.-he said. And I could only nod. He walked away, and I sat back down.

He isn't angry, but he isn't happy either. I should be thankful that he accepts it. I hope they turn out to be just like Ned and I are now. When we got married, I didn't even know him. And Robb and Elena… well, they met each other. They liked each other. Maybe there was only friendship, but they do have a better start than Ned and I ever had. Hopefully, they will grow to love one another. It might take time, but the will have plenty of that.


	13. Chapter 13

**And, we're back at Winterfell. Thank you for following, reading and reviewing. I'm happy to see that you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it! Let's see where it takes us, shall we? Enjoy :) **

This trip to Winterfell wasn't as long as the one when I went to Winterfell with the late King. We aren't traveling with most of the Kingsguard. And we are in a rush. Lord Stark can't wait to get home. And only after two weeks, I started to recognize the scenery around us. Before I knew it, we stopped, only hours away from Winterfell. Sansa and Arya were walking with their father, stretching their legs from all the sitting, and I am having a nervous breakdown while Elisa and Gendry are trying to calm me down. The two of them are getting along well enough. Elisa finally realized that Gendry and I weren't some secret lovers. And she was looking at him differently. He was no longer the blacksmiths apprentice, but the late King's bastard, and possibly the only true heir to the Iron Throne. Even if he doesn't give a damn about it. He took it well enough. He's happy that we saved his life, because he knows that he would be dead if he remained in King's Landing. And he is happy to live with us in my new home. Arya and him get along quite well, and I was happy to see that Arya and Sansa had settled their differences. Both of them grew up during their stay at King's Landing. Sansa could finally understand why I didn't want her to marry Joffrey, and both of them were happy to be heading home. The only person who wasn't happy about us approaching Winterfell was me! By all means, I was losing it. I was shaking and pacing in a circle, while Gendry and Elisa were trying to find a way to calm me down.

And nothing worked. The only thing I could think of was my marriage to Robb. Yes, I know I am not marrying just anyone. It's Robb, I know him. He is kind. And it's not like he is a bad sight. He is very good looking and handsome. The problem was that the more I thought about him, the more I remembered what he said to me once. He was scared that the King would want us to marry. Scared. Scared!

"Elena, would you please stop pacing around!"Gendry said, and I looked at him, anger raging within me.

"No, I can't. I can't Gendry. I am sorry if it bothers you, but I can't"-I yelled. I should calm down. I do not want to yell at either of them, and I do not want Lord Stark to hear this. Most of the time, he would look at me with a kind smile, and I can only hope that he thought that his son will be happy with me.

"Elena, please. "Elisa begged me, and I stopped my pacing. I ran my fingers through my hair, which is something I do whenever I'm nervous and I don't have a braid that stops me. I was taking deep breaths, hoping to calm myself down. Not that I ever cared about it, but this is not how a Lady should act. "There is no reason for you to feel this way. He can't say no Elena. "she said, and I started laughing.

"And that is supposed to help me? "I asked. I was desperate." He can't say no. Well, I'm sorry, but ever since I was a little girl, I was hoping to marry someone who would want to marry me, not someone who doesn't have a choice. He said it himself, when he thought that the King wanted us to get married! He didn't want to marry me then, why would he want to marry me now?" I asked, not really wanting an answer. I feared the answer. What kind of life can I lead with someone who doesn't want to be with me? And it is not just that. I don't want to marry him either. Yes, he is handsome, kind, smart, and what not, but I never felt anything other than friendly feelings towards him.

"You don't want to marry him, right?" Gendry asked, and I nodded. "And as you say, he doesn't want to marry you either. With all due respect, _my Lady_, you two are hardly the first two people who had to marry out of a deal, not out of love." He said. Amazing, brilliant, wonderfull. It makes me feel a lot better. We are not the first ones. If anything, it makes me feel even worse!

"With all due respect, _my Lord_, I don't give a damn about anyone else right now. The only think I can think about is how miserable will my life be once I start waking up next to him every day! "I spat out.

"Elena, you need to stop. "Said Elisa, and I looked at her in surprise. "You are a beautiful girl. And he is a good man. And smart, if I dare say. If he doesn't see it yet, I am sure that in no time, he will realize that he can't have a better wife than you. You should stop feeling this way, and you need to accept that you have your own charm. He knows you. And you are friends. It is probably going to be a lot easier than you think. "She said. Gods, why do I need patronizing from her to realize that I am probably overreacting?

"Elisa's right." Gendry said with a small smile." I know you. And if he is as smart and honorable as you two say he is, I am sure that soon enough, he will realize that he has a prize handed over to him" he said, and I smiled. I never was the one who liked flattering, but what the two of them said now made me feel a bit surer of myself. I am going to have to do the best I can. I may not love him, and I may not be seductive, but I'm going to have to make him remember that he knows me. We were formal in the beginning, but once we got to know each other, it became a lot easier. Oh Gods! I just remember that I offered myself to Jon in front of him! How stupid can I actually be?! I will never be able to erase that.

"Oh Gods." I whispered, and I shook my head when I saw the question on their faces." Well, there is nothing I can do about it. I can only hope for the best. Let's get back to the carriage. The less I think about it, the better. If we continue talking about this, I might just run off." I said, and they both laughed.

"My Lady, you wouldn't get very far in that dress." Elisa said, and the three of us laughed. She was right. I hated the dress, and not only because it would stop me in my runaway attempts. It was one of my best dresses, and Elisa picked it out herself. Dark green, and tight, emphasizing my curves. They point of wearing it was obvious. If he doesn't want to marry me, let's at least give him something nice to look at. And my hair was styled so that it enhances my femininity, something I don't usually like to show off. I had to dress to impress, no matter how much I didn't want it.

Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya joined us in the carriage straight away. They did not want to waste any time, as they were excited to finally get home. Arya was practically jumping up and down, and both Gendry and her father teased her about it. We were a strange group indeed. Kings bastard son, Lord of Winterfell and his two daughters, one acting like a boy, and the other being a proper lady, a maiden, and myself, a mixture of Arya and Sansa. Wanting to act like a boy while looking like a proper lady.

It took as at least a few hours, but to me, it's seem like a few short moments. We were getting close to Winterfell, and as soon as I could see the castle, my heartbeat fastened. I will see him soon enough. And I see two options. He will agree, or he will disagree. And the worst part is that whatever he does, it will be very uncomfortable to hear, and see.

We past the gates. It took all the strength I had not to scream, or faint. Elisa must have sensed that I did not feel comfortable. She took me by the hand and squeezed it. It helped me more than it should.

We stopped. And as soon as we did, Arya and Sansa ran out. I could hear their laughter. Lord Stark did not take his time either; he got out straight after them. And I just sat there. I couldn't move. Gendry and Elisa were both looking in my in disbelieve.

"I don't want to impose" I whispered, so that no one outside the carriage could hear me.

"Oh Gods." Elisa whispered, and Gendry rolled his eyes.

"Get out before I push you." He said, and I looked at him, doubting that he would do it. "Don't make me do it Elena" he warned, and I nodded. Oh yes, he will do it. I have no other option.

I took a deep breath, and I walked out of the carriage.

Straight away, I knew I was imposing. Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya were embracing their family members, and all I could do was stand and watch. A father hugging his sons and a mother crying and hugging her daughters. I saw Robb hugging his father, and I looked away. I can't even look at him. As I looked away, I saw someone I did not expect to see today. The sight of Jon made me smile with relief, and he smiled back at me. Before I knew it, I was running towards him, and hugging him as tightly as I could. And I was crying. I was crying like a little baby as he hugged me. I felt like a stranger here until I saw my friend. And he knew it. That's why he was here. He knew I needed him.

"Thank you. "he said in a low voice, so that no one could hear us. "Thank you for everything. You're a true hero, Elena Lannister."he said, and I pulled away, smiling slightly.

"No, I'm not" I said in a low voice, wiping away my tears. I was surprised to see that everyone was looking at us. I only just realized that I made a big mistake. Out of all the people, I ran into the arms of the brother of my betrothed. And now that I caught Robb's eye, I wanted for Jon to hold me again. I could not decode his look. The only thing I was sure of was that it was not a look of affection.

"You" Lady Catelyn whispered, looking at me. She had tears in her eyes. As she approached me, I swear, to the Old Gods and the New, I was sure she was going to slap me in front of everyone. "If I liveten lives, I couldn't repay you.-she said. Thank Gods, she's not going to slap me." Elena, I owe you my life. You saved them. You made a promise to me, and you kept it. You saved them. A thousand lives wouldn't be enough you brave, brave girl." She said, and before I could say a single word, she hugged me. I could feel that she was still sobbing. I cannot describe the relief I felt right now.

"Lady Stark, you owe me nothing. "I said. As she pulled away, she caressed my face in a motherly way.

"Elena, one day, when you have children of your own, you will understand that some debts you could never be able to pay." She said with a kind smile on her face. Children? Oh Gods, I could barely come to terms with marriage. I can't think about children right now. If I do, I might really faint.

"Elena?" someone called me, and I knew it was Robb even before we made eye contact. I could barely breathe, as he approached me, and Catelyn took a step back. I was very close to asking her not to leave me alone. Instead, I tried to remind myself to breathe, and not to be scared of him. I know him. I met him. Did I? He looked older than he did only months ago. It must be the facial hair. He is still very handsome, but that is not helping me much. He took my shaking hand." Thank you." he said in a low voice. He wasn't thanking me like his mother did, but that does not me he wasn't sincere. I could feel the honesty; I could see it in his eyes. Eyes never lie, and I knew that he meant what he said." I know you didn't want this, but we will do the best we can. Welcome to the family." He said with a small, but kind smile on his face. I managed a nod, and I hope my smile didn't make me look like I was in pain. To my complete surprise, he put his hands on my face. For a moment, I was terrified that he might kiss me. I don't know what frightened me more, the thought that he might kiss me, or the fact that he might kiss me in front of everyone. I felt enormous relief when he kissed me on my forehead. It may have scared me, but at least he didn't kiss me on the lips. Then, then I would have fainted.

"Thank you Robb" I whispered. And as I was thinking what to say to break the tension, I saw a little creature behind him."Rickon!" I yelled in surprise, and I lowered myself so that I can pick him up. He hugged me, and I lifted him up, a smile on my face. Stay close to the children Elena, it's a lot easier.

"I've missed you Elena." he said and I laughed. And yet, I was still crying.

"Where is Bran? Can I see him?" I asked, thinking about that poor little pup that was hurt because of my family. I would understand if they don't want me near him at all. That may even be for the best.

"Of course you can. He is in his room." Robb told me, and I managed to nod before I ran off, with Rickon still in my arms. I was probably a horrible friend to Gendry, leaving him on his own, but he can handle himself, I'm sure of it. And I really need to see Bran. I need to talk to him, and I need to apologize.

" Is it true that you'll be living here now with us?" Rickon asked, and I smiled.

" Yes." I said and he hugged me even tighter."Now let's see how your brother is doing" I said as I opened the door of Bran's chambers. He was sitting on his bead, and a beaming smile was on his face.

"Elena! You're here. Is my father here too? And Sansa? And Arya?"he asked, and I put Rickon down.

"Yes, they're home" I told him with a smile, and sat down next to him, pulling him in a hug."How are you doing my little pup?" I asked, and I pulled back his hair from his face. He is an adorable boy.

"I'm fine." he said with a small smile that suggested that he was less than fine. I can't even imagine how he must be feeling. But now that I am here, I will do my best to help him. I am more than ready to spend days and days with him, being his company and friend."Is it true? About you and Robb?" he asked.

"I'm afraid it is." I said with a forced smile.

"Afraid? Why are you afraid?" he asked, and I was silent. I did not know how to explain it to him. "Robb is a good man Elena." he reassured me.

"There is no doubt in my mind that he is." I told him with a small smile." But I am afraid that marriage and friendship are very different, my dear pup." I said, hoping he can't hear the sadness in my voice.

"You will be happy. I know it." he said, and I smiled at his determination. Maybe he is right, and maybe he is wrong. All I can be sure of is that I will try to make the best of what I am given.

"Tell me, what has happened here since I was away?" I asked, hoping he was too young to see that I was doing it to change the subject. If he noticed, he didn't say a thing.

I stayed with him the rest of the day. I tried to leave him once Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya came to see him. I thought that they wanted privacy with him, but all four of them insisted that I should stay. And I did not complain. I would much rather be with Rickon than face to face with my husband to be.

I stayed in Bran's chambers with him, until Lady Catelyn collected us to join the family for dinner. As we were going to the Hall, the two of us and Hodor carrying Bran, she told me once again to call her Catelyn. I might have to win over my future husband, but at least I don't have to win over his family.

I was relieved to see that they did not make a feast. Tonight, it was just the family. And Theon, Jon, Gendry and myself.

I was seated between Arya and Jon, and I was relieved. It's embarrassing enough when I catch Robb's look from across the table, I don't want to accidentally touch him as well. After a few moments, I started relaxing. And remembering how much I enjoyed my last stay in Winterfell. I was scared, and I still am, but this is the same family. They do not hate me for the mistakes my family made, and they do not hold it against me. If I dare notice, they're not exactly sad I am the one who's joining their family by marriage. The only one who doesn't seem happy about it is the only one who should be happy about it. Robb.

I can't blame him. I don't feel any better about it either.

"To Elena." Said Lord Stark, and I looked at him in surprise. I bowed my head in embarrassment when everyone at the table held up their cups and toasted in my name." Elena, Robb?" Lord Stark called, and I looked up from my plate." There was a letter waiting for me. From your father, Lord Lannister." he said, and I am sure my face lost the little color it had. I hoped that monster was done with me, finally. And yet, he seems to follow me wherever I go."He wants the wedding held as soon as possible. Even tomorrow. I say, what he doesn't know, can't hurt him, so I will give you a day." He said, and I smiled. Terrific, I have a day! Still, it is better than tomorrow." Elena, I know that you never wanted this." He started, and I shook my head, and raised my hand.

"I am sorry to interrupt you Lord Stark, but please, do not say it like that. It sounds like I am ashamed of this. It is an honor for me to be a part of this family." I said, and he smiled at me. I might not feel love for Robb, but I know I am in good hands. I probably shouldn't think about this in that way, but as far as I'm concerned, this is better than Dorne. Robb doesn't have a paramour and eight illegitimate daughters. Not that I know of at least.

"To Robb and Elena!" Lord Stark said, and now they all drank in our name. I blushed.

"Now we will truly be sisters!" Arya said, and hugged me around the waist. I hugged her back as her words were followed by laughter around the table. Even I managed to laugh.

Accidentally, I looked at the one person whose look I was avoiding. Robb smiled at me. A little smile, and probably with great effort, but a smile none the less. I smiled back at him in the same manner.

If nothing else helps, at least I know that he is in no way better prepared for this than I am.


	14. Chapter 14

**All I will say is… wedding bells :) Enjoy.**

The unplanned day Lord Stark gave me for preparations practically disappeared. Before I knew it, I was in my chambers, standing in a white wedding dress, shaking with fear. I was never nervous like this in my entire life. And a few problems made me feel even worse. One, no one from my family is here. Not even Tyrion. I have no one to walk with me to the Godswood. Well, until Gendry offered to do so. And I couldn't think of a better person, not when Tyrion couldn't come. But that was only one problem.

I have no idea what is going on in Robb's mind. I didn't get a chance to speak to him. I avoided everyone yesterday, and when I did see him, both of us were busy with something else. Whenever we made eye contact, we would smile at each other, but I couldn't tell if it was honest or common courtesy.

And finally, my biggest problem. The thing that comes after the wedding. Now, Robb might not be a Dornish lover, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have his needs. And even if he doesn't, it's bound to happen. It has to happen! And I have no idea what am I supposed to do. I have never kissed a man, let alone anything else. And I am not nearly comfortable to relax and let it go the way it should.

The more I think about it, the worse I feel. So, I tried to think about what was going on around me. Elisa, Sansa and Arya were preparing me for my wedding. Even Arya is excited about it, and she herself says she doesn't care about "girly things" as she calls them. I had no say in my dress, or my hair. I was wearing the white dress my father sent along with me when I left Casterly Rock. It was very beautiful, but I would have preferred to be more covered up. Luckily, I will wear a cloak. And as for the rest, I left it to the girls to decide. And they did. My hair was down, only a part of it pulled back. They made me put on some perfume Elisa packed. I had no strength in me to fight them on it. Besides, they know better than I do what suits me. And I suppose I should look my very best on my wedding day.

"Girls." We heard, and as we turned around, we could see Lady Stark by the door. "Do you mind leaving me with Elena?" she asked, and Elisa, Sansa and Arya left the room. As Lady Stark was approaching me, she smiled. "You look very beautiful Elena." She said, and I managed a weak smile.

"Thank you Catelyn." I said in a low voice, almost a whisper. Well, at least I'm beautiful today.

"Elena, I understand that you are scared, but there is no need to be. He is not… repulsed by this idea."

"He doesn't love me. You know that as well as I do. "I said, and she smiled.

"Ned and I didn't love each other either, and look at us now. "she said with a smile. "Elena, he respects you. He considers you a friend. And there is no doubt in my mind that he thinks you are very beautiful. Chances are that you two will feel one day what Ned and I feel even after all these years. Don't be nervous." She said, but I just couldn't relax myself, no matter how hard I tried.

"Thank you Catelyn, but I doubt anything can help me to calm down." I admitted.

"I was as nervous as you were. My father had to calm me down." She said with a smile, and the small smile I had faded away. I have no one." That is why I am here now." She said, like she could read my mind." The ceremony itself will be over before you know it. You will relax during the feast. You know us, you will be comfortable enough, I am sure of it. And as for the bedding…" she started. I could feel my legs shaking." I am not going to lie to you. It will hurt. But it will also be over before you know it. Just remind yourself that you are sharing a bed with a husband and a friend, and not a savage." She said.

Maybe that will be helpful if I could think in the given situation. I hope I remember her advice.

"Thank you. For everything." I said, and I was the one that hugged her this time. I need a motherly hug.

"Let's get you ready now. They're waiting." She said with a smile, and called in for Elisa and her daughters. I stood still, not wanting to make things harder for them. And when they were finished, I looked at the mirror. I still don't like the person who looked back at me. It felt unnatural. I never did think too highly of myself. But today, I did look very nice. Not like myself, but nice.

When Gendry entered my chambers, the ladies left. I wasn't pretending any more. He can see my panic.

"You look lovely." He said and I gave him a weak smile. "Do not think about it too much. It will be over before you know it." he said in a calming voice, and I continued nodding. My neck will hurt latter.

"Whatever you do, don't let me run away." I whispered, and he started laughing. I couldn't. The fun and games are over for me. I felt a little bit better as soon as I clenched myself to his arm. He will not let me fall and if I try, he will stop me from running away. I won't try it. I can barely walk.

The whole of WInterfell was waiting for me at the Godswood. I was trying to hide my deep breaths as I was taking them. Sooner than I would like, I was in front of Robb. We both smiled weakly at each other.

I was avoiding him as much as I could, and now I could see no one else. Awful feeling of discomfort. As I was staring at him I had come to a conclusion that he really is incredibly good looking. Curly hair, piercing blue eyes, seemingly perfect lips… Gods, how I wish I wanted him. I wish I loved him with all my heart. I wish I was happy today and not scared beyond belief. All of my wishes are in vain.

We held our hands together as they were symbolically bound by the Septon by a silk fabric. Bound hands just as we are bound to each other for life. He gave me his cloak, and as he was putting it on me, his fingers grazed my skin and I shivered before I could control my reaction. And finally, the vows.

"Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am hers, and she is mine, from this day until the end of my days."

"Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am his, and he is mine, from this day until the end of my days."

From all the panic I felt, I didn't even consider this part of the wedding. The kiss. My first kiss. There is no doubt in my mind that I was shaking. Visibly, I am sure that everyone in the crowd could see it.

My first kiss. I wanted it to be intimate, with the person I love. And here it is, with a husband I respect and in front of his entire family. Robb put his hands on my face, and only for a few moments, his lips touched my lips. I have no experience in this, but I suppose it wasn't that bad.

I might have managed to avoid a feast on the day I arrived, but there was no chance I could avoid one tonight. The Stark family was celebrating Robb's wedding. Winterfell was celebrating its future Lord's wedding. This was not an irrelevant occasion. And Robb and I were right in the center of it.

I am married. I am Elena Stark now. It's going to take some time for me to get used to it.

Even if I was still scared beyond belief, and surprisingly quiet for a usually chatty person, I was happy to see my friends and my new family having fun. A lot of theme were dancing during the feast. And when they would take a break, I would start conversations. I talked to everyone other than my husband.

Everyone was happy. Ned and Catelyn were laughing, Sansa and Rickon were dancing, even Hodor was happy! And I was happy for them, with all my heart. But I still couldn't be happy for myself.

Robb was sitting next to me, and was deep in conversation with Gendry when someone pulled me out of my seat. It was Arya. I followed her to a secluded part of the hall. She was being surprisingly secretive.

"Elena, do you remember what you said to me when I complained that I've never been kissed?"she asked. It didn't take me long, I usually have a pretty good memory when it comes to advices I give.

"I told you that the first kiss is worth the wait and that it's important who you kiss, not when you kiss them." I answered, not knowing where is she going with this. She smiled at me.

"Exactly." She whispered. " And you just had your first kiss with my brother. I am not that young, I know very well you two are not in love. But I believe you can get there. I saw the way you looked at each other the last time you were here. Don't be afraid of him. It's Robb. The same Robb you met and liked the last time you were here." She said, again in a whisper, so that no one could hear us.

"Who would have thought that Arya Stark would be the one to give me the best advice on my wedding day?" I asked with a smile on my face, and she smiled and rolled her eyes.

"I can be a girl too. Occasionally. "she added, and she made me laugh." Now go and talk to your husband!" she ordered, and pushed me in the direction of the table. I almost tumbled, but I laughed. I took my seat next to Robb, and this time, when he looked at me, I didn't look away. I smiled.

"You know, the last time I was here, when I said "I will see you again Robb Stark", this wasn't exactly what I had in mind." I said with a small grin, and he laughed. Thank the Gods, he's not made out of stone! I made him laugh! We might actually have a normal conversation tonight!

"I did not have this in mind either, Elena Stark." He said with a smile. It will take time to get used to it." It will take me a while to forget that my wife offered her body to my brother in order to convince him to give up joining the Night's Watch." He said in a low voice, so that no one other than me could hear him. And I almost chocked on the sip of wine I took. Oh Gods, he does remember it!

"It was a joke!" I said, defending myself, and he laughed. A hit him lightly on the hand, and he grinned.

"We're not married for two hours and you're hitting me already? I'm off to a good start."

"Yes, well, you could have done a lot worse." I said. Now he was teasing me. And I will fight back.

"Yes, I could have." He said, and somehow, I knew he wasn't joking this time. I managed to smile." I know that this is not what we had in our plans, but I can at least brag around that I married a girl with the sharpest tongue in whole of Westeros." He said with a grin, and I rolled my eyes.

"And what should I brag about?" I asked, and he was laughing. I smiled, but then I caught the look Catelyn was giving me. It was like she was saying that her point is proven. My smile disappeared at once.

"Would you like to dance with me?" Robb asked and he offered me his hand. I started laughing.

"Oh, that you ask, but not for my hand in marriage?" I asked, and he started laughing. Well, the truth is, he never did ask me." I'd love to Robb Stark." I said with a small smile, and I took his hand.

I can only imagine how this night would have been if Arya didn't give me the advice she did. I was finally relaxed. I was having fun, I was laughing, and I was finally talking to my husband. We might not love each other, but we finally remember that we got along well once. And now, I have hope. If we both try, we might reach it someday. I am not sure for him, but I know that I am willing to try.

His whole family loves me, or at least, likes me. I can get to it. I know I can. Just probably not tonight.

I ended up having fun. I danced around with Rickon, Jon, Gendry, even with Theon. But mostly, I danced with Robb. As soon as we stopped pretending, it was easy. We were friends again.

I remember what Tyrion said to me before I left my home for good. I will be all those things he told me to be. I will be Robb's support, advisor, friend, lover and hopefully, he will be the same to me.

I was deep in conversation with Jon, and Robb was talking to Gendry when Ned approached us.

"Robb, Elena?" he called us, and we both looked at him." I don't know what are you waiting for. You won't get my announcement." He said. Robb and I looked at each other. He doesn't know what Ned is talking about either." The bedding ceremony was forbidden when Cat and I got married." He said with a smile. I am positive my face was the same color as the wine I was drinking only moments before.

"Alright." Robb said, and looked at me. What does he expect, to tell him to take me away? Once he realized that I will not say a word, he took my hand, and looked at me again. And I nodded. We both stood up, and I was trying my best to ignore the stares and wide smiles that every one of them had.

"Goodnight newlyweds." Jon announced. I glared at him. He is not helping at all! I looked straight at the ground as Robb was leading me out of the hall. Once the door behind was closed, I relaxed slightly.

"He just had to say something." I said, and Robb laughed.

"We got away with this one Elena." He said with a smile. We were still holding hands as we were walking down the hallway." I'm not sure if you've been to many weddings in the North. They are… different."

"How much worse can it be?" I asked, pretty sure that I am still red in the face.

"Women lead the husband to the chambers, striping him naked, and men do the same with the wife. And then they lock them up in the chambers until the morning. That is the only way it can be sure that the marriage has been consummated" He said. Oh Gods. That is… I barely made it out of this alive.

"Well, I am very lucky your father is such an honorable man." I said, and Robb laughed.

"Theon was incredibly disappointed when he heard there will be no ceremony."he said. I laughed, hard.

"If I was the cheapest whore in Westeros, and he was the richest King, he still wouldn't have a chance." I said, and Robb laughed. When we reached his chambers, we didn't stop. We just walked in. But as soon as he closed and locked the door, my heart droped. This was it." I have a question." I said, hoping to delay this as much as I can." If there is no bedding ceremony, how do they know that the marriage was… consumed?" I asked. I could feel my heartbeat increasing. I am going to faint. Yes, I am going to faint.

"Trust them. See the sheets in the morning. Wait for the bride to be with child." He said. Brilliant. Great!

"Did you… Did you ever…" I started, but I could not bring myself to actually say it. He knew what I meant and without a single word, he just shook his head. Good. At least I will not be compared to some girl who calls this a profession. Unless he's lying. I don't think he is; he has no reason to lie.

"Elena, if you don't want to, we won't." he said in a low voice. And what happened with sheets story?!

"This is my duty." I whispered." I know that you wanted to marry a girl who would gladly share your bed, but right now, in front of you, is a girl who is just scared. Scared of everything. But I also know that I need to be ready for it. I married you, and as your wife, I will fulfill my duties." I said, and as soon as I stopped talking, I took off the cloak he gave me at the wedding ceremony.

"And my duty as your husband is to make you feel comfortable." He said and I nodded. "If you change your mind… If you can't do it, just tell me, and I will stop immediately. Alright?" he asked. I wanted to say something, I wanted to speak, but I could not find the words. So I just slowly nodded. He took of his cloak, and slowly walked across the room. He was behind me. He lifted my hair, and moved it, so that it was falling of my shoulder. And then, he started unlacing my dress. I need to calm myself down. He is my husband, not some stranger. Like Catelyn said, friend, not a stranger. Friend. It's just Robb.

I was slowly calming now when his finger grazed my skin. I jumped with surprise. I can't control it!

"Elena, don't worry." He said in a low voice, almost a whisper." It's just me." he said, and I nodded, knowing that he would want some sort of reassurance or response. My dress was no longer tight and I knew that he was finished with unlacing it. I closed my eyes when I felt his breath on my neck. His movements frighten me. They are not sudden, and not unnatural. They are just… new to me. I was saying it in my mind, over and over again. "He's your husband. He's your husband."

He moved the dress of my shoulders, and it fell down. Even though I was still covered in fabric, I had never felt more naked in my life. I needed time to get used to it, so I turned around. I started unlacing his shirt. And I avoided his look as much as I could. As soon as I finished unlacing it, he took his shirt off.

He really is handsome. I used to thing that he was so wide in the shoulders because of all the fur and clothes he was wearing, but now I can see that he was very muscular.

I looked at him when he put his hands on my shoulders. I am not sure if his bright, blue eyes make this easier or worse. But I couldn't look away, not anymore. I was still focused on his eyes when I felt the last piece of fabric fall of my body.

There. I am naked. I am naked in front of a man. I am naked in front of my husband. I wish I could feel relaxed and not embarrassed but I can't. As considered as he was tonight, he still looked. Of course he is going to look! He is my husband; he has the full right to do so, no matter how uncomfortable I feel.

"I know this is probably a bad moment for a joke, but I really could have done a lot worse." He said. And I started laughing. I don't know if it is because of the panic, but I was laughing, and so was he.

"It is definitely a wrong moment Stark." I said. And I sounded determined. I was sure that my voice will crack, but it didn't. I might just be stronger than I thought. I kicked my wedding dress out of my way, and I walked over towards him. And I kissed him. _I _kissed _him_ not the other way around. I never thought I would have the bravery to do so, not now, not at the very beginning, but I did.

The kiss started off like the one we shared at the wedding ceremony, my first kiss. But as soon as we didn't pull away after a few seconds, the kiss became far more serious. He took advantage of my need for air and of my slightly opened mouth and he slowly licked my bottom lip. I didn't mind it. I didn't mind it at all. At that moment, the kiss turned into a far more intimate one that our first kiss.

When he pulled away, I tried to catch my breath as he took of his pants. I tried not to stare, I really did. I hope I didn't stare. The brief sight before I looked away was enough for me to get scared all over again. How can I have something in my body and actually enjoy it? How?!

He took my hand and we walked over to the bed. He nodded, and I laid down, feeling his eyes on me. It is going to take a lot of time for me to get comfortable with him looking at me like that. A lot of time. And again, I was repeating it in my head. "It's just Robb. It's just Robb. He is your husband."

He lay down next to me, and he started kissing my neck. It felt… it felt really nice actually. I was enjoying it until he started moving towards my breast. Then I felt uncomfortable, all over again.

When he kissed me again, it wasn't with restrain. And I was ready for it. I gladly kissed him back. His hand traveled up my leg, and I couldn't help but slightly twitch when he reached the part I was scared of. I was as burning up, and I was red in the face. I know it. But he did not notice, as we were still kissing.

He knows I've never done this before. He knows I am not seductive and provocative. And he does not expect that. I should just finally relax. He is knew to this, just as I am.

As he pushed his finger in my, I wondered if he was truthful. He certainly knows what he's doing. But once he stopped kissing me, and looked at me, waiting for a reaction, I knew he was honest. He was not scared, but he was unsure, maybe even slightly confused. I nodded, and he continued.

There is no doubt that he enjoyed watching me react to his touch, but this was not for his pleasure. He was preparing me. I avoided looking at him. This is just… it just doesn't feel natural.

I was relieved once he stopped and pulled his fingers out of me. But the worst was yet to come. I looked at him, knowing that he probably wants my attention. I shouldn't be facing the wall, not now.

"I will go slowly. If you can't, tell me straight away." He warned me, and I nodded. I suppressed a twitch when I felt him against my thigh. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and he entered me. I felt the pain all over my body. Not only is it uncomfortable and unnatural, but it's painful! It hurts!

He entered very slowly, and I did my best to ignore the horrible pain. When I looked at him, I realized he was looking for my permission, yet again. With no real choice, I nodded.

I can't hold anything against him. He was moving very slowly. He understood my inexperience. And after a while, it became easier. I don't know how much time had passed. It could be minutes, it could be hours, but I did relax, and the horrible pain just became an uncomfortable feeling.

He started to move faster. It is not horrible, but I'm not enjoying it either. And I know of the rule. He should be the one whose pleasure matters. It may be selfish, but right now, pleasure is not the feeling that I feel. And he does. Judging by his body's reactions, he does. Along with his pace, his breathing speeded up. Thinking that I should at least do something, I moved my hands so that they were on his shoulders. He looked at me, and again, those blue eyes captured me, and I could not look away.

My touch apparently helped, since he no longer asked for my permission. He was still staring at me when his pace slowed down, and after a few moments, he buried his face against my neck. He let out a strange sound, a moan of sorts, and I could feel his seed spill inside me. It's over. It's over. To me, it wasn't horrible. And I think it was good for him. Or, I hope. I believe it was… successful.

He pulled away so that he could look at me. He was slightly sweaty. His blue eyes had a strange glow in them, and he was still catching his breath. And his curly hair was all ruffled. I felt the need to run my fingers through it, but I didn't. I don't know why, but I just couldn't do it. Once again, he waited for my reaction, and I smiled slightly. He slowly pulled away, and the relief my body felt was indescribable.

I wonder how much time passes before a woman can start enjoying making love to a man. No, before a woman can start enjoying sex. There is no love here, not between the two of us. Yes, he was very gentle with me, but that does not compensate for the lack of love.

"Thank you. For being gentle." I whispered, and he looked at me." I could have done a lot worse." I said, and I managed to make him laugh. He pulled away on the opposite end of the bed. It… it felt wrong. Yes, there is no love, but after what just happened, I don't want to be afraid of a simple hug. And yet, he turned his back to me. It hurt. In all honesty, it hurt.

I turned my back to him too, and pulled the covers over my naked body. I tried not to think of the bloody sheets beneath us. This is the way it was supposed to be.

**Be gentle guys. I never wrote a sex scene before. I hope it isn't as horrible as I think it is. :(**


	15. Chapter 15

The cold on my body woke me up. I have always rolled all over the bed in my sleep, and it is not uncommon for me to push away the sheets and blankets with my movement. I used to live in a castle a short walk away from the beach, cold was never an issue. But now, it was. I was in the cold North, and I was naked. I can only hope that my tossing and turning in my dreams didn't bother Robb too much.

"Good morning." I heard Robb's voice, and I pulled the sheets over my body. It was an instinct. I was naked, and I am not yet used to sharing my most intimate moments with someone. I looked up and I saw that he was already dressed. I was hoping for a small smile, one that was barely dare, but I did not get anything other than a stare. A stare so cold that not even the blankets could help." Your bath is ready. Take as much as time as you need. I will be with the family, having breakfast." He said, and I nodded. I am not sure what did I expect, but I did not expect this. He is… cold. I was sure that he wouldn't be mad about me after just one day, but I was expecting that we would at least still be friends. And judging by the looks he gave me, I was apparently expecting too much." The chambers down the hall will be yours from now on. I am informed that your things are already there." He said. I know that I should say something, or at least nod, but I am too surprise to do or say anything." I will see you later Elena." He said, and without waiting for my response, he left the chambers. I sat up at once.

What in the name of Gods has just happened?

He kicked me out. He kicked me out of his chambers. Not only was he cold and distant, but he just… threw me away like a used cloth. What have I done wrong? What mistake did I make?

As I was washing up the proofs of a lost maidenhood from my body, I realized the only possible reason for his behavior and actions this morning. I was not good enough. I did not satisfy him and he does not to give me another chance to do so. That is the only explanation that makes sense to me. I have never felt this bad in my life. I have always hated failing, no matter what the situation was, but this was something completely different. Failure always bothered me, but now it destroyed me.

I had one job. One task, only one thing to do. I only had to be a good wife. And I have already failed.

I did not cry. I decided it was not time for it. If this is the beginning, I can only imagine that I have years and years of crying ahead of me. As I was getting ready, I ignored the pain which reminded me of last night. I put on the first dress I found, and I left my hair loose. What is the point of making me look beautiful? Should I look beautiful for him? Well, I think he already decided that there was no need for me to do so. So I did not make any effort at all.

I was still so caught up in his words that I completely forgot that I should feel slightly uncomfortable in front of his family. They all know what happened tonight. But I didn't think about it as I took my seat.

Next to him. He didn't even acknowledge my presence. And I focused on my conversation with Arya.

"Will you train with me today?" she asked. How could I decline when she looks so hopeful?

"I can't, I am sorry Arya." I said with a sad smile on my face." I need to move my things to my new chamber, and I know that when I'm done with that I won't have the will to live, let alone train." I said, and I laughed. It was a forced laughed. I hoped that she wouldn't realize what I just said, but I could see the quizzical look she gave me. Why would I need my own chambers when I'm married now? The same question bothers me too. I smiled at her with a week smile. She did not understand, but she did not push me. She could see that I will not say anything in front of her whole family.

"Some other day then?" she asked, and I nodded. She did realize something was wrong. I could see that in the way she looked at me, and at her brother. And she wasn't the only one. Lady Catelyn had a worried look on her face when she looked at me. All I wanted was to get away from here, right now.

"My Lord?" I asked, and Robb looked at me, a look of surprise on his face. I did not call him by his title in a while now. But if he can act the way he acts, so can I. If we are strangers now, I will talk to him like he's a stranger." Do you happen to know where I could find Gendry?" I asked, and he frowned for a moment.

"Yes, my Lady." He said. Now it is official. We are strangers." He is working for the blacksmith, so he is probably there." He said. If anyone at the table did not notice our strange behavior earlier, they did now. The coldness between the two of us was so evident that I felt embarrassed because of it.

"Thank you, my Lord." I said, and I got up from my seat. I didn't realize I was going to leave until he told me where Gendry is. I need to talk to a friend, a true friend. I need him probably more than ever before.

He was where Robb said I could find him. As soon as he saw me, he knew something was wrong. We went to one of the secluded barns so that we could talk in peace. It told him everything that happened this morning. I did not mention details of last night. He might be my friend, but I do not wish to talk to him about that, especially because he's a man. And in this current moment, he has less experience in intimacy that I do. That is, of course, if I consider the events of last night an act of intimacy.

"I do not understand Gendry." I said, and I took a deep breath." Everything was fine last night. And this morning he sends me away into a chamber of my own. If I didn't know him any better, I would think that he loves some girl. Oh, who am I lying to; I do not know him at all! There probably is some other girl! I truly don't understand what could cause a change like that. Last night, everything was well, and today I am already rejected!" I whined. I need some good advice from him, and I need it fast. And the only thing I want to know is why. He can reject me as much as he wants, as long as he gives me an explanation!

"And last night, was everything alright during the… consummation?" he asked with a blushed face.

"Sex, Gendry. Sex." I spat out, and he looked at me in surprise." Oh please, we are no longer children and you know very well that I did not go bobbing for apples with him last night!" I almost yelled. I need to remind myself that none of this is Gendry's fault, and that he does not deserve to be treated like this. He looked at me in shock for a few moments, and then he started laughing. I wanted to laugh too, but I couldn't. Not now, not when I have this to think about." I don't know if everything was good last night. I have nothing to compare it to. To me it seemed alright. I wasn't exactly under torture, so I would say it was alright." I said, and he smiled at me.

"I meant to ask was everything alright for him last night. It is obvious you could not enjoy it at all." he said, and I nodded, understanding him. I'm proud of us. And I'm glad we can talk about this now.

"Well, he did not complain." I said, and he nodded." Again, I have nothing to compare it to. I thought it all went well. But, since I was my Lady again this morning, something obviously went wrong."

"Elena, I don't know how I can help you." He said. I did not expect him to solve all my problems. I just need someone to talk to. "The way I see it, you could either wait for it to resolve on its own, or you can jump on him. I suggest you wait. I have no more experience than you do, but I suppose you aren't exactly looking forward to the consummation." He said, and I snorted in the most unladylike manner.

"The one who said sex was good, lied." I said, and Gendry laughed." I always thought I had some sort of problem, and now it has finally reached the surface. Like it wasn't bad enough that he did not want to marry me, I apparently can't please him in bed. Maybe you men can smell it. That would explain why no one ever wanted me." I said flatly, and Gendry started laughing like a mad man. Idiot.

"Elena, I can assure you, we can't smell anything." He said. I smiled. I knew he would never lie to me.

"I will leave you to your work. And I might have work to do too. You know, save my marriage after only one day. I will see you at lunch." I said with a smile, and I walked away. What should I do now?

"Elena!" Gendry called after me, and I turned around. He was smiling." Um, you might want to pay attention. You are walking funny." He said. I rolled my eyes. This day keeps getting better and better.

"Well, why don't we just hang the sheets in the courtyard? That way, my embarrassment would be complete." I said, and I could hear his laughter as I walked away. Sadly, I was partly serious.

I managed to avoid my husband for the larger part of the day. During meals, I had to sit next to him, but we did not engage in a conversation. And the only time when I was alone with him was when I was packing all my things to move them from his chamber to mine. It was very uncomfortable.

We barely spoke, even then, and those few words we exchanged were formal. And as soon as I was safe and on my own, I started thinking about what went wrong, yet again. I do not want to bed him again. And I feel bad that he doesn't want to bed me either. It's like the whole betrothal talk. I did not want to marry him, and I felt bad when I realized he doesn't want to marry me either. The feminine side of me will apparently be the death of me. Some of those aspects I just can't control. No woman can!

I will have to learn to control it at some point I suppose. And I will worry about that latter. Right now, I need to realize if my marriage is falling apart after just one day. I never want this to happen. When I married him, I had hoped to have at least a healthy friendly relationship with him, if a crazy and indescribable love was not possible. It seems to me that I expected too much.

Ten days had passed since I got married. Another thing that passed was my moon's blood. I was relieved to know that I am not with child. As much as I would like to be a mother, a child would probably be the worst thing that could happen to me right now. Things are as difficult as they are without a baby.

He did not touch me since the wedding night. We barely talked, and when we did, it was only when we couldn't escape each other. He didn't even call me by my name. Well, I didn't call him Robb either.

And in the lack of a better solution, I decided to embrace the "values" I was raised to believe in.

I was born a Lannister. I might have tried to run away from that my whole life, but I was born a Lannister. And one thing I will proudly embrace, even now, as a Stark. Lannisters do not easily allow themselves to feel public humiliation. And I will not allow that to happen, not here, not now.

My marriage problems aside, I was getting used to the life in Winterfell. My new family was still treating me like a guest, insisting that I should get used to this way of life before I start having daily obligations.

People of Winterfell looked at me with respect, and with smiles on their faces. They know very well that I was a Lannister, but they also know I proved myself to this family. And I would much rather face their small, but honest smiles, than the big, fake smiles, followed by the quiet whispers behind my back.

Three days since the wedding, two letters arrived to Winterfell. One from Joffrey and the rest of my family back at King's Landing. They congratulated us, and they promised us support, mutual respect and peace. I threw the letter in a fire place as soon as Ned, Catelyn and Robb read it. The other one was from my father, but he did not enhance the irony. He said that he was glad that out "misunderstanding" was solved in a calm way, and that he hopes that Robb and I will lead a happy life together.

I know very well that my father is more or less, an evil man. But he respects his enemies, and he does not underestimate him. That makes him a great man. He is a living proof that you can be great and evil at the same time. And I respect him. He did not try to make us look like fools, unlike his grandson.

Instead of spending my days with Robb, I spent them with his brothers and sisters, and Gendry. To Sansa and Arya both, I was something between a close friend and a sister. Rickon refused to go to sleep unless I tell him a bed time story. And to Bran, a was a new, favorite companion. I would spend hours talking to him, sometimes in his room, and sometimes outside in a walk, Hodor carrying him around. I also spent a lot of time with Jon. He won't be leaving for the Wall anytime soon as far as I could understand. I didn't ask him about that. He would have told me about it if he wanted to. I do spend more time with him than I do with my husband. Usually in the same stable where we would be in the last time I was here.

"Elena, what is happening?" he asked as he stopped swinging his sword. My mind wandered off, and he could see it." There is no life in you. If you didn't speak a few words every once and a while, I could have easily mistaken you for the dummy and hit you instead." He said. And I smiled, even if he is right.

"Not even you are that blind." I said, and he laughed." I was thinking. Remembering the past. Fearing the future, what is yet to come. Everything just… attacked me, all at once. Believe me when I say it, you wouldn't want to be in my head right now. No one would." I added. No, no one would want this.

"If I can help you in any way, just say it." he said. I wonder if he can guess what the problem was. Well, one of the problems. Robb might be the most important one, but he is hardly my only problem.

"I don't think you can Jon." I whispered. The only person who could tell me what I want to know is Robb. And possibly… Jon." Jon, if I ask you something, will it remain between us?"I asked, and he nodded." Is there some other girl?" I asked, finally saying it out loud. And once I said it, the words just started flowing." Just tell me the truth. I will not tell anyone. In all honesty, I think I would be relieved if he does love someone else. I wouldn't be the problem."I said. I hate doing this to him. I am basically asking him to betray his brother's trust. It would stay between the two of us, but still, it would be a betrayal.

"As far as I know of, no." he said, and I nodded." And I do believe he would tell me."

"Wonderful. So I am the problem." I said, and I buried my face in my hands." Jon, I did not want this anymore than he did. At least I was ready to try. I hoped he would want to do the same. And look how well that turned out to be." I said. I can't complain to him anymore. He is his brother.

"He probably just needs time Elena. Trust isn't easily gained." He said, and I shook my head.

"No. Love isn't easily gained. I thought we already had the trust." I said. I was amazed to realize how much it hurt once I said it out loud." I will not bother you anymore. I might be your friend, but he is your family. I will never put you in this position, ever again." I said, forcing a smile on my face.

"You are a Stark now Elena. You're just as family as he is." He said, and I smiled. It is not true, the two of them are very close, and they grew up together." Don't let it bother you. Try not to think about it, and let time do the rest." He said. Gendry gave me the same advice. They are both probably right.

"I hope you are right. I have to go now. I want to leave the chambers before he comes back from the hunt." I said, and I kissed Jon on the cheek before I left.

My chambers do not have a bath, so I had to use Robb's chambers for that. And it was an issue. I had to watch carefully Robb's daily routines, so that he is not in the chambers when I am. Elisa helped me, and she did not ask any questions. It was easier for me to talk to men about my failure than to her. Still, she knows I'm in my own chambers. I suppose that I will talk to her about it in a few days.

She assured me that Robb is not yet back from the hunt. She filled the bath for me, and left me alone with my thoughts.

I was still thinking about the conversation I had with Jon. I wish it was that easy. But I can still try. I could try not to think about it, and let time do the rest. I see no better solution, so I might as well do so.

I heard the door open. I jumped up in the tub, and now the person entered could hear me too.

"Elena?" Robb asked. Of course. It had to be him.

"It's me my lord." I answered straight away. I was scared he would want to check." I apologize; I did not expect you to return so soon. I will be finished soon." I said. Why have I waited this long? Why?

"It's alright my lady. Take your time." He said. _My lady_. I wish I could throw something at him.

"Thank you." I said. This is incredibly uncomfortable. He might not have a problem with me taking my time, but I do. I finished washing as fast as I could, and I hesitated before I stood up. The changing screen was the only thing that kept me hidden, and it was relatively see through. I don't care anymore. It's nothing he hadn't seen before, and I doubt he's even looking. As soon as that occurred to me, I did not hesitate anymore. I got out of the tub, and I wrapped myself in a towel. I expected Elisa will bring me a dress, but she must have seen Robb arrive. She might have even set this up! Well, if she did, she will pay for it. As I walked into the room, I caught his attention. He was looking at some papers while standing behind the desk, and I am sure that I looked embarrassed and under dressed.

"My lady." He said. I was burning up even more as he looked at me, head to toes, and back again.

"My lord." I said, nodded my head, and started walking over to the door. My hand was on the door handle when I felt his hand on my shoulders. I stopped at once. He took off my towel and I turned around. The way he looked at me… he wants me. I couldn't say a thing before he kissed me. And I could feel it in his kiss too. He wants me. All the questions I asked will remain in my mind. I don't want to ruin this apparent progress.

It hurt this time too. Less than the last time, but it hurt. And I was in a far worse state emotionally than I was the last time. Then I was insecure and scared. And now, now I am insecure, scared and hurt.

The problem really was in me. I could see now that the problem is definitely not in my body, my looks. And it made me feel horrible. The problem is me, but my character, attitude, the words I say and the way I act. I feel like nothing more than a common whore.

This time, I was the one who pulled away on the other side of the bed.

I will do my duties, that goes without saying. If he wants my body, he will have it. The rest I will avoid whenever I can. Robb Stark can share my bed, but he will never touch me in a different way.

**Happy ending straight away? Nah, that was too easy. They are still getting to know each other. And love does take time. Expect a new chapter tomorrow! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

"So, now, he is the rejected one?" Gendry asked, confused." I don't get anything anymore." He said, and I started laughing. I managed to abduct him before dinner. And here we are now, sitting in the forest, smoking our pipes. Yes, I, Lady Elena Stark, once Lady Elena Lannister, smoke a pipe. This was my bad habbit. My brother had his wine, my other brother had our sister, and I have my pipe.

"Well, I wouldn't say rejected. He doesn't care enough for me to feel that way. He feels nothing more than gratitude because I saved his father and sisters. I was close to losing my mind, but now I decided that I do not want to do it anymore. Now he is the one who is going to feel unwanted. And I am not doing this out of vengeance. I am doing this because I lost the respect I had in him." I said. I spent the night in his chambers again last night. Two nights in a row. I did what I had to do, and I turned to my side once again. I was as cold as he was. And I did not doubt myself. Now, it was his fault.

"What, you're going to say no to him?" he asked." That is… that is very brave Elena." He said.

"No, I'm not going to do that. Although, if anyone could to that, it would be me." I added, and Gendry laughed." It is not my intention to say no to him. If he wants me to spread my legs, I will do so. But he will never have my love. He might not need it now, but he will need it someday." I whispered.

"You are going to have to find a woman to talk to her about this, because this is getting more than uncomfortable." He said. I looked at him, and I could see that he was trying hard not to laugh. No, I will not laugh. I will not laugh. He couldn't take it anymore, and as soon as he started laughing, I couldn't take it anymore either. I can't remember the last time I laughed like this. It must have been in some distant, carefree time. I miss that feeling. My laughter stopped, and I could only think how much I missed being just a lady. I wouldn't return to that, no. But when Robert was King, I had no worries. I didn't have a marriage to save and a war to stop. And when he died, I was in the middle of a chaos. I miss the just a normal girl. Ignoring my sister, laughing with Tyrion, sneaking out to see Gendry…

"Do you ever miss King's Landing?" I asked Gendry. Curiosity got the best of me I suppose.

"Not too much to tell you the truth. You?" he asked, and I shook my head." I do miss Elena from King's Landing. Elena Lannister, a lady who would break the rules just to be my friend. Elena Stark is far more serious than she was." He said with a small smile. So, the change was noticeable. I never though this day will come, but I miss her to. I miss the Elena I was when I was just Elena Lannister.

"Elena Stark and Elena Lannister are the same person. It's just that Elena Stark is a grown up, and Elena Lannister had no idea life was this hard." I said with a small smile, and Gendry smiled back at me." I wish the two of them would meet half way. That would be nice."

"Elena, you seriously need to stop worrying so much. I have no idea how you did it, but you managed to stop a war and safe half of the Stark family. And I suggest you enjoy it until your two families start fighting again." he said. So I am not the only one who thinks that might happen.

During the rare occasions where I actually was talking to Robb, he made it clear to me, and to the rest of his family, that he is not finished with Joffrey. I do not want to see a war, but I do think that Joffrey shouldn't sit on the throne. He has no claim on it. I do not want to see a war, because I do not want to see death. Robb knows very well that I would plead for one Lannister life, one life only. I would plead for Tyrion, probably the only Lannister in Westeros who wouldn't need protection. He is on "our" side.

Even if I wouldn't plead for anyone else, I would still be worried. And I do not want to worry about the possible death of my other brother, my husband and his family, Myrcella and Tommen, who didn't do anything wrong… Gendry is right. I shouldn't worry so much about Robb. I should save my worry for some far worse times. Or else, I might just lose it if my two families collide.

"We should go back." I said, and we both stood up." I don't want them thinking that I am sneaking around with you in the woods." I said with a smile. The last thing I would need right now is to be accused of infidelity. I doubt that will happen, they know very well than Gendry and I are like brother and sister.

"You are sneaking around with me in the woods." He said, and we both laughed when I hit him in the shoulder." I was only joking. Let's go." He said, and we started walking towards the castle." I keep forgetting to ask you, is Arya happy with her new sword?" he asked, and I raised my eyebrows.

"Ask her yourself." I said, and he rolled his eyes." Yes, she is more than happy with it. Thank you. Not just because of the sword, but for spending time with her when I'm not the best company." I said. And I wasn't the best company lately. I tried my best, but my mood never was good enough for her.

"It's not like that. And she understands that you have other things to do too. She may be young, but she sees some things better than you and I do." He said, and I nodded. I know very well just how smart she is. I should spend more time with her. I will do it, starting tomorrow. Training with her, every day.

"I don't know a better child, but she is too much like me. With that temper… At times, I tend to feel sorry for her husband to be." I said, and Gendry smiled. I might be wrong, but it seems to me that there is something more in that smile. Gendry is no stranger to me, we have been friends for almost ten years. I know him, I know him well. And he does not look like he feels sorry for her future husband.

This is not the first time that crossed my mind. They got along very well, and Gendry is the only man outside of her family that Arya never bickered with. Gendry is my age, and Arya is almost fourteen years old. I've heard of worse differences, I've seen them too. I will not interfere. But, if in two years' time I see that there might be something more, I will suggest something. Of course, only if they want it.

That is what I call irony. Gendry and Arya are closer than my husband and I are.

I need to do something. Gendry suggested I should just talk to Robb, but I can't do that. Not yet. I will have to realize some things on myself. I have already asked too many personal questions.

But, there was a problem. One I did not tell Gendry about. Robb now has a weapon against me, and he doesn't know it either. Last night was actually not bad at all. I did not feel any pain. I am sure that I would have enjoyed sharing his bed if my feelings didn't stop me. I was still hurt. Sex was no longer a torture for me, and Robb cannot find out about it. Not until I realize what went wrong with us.

I never expected a bed time story for a life. I wished for a friendship, an honest connection that might someday grow into more, even into love. I wanted to work on it, I wanted to build it, and he did not. And I want to find out why.

We didn't say a word to each other during dinner. I was focused on my plate until Catelyn put a hand on my shoulder, and asked me to join her outside, a polite smile on her face. I followed her in the hallway.

"Elena, what in the name of Gods is going on between the two of you?" she asked.

"I am not sure what you mean Catelyn."I said. I was pretending. I don't want to bother her with this.

"Elena, you were closer the day you first met. You know very well what I mean." She said. Oh Gods.

"I don't know what I did wrong."I admitted in a low voice, and she nodded. She is not blind. She could see the coldness between me and him, and she knows I spend most of my nights in my own chambers." I did everything that was expected of me. He just doesn't want to be married to me." I said.

"No, it is not that." She said as she shook her head." He wasn't upset when he found out he will marry you. He knew he was getting a good girl." She said. Well, at least he wasn't kicking and shouting.

"I can't make him love me. And I can't make myself love him either." I whispered.

"I know that. I am afraid that there is something more." she said. I don't know what to say to her. I am not insulted she wanted to talk to me. She is worried, it is understandable. Robb is her son, and she showed more than once that she cares for me like I was her own daughter.  
"I did everything I could." I said. By the way she was looking at me, I think she thought of something.

"You didn't talk to him. You don't talk to each other. Try talking to him. You are both scared, and the answer is probably right in front of you. Try talking to him." She said, and I nodded.

"I will. I will, once I… when I am able to." I said, and she hugged me, and we returned to the table. Robb left, and I knew that I will have to go to him. Well, I do need a bath. I hope I will be able to talk.

"My lord." I said, as I walked into his chambers."I would take a bath if it is not a problem. I will not bother you." I said. From what I heard at the table, he and his father had a hard day today, and he might need his rest. When he nodded, I walked behind the changing screen to the already prepared bath. I did not hesitate this time, as I was removing my clothes. I got into the bath and I started listening. It was mostly silent, with a few deep breaths and a few turned pages. I'm not the only one who grew up.

"My Lady, may I ask you something?" he asked, and I was surprised. I dropped the cloth I was holding.

"Of course my Lord" I said. It couldn't be when I'm dressed?! Well, at least he is talking to me now.

"What were you doing in the courtyard this morning when you were with the children?" he asked. I did not expect that question. Before my walk with Sansa, I was teaching some Winterfell children how to read and write. I did not know he saw me. Someone probably informed him about my whereabouts.

"I was teaching them to read my Lord." I said. As he was silent, I decided to explain." It bothers me that some children don't have the uses to know something that I think everyone has the right to know."

"Did you do that in King's Landing too my Lady?" he asked. I frowned. Why is this important now?

"Sadly, no. I was forbidden to be in the company of the poor children, and the wealthy ones knew how to read and write. Well, that didn't really stop me. Gendry learned all of it by the age of eleven." I said, with a proud smile on my face. That is one of the kindest, and smartest, things I've ever done.

"That is… very nice, my Lady." He said, and I smiled. Well, finally, he can see that I am not a bad person!" If you wish, I will try and arrange for you to work with them every other day." He said.

"I would love that. Thank you, my lord." I said. As he did not respond, I returned to my thoughts. He was the one who started the conversation. All I have to do is continue it. It is easier said than done. I just need to gather all of my courage, and say it. As soon as I start talking, it might just get easier.

As I was thinking of what I will do and say, I finished bathing. It is only then that I realized I had forgotten my nightgown. I only have a towel, and I shivered once I remembered what had happened the last time I was in a towel. He might think that I am trying to seduce him or something. And I am not. I might not be that skilled in it, but if I was trying to seduce him, he would know it.

I wrapped myself in the towel, and walked in front of the screen. He was on the bed, and yet again, he was surprised in my lack of clothing. If I forget it once more, I will have to keep a nightgown in here!

"My lord." I said, and started walking to the door.

"Lady Elena." He called, and I stopped, and turned around." Would you mind staying here tonight?" he asked. And I could see it wasn't that easy for him to say it. I suppose it's a lot easier to just kiss me and pull the towel off of me. At least he wanted me to stay, once again.

"My lord, if that is what you want, than that is my duty." I said. He wanted to say something, but he did not get a chance to do so, as I let go of my towel, and it dropped to the floor. Now, this, I did on purpose. As embarrassed as I was, I was also slightly glad to see him look at me. If he looks at me in that way, then what in the name of Gods is our problem?!

"Duty?" he asked as he raised himself into a seated position. I walked to the bed, and sat in front of him.

"Yes, duty." I answered. I am not the only one who wants to talk, I can see that. He wanted this too.

"I know that our relationship isn't exactly the one we hoped for, but must you emphasize that this is duty?" he asked. He is either incredibly stupid, or just rude. Now, I was angry.

"And what is it if it isn't duty?" I asked, not bothering to hide my anger. "You didn't want to marry me, you don't talk to me, you don't even call me by my name. What is it if it isn't duty?" I asked.

"You are the one who started using titles, my lady!" he said, just as angry as I did. My mouth dropped.

"Because you bedded me and threw me out of your chambers in a matter of hours!" I yelled.

"I did it because I wanted to give you space!" he said. What? "I remember King Robert telling my father that he could never handle sharing the chambers with his wife, and that in King's Landing, it is a tradition to have separate chambers. It is different in Winterfell. I just wanted you to get used to the changes. And I call you my Lady only because you call me my Lord." He said. He wasn't angry anymore.

I am an idiot. I am a complete idiot. I did not even consider he was trying to be kind. But it is not only my fault! He left me guessing, instead of explaining it to me.

So, he didn't want me out of his chambers. And still, he didn't even look at me.

"I thought… I thought you didn't want me."I admitted. It was very difficult for me to say that.

"Why would you think that?" he asked me, surprised. Neither one of us was angry anymore. It seems that we are beginning to realize that we were both to blame for this.

"Because you didn't even look at me after the wedding night, let alone touch me. And when you did, I thought it was nothing more than a convenience and a physical need." I said. It took all the bravery that I had. I had to tell him. I had to tell him the truth.

"I didn't touch you for a while because I thought you were in pain, and I didn't want to hurt you even more. And when I thought that the pain was gone, I saw Elisa washing bloody sheets. She had to tell me you bled, since I thought something happened to you. And I waited because I did not want you to fell even more uncomfortable than you already did." He said. I can't believe it. It was all just a mistake. A misunderstanding, just a stupid misunderstanding." Of course I want you." He said, and he laughed when I looked at him in surprise. I couldn't help it. I'm not used to being wanted. "I would be blind if I wasn't attracted to you. As a matter of fact, I am having a really difficult time having this conversation when you are sitting here like that." He said. I am sure I blushed. He laughed as I covered the lover half of my body with one of the sheets.

"So I did nothing wrong? "I asked.

"Of course not." He said, and he took my hand." My Lady, I know that we didn't expect or plan any of this. But that does not mean it is going to be bad. We respect each other. We were friends. And I do want you. We have almost everything we need to have a good marriage." He said. Almost. Love is what is missing. If we try, we might have everything, not just almost everything.

"Yes, only we do not talk, and that leads to us imagining problems that don't even exist." I said.

"We will change that now." He said with a smile, and I nodded." It might not be easy, but it is not impossible." He said. I truly hate myself now. I let myself believe that he was a horrible person, and that he does not deserve any respect from me. And now he turns out to be one of, if not the kindest man I ever met. I was eyes to eyes with a good man. Who wants me. Maybe not in every way a husband wants his wife, but nothing is no longer unreachable. I dare say, if we trust one another, and if we talk about it, we might build something worth saving.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. And I am. Both for my thoughts and for the way I behaved.

"Don't be." He said. He let go of my hand, and he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. And his hand rested on my cheek now. I looked at him. He had a small smile on his face. Small, but sincere. And once more, I was captured in those blue eyes. I can only barely remember the time when I thought they didn't affect me. Oh, how wrong was I." Now, my lady…" he said, and his hand dropped." I asked you, lady Elena Lannister, would you mind staying here tonight. And now I ask you, Elena Stark, do you want to stay here tonight?" he asked.

Finally, I was Elena to him. No titles, no formality. Just the way a husband should call his wife.

And he was giving me a choice. I could say no, and go to my chambers, and he would not be angry.

But the truth is, I don't want to say no. I want to trust him. And I'll be damned, but I want to stay.

I raised myself so that now I was kneeling on the bed, and the sheets I was covered in fell down, leaving my body naked. His look traveled upwards, finally remaining on my face. On my lips, and then, on my eyes. I wasn't sure about my movements, but it felt like I was doing the right thing. I kneeled beside him, and I put my leg over him. I raised myself, and he looked straight into my eyes as I sat on him.

He still wanted my permission. I slowly nodded, and his hands were traveling down my back.

"Yes." I whispered." Yes. I want to stay."

That was enough for him. He kissed me like he never kissed me before. And I kissed him back. Oh, how I kissed him back. I wanted this. I wanted him. And now, once I realized how much trouble it had caused us, I was not afraid to tell him that. Or to show him.

I cannot say in what exact moments my insecurities and my fear disappeared, but they did. Now I know what I want, and I know it for sure.

I wanted him. Just as much as he wanted me.


	17. Chapter 17

Robb was not the only one who was trying to catch his breath now.

I felt no pain. I only felt pleasure. When I said what I had to say, it was easy. It was really easy. And now I enjoyed every second of it. And I wanted more. As much as I had, I wanted more. I wanted him to hold me closer to him, I wanted him to kiss me more, I wanted him moving inside of me, I wanted him to hold me with all his strength. And in that one moment when I fell apart into a million tiny pieces, I still wanted more. But it is one thing to want, and another thing to do what you want. We just couldn't.

I turned to him. He was already looking at me, and after a few moments, he started laughing. And I was laughing too, but not for long. I was so weak and exhausted that I could barely laugh.

"That was…" I started, but I could not find the right word. The first time we shared a bed, I thought it was unnatural in every possible way. And now, I could see that there is nothing more natural than this. Two bodies, literally becoming one. It felt a lot better now that the both of us wanted it.

"Incredible." He said, and I nodded. That is the word." Now you see that this marriage could work out." He said, and I smiled. I can see that possibility." I think I might truly love you someday Elena Stark." He said with a smile. That is the best I can get at this moment, and it is also the best I can give.

"I think I might truly love you too someday. Robb Stark." I whispered, and he started laughing.

"I'd never thought I'd hear that coming out of your mouth." He said, and I laughed too.

"Neither did I. But I do not see why not. You are a good man. Honorable. Trustworthy. Smart. Brave. Almost as difficult as I am." I said, and he laughed." You care about your family. You aren't exactly that difficult to look at. And the sex isn't that bad either." I said, and he laughed.

"True." He said, a big smile on his face." You are a unique person Elena. I have never met someone so determined and persistent. And with such a big heart. And you aren't difficult to look at either, especially not now." He said, and we both laughed when I punched him in the shoulders.

"And the sex isn't that bad either?" I asked, and he laughed.

"What if we're both bad at it, and we just don't know it?" he asked. I thought about that for a moment, and then I started laughing like mad. We both laughed like mad. And the worst thing is that that is a real possibility. Both of us have nothing to compare it to. Although, if this was bad, I can't imagine what the good is like. I'm still having trouble breathing.

"Well, if that is true, than we will be bad at it together." I said with a small smile. He moved over so that I could lie down next to him. That is probably the biggest change. We didn't run from each other now.

"Deal." He said, and he kissed me. I smiled once again. My head was on his chest, his hands on my back, and our legs were a tangled mess. I think I might be able to get used to this.

This time it was the heat that woke me up. I was still in Robb's embrace, and the sheets didn't help either. Gods, he is so warm. I opened my eyes, ready to pull away from him, but to my surprise, he was awake. He was awake and looked at me with a smile on his face, and I only frowned even more.

"Good morning." He said, and I mumbled something in response. I managed to sit up straight.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked. I have a feeling that I should have been up a long time ago. He was still smiling. I think he finds it entertaining when I'm sleepy." We will be late for breakfast." I said. Unlike my family, his family tends to have their meals together. And I preferred it that way too.

"We're already late for breakfast." He said. I sighed. This shouldn't have happened. "We will go down and eat when we're ready. And I am sure my family will be able to forgive us." He said with a smile.

"Alright. But we should still get ready straight away." I said, and now he was the one who sighed. He let me win, and that made me smile. He was already dressed when I finished washing my face. I put on the same dress I had yesterday. I don't have the time to get another, we're already late." Do you mind helping me?" I asked, turning my back to him. He started tying my dress." I'm sorry. If I had the time, I would have gone to Elisa and let her do that." I said. Gods, I'm treating him like he's a maid! He laughed.

"It's not a problem Elena." He said, and I knew he was smiling too." You're my wife and I think it is normal for me to help you dress as it is to help you undress." He said. I laughed, and he kissed my neck.

"I don't even have the time to do my hair." I said when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I tried to style my hair as much as I could, running my finger threw it instead of a brush.

"You should wear it like that more often." Robb said. I could see in the mirror that he was looking at me, and I blushed. Even after last night, I cannot accept a compliment. Well, not with words that is. I walked over to him, and I kissed him. He smiled when he broke the kiss." We should go, because if you do that again, we won't make it by lunchtime." He said, and I started laughing. As soon as he makes a joke, I feel better and relaxed and more comfortable. I should tell him that, so that he knows what to do to calm me down. But not today. I had enough of confessions last night.

**CATELYN**

"Ned, I swear to you, I don't know what to do with them." I told him, and he just took a deep breath." They are still acting like they are complete strangers. They are avoiding each other so much that they didn't even joined us for breakfast!" I said. This isn't easy for me. I want to help them, and at the same time, I do not want to cross a line and be the mother that controls her son's marriage!

I was there when he read the letter. I saw his reaction. Yes, he wasn't exactly happy, but he was very much aware that Elena is not a bad choice. When I first met her, I didn't want her in my family. Then I saw her; proving herself, time and time again. I couldn't ask for a better wife to my son, I know that.

I knew it would take some time. I knew that because of my own experience. But I also thought they would work on it. I have no idea why they don't just try. And I think that Elena isn't the one to blame here too. She is scared, she is scared beyond belief. I know that, because I once was in her place.

Ned helped me, and I don't see Robb doing the same for his wife. He may be kind, but that is never enough. They both are fulfilling their marital duties, but they do not act like a married couple.

"Cat, they need time." Ned said, with a worried look on his face. He too is worried about them, maybe even more than I am. He just doesn't show it as I do." She is scared, and Robb doesn't know how to act in this situation." he said.

"She is scared because she is just a girl who got married without a chance to get used to her betrothed before it happened. And Robb is also scared, I just can't understand why." I said. Elena was not the only one holding herself back and choosing words wisely. Robb was just like her, if not even worse. And I could not see why.

"Can you blame him Cat?" Ned asked, and I frowned, not knowing what he is trying to say." I've met many people, but only two were unique, determined, frightening and kind at the same time. Elena and you." He said, and I smiled." She's a lioness Cat, and I am not talking about her family's sigil. She is not afraid to fight. She trusted us, and she fought for us. And Robb was always used to girls swooning over him. He was always handsome, he will be the future Lord of Winterfell, and now he's married to a girl who couldn't care less about it. She is not a quiet girl, and she is not irrelevant. She is his equal, and he does not know how to handle that. She's a challenge for him. And I don't even want to talk about her abilities. For what I could see myself, she may even be able to beat him in sword fighting. The problem is that Robb is trying to figure out how to play a game, instead of just playing it." he said.

It made sense. Elena is definitely a woman who is there just to look good. She is as much of a leader as Robb is. Ned's right. He just probably doesn't know how to act around her.

"You men." I said, and Ned started laughing. "You always complicate everything. The only thing he needs to do is to show her that he cares, and she would be all his. I know that girl. I recognize myself in her, and I recognize our daughters in her. I know what she thinks. She didn't want this, but she is willing to make an effort in order to make it work. I know Robert looked at the two of them and saw himself and Lyanna, but I look at them and see the two of us. An honorable man who doesn't know what to do, and a scared girl in the cold North." I said. We were in an exact same situation when we got married.

"I know what you mean." Ned said. I know he saw that too." But we didn't have love either. Not until we had Robb. Some people need a push to realize they loved something that was in front of them." he said.

"Well, I hope they reach it fast. I don't want to see them in such fear." I said. They both deserve better. And they both could be happy with each other, only if they try.

"Cat?" Ned asked, and I looked at him." I think you won't wait that long." He said with a small smile, and I frowned. He nodded his head, and I followed his gaze.

Elena and Robb had just sat down at the table. The servants were running around, bringing them breakfast, and it seemed like they didn't even notice them. They were looking at each other, and Robb said something that made Elena laugh. He was smiling when she started laughing. And now I smiled too. The way he looked at her was not the way you look at a stranger. He was still smiling when he saw us looking at them. He nodded, a smile still on his face, and we both nodded back. Ned and I shared a look, and started walking down the hallway. And then we started laughing.

"They weren't late for breakfast because they avoided each other." Ned said, and I laughed.

"Let them be. As far as I'm considered, they can be late every day if that means they're making some progress." I said, and I hooked my arm under his." Do you remember when we used to be late for breakfast?" I asked with a smile, and my eyebrows raised, and Ned grinned at me.

"Cat, there were days when we weren't out of our chambers by lunch." He said, and we both were laughing. Those were the times. I'm glad to see our son might be living them now.

**ELENA**

After a walk with Arya and Sansa, I walked them over for their classes with Septa. And having a little time to myself, I grabbed one of the book's I brought here with me, found a quiet place in the courtyard, and sat down on the ground, hidden behind the tower.

But it was difficult to focus on the book. So much had happened last night and this morning. I remembered out conversations. I wasn't confiding in him like I do with Gendry and Jon, but what Robb and I have is a complete different trust. We are finally making some progress, and that is why I still have a big smile on my face.

"Someone had a good night sleep I see." I heard a voice, and turned around to see Theon walking over to me. He must have seen me smiling at nothing. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hello Theon." I said. I wasn't angry, not really. He is Robb's friend, and he is known for his sharp tongue, so I will not hold it against him." What can I do for you?" I asked. My secret hiding place isn't that easy to find. If he bothered that much to find me, it must be because I am needed somewhere.

"A letter arrived for you this morning." He said, and he handed me a scroll. I wasn't expecting this, but I did my best not to show the surprise on my face." And Robb want's to speak to you, he's in the library." He said, and I nodded. Oh Gods, what have I done now? It only just started being good!

"Please tell him I'll be there right away. I just need to read this." I said, and he nodded before walking away. He knew I wanted to read the letter in privacy.

The letter was from King's Landing, I could see that much.

And that is exactly why I didn't want to read it. Not now, especially not in front of someone else. I knew it wasn't from Tyrion, since he wouldn't risk sending an official letter. He has his own ways of letting me know what I need to know, and letter with a King's Landing.

It was either from Joffrey, my sister, or my other brother, and that was reason enough for me not to open it. If it was from Joffrey, he wouldn't address it specifically to me. And if my brother had the guts to even speak to me, he will be in Winterfell, he wouldn't just send a letter. It has to be from Cersei.

I was right. As soon as I opened the letter, I recognized her neat handwriting.

_Dear Elena, _

_The news of your marriage to Lord Stark's son has arrived in King's Landing a while ago. I would like to apologize in the name of the House of Baratheon that we were not able to attend, and I would like to apologize in the name of the House of Lannister that we did not give you away in a proper manner. _

_I send my congratulations to you and your husband. I told you while you were still here that I want you to find your happiness, and I mean it. _

_I know that it is probably too late for me to apologize for my mistakes, and that some burnt bridges will never be rebuilt again, but I'll be damned if that stops me from trying. _

_I am truly sorry that I never was the sister you needed. Unlike me, you never had our mother. You had no one to guide you, and I was too selfish to see that you needed me. It may be late for me to fix things between the two of us, but it is not late for me to give you advice. The same advice our mother gave to me when I married Robert. _

_Do not let him own you. You are his wife, not his property. Make him earn your love. You two should be equals, in public, in business, in everyday life and in the bedroom. I was never able to follow this advice, but I married a King, and you married a kind young man. Do not back away Elena. You should own him. _

_Do not be afraid to speak your mind. Do not just spread your legs, but take the lead. Make sure that you are the only one, not only in his bed and in his heart, but in his mind as well. I have no doubt that you will be able to do so. After all, I did see the way he looked at you when we were in Winterfell. _

_Give me a chance Elena. Allow me to at least try to fix things between us. I know I realized it when it was already too late, but even if you're married, you are my family and I need to take care of you. In the world of men, we women need to look after each other. And even if I never really had you, I do not want to lose you. _

_I love you. You're sister, Cersei. _

With every line of the letter, my surprise grew bigger. I did not expect this from her. And I do not know what am I supposed to do. Should I listen to her advice? Should I write her back? For a moment, I think that the bridges can be rebuilt, and then, I remember what she did with our brother.

I am lost. The only thing I know is that this needs to wait. Robb needs to talk to me now.

I folded the letter and put it in my pocket. I knew Winterfell and the castle like the back of my hand now, so I found the library straight away. I knocked before I entered, relieved to find Robb alone.

"Theon said you wanted to see me." I said, and he nodded.

"Yes, please, come in." he said, and I walked in." I need your help." He said. I felt proud in a way.

"I'm glad you think I can help. What happened?" I asked.

"Gendry and Arya got in a fist fight." He said.

"What?" I asked in surprise, and he nodded." How?" I asked, even more surprised when I realized he was not joking. I should probably be worried for Gendry and Arya, but I am mostly confused.

"I don't know." He said, and he was laughing." Gendry's the one who got his ass kicked. Arya just jumped on him, and he didn't want to defend himself." He said. And now I was the one who was laughing. I had to lean myself on the desk so that I don't fall down. I don't remember if I ever laughed this hard. And the best part of it is that I could imagine the whole thing in my mind." Jokes aside, I do need you to talk to them. You and Gendry are like brother and sister, and Arya loves you more than she loves me." he said, a smile on his face, and I nodded. I finally stopped laughing.

"Yes, of course I will talk to them. I must say, I didn't expect to hear this." I said, and he laughed.

"I know. Do you have any idea why would Arya do such a thing?" he asked. I thought about it.

"Actually I do." I said, and I could see the question in his facial expression." I may not know much, but I do know to recognize the actions of a girl in love." I said with a small smile.

"You think Arya is in love with him?" He asked, and I nodded my head. I do not have proof, but I do think that." Did you hit boys since you know how to recognize the actions of a girl in love?" he asked with a smirk, and I laughed. He wasn't very subtle.

"No. I never was a girl in love." I admitted with a small smile." But I do know Arya, and I do know Gendy. And they would rather get in a fist fight than to admit that they have any sort of feelings. Especially since Gendry is older than she is. But don't worry about it, and don't worry your parents with it. I will deal with it straight away." I said.

"Thank you." He said, and he walked over to me. His hands were on my waist, his lips on my lips.

"You're welcome." I said with a smile once I pulled away from the kiss." I'll go and make peace between the love birds." I said, and he was laughing as I walked through the door.

**Sorry for not updating earlier. I apparently forgot I had a social life, and I fixed it by arriving home at four in the morning. But now I'm back here. Let me know what you think about the story so far, and if you like the not so subtle hinting towards the GendryXArya part of the story. Thank you for reading and following, and reviewing and everything, because you guys put a smile on my face every day :) And I will update later today, if not today, than tomorrow :) Bye bye for now. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Yey, I managed to right another one today. Enjoy! :)**

I still had a big smile on my face as I was walking through Winterfell to the blacksmith's, where Gendry still spends most of his time. I saw that he was busy, so I waited. He saw me when he finished the sword he was working on. When he turned, I could see he had a black eye. I was crying of laughter.

"It's not funny!" he said, but I was laughing so hard that my stomach hurt." Elena, stop it, it is not funny!" he said. I laughed a little bit more, but I stopped eventually, not wanting to make him feel even worse." That girl is not in her right mind. I thought I saw everything while you and I were friends, but she is even worse than you are. She's an animal. An animal I tell you!" he yelled, and I laughed once again.

"And would you care to explain why do you fight with girls?" I asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"I didn't do anything." He said, and I lifted my arms like I was surrendering. He attacked me now." All I know is, one moment we were just talking, and the next thing I know, she jumped on me, screaming, hitting and scratching. I wouldn't say you're a good influence on her." He added, and I laughed.

"I would give everything I have to see that." I said, and he frowned at me." Now, tell me what was it that you said that made her jump on you like that?" I asked, and I could see he was confused." Despite of what you might think, Arya is not a wild animal. She's a girl. And we only act like that if we are hurt. So tell me, what did you say to her?" I asked.

"That even if she has the permission to swing around with her sword, she will still have to marry a Lord one day." He said, not seeing why that was a mistake. I sighed.

"Gendry, you're an idiot." I said, and he was shocked." That is the last thing she wanted to hear. Do me a favor, and don't say that to her, ever again. I will send her here with an apology which you will happily expect, because you're not going to hurt her feelings twice in one day. And then, you will think about what you said, and about your feelings, because if you do that every once in a while, you wouldn't get your ass kicked!" I yelled, and turned around, going to find Arya and talk to her now.

"What feelings?" he yelled at me as I was walking away, and I did not stop, but continued walking.

"Think about it!" I yelled back and finally left his sight, leaving him, hopefully confused. If he doesn't realize what is going on there, I don't know what will I do. I don't want to push them to one another, they need to realize that themselves. They're probably not even ready yet. And Arya is still very young. If in two years' time I see that they still have feelings for each other, hidden or not, I will insist on their betrothal. If they want it of course. I just hope Arya has the patience in her to wait.

I knew straight away where I will find her. I leaned on the haystack and watched her swing her sword at a dummy, with even more fierceness than Jon did. She stopped only when she saw me.

"Beware lady's and lord's, she's got a sword and her fists, and she is not afraid to use them!" I said with a big smile on my face, but she just frowned at me, clearly not amused." Hey. Get over here. No ignoring." I said in a far more serious tone. She was still frowning while walking over to me.

"Since when does Robb send you to do his work?" she asked. Sharp tongue. Takes one to know one.

"Since he thinks that you need an older sister, not an older brother." I said, and I sat on the haystack next to her." You're going to have to apologize. That is the right thing to do, since you shouldn't have jumped on him like that." I said.

"I know." She said, barely audible." Well, at least she sees that she made a mistake. She's growing up.

"If it helps you, he got scolded by me too. He shouldn't have said what he said. And you can be sure he will never say it again." I said, and she nodded." And now, tell me. What part of what he said actually bothered you?" I asked, and she looked at me in surprise.

"What do you mean?" She asked. She hopes I don't know. Well, she will have to trust me.

"Where you bothered because he belittled your skills with a sword, or because he said that you will have to marry a Lord?" I asked. She looked at me in silence for a while. She knows that I know, I can see it.

"Little bit of both." She finally admitted. I put my arm around her shoulders." I don't know what to do Elena." She whispered. Oh, how I wish I can give her a solution. I can only give her my advice.

"I don't know what you should do either." I admitted." But, if you'd like, I could tell you what I would do if I was in your situation." I said, and she nodded, desperate for advice.

"Well, I would wait." I said." I might not know much, but I do know that sometimes it takes time for a man to realize something, especially something related to their feelings. So, I would wait. And when the time is right, when I reach a certain age, I would go to the right people and ask them for certain things" I said. Hopefully, she understands why I'm trying to say. Judging by her smile, she does." For now wait. He needs time. Trust me, he will get there, he just needs time. Now you should go to him, apologize and hug him. And if you need me, you know where to find me. Day or night." I said, and she hugged me.

"Yeah, I know where you're chambers are." She said with a smile.

"And if I'm not there, you will find me at Robb's chambers." I said. Oh Gods, I shouldn't have said that.

"Oh, so you're in Robb's chambers now?" She asked with a grin, and I could just roll my eyes.

"Shut up." I said, and she started laughing even more. "Well, you hit your man." I said, and her mouth dropped. She didn't see that one coming." Go! Talk to him!" I almost yelled, and she finally listened to me. I smiled, feeling proud of myself. Hopefully the two of them don't get in another fist fight until I'm free to help arrange a marriage. I've decided to go and see Bran.

"Hello Elena." He said with a big smile when I got into his room." What's going on?" he asked me.

"You're sister is crazy." I said as I sat on the bed, next to him. He started laughing.

"Which one?" he asked. Well, he's got a point. I laughed to.

"Probably both of them, but right now, Arya." I said, followed with a sigh." She hit Gendry. A few times."

"Your blacksmith friend she likes?" he asked. I turned my had so fast to him, that I think I might have hurt my neck." I see things." He said, with an innocent smile on his face. I started laughing.

"Just don't talk about it. I don't want her to feel any worse." And both of them aren't in their right mind. They don't seem to see what they feel for each other." I said, still amazed at how stupid Gendry is.

"Reminds me of two more people I know." He said. I ruffled his hair, and it made him laugh even more.

"That many things you don't see." I said with a smile on my face." No, it's not that. It might be some day, but not now." I said, and he nodded. He understood." Have you seen Sansa?" I asked, hoping that he does not understand that I am trying to change the subject.

"She's with Septa, but she will join me for a walk later. I would invite you to come with us, but I suppose you will be busy doing mother's work." He said, and I looked at him in surprise." You haven't seen her yet?" he asked, and I shook my head. So much has happened today, I didn't even see Lady Stark. Or Lord Stark for that matter." She and father are leaving today for Riverrun. Grandfather is ill." He said. Oh Gods, I can only imagine how Catelyn must be feeling. Well, if being Lady of Winterfell for some time is what helps her, I will be happy to do it. I already know Robb will be Lord of Winterfell until Lord Stark returns, like he was when Ned was the Hand of the King. And that makes me Lady of Winterfell. Oh my.

"I should go and find her then." I said, and I got off the bed." You be good." I said, kissed him in the forehead, and went to find Catelyn or Ned. I can see that their trust in me is growing. Arya confides in me, Robb trusts me to help him as he proved today, and now, I'll pretend to be Lady of Winterfell while the real one is away. I only hope she trust me for more reasons than just out of convenience.

"Elena!" someone called me, and when I turned around, I could see that it was Catelyn.

"I was just looking for you. Bran told me you and Lord Stark are leaving?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Where leaving tonight for Riverrun." She said." I need to trust you to do some work while we're away. Ned is informing Robb of his duties just now." He said, and I nodded.

"Of course. You know I will do my best." I said. We headed to the library, which was now empty. She told me that I have to oversee the servants, and just to pay attention to everything. Robb will have more work than I will. Basically, I only need to make sure that everything is fine in the castle, and to help Robb if he needs help.

"And now, the most important thing Elena. Look after my children." She said, and I nodded, yet again." Don't let Arya do whatever she wants, don't let Sansa sulk, don't let Bran be sad, and don't let Rickon cry for the two of us." She said. This is not going to be easy.

"I will do my best not to fail you Catelyn." I said.

"I know you will. And Elena, one more thing. You and Robb. I can see you're making progress, and I couldn't be more happy about it. But, if something does change, don't let that affect the kids. You and Robb are their parents while Ned and I are away." She said. Yes, this is not going to be easy at all.

"You do not have to worry about that Catelyn. Robb and I would never let that happen. The children will be are priority." I said. She smiled, and pulled me in a hug. I realize now that she doesn't trust me just out of convenience. And I will do all that I can not to fail her.

As Robb and the rest of his family were saying goodbye to Ned and Catelyn, Jon and I were in the hall, looking over the preparations for dinner. Well, he was there to help me if I need help. And I didn't. I am not sure what did I expect, but so far, it all went well. The servants listened to me. I expected them to look down at me, or to think that I'm pretending to be Lady Catelyn, but I did not see that. They were listening to me, and I did not her any comments behind my back.

After dinner, Elisa and I prepared the girls for bed, while the servants prepared Bran and Rickon. I said my goodbyes to Jon and Gendry, and I went to my chambers. Well, Robb's chambers. I didn't think he was there, he said he had some work to do. I just thought it would be in the library, not here.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here." I said when I entered and saw him. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I walked behind him, and I leaned onto his shoulders. This is still very new to me. The intimate moments between the two of us were reserved for the bed. Until today. And I liked it." Do you think we will do your parents proud?" I asked.

"I know we will." He said, and when I hugged him from the back, he took one of my hands." We learned from the best." He said, and he kissed my hand." I keep forgetting to ask you, did you solve the problem between Gendry and Arya?" he asked me.

"Yes. It wasn't really a problem, I just had to talk to the both of them." I said.

"So? Is my sister in love with the late King's bastard son?" he asked. He was just being theatrical. He knows very well that Gendry is more than Robert's bastard, and that Arya is more than his little sister.

"Robb, my doubts are one thing, and your sister's trust is another. You might be my husband, but if Arya trusts in me, it will remain between me and her." I sad, hoping he doesn't get angry about it.

"I see." He said." Well, if _my _doubts are true, then we will help them when the time is right." He said, and I smiled. He might seem strong and manly, but as I can see, he can be gentle too.

"I never would have guessed that you could be that sensitive." I said, and I felt him laugh.

"Well, my family's happiness is my weakness." He said, and kissed my hand once again." And we are still just getting to know each other Elena. I am sure there are things I don't know about you either."

"So am I." I said, and I smiled." And since we pledged our loyalty to each other in the Godswood and in front of the people of Winterfell, I would dare say we have years and years to find out." I said, and I felt him laugh once again.

"If we're lucky." He said, and I smiled. I stopped hugging him, and instead, I started giving him a neck massage." What is that for?" he asked, but I know that he wasn't complaining, he is just curious.

"I have a feeling you haven't worked a day in your life as much as you did today. You deserve it."

"I really could have done a lot worse." He said, and I hit him on the back of his head. Playfully, not with force. It couldn't have hurt him at all, but as soon as I've done I, I started thinking that I made a big mistake. Luckily, he laughed. And I finally had the opportunity to do something I wanted since our wedding night. I ran my fingers through his soft curls. Judging by the sound he made, I apparently know what I'm doing.

He took me by the hand, and pulled me, so that I was sitting in his lap, my legs over the chair handles, and he was holding me, one hand on my back, the other on my leg. I smiled and I raised myself so that I could kiss him. I don't know what I enjoyed more, his embrace, his lips on my lips, or his breath on my skin. This is just the beginning! If I feel like this now, I can only imagine how I well feel like when I grow to love this man.

"I could get used to this." He said with a smile on his face once he pulled away.

"Feel free." I said, a smile on my face. No, it wasn't a smile. It was a huge grin. I was smiling so much that I could feel that my face was in pain. Suddenly, he got up from the chair, and I let out a scream, because I was not expecting that. He laughed, and he carried me to the bed. He's strong, I'll give him that.

He put me down on the bed, and I kneelt. I started untying his shirt and soon enough, it was on the floor. He started kissing me, and untying my dress at the same time. And I let my hands travel up and down his body. His chest, his back, his arms, and again, his hair. The same feeling I felt last night started heating up inside of me. Once again, I wanted more of him, in every way possible.

I sighed when he pulled my lower lip with his teeth. It should have hurt, but it felt amazing. Not being able to restrain myself, I pulled him closer to me, wanting him, here and now, as fast as possible.

He pulled down my dress, and pressed me against his body. My hands were in his hair, and I pulled him. He fell over me, and in that moment, there was a knock on the door. We looked at each other.

Neither of us wanted to stop. But we had to. He sighed as he got up and started walking to the door, and I felt like crying as I was pulling my dress back up. I wanted to tell him to put his shirt back on, but why should he? We're a married couple, and if somebody is brave enough to interrupt us, they should at least know that they interrupted something.

"Rickon?" Robb asked in surprise when he opened the door. He started walking over towards me, with Rickon in his arms, and I could see the boy's been crying. I remembered what I promised to Catelyn.

"What's wrong pup?" I asked, and my inexistent motherly instinct started to work. I didn't even know I had it, even if I was protective over children.

"I can't sleep." Rickon said." I miss my mother. And Elena didn't tell me a story." He said, and guilt hit me more than I wanted it too. I completely forgot he refused to sleep before I tell him a story. I looked at Robb, who was looking at me. We might now how to take care of WInterfell, but we definitely did not know how to be parents.

"Maybe he could stay with us tonight?" I asked, completely frighten. Robb might not like that.

"You wouldn't mind?" he asked, surprised, and I shook my head." Alright, you can stay with us tonight. But only tonight. You're a big boy, and you need to learn how to act like one." He said to his baby brother. I laughed, and when Robb caught my eye, he laughed to. Rickon doesn't have the time limit only because he needs to be a big boy. The passion that was so heightened only moments ago was still coming down, and my heart was still beating faster than it should.

"You two lie down, and I'll be there as soon as I change." I said, and I kissed Rickon in the forehead as I walked by them. I change into my nightgown, that was hanging over the changing screen. I will have to thank Elisa tomorrow for that. She probably guessed I won't be needing it in my own chambers.

"Alright, what story do you want to hear tonight?" I asked while I was lying down in the bed. Rickon was between Robb and I. And I could see that Rickon wasn't the only one who wanted to hear my story.

"The one with the prince of Ice." He said, and I nodded. I started talking, careful not say something I did not say the last time I was telling him this story. It is very difficult, since I completely made it up. I should write them down. Write them down. Countless times I got corrected by Tommen and Myrcella. Children somehow always notice if something changes in their favorite story.

I did not even get to the part when the prince meets the princes, and Rickon already fell asleep.

"Thank you." Robb whispered, and I shook my head, a smile on his face.

"He's you're brother. That means he's my family too. This kind of things will never be difficult for me to do." I whispered, not wanting to wake up the little pup. I started to feel uncomfortable by the way Robb looked at me after a while." Goodnight Robb." I said as I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight Elena." He said, and I just knew that he was smiling. Unbelievable. I can jump on the man and rip his shirt of if I must, but I still feel uncomfortable when he looks at me? And the worst part is that he knows it. That's the reason he has a grin on his face, right now. He's starting to get to know me.


	19. Chapter 19

"Arya, please, calm down." I said, but she was still chasing Sansa around the table. Arya was having fun, and Sansa was just trying to get away from her." Arya, I'm begging you, now is not the time to play." I said. And it finally worked. Probably because I asked nicely and didn't try to order her around.

"Can we help you somehow Elena?" Sansa asked, and I sighed. I was a complete mess. I was a walking disaster. Yesterday was the first day that Robb and I were in charge of Winterfell, and everything was fine. Today, not so much. Robb had to go and take care of a problem with a deserter from the Wall, and as soon as he left me alone, all Seven Hells came crashing on Winterfell and myself. Meat gone bad, runaway pigs and three direwolf pups. And as if that wasn't enough, two servants spilled a giant bucket of water in the hall, and now more than ten servants are trying to clean it up. I'm on the verge of tears.

"Please, for the love of Gods, go find one of your brothers. Robb, Jon, I don't care, even Hodor will do. I just need a man to help me right now!" I said, and they ran off. I could hear pigs squealing and I put my hands on my head. I am going to lose my mind. I need to fix all of this, and I do not know how. I don't exactly remember that Catelyn had to deal with runaway pigs, and yet, I have to.

"Hodor." I heard a voice, and I almost hugged that mountain of a man.

"Oh, thank Gods. Hodor, please take the direwolf pups somewhere safe, I am not sure what will Robb want to do with them. And when you do that, please try to catch those pigs." I said, practically begging.

"Hodor." He said, and before he walked away, he patted me on the back. Even he can see that I'm losing my mind now. I can't even be in control of a castle, let alone be Lady of Winterfell someday!

"Girls, this needs to go faster." I said, and I sighed." Oh, to hells with it." I said as I dropped on my knees and grabbed a cloth. They all stopped cleaning, and looked at me." Yes, I'm scrubbing floors. Please, let's finish this before I jump from Winterfell's highest tower." I begged, and they all started cleaning again.

I'm sure it's fun, watching me scrubbing floors. I scrubbed until I saw two boots in front of me. I looked up, and it was Robb. I got up back on my feet, and I almost hugged him.

"Thank Gods. Robb, I'm going to lose my mind." I said. I could see that he can barely contain his laugh.

"Elena, can you please explain to me why are you scrubbing floors, and why are Jon, Gendry, Sansa, Arya and Hodor running around the courtyard, chasing pigs? "He asked. I could no longer contain my tears.

"Because I'm a stupid, incapable Lannister, that's why." I said." No, don't try to convince me otherwise, please." I said when I could see that he wanted to say something." Just please, help me, I'm begging you. You go and see what you want to do with the direwolfs, and I'm going to chase some pigs." I said and I walked away, cloth still in hand, trying my best not to start sobbing. It's bad enough I'm crying.

We chased the pigs at least for two hours before we managed to catch them all and put them in their barn. Gendry, Jon, Arya, Sansa and I were so exhausted that we just collapsed on the haystacks, and Hodor went to see if Robb needs a hand. Once again, I started crying. Sansa tried hugged me, but I still couldn't stop. Even Gray wind tried to make me feel better by snuggling next to me. It didn't work.

"I'm a failure. You shouldn't give me a dog to look after, let alone Winterfell." I said.  
"Elena, don't talk like that. You're doing well." Jon said. Ah, always the wise one of the group.

"Yes, sure. I turned Winterfell into an animal kingdom. I made people laugh at me because I was a Lannister, scrubbing the floor with the servants. Instead of helping Robb, I'm making things worse!"

"Elena, Jon's right." Sansa said, her arm still around me." For someone who is doing this for the first time, you're doing really well. And we all saw Winterfell in worse conditions." She said. I appreciate her effort, but I know she's only saying that to make me feel better. It isn't working.

"Animals running around, the hall is flooded, and we have no dinner. Things cannot get any worse." I said, and just as I said it, I saw a servant running towards us." No, no, no, no, for the love of Gods, I wasn't serious!" I whined. I just had to say that it can't get any worse, didn't I?

"My lady, the goats escaped their barn." He said, and I buried my face in my hands.

"Will somebody please kill me now?" I asked.

We caught all the goats by nightfall. The hall was clean, and for dinner, we had everything other than venison. No one complained, but I know very well that I was a disaster today.

Robb and I said goodnight to everyone and went to our chambers. I just sat on the bed, speechless. I could see that he wanted me to say something. I shook my head, but he was still waiting for something.

"I want to crawl into a corner, and die." I said, and he laughed. He climbed on the bed behind me." What are you doing?" I asked, but I realized he was giving me a neck massage. The roles have changed today." I'm so sorry Robb. I made a disaster today." I whispered. Tears filled my eyes once again.

"No, you didn't." he said, and I could only sigh." Every problem you had, you solved it. The hall was clean, animals were caught, and no one went to bed with an empty stomach." He said.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." I said. It is not helping, but I appreciate it.

"That is not true." He said, and I shook my head. "Elena, I had to execute a man today." he said. And I stopped complaining at once. I'm not the one who had the worst day apparently." I wasn't here to help you. You alone were in charge of Winterfell, and you managed to sort everything out. You solved all the problems, you fed the family, and you gained the respect of _your _people. But I think that they respected you ever since you arrived here." He said, and I turned around to look at him.

"Really?" I asked in surprise. I thought they will think I'm useless after what happened today.

"Yes." He said, a smile on his face. I still didn't believe him." Elena, what did you think? You got on your knees and helped them. You put yourself on their level, and you didn't do it so that you can earn their respect. You did it without thinking twice about it. You might have been an incapable Lannister once, but today you were a strong and brave Stark." He said. And he managed to make me smile.

"Thank you." I whispered." Have you decided what will you do with the direwolf pups?" I asked him.

"Yes, we will keep them." He said, and I looked at him in surprise. "Gray Wind and the others have been more than useful. And Sansa and Arya lost theirs on the way to King's Landing." He said.

"What will you do with the third one?" I asked, and I did not wait for an answer." Give it to someone Robb. Don't kill it. They are adorable, and they are on the Stark's family sigil." I said.

"Don't worry." He said, and he was laughing." I intended to give the third one to you." He said.

"Really?" I asked, surprised, once again." Thank you." I said and I turned around to hug him." Thank you, I always wanted to have one." I said and I pulled away from the hug. He was smiling.

"I know, that's why I kept them." he said. I was right. He is getting to know me better." You should think of a name for him. Well, her." He said, and I smiled. He started untying my dress, and I bit my bottom lip. Am I even allowed to refuse him? Maybe if I ask nicely?

"Robb, please, not tonight." I whispered." I am beyond exhausted." I said, and he smiled at me.

"Don't worry, I'm helping you get out of the dress. I am considerate you know." He said and I giggled.

"Well, I suppose I could have done a lot worse." I said, and I laughed when he kissed my shoulder.

I named my direwolf Sand. I wanted her name to have something to do with the only home I ever knew and left behind. And the sand was one of the things I missed from King's Landing. Sansa's wolf is called Lady, just like her last one, and Arya's is called Mycah, like the name of the butcher's son that was killed because of Joffrey. The three of us were now playing with them, using the little time I had.

Since the Seven Hells fell down on me, I didn't have a problem in looking after Winterfell. Robb didn't have to take care of any more deserters, so I was not alone. And even if there was a problem, I would do my best, and I would usually take care of it before Robb even knew about it. I wanted to prove myself after that disaster. I think I was better. And Robb must have been right, since people were starting to look at me the way they look at Catelyn. They know I'm in charge until she comes back.

"My lady, you called us?" Elisa said as she and Jayne, a young servant, walked into the barn.

"Yes. Please Elisa, check if Bran needs anything, and make sure Hodor carries him down for dinner. And I need you Jayne to see if everything is going the way it should in the kitchen. And try to find Grayjoy." I said, and both of them nodded. "Jayne!" I yelled, and she turned around." Please, don't let him charm you. Just don't listen to him." I said, and she and Elisa laughed, as did Sansa and Arya. Everyone knows about Theon's flirting with the ladies. It doesn't always work, but I want to keep him away from them.

"Is Gendry working?" I asked Arya, and she nodded." I should go and see if he can work on the locks today. I'm still worried about the barns." I said, and she and Sansa laughed. Ever since I had to deal with the animals running around Winterfell, I had been checking the barn doors every single time I passed them. I think that it is safe to say that I am traumatized for life by the animals.

"Don't worry, no more pigs will run around while you're in charge." Arya told me with a smile.

"I sure hope so, because that was not fun." I said.

"Elena?" Sansa called, and I turned to her." I believe we have a visitor." She said with a smile, and I turned around to the barn door. There he was. My brother. The only one I'm proud to call my family. And he was wearing that smug smile he's known for having. I couldn't even move.

"I must say, I did not expect to see this." He said. I started laughing and crying in the same time. I got up on my feet and ran towards him, and once I got to him, I hugged him with all the strength I had in me." Careful baby sister. You're still bigger than I am." He said, and I pulled away.

"Arya, could you please tell Gendry to fix the locks, and Sansa, could you find Robb please, and tell him that my brother has arrived?" I asked. I didn't want the two of them to think that I am ordering them around. I would have done it all myself, but I just wanted to spend some time with my brother.

"Of course Elena." Sansa said with a smile, and she and Arya left the barn, leaving the two of us alone.

"We should go to my chambers brother. I am sure you would like some wine." I said, a smile on my face." How come you're here? How long will you be staying? Why didn't you let me know earlier with a letter, I would have prepared something, I don't even know if we have chambers ready for guests."

"Elena, easy, I only just got here." He said. We walked to the chambers I didn't even use anymore, but are still mine for all tense and purposes. Sansa must have already told someone about Tyrion's arrival, since a girl came in straight after us, with two goblets, and wine.

"Ah, now it's easier." He said after he took a sip of wine. I laughed." I'm just passing by. That is why I did not let you know I will be here. I didn't know if I will have the time to see you, or if I will be going to the Wall, and stopping by to Winterfell only on my way back." He said. And he surprised me.

"Why do you want to go to the Wall? You're not contemplating taking the Black, are you?" I asked him.

"Gods no." he said, and I laughed." I don't have the intention of giving up on the only things I like in this life. Whores and wine. You could say I'm going out of curiosity. But that is only an excuse to get away from Joffrey, and see you." He said.

"What is the situation like back in King's Landing?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

"First you tell me what's it like here for you? Barns, animals? Lord and Lady Stark leaving Winterfell to you and your husband to look after it? The big smile on your face? Your chambers which you clearly don't use?" he asked, and I think I blushed. He might be an open book, but I'm not.

"I'm happy here Tyrion. I really am. I found my place." I said.

"What about the boy? Do you love him?" he asked, and I couldn't answer him immediately.

"Not yet. We haven't got there yet. But, he is a good man. He is good to me. He respects and wants my opinion. He trusts me. He can even make me laugh. To be honest, he gives me everything I never thought I could get from an arranged marriage." I said, once I realized that was the truth.

"I told you back then that he wouldn't complain to share a bed with you." He said with a grin on his face.

"Stop it Tyrion." I said. And I was not amused. I might have wined to Gendry about it, but I do not want to talk about it with my brother. Unlike are other siblings, I still know what is right and what is wrong.

"You might not glow like a woman in love, but you do glow like a satisfied woman." He said, and I rolled my eyes. He is not going to give up. I should just be thankful he doesn't want any details.

"Alright. Robb makes me happy in every way possible!" I said, and he started laughing. And I, once again, reminded myself that that is not the truth. Not in every way possible. Almost every way, yes, but not every. I still blush frequently in front of him, and I think that it will take me a lot of time to finally relax and be myself around him, especially in the bed. I'm still as shy as I can be. And I don't even want to think about the love thing. Not until one of us gets there, and that will not happen any time soon.

"I'm glad he makes you happy." Tyrion said, and I knew he meant it. He is probably the only Lannister who ever cared for my happiness. Other ones either didn't appreciate me, or used me to play their game. And Tyrion has proven more than once that he cares for me, just like I care for him.

"So am I. I could have done a lot worse if you ask me." I said, and he laughed. Both Robb and I have been saying that quite a lot lately. Is that the only truth about our marriage? No, I can't think about it. Not now. "Tell me, what is happening back at King's Landing. I doubt she told you, but Cersei sent me a letter. Apparently, she regrets the way she treated me all those years, and she wishes she could change it." I said, my eyebrows raised. I still had my doubts about that, and I'm sure Tyrion will have them too.

"I thought she might do something like that." He said, and he took another sip of wine." It's relatively calm down there. Of course, that does not mean that that little shit makes good company." He said, and I laughed. Yes, Joffrey is a little shit, and no, he was never good company. I am beyond than happy that I got away from him." Cersei is controlling him, for now. When you left, it really changed the dynamics." He said, and I didn't hide my surprise. Sure, I knew that they will notice that I am gone, but I did not expect that my marriage will change anything in King's Landing." Cersei is apparently broken, and hurt and regrets that she treated you the way she did. And she blames Jaime for your departure. And he blames her. The exact words were "I will never forgive you for chasing her away." I believe." Tyrion said.

I did not expect to hear that. It makes me sad, but it still doesn't change anything.

"I'm not sure if they have continued with their activities which resulted in Joffrey's birth. Most time, they just argue, and blame each other for your departure. And I just miss you." He said. I gave him a kind smile, and I took his hand. He is the only one truthful out of all of them. Only he has honor. Cersei and Jaime are blaming each other because they can't except that it is both their fault. Well, actually, it is only father's fault that I am here, but it's their fault that I do not want to have anything to do with them.

"I miss you too. Only when I'm gone, they realize that they needed me. I'm not interested in that. You are the only Lannister I care for and respect." I said with a small smile. There was a knock on the door. " Come in!" I yelled, so that they could hear me. It was Robb.

"Lord Tyrion, Elena." He nodded at both of us, and I smiled." Sansa has informed me of your arrival. Now I finally have a chance to thank you personally for everything you have done for my family." He said. I don't know him, not as much as I would want to. But I know him well enough to see that he is honest. He meant everything he just said. He truly is thankful, and not only to Tyrion, but to me as well.

"It was an honor Lord Robb. And I must say, I am happy to see that you treat my sister well. She has a smile on her face, and that is the only thing important to me." he said. Robb and Tyrion smiled at each other, and I took a sip of wine. Men. I wasn't that angry when Robb smiled at me though.

**Sorry for the delay guys. I had a lot of things to do in the stupid, real life. But tomorrow, I will be in Westeros once again, and hopefully, so will you. Thank you for reading, and for your support. Those of you who are into this story as much as I am will recognize themselves. ;) Keep reading, and I'll keep writing. :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Well, I'm starting this chapter with an apology. My computer broke down, I started working part time as an English teacher, and I was living on my own for the past week, so I did not have the time to write, or the will, to be honest. And I am sorry. Believe me, I was thinking about this probably more than I should. I just didn't have the strength, the time, or a working computer to work on the story. But I returned today, and you guys put a huge grin on my face. I'm so unbelievably happy that you read my story. I can only hope you like it. I'm doing my best here. :) And a shout out to my amazing reviewers, because your words keep me going and inspired. Cheesy, but I send you all hugs and kisses. I will update again, probably tomorrow, if not, than the day after tomorrow. Now, enjoy this chapter. **

I don' remember the last time I was as happy as I was tonight. My new family and my brother got along well, and we actually had fun. And the only thing that bothered me was that I had to say goodbye to Tyrion that soon. He is leaving at dawn. I made him promise that he will stay here longer on his way back to King's Landing. I was happy to see that he is welcome here. They might hate the Lannisters, but they have accepted two of them. Well, when I was a Lannister that is. I've been Elena Stark for a while now.

"What are you thinking about? Robb asked, and I snapped. I was unaware that I was staring at the wall in front of me, a small smile on my lips. My eternal pride was obviously visible.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about my brother." I said, a smile still lingering." And about something he said. Apparently, both Cersei and Jaime are devastated since I left King's Landing."

"Do you think that the words from the letter she sent you were honest?" he asked, and I shrugged. Of course, I told him about the letter. I'm not an idiot. Not only do I want us to trust each other completely, but Theon was the one who gave me the letter. If I had pretended not to receive a letter with both the Lannister and the Baratheon sigil, Robb would never trust me again. And either way, I wanted to share that with him. He would have noticed that something was not right. This way, I just told him in advance. Though, I did skip my sister's marital advice. I do not want him knowing about that, ever.

"Well, based on what Tyrion said, she truly is broken. But I wouldn't dwell on that too much. I spent most of my life close to her. I know that she can pretend better than anyone. I don't want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed. And it's not that important really. Not now that I'm here in the North, far away from her and King's Landing. Her decisions and feelings cannot affect me." I said, and he smiled slightly at me. He knows very well that this is not my favorite topic to talk about. I have been carrying this weight for years. I start to wonder if I was subconsciously seeking Cersei's approval all this time. But it was like I said, whether she was honest or not, now it is simply too late. And I think it wasn't about her approval in the end. I was being myself, she was being herself, and we were simply individuals who could not get along well. And I would rather choose the two of us not getting along over one of us changing. She is what she is, I am what I am, and that is the way it should be. At least to me.

"Elena, she is still your sister. It is more than normal for you to care for here." He said. I shook my head.

"It is not like that anymore Robb. If I had to choose between having her beheaded and spearing her life, I wouldn't kill her, but that is as far as my affection towards her goes. That is all. I only care for her not to wish her all the worst. When I needed her the most, she chose not to be there. I agree, it is absolutely lovely that she is willing to change, but I have nothing from her will." I said. I felt as if I was talking in vain. He, unlike myself, never felt what it is like not to be loved by the ones closest to you. He's lucky.

"Let's not talk about that anymore. I know you don't like to." He said, and I nodded, thinking that that was an understatement." Either way, I am glad Lord Tyrion came to visit us. I know how much you care for him." He said and I smiled back at him.

"Yes, I do. Who would have thought that the two embarrassing Lannisters would turn out to be the better two Lannisters? I wonder if my father found out about Cersei and Jaime." I added in a low voice.

"Well, if he didn't, I'm sure he will, soon enough." He said, and I nodded. Rumors travel fast, faster than we would like. Thankfully, I'm not usually the one who those rumors affect." I can't wait for father and mother to return." He said, and I turned around to look at him, suspicion visible on my face.

"I was under the impression that you think we're handling this quite well." I asked, and I laughed with him. Come to think of it, he might have said it to calm my nerves and prevent one of my fits of panic.

Even if he did, I was a lot calmer than I was before. There were no animals running around anymore.

"No, I still think that." He reassured me." We are doing a good job. I just… I suppose I just miss the freedom of not having these kind of responsibilities." He said. I think I understand what he means.

"I understand. But Robb, we will have to do this one day. We should be thankful your parents are giving us an opportunity to see what it will be like." I said. Sadly, Ned and Catelyn will not live forever. And one day, Robb will be Lord of Winterfell, and I, his wife, will be Lady of Winterfell. We could see now that it is not easy being in charge of Winterfell. And to me, the more practice we get, the better.

"Responsibility suits you." He said. He had that look on his face which he usually has when he's overthinking. I spend enough time with him, and now I can guess what he feels just by looking at his face. Now I can see that he's thinking about something, probably too much. I hope he's not able to read my facial expressions. That would be embarrassing. I raised my eyebrows, but he just nodded. I suppose that means I will not get an explanation." I might doubt myself, but I do not doubt you. I truly am lucky that you are my wife." He said, a small smile on his lips. This is the first time he said something like this, something that made me believe that we're making bigger progress than I initially thought.

"Because I am good at catching runaway pigs?" I asked, and he laughed.

"No." he said, still laughing. Once again, I raised my eyebrows, hoping to hear some reason behind this." I'll tell you someday." He said. I smiled, and I shrugged. I can't make him. Well, I might be able to make him tell me if I try hard enough, but I truly don't feel like that. I do not want to play games. So I just kissed him.

He did not complain. On the contrary, he was tugging down the laces of my dress.

Yes. If I tried hard enough, I have a feeling I could make him tell me just about anything.

…

"My lady!" someone yelled behind me, and I turned around, to see Elisa running towards me." There was a problem with the boar that was intended for dinner, but I managed to solve it. And Grayjoy has informed me that the repairs on the back walls are almost finished." She said, and I smiled.

"Elisa, have I ever thanked you for being as amazing as you are?" I asked, and she rolled her eyes.

"You never fail to mention it Elena." She said, and I started laughing." I'm only helping. No matter what you say, you are handling this more than well. Lady Stark will be happy." She said, and I smiled at her.

"I hope you're right. I have to go and find my husband, since he appears to be missing." I said and the irony was more than clear. I couldn't find Robb for a while now. I wasn't worried, but still. Elisa nodded, and I walked along. Only seconds later, Gray Wind was by my side, and I had stopped to pet him.

"Where in the name of Gods is your master, hm?" I asked. Gods, I'm talking to an animal. I'm losing my mind. And I should probably stop, before the animals start talking back to me. I got up on my feet, and walked away. Gray Wind followed me at once. I stopped, and so did Gray Wind. I raised my eyebrows and started walking again. He followed me, and when I stopped, so did he." I swear, if you follow me around any longer, I'm going to think Robb ordered you to do that, and you understood." I whispered. And like a confirmation, Gray Wind started licking one of my hands. All I could do is laugh.

He followed me around as I was trying to find Robb. He is not anywhere in the castle, or I simply missed him. I'm still not worried. He's a grown man, he doesn't need me to follow him around.

"Elena?" someone called, and I saw Jon walking towards me." Have you seen Arya?" he asked.

"She's not with Gendry?" I asked, and he shook his head." Maybe she's with Septa?" I guessed.

"No, I checked." Jon said.

"And have you checked if she's practicing archery or sword fighting?" I asked, and he nodded." She isn't there either? Well, you're not going to find her." I said, and I was laughing now. If Arya does not want to be found, she won't be found. That is the kind of girl she is. I decided not to worry just yet. I would probably pull my hair out if I worried every single time Arya isn't in sight. She tends to… run along.

"I swear to Gods, I love that girl, but sometimes, she's impossible." He said, and I laughed.

"Yes, she is. And your brother isn't much better either." I said, still irritated that I couldn't find the damn man! He would have told me if he was leaving Winterfell. I know that, because he told me every single time he had to do so." What do you need Arya for?" I asked.

"She was ready to torture me if I don't help her with her practice today. And now that I have the time to help her, she's nowhere to be found." He said. I was laughing because I was not used to seeing him so irritated. He is usually very good in keeping his emotions hidden.

"Well, I can't help you. I'm looking for Robb, and he's also nowhere to be seen." I said with a smile.

"Yes, but he won't do something… well, crazy." Jon said.

"Oh, for the love of Gods Jon, have a little faith in her." I said, and I smiled when he looked confused." I was Arya once. I was the one who wanted to do exactly the opposite of what I was told. She will grow out of it, just like I did. I am not saying that she won't have a sharp tongue anymore, but she will change. She will grow up." I told him. If there is one thing I am sure of it is that Arya is better of doing whatever she wants. Restrains never work, I know that from my own experience. And I do not want to see her family treating her like Cersei treated me. And also, the other way around. I was more rebellious than I should have been. And that was only because they tried to calm me, restrain me and control me.

"Sadly, that does not comfort me at all." he said, and I hit him on the shoulder, making him laugh." I was joking. I suppose you are right. You do understand her better than any of us do." He said.

"That is not true." I said firmly." I was just in her shoes. You're her family. I'm a new arrival." I added.

"You may be a new arrival, but you're still family. And if I dare say, a valuable member." He said, and I smiled. I was frightened about his reaction. It is not a secret that Catelyn is not fond of Jon, and I did not want him to see her treating me better than she ever treated him, especially every single day. That did not happen. Jon is not a vain person, and Catelyn did change her attitude. I could see that she was different to him now than she was when I was visiting Winterfell with the King. She does not exactly love him, but I did not see any glares from either one of them.

"Thank you Jon. That is…" I started, and then I saw Robb walking towards us." And where in the name of Gods have you been?" I asked. He was surprised, and he looked at Jon. As did I, and Jon just shrugged, a smile on his lips." Oh, no, you will not silently complain to your brother about me. That will wait. And now,_ husband_, where have you been?" I asked. He may be the Lord, but I'm his fucking wife.

"I was trying to find Arya, _wife_." He said, and then he smiled." You're feisty today I see." He said.

"Oh, you noticed?" I asked.

"I liked you both better when you were scared to death of marring each other." Jon said in a low voice, maybe even hoping that we wouldn't hear him. We both did, and we both hit him on the shoulder.

"Well, I find this situation better. How about you Elena?" Robb asked me, a smirk on his face.

"Oh, I find it better too. I'm just not sure how long will it last." I said. I know he was just being funny, but I am not sure if I like discussing that period of time at all, let alone in front of Jon. I looked away, and I could see Arya running towards us." And he is the last missing Stark." I announced with a smile.

"I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jon told her.

"They're coming." She said, a smile on her face. I looked at Jon and Robb, and they looked just as confused as I felt. "I could see the carriages. Mother and father are coming." She said.

I think I have never felt relieved as I did now. Finally, the true leaders of Winterfell are back. Yes, Robb and I did a good job. We did not embarrass ourselves, even though I believe that the pigs incident will never be forgotten. We did well, in my opinion. But it is not our time just yet.

The whole family greeted them. And I hugged Catelyn probably tighter than I should. I am just so glad that I have time to learn from her all the things I need to learn.

We left the talk for the feast tonight. They were tired, and the only thing we needed to know was how is Catelyn's father. He is still in his bed, but he was getting better when they left.

Robb and I worked for the rest of the day. I had a huge smile on my face when Ned said that we did well and that we will help them from now on.

"Elena?" Catelyn called me, and I turned in my seat to her." Robb told me that you did more than fine, but I want to hear from you. How was it?" she asked, and I sighed.

"It was not easy. Most days, I was handling everything just fine. But I did shed some tears, and I did had animal troubles." I said, and she looked confused." I beg of you, do not ask." I whispered.

"I won't." she said with a small smile, which I returned." I'm proud of both of you. And if I dare say, I see that you get along well?" she asked, and I nodded. She doesn't need the details. She just worries.

"Yes." I said with a small smile, and she smiled back at me.

I cannot begin to describe the respect I have for her. I was in her shoes for a while, and I know that her days are not easy. And the love she has for her family is… beautiful to see. She welcomed me with open arms, and she helped me in every way possible. She accepted me like I was her own daughter.

I won over this family. All of them, and it was close to effortless. I was just myself. I didn't pretend, I didn't lie, I was honest and honorable, just like they are. It is safe to say, I am one of them.

As soon as Robb and I entered our chambers, we both just fell on the bed.

"I'm so glad that they're back." He whispered, and I started laughing.

"So that you can go back to being an irresponsible child?" I asked.

"Hey, I was never that." He said, and I laughed." But you are right." He said, and I turned to look at him. He was smiling. Gods, he has an amazing smile. His beard is concealing the dimples on his cheek, but I can still remember them. And to be honest, I prefer the beard." Still, I believe that I can be a responsible man and not an irresponsible child when it comes to some things." He said, and before I could say anything, he pulled me closer to him.

"Robb Stark, are you courting me right before you're about to bed me?" I asked with a smile.

"So what if I am?" he asked, and I laughed.

"I'm truly sorry, but you can't flirt." I said, and I started laughing when he looked hurt." Fortunately for you, neither can I. So, why don't you just take my dress of and kiss me?" I asked.

"If you insist Elena Stark." He said, and I rolled my eyes.

"What happened to Elena?" I whispered as I was moving so that I could sit on top of him. I'm starting to think that maybe I can flirt." I thought we weren't formal anymore?" I asked.

"You started it." he said, and I stopped untying his shirt. Well, I can try to play a game, can't I?

"I did." I said, and I kissed his lips briefly." Well then, goodnight Robb." I said, and I rolled over.

"You did not just do that to me." he said, and I smiled." You're good." He said with a smirk once he realized I was joking. I pulled him on top of me. He is a weight I love to feel on top of me.


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm just going to say this: This is going to be a big one. Enjoy. :)**

Sansa and I were walking around Winterfell, talking, laughing, and just, enjoying one of the last sunny days before the winter finally comes.

When it comes to Sansa, I have always felt something… I believe its guilt. I identified more with Arya, since I see her as a tinnier and louder version of myself. And I spent more time with her. Sansa and I had less in common, but that does not mean that I did not enjoy her company. I truly did, and that is why I had decided to spend more time with her. Now I could finally do that, since I'm not doing Catelyn's work, but just helping her with it.

"It's so good to be home. I've been here for a while, but still, the relief never leaves me." she said.

"Believe me, I understand it." I said with a small smile.

"Do you miss King's Landing?" She asked, and I thought about it for a few moments.

"It depends." I admitted, feeling that the honesty is the best option." I miss the warmth. The weather. The sea and the incredible view from my chambers. I miss the smell of the sea. But I do not miss the people. As much as I miss the surroundings, I don't miss the people. Casterly Rock should fell like home, and it never did. King's Landing was home, and yet, I don't miss it. In all honesty, I never felt more at home than here, in Winterfell." I said, and I laughed to myself." Of course, a climate change wouldn't hurt. I would love to pack you Starks and go to a warmer place." I said, and Sansa laughed.

"You'll get used to it." she said." King's Landing was warmer than I imagined Hell, but I got used to it." she said, and I laughed. Yes, I have a feeling that it was quite a change for her as this is for me.

"And do you miss King's Landing?" I asked, slightly suspicious, but she shook her head.

"Not at all." she said with a smile. She was adamant about it. And it only made me wonder once again, what in the name of Gods has that little blond monster do to her. I won't ask her. Not yet. If she wanted to talk about it, she would. And maybe her trust in me still needs to grow. That would be understandable.

"We should head back. Septa will look for you." I said, and she nodded with a smile. While Arya would roll her eyes and complain. The two of them could not be more different. And yet, both of them had big, huge hearts. Arya reminded me of myself. And in a strange way, Sansa reminded me of Cersei. But it was only because she is different than her sister. There stop the similarities between Sansa and Cersei.

….

Even if I was just helping Catelyn, I still did not have much free time. For the rest of the afternoon, I split my time between Rickon, Bran and Arya. And of course, along with Arya, I was with Gendry too. The two of them rarely leave each other's side and if Gendry doesn't realize he likes her, I'm going to think he is completely mad. I truly hope that I won't have to interfere, since that is the last thing I want to do.

Just before dinner, I was helping an unbelievably quiet Jon in our favorite barn.

"Jon, what is going on?" I asked suddenly, and he looked confused." You're quiet." I said.

"I'm tired, that's all." he said, and I nodded. I don't believe him.

"You may be tired, but that is not what I meant." I said with a small smile." I won't push you. Just know, if you ever need to talk, I'm here."

"Thank you Elena." He said with a small smile.

"Please, that's the least I could do. You and Gendry are my closest friends, and I will never forget the help you gave me when I first joined your family." I said, and he laughed, probably remembering those times, just like I did now. Time has passed by faster than I expected it to. I feel like just yesterday, I was leaving my carriage, marring Robb, getting used to Winterfell. And now, I'm a name day older than I was then, and I've been in Winterfell for months now, if my count is right, seven months. Time flies by." You never did tell me, when are you heading back to the Wall?" I asked, wanting to change the subject.

"I'm not sure." Jon said, and I raised my eyebrows. He noticed." There are some things I need to deal with first." He said. Gods, he makes it seem like I'm torturing him for information!

"Again I say, I'm not going to push it." I said.

I was hoping that that topic was safe enough to discus, but clearly, it wasn't. Most of the time, none of us were thinking about it. At times, I even tend to forget that he's in the Night's Watch. But when I do remember, I realize that this is one hell of a leave. He's been here ever since Robb and I got married. And now, when I see that he avoids talking about it, I wonder if he wants to stay here for good.

"Could you hand me the rope please?" he asked, and I walked over to him, the rope in my hands." I broke my vows." He said so fast that I barely understood him.

"Sorry, what?" I asked.

"I broke my vows." He repeated, more slowly this time.

"Um… which ones exactly?" I asked. I do not know much about the Night's Watch and their vows. The one I do know, is that they give up women, marriage, love, children, and everything similar.

"Her name is Ygritte. She's a wildling." He said, looking away from me. I suppose this was not easy for him to admit. And I know that it is not easy for me to give him advice.

"Was it… Was it real, or just a moment of weakness?" I asked, slowly, and carefully.

"I hoped it was a moment of weakness, but I fear that it was real." He admitted.

"And that is why you're still here?" I asked, and he nodded." Do not get me wrong, if I could, I would tie you here and not let you leave. I love you like a brother, and I would hate to see you leave, but Jon, you're an idiot." I said, and he looked at me in surprise." For the love of Gods, you can't just run away. That is the worst thing you could do. The way I see it, you have three options. You could leave the Night's Watch. You could return and pretend like you have never met her. Or you could go to her, tell her you love her, sweep her of her feet, and bring her back here. But avoiding the problem all together is by far the worst thing you could do." I said.

"She will never go with me Elena." He said." She is a wildling. Her freedom is more important to her than I am."

"And how do you know that, have you asked her?" I asked, and he shook his head." Men. Jon, if you love her, you should at least ask her for her opinion! For all we know, she might want to." I said.

"I don't know." He said, and he took a deep breath." I'll go back to the Wall, but I don't think I'll stay there. I will probably return, with or without Ygritte." He said, and I smiled.

"You complain so much about Arya and myself, and here you are, the biggest rebel of the family, the one who broke his vows and doesn't regret it."

"I might not regret it, but I do feel bad about it." he corrected me.  
"Yes, and you feeling bad about it is just going to sort out everything, right?" I asked, and he rolled his eyes." Don't worry. Whatever happens, you'll always have us." I said, a small smile on my face.

"Please, don't tell anyone about this. Not even Robb. Please Elena." Jon whispered.

"Don't worry. This stays between the two of us." I said, and he nodded." Now, let's finish this and go to the hall." I said, and we continued with our work.

I hate knowing something that I can't tell Robb about. I am proud of the fact that he trusts me, and that is why it bothers me to know something that I can't tell him. But I made a promise to Jon. And what I know in no way affects Robb, so I suppose that I'm the only one who's making a big deal out of it.

Jon supported me when I needed him, and he was by my side as I was trying to fit in Robb's life. And he did not run along to his brother to tell him what we talked about. I owe it to Jon to keep my mouth shut and I will do so.

I wasn't very tired, so after dinner, I remained in the hall to see if I can help the servants with the work. The people of Winterfell did not see me as a stranger no more. I was one of them, and I was proud of it, probably even more than I should. I have spent my entire life trying to accommodate the people around me, and this is the first time that I actually felt good about it.

I was happy when I was finally alone with Robb. We barely saw each other today, and I do enjoy when we talk in the evenings, before we start ripping each other's clothes off. That is the way our nights go these days. We talk, maybe even have a laugh, and before we know it, we're all over each other.

I smiled at him, and I turned around to pour myself some wine. Almost every night, after dinner, I drink some wine. Whether I drink it or not, Elisa is going to bring it to the two of us, so I might as well drink it.

"How was your day?" Robb asked, and I shrugged.

"Good. Slow. I mostly wasted my time talking to your sisters." I said, and he laughed.

"That is a good thing. I don't want Sansa depressed, and I don't want Arya following Gendry around." He said, and I rolled my eyes. Now he's just pretending.

"Never mind Arya and Gendry, how was your day?" I asked, and leaned onto the desk.

"It would have been a whole lot better if I didn't have to rip Theon away from Ros." He said.

"Gods, if he's so obsessed with the poor girl, why doesn't he just marry her?" I asked.

"Because Theon is complicated, that's why. And Theon still is a high born, and Ros is a whore."

"So what? Precisely because he's a high born, Theon has to stand up. He needs to fight for his right to love, marry and bed whomever he wants." I said, and he looked confused. I started laughing." I'm joking. But I suppose, if it is true love, he should be given an opportunity, don't you agree?" I asked.

"I would agree, but I know that it is not true love." He said, and I laughed. Sadly, I knew it too. I doubt there will come a day when Theon will become a responsible, family man. Well, at least it's not my husband that sleeps around with whores. I am enough for him, and I can hope that it remains that way.

Robb took my hand. And that was it. Just holding hands, lacing fingers, and looking at each other in silence. It was so calming and soothing that I jumped up when we heard a knock on the door.

**CATELYN**

"Come in!" I heard Robb's voice and I walked into their chambers. It seems that I didn't interrupt them, that they were just talking.

"Robb, there's been a problem." I said, a bit breathless, since I was running all the way to here." A fire. One of the barns is on fire, and it's spreading. Your father needs you." I said. Robb jumped off his seat at once, and only stopped to look at Elena. She was looking at him, worry and shock on her face, and yet, she had no idea what to tell him. She just moved out of his way.

"I'll be back soon." He said. He said that to reassure her, not both of us. The look he gave me as he was walking out told me everything. I need to be here with her.

"Is it serious?" she asked, once she was finally able to speak.

"I'm afraid so." I said, and she nodded, franticly walking from one wall to another." Elena, calm down. Ned and Robb have it under control." I said, not sure if she's actually listening to me." We can only wait, so please, calm down." I said, and once again, she nodded. She sat behind the desk, but she was avoiding making eye contact. And I was forcing it. She is going to be the Lady of Winterfell when I'm gone, and there is going to be plenty of stressful situations, just like this one. She needs to learn how to be stronger. Gods forbid anything happens to Robb too… If she is left alone, she has to learn. The sooner, the better. I can only hope that I am capable enough to help her on this journey.

"We should be there." She whispered, and I looked at her in surprise." Catelyn, we should be there. Lord Stark and Robb, and…. What if something happens? What if something happens to Robb?" she asked, but before I could answer her, she got up." I have to be there." She said. I managed to stop her by grabbing her by the hand and pulling her towards me. She looked at me in surprise.

"Elena, I am worried sick. You have a husband in danger; I have a husband and my eldest son in danger. I am as worried as you are. Trust me now. We should stay here. We can't help them." I whispered. I could see clearly that she wants to go there either way, that she doesn't want to listen, that she wants to help.

"I understand." She said in a low voice, than started pacing across the chambers, there and back again.

I didn't realize she started caring about Robb so deeply. Of course, it was obvious that she cares for the family, but this was something different. She was actually paralyzed with fear when she realized that he will be in danger. And now, when I look at her, I can see that she worries, more than she should.

If I was calm myself, I would have helped her more. But I was only better in hiding my emotions.

The candles almost melted down as we waited. Mostly in silence. I was the one who spoke, only to reassure her that Robb will be alright. It must have been hours. And we didn't know anything.

Finally, the door opened. I let out a sigh of relief as Robb walked in.

"We stopped it." he said, looking at Elena now, who was leaning onto the wall. Seeing that she won't be answering him anytime soon, Robb turned to me." We're all alright. No one is hurt, not even the animals. It was just an accident." He said, and I nodded. I got up, and hugged him. After he pulled away, he turned to Elena once again." Elena?" he called, and she turned around.

"Don't you ever do that to me again." she whispered, and moments later, she was running towards him. Robb looked at me in surprise as she hugged him. I shrugged and made my way out of the chambers. I was worried sick, but I had a smile on my face.

I found Ned in our chambers.

"Unbelievable." He said as I closed the door behind me." As soon as I start to think that everything is going well, something bad happens. I just doesn't stop." He said.

"Sadly, I don't think it ever will. Is the damage something we can afford?" I asked as I walked behind him. I hugged him around the waist. Thank the Gods, he keeps returning to me, safe and sound.

"We'll manage. I need to find Robb and talk about the reparations." He said.

"That can wait." I said, and he turned around in surprise. I smiled." I just saw our son and his wife realizing they love each other. Whatever you need to talk to him about, it can wait." I said.

"You think they are in love?" he asked, and I nodded.

"I know they are. The relief she felt when he walked in… well, I should know it. I feel it every time you do something stupid and manage to survive." I said, and he smiled." I do love you still." I added.

"I know you do." He said and kissed me.

**ELENA **

"Don't you ever do that to me again." I whispered and I started running towards him. My legs were shaking, and I could barely stand, but I did not care. I couldn't look away from him, I only heard Catelyn leaving the room. I was still staring at Robb, touching his face, his chest, making sure that he is real.

"Elena, I am alright." He reassured me, but I shook my head.

"No, you don't understand. You scared the shit out of me." I whispered, not even caring about my language. He was staring at me, his expression blank. I shook my head." I thought I was never going to see you. I was scared something might happen. It's just…" I said, and I realized I had no idea what it is, and that I don't really want to know, and I just kissed him.

The kiss was serious. The relief has turned into gratitude and then into happiness, to my confusion.

"Elena, you can relax, everything is alright." He whispered, and I kissed him briefly.

"Don't you dare leave me alone. Don't you dare and do that Robb Stark. We have to do this together. I would be lost without you. Gods, don't do that ever again. I need you. I love you."

I did not realize what I said until I said it. It was too late to take it back. And I didn't want to take it back either way. It is the truth.

I love him. After all the whining and crying and frightening myself of it, I realize that I love him.

"Do you?" he asked, his voice barely audible, his expression serious.

"Yes." I answered in a whisper. I was not embarrassed. Yes, I wished with all my heart that he will say it back, but right now, I am more than happy with just him, standing in front of me, alive and well.

I could stay like this forever, just close to him, his eyes on mine, his hands on my face. I was fine. But he wasn't. He pulled me closer to him, and kissed me. And this time, it was truly like never before.

His lips were hungry, but so were mine. And we just met in the middle.

My hands were in his hair, and he was pulling me closer, only to realize that nothing is close enough.

I pulled away and started untying his shirt, and to my complete shock, he wasn't at all that patient. He started untying my dress and ended up ripping it up. The only thing I could do was to help him with taking it off.

The urge was stronger than anything else. We didn't even have the time to reach the bed. We were on the floor. I had never done anything less romantic, and yet, I never felt anything more romantic than the feeling that I felt now.

I was gentle, but I moved at my own pace. We stopped being formal. Embarrassingly enough, that led to me becoming vocal in inappropriate moments, like just now.

I didn't care anymore. I really didn't care. If the whole Winterfell hears me, I don't care! I don't care because he is my husband and I enjoy him, and he can make me feel like no one else can, and I enjoy moaning for him!

He caught me by surprise when he raised himself. I was sitting on him, and now he was sitting too, his hands on my back, his lips traveling from my breasts too my neck, ending on my lips. It wasn't a kiss, since we were both breathing heavily, but I just needed the feel of him. He bit my lower lip.

"Gods."I whispered, and he started moving faster, like he was challenged or something. My breathing became erratic, my nails were digging into his back, and I was losing it. It all became cloudy and all I could feel was him. Him inside me, him moving, him touching me, him close to me, him loving me.

When I couldn't handle it any more, I gave up with a scream. Scream of pleasure, screaming his name.

We climaxed together and we fell together too. I collapsed on top of him, my face on his chest, barely having the strength to breath. I could smell him. He smelt of… sweat and leather. A little bit of a metal smell too. And something I can't quite… Oh, I know what it is! A huge smile appeared on my face once I realized that he smelt of me. I could smell a trace of the Dornish perfume I occasionally wear. I did wear it yesterday, as well as today. I was grinning like an idiot now.

"What is so amusing?" he asked. For a moment, I thought he was being ironic, and I looked up, only to see him smiling at me. I smiled back.

"Nothing worth mentioning." I said. One more thing I will never ever tell him.

"Gods, how beautiful you are." He whispered, and I smiled. "You're blushing?" he asked in surprise.

"Probably because I look like a mess, and as far as I can recall, you never called me beautiful before. Ugh, just, never mind." I said, and laid back my head on his chest, my fingers traveling up his strong arms. I'm sweaty, my hair needs brushing, and I'm blushing. I'm sure that I'm not beautiful.

"I love you, you know?" he asked, and I looked up in surprise." I do." He said with a smile on his face." I knew that from the day you were chasing the animals around Winterfell." He admitted. And his confession was followed by laughter, probably because I was silently begging him not to talk about that ever again. At least one good thing happened that day." I'm more than happy to never leave you alone. We're in this together. And I love you, with all my heart." He said. I had no idea what to tell him. It was hard enough for me to admit my feelings, I am definitely not ready to using pretty words to enhance them. Once again, I can't say, but I can show. I smiled, and I kissed him. Our lips barely touching, just brushing, and yet, the feeling was there. If this is not love, I don't know what it is.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi guys :) I have good news. Or bad, depends which way you look at it. I've started a new story, Doctor Who, called Memory of you. All my fellow Whovians, please, look it up :) I will not forget about this one, you can be sure of that. And once this one is finished, I'll be sure to write another one GoT fan fiction, since my head is full of ideas. And one more thing. I wanted to avoid a filler chapter, so I decided to move the story for about two months, so this chapter picks up about two months after the last one ended. I may not be George R. R. Martin, but I can't wait to write about death and bloodshed. No, that's a lie, I just didn't want to bore you to death. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. And thank you for sticking with me, and for the lovely reviews. It may sound cheesy, but I do need your support :)**

"Please, be careful." I said as I pulled away from the hug I shared with Jon." I know you're capable, but it still is dangerous. And bring the girl home." I added in a whisper, so that no one else could hear us. I still was the only one who knew about his red haired girl. He talked about her quite a lot once he confessed to me that he broke his vows. And the more he told me, the more worried I was. I'm afraid that she might try to kill him or something when she sees him. I can only hope that she isn't as capable as he is.

"I don't know about her, but I will return." He said. I smiled once again, then I turned around and walked away. I never was good at saying goodbyes. It breaks my heart to see people leaving. Especially Jon. I love him like a brother, and I know very well what brotherly love is.

At least I have Gendry. That boy will probably never leave my side. Not for a Wall, not for a girl. Especially since his girl spends most of her time beside me. And yet, they haven't progressed at all. It's getting more and more difficult for me to keep my mouth shut. Or to resist pushing him right onto her.

While everything else may be complicated, I'm happy that my marriage is no longer one of those things. I don't remember ever being happier than I am now. My man, my wonderful man cares for me as much as I care for him. We only have eyes for each other. And the love I feel for him is indescribable.

It was a long and tiring journey, but now that we've reached the destination, I know it was worth it.

As much as I wanted it to be different, the tension was growing. Time has passed, and Eddard Stark's honor still wasn't cleared. And the Iron Throne was occupied by someone who doesn't deserve to sit there. I could see that Robb was boiling inside. He is all for justice, and that is why this situation bothers him so much. But he is also wise. He knows that we should take our time. Whatever we chose to do in the right time, it will have permanent affects to our future, and the future of Westeros.

I'm thankful that he has a smart father, who convinces him very often that we should wait a bit more.

I was worried sick. I truly was. The only good thing was that I knew that Tyrion will make out of it alive. Neither side wants him injured. That might change if our father finds out that Tyrion sided with us a while ago. But it scares me. I know very well that soon enough, a war will start. My former family fighting with my current family. I'm a Stark, and they are my side. That will never change. But I don't want to be the one who is most affected by the death counts. As difficult as it is for me to admit it, there is only one loss I could never manage to survive myself. If something happens to Robb… I couldn't handle it. Anyone else, I could handle the pain. But not him.

Luckily, I still don't have to worry about that. Right now, the only preoccupation I had was about being in charge of the North alongside my husband and his parents. And I'm pretty good at it. When the day comes, North will be safe in mine and Robb's hands.

Today, Catelyn and I were clearing one of the chambers. I have no idea what she plans to do with them, but she asked for my help, and I am happy to give it to her. Elisa is also helping us. I'm not the only one who fits into the North. And thankfully, she's a smart girl, and all of Theon's advances were in vain.

I was folding some of the blankets when I noticed that Catelyn was looking at me?

"Is something wrong Catelyn?" I asked. I call her by her name, and I call Lord Stark by his name too. Eddard and Catelyn. I suspect it will be a while before I call them Ned and Cat, if ever. It's a good thing I can be sure that they won't hold it against me, no matter how I call them.

"Elisa, have you tightened Elena's dresses?" Catelyn asked, and both Elisa and I looked surprised.

"No, my Lady." Elisa said, and she started looking at me too.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, yet again.

"No, but I must say Elena, that dress looks tight." Catelyn said, and I looked down. Gods, she's right. If I lean forward, my breast just might fall out. Scared of that happening, I pulled the dress up.

"Thank you for telling me. It could have been very embarrassing." I said, planning to change as soon as possible. If the two of them already noticed, I don't want anyone else to notice my too tight dress.

"Elena, I apologize for my indiscression, but I must ask. When was the last time you bled?" Catelyn asked. Now, that was not a question I expected. But still, I tried to remember. And I couldn't.

"I'm… I'm not sure." I admitted in a low voice. I believe it was… two months ago? I truly don't remember. I should have known better. I never paid attention to that, and now, I can't even remember.

"My lady, I didn't wash your bloody sheets for at least three months now." Elisa said. I looked at Catelyn.

"No." I whispered, and immediately, my hands went to my stomach. I didn't bleed. My dress was filled up quite nicely, and not just by my breast. I didn't even think about it, I just thought I gained some wait. I wasn't sick, not once. Nausea didn't bother me. I'm not with child. No, I can't be. I would have known.

"Elisa, call Maester Luwin." Catelyn said, and Elisa left the chambers. I looked at Catelyn once again." Have you been ill?" she asked, and I shook my head." And what about the food?" she asked.

"Well, I wasn't too fond of meat lately." I said. The truth is that the smell of venison repulsed me. Oh Gods. I am with child. I fell into the chair to prevent myself from fainting and hitting the floor.

"I've been with child five times Elena." Catelyn said with a small smile." I know what it feels like. And I believe that you're carrying my grandchild in you." She said. Finally, I smiled.

I was frightened beyond belief. But the thought of a child made me smile. Robb and I love each other. Our marriage is beyond perfect. And it has been a while since we married. I didn't even think about it, but it was expected from me carry an heir. I honestly don't know how I managed to forget about it. Will I be a mother now? Will Robb and I become parents? As scared as I was, I imagined a little boy that looked exactly like Robb, and I had a big smile on my face.

"Is it possible that I didn't realize it?" I whispered.

"Of course it is." Catelyn said, and she laughed to herself." When I was carrying Robb, I had no idea what I was doing. Only with Sansa and the rest of the children I knew what was happening." She said.

"So, if I am with child, I shouldn't feel bad for not realizing it?" I asked, and she laughed once again.

"No, you shouldn't." she said, and she took my hand." I hope we're right. A baby would bring joy to this family." She said, and I returned her smile. I hope that Robb won't be disappointed. We never talked about it. Yes, of course we planned on having children, but I'm not sure if he will think that this is too soon. Happiness and fear were taking over me, and I couldn't tell which feeling was stronger.

Measter Luwin proved that Catelyn's suspicions were right. As soon as I accepted the congratulations and well wishes, I started to worry. Catelyn could see that, and she told me to get some rest.

I was lying on the bed, thinking about that small person growing inside of me. A part of Robb. Our child. A baby, made out of pure love.

Why am I so scared? Yes, I fear that I will not be a good mother, that is true. I never had a good example. But this is more than just that. I fear of telling Robb. I don't know why. I trust him more than anyone in this world. Why can't I just tell him?

My time was running out, and I decided that I must tell him by tonight. I feel bad enough that his mother and my maiden know about it, and he doesn't. The longer I wait, the worse I feel. Besides, Maestar told me that I'm three months along by his suspicions. It will be noticeable soon.

I was going through the motions the rest of the day. I was quiet and calm. And I ate only because I have to. I have a feeling that the sickness might start soon enough since it has avoided me this long.

My plan was to tell him as soon as we were alone in our chambers. But he prevented me from doing so, since he kissed me as soon as I closed the door behind us. It's too late now.

He didn't have the worry that I had. All I could think of is that we may be hurting the baby. But I know that making love is allowed for a woman with child. And it's Robb. I lost my focus even before he took my dress off. I lost my focus, my mind and my breath all together.

He kissed me once again, and he got up. He covered himself up in a robe, and he walked over to the desk. And even if he doesn't want to tell me, I know what he's doing. He's trying to find a way to attack. I know it, I'm not an idiot. I lived with the King for years, I know what it looks like when someone is trying to make a battle plan. And I understand why he doesn't want to talk about it with me. He wants to protect me as much as he can. But that can only last for so long. Soon enough, I will have to help him. And I will do it. I made my choice. I promised to be his to the end of my days. And I plan on doing that.

I looked at him. His face showed his worry. This is not going to be easy, and both of us know it. We will be lucky if we make it out alive, regardless of the result. We're playing with fire.

And the fact that I'm prepared to do it and live it, only shows how much I trust in him. He is a good man. He will be a good leader. And I'd like to believe he will be a good father.

"What?" he asked with a small smile once he noticed that I was looking at him. I shook my head." Please don't do that. I can't do my work when you look at me like that." He said.

"Like what?" I asked in surprise. I'm looking at him in a normal way.

"Oh, you know." He said, and I rolled my eyes. I turned around and covered myself with the sheets.

"Better?" I asked, knowing that he can only see my naked back now. I heard him laughing.

"No, to be honest. I still know very well what's under the sheets." He said, and I smiled. And now it's my fault he can't focus." Those legs, that waist, those breasts, that beautiful neck…" he said. Oh Gods, I hate it when he does that. Even his voice can make the hair on the back of my neck rise." Soft lips and beautiful brown eyes. You may turn around Elena, but that is not helping." He said. I turned to him again.

"Would you like me to go to my chambers?" I asked. I still have them, but I haven't used them for a very long time. I wasn't teasing him. If he has important work to do and I'm bothering him, I'd be happy to leave. I would understand the priorities. But he shook his head." Then don't complain." I said with a smile. He smiled back at me, and he returned to the papers in front of him. He probably realized that I will be here as soon as he's done. Well, I'm going be next to him for a very long time.

I know that I should tell him, but I haven't found the strength yet. And it is not just about my cowardice. I have no idea which words should I use. I wouldn't want to surprise him, but I have a feeling that he will be surprised, no matter the words I use.

I got of the bed, not even bothering to take the sheets with me. He's seen it all before, and by what I just heard, he has it all memorized. I no longer feel ashamed around him.

I walked over to the table to pour myself some water that Elisa brought here, probably while we were in the hall. And there was no wine as I could see. I smiled slightly, knowing why she didn't bring it here.

"Could you pour me some wine please?" Robb asked.

"This is water." I said, and he looked up in surprise." But if you'd like to, I'll bring you some. I'll just put on a robe and go down to the hall." I said, ready to do so if he'd want me to.

"No, don't do that. Water is fine. But, since when do you drink water?" he asked with a smile on his face." You always have a cup of wine." He said. That is true. He teased me that I'm a drunk, but we know very well that I only have one or two cups. And now I'm not drinking it because I'm with child. An now is probably as good as time as any to tell him that. I poured another cup with water, and I walked over to the desk. He took the cup from me, and I walked back to get mine. My lips were dry, and it wasn't because I was thirsty. It is because I'm afraid to tell him. I looked at him. He could see that I wanted to tell him something, and he waited, his full attention on me.

"I just wanted some water." I cowardly lied. He believed. And he was still smiling when he looked back to the papers in front of him. "And Maestar Luwin did mention that I need to avoid drinking wine now that I'm with child." I said. I swear to the Gods, I was never as frightened as I was right now.

I looked at him, waiting for a reaction. It seems to me that he did not realize what I said the moment I said it, but only moments later, the papers he held in his hand fell on the desk. He looked up, and looked at me. We were staring at each other in silence. He did not look happy. He just looked surprised.

"What?" he asked, and I couldn't say a thing. I just looked at him, staring in his blue eyes, hoping that he will not be angry at me. I wish our child has the same eyes as his father. Mine are too plain, and there is nothing plain about that piercing blue color of Robb's eyes." Are you certain?" he asked, and I nodded, still unable to speak.

He got up and started walking towards me. I was shaking. I was shaking and I'm not sure why. Even if he is not happy with the news, he won't hurt me or something like that. I know that my feeling is irrational, but I still feel it. I can't help myself.

"We're going to be parents?" he asked when he got to me. I nodded.

"You're not angry, are you?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper. I could barely speak.

"No, not at all." he said, and he smiled at me. A big, happy smile." I'm… happy." He said, and I started laughing. I hugged him with all the strength I had. And I was laughing like mad.

"We're going to have a son or a daughter." I said, and he put his hands over my belly. The difference was barely there, and that is why we had no idea that I was with child. Well, that and my irresponsibility.

"Maybe both?" he asked, and I smiled.

"Well, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" I asked, and he smiled." You really are happy?" I asked.

"Of course I am." He said with a smile." I'm having a child with my beautiful wife, a woman I love with all my heart. I'm beyond happy." He said, and I giggled.

"Who would have thought that this is where we will end up?" I asked.

"Well, I did, once we were married." He said, and I started laughing.

"Oh please, you can't fool me. I clearly remember you saying that you were… what was it? Oh, yes, _Frightened _that the King would want us to marry." I said, remembering the words he told me back when we were nothing more than acquaintances, building a friendship.

"You really do remember everything, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, when it hurts my feelings, I do. But I don't hold that against you. That would be immature. I love you and now, we will have a little family of our own." I said, and he kissed me. He was still kissing me as he was pushing me towards the bed. I was laughing, but I did not mind it. Gods, I really do pull him away from his work. As long as he doesn't mind it, I won't mind it either.

**BABY! :D I need some help with the naming guys. Give me your suggestions if you want to. I have some ideas, but I would love to have more! So, fire away :D**


	23. Chapter 23

I remember when I first arrived to Winterfell how I thought it was very cold. I laughed out loud at the memory as I was tightening my fur coat around my slightly larger belly. Compared to the weather now, it was almost tropical. I would probably fain from the heat if I ever go back to King's Landing.

The child in me was growing fast. We still couldn't be sure if I carry once child, or twins. We will find out when I start going in labor I suppose.

I was blessed with a good pregnancy so far. I haven't felt sick, the kinds of food that repulsed me now, I could live without, and the food I was craving was near. I did get easily tired, but I expected that.

And I was good in hiding my worries. Not long after I realized that I am about to be a mother, I started thinking about it. Well, over thinking. The constant question was Will I be a good mother, but that wasn't the only thing that worried me.

I grew up without my mother. I am not sure if she ever had a chance to hold me in her arms. All I know was that she said that my name is Elena. And that was it. I was born, Joanna Lannister died, and I never knew my own mother.

It is not a surprise that I worry about my child and myself considering the way I was welcomed to this world. I was named my mother's killer. Will my child be my killer? I would hate to leave the world in which I have Robb right by my said, but that is not the main reason of my concerns. If I die, that means that it was my time to go. But I do not want my child growing up with the same feeling I have felt for years. And I still feel it, occasionally, when I try to imagine my mother that I look nothing alike.

I haven't shared my fears with anyone, not even with Robb. If I must carry this burden, I don't want anyone else to carry it with me. I can only hope and pray that all will be well. And that if it doesn't, Robb will make a lot better father to our child than Tywin Lannister ever was to me.

I feel that my worry will last until it's all over. And it will be over, one way or the other.

Feeling all warmed up in my coat, I went to the courtyard for a stroll. Soon enough, I found Catelyn and I joined her as she was looking down on her children, who were training. Well, Robb was teaching Bran how to shoot an arrow from his saddle, Sansa and Rickon were watching, and Arya was swiningin her sword, apparently unaware of the existence of anyone else. She truly had the focus of a knight.

"How do you feel today Elena?" Catelyn asked me with a smile on her face. It is starting to bother me when people are so gentle around me. I'm not going to break in two, I'm not going to go into labor anytime soon, and I don't need to be carried around. But it's one think not to let me pick up a cup, and another to ask me how I feel today.

"Fine, thank you." I said with a small smile." But I must say, I have trouble when sleeping. I either have nightmares, or I try so hard not to move and hurt the baby that I end up being awake." I admitted.

"Oh, I remember that." Catelyn said with a smile, and I was relieved to hear that I am not the only one who had those fears. Which makes them more rational now. Oh Gods, can't I just stop worring?!

"So it is normal?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Very much so. Vivid dreams are usual. I only had nightmares occasionally." She added.

"Well, you were pregnant in a more peaceful time." I said, and she smiled.

"Not with Robb I wasn't." She said, and I frowned, not sure what she was talking about." When Ned returned from the war, I had a child in my hands. He was gone for almost the whole pregnancy." She said. I do not envy her, not at all.

"I can't imagine what I would feel like if Robb wasn't by my side." I admitted. I may be admitting to having a weakness, but I am definitely not ashamed of it. I am entering an unknown territory, and I need my husband to enter it along with me.

"Luckily, you don't have to." Catelyn said and I smiled." He barely leaves your side." She noticed.

"To be honest, I think I will be very annoyed if he continues doing that until I give birth." I said, and she laughed." He just worries, that's all." I said.

"No, that is not all. He loves you. Look." She said, and I followed her gaze, to see Robb looking at the two of us, and not Bran, who was waiting for his attention. He smiled at me, and then he winked.

"He does love to embarrass me." I said, and Catelyn laughed once again. At times, I look at her and realize how fortunate I am that she accepts me, and looks at me like I'm her own daughter. She could have hated me just as easily. And you don't want to feel the hatred of your husband's mother.

"Enjoy the joys of young love." She said, and I smiled. Now, that is just not true. I see the way Ned looks at her. It's the same way Robb looks at me, only more mature. I can only hope that as we grow, Robb and I will learn to let our love grow, the same way Ned's and Catelyn's love did.

"I do suppose it will change once we have this child." I said, hand on my growing belly. The noise bellow us caught my attention. Sansa, Bran and Robb were cheering, and they even caught Arya's attention. Bran hit the mark. Straight in the center. I felt proud of him, just as the rest of his family who was watching." He keeps getting better." I said, noticing a trace of worry on Catelyn's face.

"He does. I'm happy as long as he's active and happy even." She said. I can't imagine how she feels. Bran was feeling bad for a very long time after he found out he won't be able to walk. And in the past few weeks, he was out every single day, and not just carried by Hodor, but on the horse, by himself. He was finding the silver lining in his cloud, and I understand the relief that that brings to Catelyn.

"We will all get pass this." I said, and she looked at me, slightly confused." Everything. One day, it will all be good again. Calm and peaceful. Uneventful. Just like it should be." I said. Now she could understand. I deliberately didn't share my feelings that not all of us will live to see those times. There is going to be a war, and there is going to be a losing side. And I will pray that we are not the losing side.

"We will." She said with a small smile." And now that you mentioned that… Ned and I would like to talk to you and Robb. Tonight, after dinner." She said. I felt a jolt in my stomach, and it had nothing to do with the wedding. It has come. The day we avoided successfully for a very long time.

"Of course." I said and I took a deep breath." I'll continue my walk. Would you like to join me?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you." She said, and we left her children to train without a crowd.

….

"Do you know what they want to talk to us about?" I asked Robb as we walked through the corridors of the castle from our chambers to the library, where Ned and Catelyn were waiting for us.

"Is it that difficult to guess?" he asked. He was serious.

"No, of course not. I just hoped you have a bit more insight than I do." I asked, and he smiled at me.

"You should know by now that I share everything with you." He said, and I smiled back at him. Words can't describe how much I love my wonderful, beautiful, amazing husband. He is my man, and he will be my man until my last breath." We took our time I suppose." He said. And he couldn't have been more right. We could avoid this for only so long.

Robb and I walked into the library, and Ned pointed his hand on the two chairs in front of him. Robb and I were sitting on one side, Ned and Catelyn on the other. I'm not sure why I feel so nervous now.

"Robb. Elena. I decided to gather us here because the time has come." He said in a serious tone." The time has come for the House of Stark to decide what has to be done. We all know the situation too well. I, as the warden of the North need to make my decision, and that is why I need the three of you. I trust no one like I trust you. Cat, who's been by my side from the beginning. My heir, my son, the next warden of the North and his wife, a woman I owe my life to. The two of you will lead the North one day. And I need to hear your opinion as I make my decision." He said. Oh Gods. This is truly happening.

"Where should we begin?" Robb asked.

"From the beginning. Joffrey is not the true heir of the Throne. It does not belong to him." Ned said.

"And it doesn't belong to the Lannisters either." I said, and the three of them looked at me. " Believe me, the Kingdome is not ruled by a Baratheon. It is ruled by my old family. My father. Joffrey is nothing more than his puppet. If we start a war, it will not be against the Baratheons. It will be against the Lannisters." I said. And I felt no guilt talking like that about my old family. I don't have them anymore.

"Elena couldn't be more right." Catelyn said." Stannis Baratheon and Renly Baratheon must know that Joffrey isn't Robert's true son." She said.

"They do." Ned said." Renly fled King's Landing before they could imprison him too. Both of them are hiding and waiting." He said.

"If we start a war, we will have to join forces with one of them." Robb said. And he is right. If we want to win, we have to do that. The only question is who is the right choice for us.

"That is easier said than done. Especially since Gendry has a claim to the Throne before both of them. That is, if he is legitimized by his family, and I can't imagine either Stannis or Renly doing that." Ned said.

"I'm not sure if the boy even wants to be King, Ned." Catelyn said.

"He doesn't." I said, comfortable of speaking in Gendry's name, since we've spend several hours talking about the possibility of him being King." He doesn't want it. But with him, we have a way. And he is more than happy to help. He is not a weapon for us to wave it in front of Stannis or Renly, but if Gendry is legitimized, they will have a reason to help us. We can promise them the Throne." I said in a low voice.

"Stannis is the older brother. If Gendry doesn't want the Throne, Stannis is the next in line." Robb said. If only it were that easy. Sadly, I know both Stannis and Renly. To be honest, I know Renly a whole lot better, since I grew up close to him. But I know very well that Stannis isn't the ideal man for this.

"Elena, speak your mind." Ned said, and he actually surprised me." You know them better than we do."

"Stannis does have the right to the Throne before Renly. But Stannis is… I wouldn't say mad, but he is not that far away from it. If I had a choice, I wouldn't trust him. Renly is more… persuadable. If we were to negotiate with him, I guarantee that I could help you in making an alliance with Renly."I said.

"We need to look at the consequences too." Catelyn said, looking first at me, than at Ned." Stannis may be the next in line, but I agree with Elena that Renly may be a better choice for us." She said.

"That would be ideal." Robb agreed." We fight the Lannisters, Renly fights Stannis, we get the North and Renly gets King's Landing." He said. That might just be the best plan, but it will not happen easily.

"We have the North and the Riverrun. If we have Renly too, we just might win." Catelyn said.

"That may be right, but we must take our time. And since we might need Elena to negotiate with Renly, I suggest we wait until your child is born." Ned said. Well, one thing is sure, if we go to war, I do not plan on leaving Robb behind. And they just said that they need me. It seems that I will be the one waiting in the tent, child in my arms, for my husband to come back from the battlefield. I never imagined that that will be my destiny." Once we start this, there will be no going back. And Robb, you will lead this more than I will. My leg still hurts. I'm in no shape for the battlefield. I may be the Lord of Winterfell until I die, but you will lead this." He said, and Robb firmly nodded. Of course. As brave as he is, he is more than ready to accept this duty. And I will have to expect that one day he might not return to me.

"We will wait." Catelyn said." And then we will bring justice to the ones who deserve it." she said.

And with that, our meeting ended. Well, council might be the better word for it. Robb and I walked to our chambers in silence. I am not sure what he was thinking about, but I know what was on my mind.

He will lead this war. He will lead his army, and I will spend countless days and nights in utter fear, praying to both the Old Gods and the New that he returns to me.

We dressed silently in the clothes we slept in. Even though my pregnancy only made me want him even more than before, tonight was not the night, and we both knew it.

It is just like he said once. We will have to grow up. So far, our marriage was wonderful. We might have had a rough start, but we managed to turn it into something beautiful and worth fighting for. And we have lived peacefully, ignoring the dangers ahead. And now our days are counted. Now we know that we only wait for the right moment to start it all.

We won't lead a quiet family life that we wanted. We might lead it someday, but we will have to fight for it. And it scares me that it will all fall on Robb. I won't be surprised if Ned officially steps down, and names Robb the Lord of Winterfell. And even if he doesn't, more weight will be on his shoulders. The worst part is that Ned is doing it only out of necessity. He doesn't want his son in danger any more than I do. He doesn't have a choice, and Robb will have to be the leader of this. This… rebellion.

As he held me close to him, I smiled. I could no longer hug him in my sleep the way I used to do. My head would usually be on his chest, his arms around me, but since I can't sleep on my stomach anymore, we turn around, and my back is against his chest. And it is like that now. He kissed my shoulder, but I know that it was going to stop there. That was an act of affection, not a start of another passionate night.

"Are you scared?" He asked me. I see no reason to lie.

"Petrified." I admitted, and I took in a deep breath." You?" I asked.

"If I wasn't scared, I would be mad, wouldn't I?" he asked, and after I thought about it for a moment, I nodded. Fear is horrible, but it is also good for you, in a very strange way. It shows that you have something to lose. And the fear of losing something you love is the best motivation there is.

"We will make it." I whispered. "Don't ask me how. But I know we will. I know it." I whispered.

"We will fight your family." He said, and I shook my head.

"No. You are my family. Don't insult me by thinking otherwise. I only care for Tyrion and Myrcella and Tommen. Tyrion is on our side, Myrcella is in Dorne the last I heard of, and I doubt they will let a boy on the battlefield. The ones are care for are not in danger. So don't think that I'm worrying about them, because my only worry is if you return to me at the end of this." I said.

"I will always return to you. Always." He said, kissed my shoulder once again, and I squeezed his hand.

"You'd better." I said, and I heard him laughing.

"Do you believe you will be able to convince Renly?" he asked, and he caught me by surprise.

"I know that I can do that. Renly and I… well, we weren't exactly friends, but when you live surrounded by people who mostly hate you, you tend to find a companion in the same situation. I know him."

"But once he marries the Tyrell girl, he will be a bigger threat." He said, and I started laughing.

"Margaery Tyrell?" I asked, still laughing." Oh, the poor girl. Renly won't be a threat. I know things about him that might be… of use for us if he still has his doubts once we make our offer." I said.

"Like what?" He asked, and I laughed.

"Well, let's just say that Margaery isn't the Tyrell that makes Renly's blood boil. I'll leave it at that." I said, and Robb laughed.

"Remind me not to cross you." He said, still laughing.

"Remind yourself." I said, and I kissed his hand." We will make it my love. Starks will be stronger than ever. Your parents, your siblings… Gendry and Tyrion too. And the two of us. The two of us and our child. Can I ask you to promise me something?" I asked.

"Of course." He said, and I took a deep breath.

"If you die before I do… in war, in your sleep, if you drown in the bath, no matter when… If you die before I do… Will you become a spirit and haunt me until I join you?" I asked, and he started laughing. I was not exactly serious, but if that does happen, and he has a choice, he'd better do it.

"You are crazy, woman." He said, and I turned around to look at him.

"Promise me." I asked, not smiling, but dead serious. He has to know that I don't want to lose him.

"Alright, I promise. If I die, I will haunt you until you die too." He said, and I kissed him quickly.

"Good. Now, goodnight." I said, and I could feel him laughing.

"Goodnight, my crazy, beautiful wife." He whispered, his lips against my neck. I never want this to end. And if I myself need to fight to keep it that way, I will do it. I swear.

I only need to survive the birth of our child. Then I will fight. Like a lioness, like a direwolf, like any wild animal, I will fight to protect my own.


	24. Chapter 24

**Just a regular author's note. I love you guys, keep reading. And thank you. :)**

I sight. Getting into a dress never seemed to be such a trouble. But now it was. I can't bend down, I can't see my own feet, and I am slowly starting to get irritated by being with child. I will love my son or daughter dearly, but I honestly can't wait until it's out of me.

If there is one thing I ever truly hated with all my heart, it was being limited. I wasn't allowed to be friends with Gendry, and I broke the rules. I always broke the rules. Whenever I was limited by anything or anyone, I fought. And now there was nothing I could do. I could only wait until the child decides that it is time for him or her to see the light of day. And then the true battle starts.

"Elena, I will do it for you." Elisa said once she saw my struggle. I hated it, but I let her help me, and tie my dress." It's almost time, isn't it?" she said, and I when I looked at the mirror in front of us, she was smiling. I looked away. Even now, I have a trouble with looking at my own reflection. It's been a long time since I was a Lannister. I was a Stark now, and yet, I still felt the pressure of being a Lannister, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. I was proud that I didn't look like one of them, and yet, the memory of being different still haunted me. I suppose it is just heightened now that I'm carrying a child.

"I do hope so." I answered, and she laughed." No one ever told me it was this difficult. Of course, it is a blessing, but my feet are killing me." I said, and she laughed once again.

"I gave up that blessing a long time ago. I wouldn't know." She said. I felt guilty now.

"Elisa, you should now, if you want to have your own family, all you have to do is say it. I don't know how, but I will manage without you. I don't want you to miss out on anything." I said.

"Oh, don't you worry." She said, and I turned around. She was smiling, but that didn't reassure me." I will love your children like they're my own. That will be enough." She insisted, but it didn't feel quite right. I decided something. I will find Elisa a husband. That is, of course, if she agrees to it. I won't make decisions about her life without including her in it. If she agrees, I will not let her spend her days working for me. To be honest, I don't know how I would manage without her. She has been by my side for so long. And not only does she care about the things I don't usually pay any attention to, like the color of my dress, or the style of my hair, she is also a friend. She has been my companion for a very long time, and in a way, she was an older sister that Cersei never was.

At the thought of Cersie, my mood changed instantly. I have received yet another letter from her. And this one was also a congratulatory letter. The word of my pregnancy has traveled across Westeros, and left Robb and I buried under the pile of letters. And instead of joy, I only felt even more worry.

My father did seemed pleased enough, and as did Cersei, still continuing in the manner of a regretful sister. That did not convince me. I know all eyes are looking at the North now. They wait for the day when we will start the fight. And once that day comes, my child will be in danger. My child and my husband will be the once in the greatest danger, as they are heirs, one unborn, and the other one ready to replace his father.

It is getting hard to pretend. Each and every day that passes, it is getting harder and harder.

We all feel it. We know that that day is just around the corner, and we are all scared about the consequences of the choices we will make now, and in the future. And still, we all pretend like there is nothing going on. Enjoying our family life here in Winterfell, smiles on our faces, laughter in the halls. But we all have that time when we look away, and you could see anyone of us, looking in the distance, fearing of what is yet to come. When I first arrived here, it happened rarely. Now, it happens every day. Every single time someone's gaze leaves mine, I could see them thinking about the things we avoided so successfully. And I know I do the same. We all know it. Still, we do not dare talk about it.

Not wanting to think about it anymore, I decided to go for a walk. Well, maybe wobble should be a better description. At least Robb wasn't following me around, his arms open, waiting to catch me if I trip and fall. We had a heated discussion about that. And he stepped back, either realizing that I was right, or deciding that it's just not worth the fight. I'm happy with not know which one was the truth.

"Elena?" Someone called, and I was relieved to see Sansa. I should have recognized her voice, but I was in my own thoughts right now, and I was not focused. I was just glad that it wasn't Robb. As much as I loved the man, I was sick of him at this point." Mind if I join you?" She asked, and I smiled.

"Did I ever?" I asked, and she smiled back at me. We started walking in silence, and I could see by the look on her face that something wasn't quite right. I know her well. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, and she looked at me in surprise." The thing you're worried about?" she gave me a small smile.

"It's ridiculous." She said, but I shook my head.

"If it causes you to worry, than I am sure it is not ridiculous." I replied.

"Alright, I will tell you." She said, and she took in a deep breath." Father has not mentioned my betrothal for a while now. Of course, I will not be marrying King Joffrey, but I am still old enough to marry, aren't I?" She asked me. I wasn't sure how to respond to that, since our views of marriage aren't nearly the same. I am the one who insists on waiting, and she, apparently, is not willing to wait.

"I was married when I was three years older than you are now. You still have plenty of time Sansa."

"Yes, but that is not all. Is there a man who would want me at all?" She asked, and I looked at her in surprise." I was betrothed to the King. And then, suddenly, I was no longer betrothed to him. And people do not know the story. All they know is that I was discarded by him. In their eyes, I was never good enough for him. And I am left with a permanent mark on me." she said.

"Sansa, people don't think like that. Trust me." I said, trying to reassure her, but not sure if I made any success." Of course, people will talk. People always talk. But not all of them are daft. If they have ever laid their eyes on Joffrey, they will know that it wasn't about you at all. And once they lay their eyes on you, they will no longer question Joffrey's change of mind, believe me." I said. She smiled.

"Thank you." She said, and she looked like she meant it. As smart as she is, she is also very insecure. And I will have to do my best to help her. If I can occasionally work with the children of Winterfell in order to teach them how to read and write, I can also help a girl who is like a sister to me. In a way, she is my sister. Robb's family is my family. My only family.

"I'm always here for you if you need to talk." I said, and she smiled. I heard a noise, and I turned around to see where the racket was coming from. I could hear that it was Arya. Her voice carried, and apparently, she knocked something down." Sansa, if you'll excuse me." I said, and I picked up the skirt of my dress. Not that that will help me with my wobbling. "You're sister will be the death of me." I said as I walked away, and I could hear Sansa laughing. She followed me, as I was shaking my head in disbelief.

I understand, probably better than anyone else, what it's like for Arya to be as misunderstood as she is. I was just the same not that long ago. But I guarantee I was not that restless. Not a day goes by without someone complaining to me about her, or without her causing some sort of problem. And they complain to me more than they complain to Catelyn. For a good reason though. I have less work on my hands that she does, and it is a well-known fact that Arya and I are very close. Apparently, not close enough.

I walked over as fast as I could, given my state, and entered the barn where the racket was coming from. And I was very surprised to see that Arya was not alone. Gendry was here to, but he was not the surprise. Wherever Arya goes, Gendry seems to follow. I was surprised to find Robb here, and both Bran and Rickon, Bran sitting on the haystack, Hodor a bit secluded from the rest of them, ready to carry Bran around if he needs him to. And all of them, apart from Hodor and Rickon, appeared to be in a discussion.

"Why are you yelling, for the love of Gods?" I asked, and they all looked at me in surprise. Sansa stood right by my side." I thought someone was in pain or something. You scared me." I added.

"Well, someone is in pain." Arya said, and I raised my eyebrows." Something is wrong with Sand, but Robb refuses to acknowledge it." She said, glaring at her older brother, who sighed.

"There is nothing wrong with her." He said, knowing what I was about to ask." She's just a little lazy, that's all. She is not ill, you don't have to worry." He said to me. And somehow, that was not enough.

"What do you know Robb, we're with them every day!" Bran said, and I was surprised at how bold he was, talking to Robb like that." Elena, Sand is ill." He said, looking at me with his big, brown eyes.

"No, she is not." Robb argued, and I shook my head. He is the biggest child of them all.

"Well, as far as I know, she is my direwolf, is she not?" I asked, and they all nodded." Where is she?"

"In the back, I moved her from the rest of them." Gendry said, and I nodded, thankful to him for doing that. It doesn't matter if Sand is ill or not, it's best to keep her away until we're sure. I started to walk towards the other part of the barn. I only stopped to send Robb a warning look. He was just about to follow me around, waiting to catch me. He smiled when I warned him. I managed to smile back, glad that he learned by now. After that, I went to my direwolf.

She really looked tired, lying there in the corner of the barn. One hand on Gendry, who followed me, and the other on the wall, I slowly kneeled down next to Sand. And I know how for the love of Gods I plan on getting up. But I will think of that when the time comes. I was now preoccupied with my pet, who really did look sick. I won't get mad at Robb if she turns out to be sick. I'll only hope that he has a better intuition once our child is born.

"Come here Sand." I whispered, and she got up and made my way towards me. She put her paws on my knees, as she couldn't fit in my lap anymore, now that she was big, and now that I'm bigger as well. I may love animals, but I do not know much about them when it comes to their health. And right now I can't really tell if she's ill, or just tired. She did not look very entertained, that is certain. I could see why. I'm not the only one close to her. They all moved to see her, even Hodor carried Bran to us.

Sand started sniffing my belly, and I smiled at her as I scratch the fur on her back. Both she and Gray Wind could somehow sense that I was with child. I do not know why, I do not know how, but they could. They sniffed my stomach, and they were more protective than ever. And as Gray Wind follows me around most of the time, by his master's orders, I could see that he was more protective first hand. Once a servant stopped me to ask me a question, and the wolf started growling at him. Thankfully, he backed down when I told him to do so. Now he's as much as my pet as he is Robb's I suppose.

"What is wrong with you, my beautiful little beast?" I asked Sand, hoping that she might indicate somehow. They do seem to understand what we're telling them, but I did not exactly expect a response.

"Hodor." Hodor said, and he caught my attention. He showed at himself, and then at Sand.

"You think you might now what's wrong with her?" I asked, and he nodded." Please." I said, as he was waiting for my permission. I will never get used to the fact that people who work for us ask my permission for almost everything. I don't like it. I do not own them.

Hodor moved closer to us, and started looking at Sand. She knew him well enough, so she wasn't bothered by him looking at her, and petting her. I can only hope he knows what is wrong with her.

"Hodor." He said. Gods, I wish he could speak more than that. He pointed at Sand's belly, and then he pointed at mine. It didn't take me long to realize what he is gesturing.

"You think she might have pups?" I asked in surprise, and he nodded. I looked to the rest.

"Well, they don't have the same mother." Robb said, and he made me laugh.

"Yes, I suppose this one is not like the Lannisters, is she?" I asked, and they all laughed. But the laughter died soon enough. I suppose they didn't want to make me feel bad. I was the one making the joke, so there is no way that I could get insulted by their laughter. I'd rather joke about it to be honest.

"But who is the father then?" Arya asked, and I shrugged. It could be anyone of those direwolfs. But our answer arrived soon enough. Gray Wind walked over to myself and Sand, and started sniffing her. As I was looking at the two of them, confused, they laid down in the hay, next to each other.

"Gray Wind?" I asked, in surprise. I did not notice our pets having a love affair.

"Well, isn't that symbolic?" Gendry asked. It wasn't difficult to guess what he means by that. Robb's pet and my pet are going to have pups. Robb and I will have a child.

"Fuck off." I said, and I made them all laugh, even Hodor. And even Sansa, who would normally have been shocked by my ability to curse like a sailor in front of everyone and anyone. I joined there laughter. It is symbolic, in a very strange way." Will someone please help me up?" I asked. I was embarrassed to ask for help, but I knew very well that I couldn't get up on my own. That's why Robb and Gendry helped.

"Hodor, could you take care of Sand when the time comes?" Robb asked.

"Hodor" Hodor simply replied. Well, that was it I suppose. Now we will have to wait and see who gives birth first, Sand or me.

As soon as this problem was solved, we all went our separate ways. Robb and I were now walking around, hand in hand. I'm amazed by the fact that I still feel weak in my knees whenever he touches me, even if he is only holding my hand. As amazed as I am, I truly hope that that feeling will never go away.

"What are we supposed to do with the pups?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"How many do they usually have?" I asked him. I don't know that much about direwolfs.

"The litter our direwolfs are from had five of them." he said, and I sighed.

"Well, we won't kill them. If you try to do that, I will not speak to you ever again." I said, and he laughed. I hope he knows I mean it." And I'm not that happy with the idea of releasing them in the wild."

"They would come back, and they would not be well trained. That is not an option." He said, and I nodded." I suppose we will keep them, or at least give them to someone." He said.

"I hope they will not come to close to our child until he grows a little bit. Well, or she." I added.

"They won't, don't worry. And if they are in any way like Sand and Gray Wind, they will be completely harmless." He said, and he gave me a reassuring smile. I appreciated it. I need that smile. I'm weak, what can I say? I need it to keep me going at times. I needed it now.

"Well, we shall see." I said, and he grabbed my head with a little bit more force.  
"Soon enough." He said, and I nodded. My difficulties will come to an end. Well, they will culminate, since I am pretty sure that the labor itself is a bit more painful than carrying a child." Do you have a feeling? Whether it will be a boy or a girl?" he asked, and I laughed.

"There is no way for me to know that Robb." I answered with a smile. I only have my hopes. The truth is, I will be happy as long as the baby is healthy and well. But if I do have a say, I would like for a first child to be a son. The heir of the land that is now ruled by his grandfather. That does not mean that I will not love a girl. I will love her just as same. That is, if I get to. My fears didn't leave me alone, not for one moment. I'm afraid that I won't live long enough to see if another first born Stark is a boy.

"Then we should think of names for both." Robb said. As much as my heart melted at his suggestion, that was something I was trying to avoid. I did not want to get to emotionaly attached to the child in me. As it is a part of me, attachment was inevitable. As was my love for the unborn child. But I did not want to name it just yet. I don't want to start creating memories, and then have them all erased for good.

"Let us wait until it is born." I said, and Robb looked at me in surprise.

"You're starting to worry me." he said, and I looked away from his eyes. He had the power of making me confess my deepest thoughts to him by just one look. I was hoping he wouldn't notice this." Elena, why do I feel like you're not happy and content?" he asked. I turned to him.

"Of course I'm happy." I said fast, killing his suspicion." I am beyond than happy Robb. It is just… I never got a chance to meet my mother. She never got a chance to hold me in her arms. And I can't help it… I'm afraid the same will happen with me and our child." I admitted in a whisper.

"Nothing will happen Elena." He said. He is just trying to make me feel better.

"You can't know that." I replied, still standing my ground.

"Yes, I can. You will not die Elena. And neither will our child." He said, and I finally found the courage to look him in the eyes. He truly believed every word he said." You will both be fine, and we will watch him or her grow up with ten of its siblings and have children of their own."

"Are you suggesting that I will give birth to eleven children?" I asked.

"Well, if you'd like to." He said, with an innocent grin on his face. At least he made me laugh.

"I have a feeling that eleven is a bit too much." I said, and he laughed. He put his arm around my shoulders, and we started walking again, this time talking about less serious topics. Yes, he made me laugh, but he did not make me forged. I was still very much scared.


	25. Chapter 25

"Catch." I said and I threw an apple at Gendry. That man really has good reflexes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked and he took a bite of the apple.

"I just wanted to talk to you. It's been quite some time since we talked alone." I said, and he laughed.

"Yes, I suppose that does happen when you fall madly in love with your husband." He said, and I rolled my eyes. I know that I have been spending most of my time with Robb, but that is precisely why I'm here now. I am going to fix it. I miss talking to Gendry. Especially since we are never really alone. Usually Robb or Arya are with us. Sometimes it's Theon, maybe even Bran. It's been a while since we really talked.

"Ah, you have hurt me deeply." I sighed, and he started laughing." Do you have a minute for a friend?"

"Of course I do." He said with a smile that made me smile too." Should we go for a walk?" he asked.

"Gods no." I answered, and he started laughing." I probably shouldn't be standing at all. Do not say that to Robb." I warned him once I realized that he could make my husband even more worried. Yes, the two of us still worry. He is worried about keeping me in once piece, and I am worried about giving birth.

It will happen any day now. These past few weeks, I have been talking to Catelyn a lot. As a woman who has five children, she is possibly the best advice giver I could have. And I did not like what she had to say.

I will either die, or be in so much pain that I would wish to die. Not that many choices.

It will happen any day now. It could start in a few minutes. And that is why I had such trouble convincing Robb to allow me to walk around Winterfell. Well, to wobble my way towards Gendry and to make him sit with me. That is not exactly walking around. I was lucky enough to have a considerate friend. We sat down on the only two chairs in his work shop. I needed help now, even to sit down.

"You know, he's only worried about you." Gendry said, defending my husband.

"Yes, I know that. And I am worried too. But I still need to move around. I would lose my mind if I was limited to the chambers."

"You are aware that you're going to be staying in the chambers once you give birth, right?" he asked.

"I do." I giggled." And that is the main reason I want to use my time now." I said. If all goes well, I still won't be able to move around too much once the child is born. I keep repeating to myself that this is a true blessing, and I am eternally grateful to the Gods for giving us this child that's growing inside of me, but I have to admit, this is more difficult that I could have expected. No one ever told me that it is this difficult to be a mother. And it hasn't even begun. I will have to raise it to be a decent human being.

"I've been meaning to ask you something." Gendry said, and I nodded." It's about me being the King's bastard." He said, and I nodded once again. Neither one of us ever got used to it, not really. And I am sure he has a much difficult time thinking about that than I do." I get the whole plan, that I will be… well, an asset, and that I won't sit on the Throne once it's all over." He said.

"That is entirely your choice." I said. I have talked about this with Robb and his parents, and we know what we will do, but some things depend entirely on Gendry." If you wish to be King, you have the right to be one. And if that is what you decide, we will fight for it. It may be slightly more difficult for us to convince Renly to join us if we only offer him the position of The hand of the King, but we would never go against your wishes." I said. If he wants to be the King, we will fight for him. He deserves it more than Joffrey ever did, or ever will.

"I do not want to be King." He reassured me." I was just wondering what will that make me." he said.

"You will be the King's true son who didn't want his ass on the Throne." I said, and he smiled at me." I am sure we will be able to negotiate with Renly about your future as well. He wouldn't want to keep you unsatisfied if you do have the right by birth. I am sure you will end up with a nice big piece of land where you could rule. Even if I would hate to see you leave the North." I added. I am selfish when it comes to Gendry, and I am not afraid to admit it. I do not want him to leave me. But if that is what he wants, I will accept it. With a heavy hart, but I will accept it. The most important thing is that he's satisfied.

"I would much rather stay here Elena." He said, and with those words, my heart melted." I don't care about land and money. I was actually hoping you would tell me that I will be able to choose myself a wife. I suppose a King's son has better options than a blacksmith?" he asked.

"I am sure he does." I said, a little taken aback by what he just said. Never before has Gendry mentioned anything about marriage. Not to me at least. And I am still under the impression that we talk about everything. I keep no secrets from him, and I always thought that he didn't keep them either.

"So, a lady from a noble house will be able to marry me?" he asked. I sighed.

"Gendry, where are you going with this?" I asked, and now he was the one who sighed." If you want to tell me something, just tell it. No one will know of it." I said. It feels so strange to see him having second thoughts about trusting me. I thought he knew better than that.

"You might tell Robb, or you might tell her, and that would…" he started, but I interrupted him.

"Gendry, for Gods's sake!" I said, almost yelling." I will not run off to Robb and tell him a girl has caught your eye. And not just because it will be impossible for me to run. I love the man, but I don't tell him your life stories when he can't sleep at night." I said. And once I finally shut my mouth, I realized what he had told me. He is afraid that I might tell HER. I know her. And I think I know her very, very well." It's Arya, isn't it?" I asked in a low voice. I'm not surprise about his feelings. I'm surprised he realized it!

"Yes." He finally admitted." And I do not… I know she's younger than I am… I will wait until the time is right. That is, if that is even possible. And I know it's not, why would a family give their daughter to a King's bastard who is working as a blacksmith. And I see no reason why she would want to…"

"Gendry, shut up." I said, and he finally stopped speaking. A big smile was on my face." I will help you. I will do all that I can to help you, and so will Robb once I tell him. I will tell him when the time comes." I said once I could see that Gendry was about to attack me for saying that I will talk to Robb about it." And he is not blind. We all aren't blind. What you two have is true, and we see it." I said.

"That does not make me feel any better." He said. I started laughing. I have never seen Gendry so scared." Do you think that Lord and Lady Stark will agree?" he asked.

"When the time comes, yes. They know you are a kind man. And you are Robert's son." I said.

"And what about Arya?" he asked, and I giggled.

"You should find that out for yourself." I said, and he looked at me in disbelief." Hey, if you can ask for my trust, so can someone else. My head is full of information that I can't tell anyone else. I'm tired of being everyone's confidant." I said. Although it really is tiring to know so many secrets, it makes me happy to see that people trust me. And I do not plan on betraying their trust.

"I'm sorry. I won't try to find out anything from you." He said, and I nodded. We smiled at each other, and at that very moment, I felt sudden movement. The baby moved." Are you alright?" Gendry asked.

"I'm not sure." I said, gritting my teeth. It hurt. Oh, and now it hurt again. I need to use the toilet before it's too late." Gendry, I think it's starting." I whispered.

"What's starting?" he asked, completely confused.

"The snow? Dear Gods, the baby is coming Gendry, that's what's starting!" I yelled. It was mostly because of the pain, but his stupid question didn't help me much.

"Oh dear!" he said and he jumped out of his chair." What should I do?"

"Help me?" I asked, and he finally came over to help me get on my teeth." I must say you're not good under pressure." I said.

"Oh shut up, I never was in this situation, was I?" he asked. I couldn't even respond. I just needed to go to the toilet, very badly. I have heard of this, Catelyn herself has told me about it. The last thing I want to do is to wet myself in the middle of the courtyard." Where are we going?" he asked.

"Catelyn. Elisa. Robb." I said. That was all I could manage to say right now. We made our way into the castle, and I was silently thanking the Gods for saving me from what could have possibly been the most embarrassing moment of my entire life. But the pain is getting the best of me. I could barely walk.  
"Elena!" I heard a voice. It was Catelyn. She ran towards us." Is it starting?" she asked, and I could only nod." Gendry, help me take her to her chambers. Then go and get Elisa and one of the healers or Maestar Luwin." She said, and they helped me climb up the stairs. Gendry was almost carrying me.

"Robb." I said. I cannot manage more than one word at a time.

"He's with Theon. They're hunting." Catelyn said, and my heart dropped.

"HUNTING?!" I yelled, my blood now boiling. I have a feeling that the baby didn't like my screams." Send someone for him, I beg of you. I know he can't be with me, but I'll feel a lot better if he's at least near me." I said. I found the strength to speak, because I don't know if I can survive this without him. I am aware that he won't be able to hold my hand. That would be breaking some sort of tradition. But I will feel a lot better if I know that he is at least in the castle, and not in the middle of the woods.

"Gendry, please, see to that." Catelyn said, and he nodded.

We barely made it to the chambers. Well, that's what it seems to me. Gendry left at once, and I was left alone with Catelyn. No man is supposed to see this. Not unless he's a Maestar. And even he won't be here for the birth itself. It has to be a woman. If all goes well, the healer will be the same one that helped Catelyn deliver all of her children, including Robb. Yes, if all goes well.

…

It is all happening so slowly. I feel like it's been hours since it started. By now, the whole of Winterfell knew about it. Only my husband didn't. Wonderful, just wonderful.

The pain was unbearable. And yet, I kept my screams inside of me. I know that I have no use of them. I would rather bit my lip so hard that it will bleed, than scream from the top of my lungs, like I wanted to. It would only scare everyone around me. It is bad enough that I'm petrified.

All of the things that haunted me ever since I learned that I am carrying Robb's child now feel on top of me. Everything, every single worry, every single sleepless night, it all ambushed me.

Will I live? Or will I die? Perhaps I will live long enough only to hold my child. That is more than my mother ever got.

Two healers were with me, and Catelyn was walking in and out of the room. She was informing the whole family, and she was waiting to see if Robb has returned. She knows me so well.

Elisa was here too. She was the one who held my hand. And no gold will ever be enough to repay her for this. I am honestly scared that I might have broken her hand. Still, she gives me encouraging words and lets me hold her hand like I am holding on for my dear life.

"My lady, I can see the head." One of the healers said." We need you to push now." She said. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to yell at her that I have been doing exactly that for the past few hours. But I didn't say a word, and I pushed, once again, with all the strength I had in me.

"You are doing well Elena." Catelyn reassured me with a small smile. "Better than I ever did." She said.

"Your screams really were terrifying my lady." Said the healer who helped her while giving birth.

"Well, just because I don't scream doesn't mean I don't want to." I said, and I took in a deep breath. And I pushed yet again. Catelyn left the room, possibly to tell them that I am still very much alive.

"We're almost there my Lady. Keep pushing." Said Catelyn's healer and I almost laughed because of the irony. Almost there! She said that to me hours ago! They all lie, people always lie! Robb promised me that he will be here, and he's out with that son of a bitch, hunting and having fun. He's a liar!

"Aaaa!" I yelled. My anger made me lose control. I managed to shut myself up once again.

"He's here." Catelyn said, and I didn't even notice her return to the room." He's waiting with the rest of them." she reassured me with a small smile." And he told me to beg you not to kill him." She said.

"Oh, he knows me well." I said, and I even managed to laugh. Only for a split second." I would have killed him if he didn't manage to get here in time. He's only just a little bit late!" I ended with a yell, since I felt pain that was even worse than the pain I felt all along.

I was on the verge of fainting, I could feel that. This was it. I'm losing my strength. I'm going to die.

"Catelyn, if something happens…" I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"Elena, nothing bad will happen." She reassured me, grabbing my hand that Elisa wasn't holding.

"Tell him that I love him." I continued.

"Elena, now is the perfect time for you to shut up!" Elisa said, and I looked at her in complete surprise." You're not going to die. Keep yourself together for fuck's sake. You're a Lannister and a Stark. And you are stronger than you know. Just keep pushing." She said. I was completely blindsided. She never spoke to me in this manner. Probably because she is not allowed to do so. But I will not hold that against her.

She is right. I need to grab a hold of myself, and do this. It has to end, one way, or the other.

So I kept pushing.

"Almost there my lady!" The healer yelled, and I gave one last pushed, followed by a scream. And the pain slowly decreased. I was still hurting, but not like I was before. That can only mean one thing." It's a boy." The healer said, and I started laughing and crying at the same time. I could not see him, but the notion that my son was out there made me feel very much relieved. He made it." A healthy, strong boy. Just like his father was. He will be as strong as Robb is." The healer said. I could hear my son cry.

"And Elena." Catelyn added, and I smiled weakly at her.

"I want to hold him" I said.

"My lady, we first need to make sure you are alright." The healer said. I suppose I don't have a choice.

"Elisa, go and tell Robb." I said, and she nodded. I needed Catelyn by my side now.

I was still weak, but not like I was before. I might not die after all.

"All is well my lady." The healer told me, and she smiled at me." I must say, this is one of the easiest deliveries I have ever witnessed." She said, and I laughed. I was sad too. Sad to know that I made it, and my mother didn't. But she made it long enough to give me a chance to live. I am here because of her.

"Can I hold my son?" I asked, once again, and this time they allowed me. They handed me a small creature in a blanket. He was not crying anymore, but I was. I was crying and smiling at the same time.

He is a beautiful baby. The only thing I could tell is that he had dark care, and judging by his earlier cries, a good pair of longs. My son is alive and healthy.

"He looks just like Robb." Catelyn whispered. And I was more than happy about it. I was hoping for a son that looked like his father. Catelyn was very much there when Robb was born. She must be right.

"Elena?" Elisa asked from the door and I looked away from my beautiful baby." Can he come in?"

"He'd better." I said, and as soon as I did, Robb barged into the room. In all this time, I have never seen him so confused. He didn't know where to look. At me or at the small baby in my arms.

"My love, are you alright?" he asked, and I smiled.

"More than that." I said, and he smiled, but I could see that he was still confused and maybe even frightened." Come, don't you want to hold your son?" I asked, and as soon as he heard those words, a huge smile was on his face. He slowly sat down on the bed next to me, and I handed him his son. I was looking only at Robb's reaction. He looked so dumfounded that I almost started laughing. It was like he never held a child in his arms. But there was also joy and pride in the look he was giving to our son.

"What should we name him?" he asked, now looking at me.

"Rickard." I answered, without second thought.

"So you did think about it?" he asked, a small smile on his face.

"No thought was needed. We will honor your grandfather. Our son will be a true Stark." I said. I could hear Catelyn sobbing. But I only looked at Robb. I have never seen him being so… content. Happy.

"Thank you, my beautiful wife." He whispered, and kissed my forehead. I laughed.

"I am pretty sure that I'm hideous right now." I said. I am afraid to imagine what I look like right now.

"You're always beautiful to me." he said. How does he do that? How. I just gave birth to our son, and I'm barely keeping my eyes open, and yet, his words, his smile and his eyes managed to light a fire inside of me. No one could love someone as much as I love him. No one." Isn't your mommy beautiful, hmm Rickard?" he asked, and we all laughed. I will never be this happy. Nothing will ever be able to beat this.

**Say hello to Junior :) Hope you enjoyed it. New chapter will be up in a day or two :)**


	26. Chapter 26

"Arya, don't drop him." Sansa said to her sister and I bit my lip. I didn't want to hurt Arya's feelings by laughing out loud. She just glared at her sister and picked Rickard out of the cradle he was in.

I was watching carefully, even though I was very much sure that Arya will not drop her nephew.

It might be just my imagination, but it seems to me that Rickard is always held by someone. Mostly by myself or Robb, but ever since he was born, the whole family comes into out chambers several times a day, just to see if I need something, and just to have a quick look at Rickard. I wasn't bothered at all. I may have been a child myself when Tommen was born, but I remember just how fascinated I was.

It's been almost a month since I've given birth to him. And all is going well. He is a big, healthy boy. He did not have any of the Lannister features, and I was happy about that. Well, blue eyes are common for both the Tully's and the Lannister's. I just wasn't that lucky. But Rickard looked more like Robb. And he was a very calm baby. He didn't cry too much, and when he did, he would only wake up me and Robb, and not the whole of Winterfell. I may have spoken too soon, but all is well.

Sooner than I would like, the whole Kingdom found out about the newly born heir of Winterfell. And this time around, we didn't even bother reading the letter from my father. I threw it into the fire, and Robb didn't try to stop me from doing it. There was no use. That man has been lying to me my whole life, and I do not wish to allow him to lie to me some more. I know he isn't happy and delighted to hear of the birth our son. He is happy and delighted that there is no war. After all this time, he still believes that I am here because he told me to do so. He will never understand. Yes, my marriage to Robb might have been his decision, but I am not here to keep control of the Stark's. I arrived here because I had to do what I have promised. And I am still here because I love them. Every single one of them. No, it's more than that. I am one of them. They are my family. And Tywin Lannister will be sorry. For everything.

"Elena, he is adorable." Arya told me with a big smile, like I was the one to thank because of that. I was just smiling, because Rickard just managed to wake up the femininity in Arya. She can act like a boy as much as she likes, she is still going to swoon over babies and puppies. And I know how that feels.

"I can see a little bit of you in him." I said, and Arya grinned at me." Both of you actually. I can only hope that he doesn't grow up to be a little troublemaker like you are." I said, and Arya was now glaring at me.

"Mother said that you have been refusing help from the wet nurses." Sansa said.

"Why should they help me if I can manage it myself?" I asked, and both Sansa and Arya laughed. I have seen firsthand how Cersei took care of her children. And I am most definitely not going to do the same. I will breastfeed him myself, change him, bath him and lull him myself. I am more a mother than I am a lady. Besides, Catelyn is still the Lady of Winterfell. My only obligation now is my son.

"I can't wait to see how Jon will react to him." Arya said.

"Did he send a word?" I asked. These days, I was barely leaving the chambers. Either I'm tired, or I have to take care of Rickard. And Robb fills me in on everything, since he's not stuck in here like I am.

"Yes. He said he will arrive here sooner than he planned now that his nephew is born." Sansa said, without even looking at me. Rickard had all of her attention.

So, Jon is coming back to Winterfell. I am more than happy that he's returning to Winterfell for good. I can't help but wonder if he's bringing his red head lover with him. Jon's been through a lot, and he deserves to be happy. He will be happier here with us than he ever could be at the Wall. And we will need his help, once the fight starts.

It felt so closer now than it did before. We said that we will wait until Rickard was born. We still have to wait, he is just a newborn child. But I can feel it. I can feel it in my bones. It is going to start, and it is not going to be easy. I wonder if we'll make it out alive. I'm no idiot. There will be plenty of dead, I know that. But I am worried about the ones closest to me. This family, who accepted me with arms open wide, Gendry, Tyrion… And even if I would hate to admit it, a small part of me is also worried about Jaime.

He will be on the battlefield. My long lost brother against my husband. After all that has happened, I still feel overwhelming guilt knowing that I will take my side proudly. It will not be easy, but I will do it. Even if I drown in my own guilt afterwards.

I can't think about that now. I can't. If I start now, I will be mad by the time it actually starts. And I need to be in my right mind for that. For now, I will ignore it as long as I can. As long as I'm allowed to.

"It will be good to have Jon back." I said, still thinking about whether or not he will bring his girl with him. That would be a big surprise for everyone, apart from me. I'm the only one he told.

"Elena, can I ask you something?" Sansa asked. I notice she was very unsure about asking me.

"Of course." I said, and I looked at her as she was struggling to find the right words.  
"What are you going to do? Are you planning… something?" She asked in a low voice. By something she meant a war, I am sure of that. And I don't know what I should say to her.

'We are not sure." I admitted. I didn't want to lie to her. And I do not consider her stupid. If I decided to pretend that everything is alright, she would have known. As would Arya, who was listening to every my every word." Something is bound to happen. I am not sure what or when." I said.

Truth always is a better solution. I do not lie unless that is absolutely needed. It wasn't needed now.

Without commenting on my response, both Arya and Sansa soon left me alone with Rickard. He was calm in his cradle, and I did not want to change that, so I let him be. I took one book from the desk, and gave her some well-deserved attention. I can't remember the last time I did nothing, and just stayed in my room and read. I had a job now, with or without Rickard. That was just the way of life.

I didn't even realize how much I had grown. Not just since I married Robb. I started growing even before that. The change happened probably as soon as I made that promise to Catelyn in the courtyard. Even then I knew which side I will take. It just so happens that my side also became my family.

From a young girl with ideals who craved for love and who broke the rules for her friendship, I had become a completely different person. I love the family that I married into, with all my heart. I still care for Gendry like I did all those years ago. And I love my husband more than words can say. I have found someone who completes me, who taught me the meaning of true happiness. And now, I am a mother. My son is my whole life. There is no price I wouldn't pay for him.

I might have a lot to lose, but that only means I have something worth fighting for.

I didn't lose myself in the book completely. Every now and then, I would look over Rickard, until he fell asleep. When Robb walked into the chambers, I put a finger to my lips, and he nodded, understanding what I suggested. He sat on the edge of the bed, and grabbed my hand.

"We have to talk." He said, and I nodded." Traditions says that we should have a proper feast to celebrate the birth of our son." He whispered. I let out a sigh. That was something I wanted to avoid. I do not want to put out son in the center of attention. These are dark times, and doing that doesn't exactly seem like a smart idea. But it is tradition, and it is expected from us to honor it.

"If we must." I said, not trying to hide the fact that I'm not thrilled with that. Robb should know it.

"Don't worry. It will be mostly about the two of us. We will only bring him down during the day, and he will spend the rest of it in the chambers, safe and sound, possibly with Elisa." He said. It made me feel better, reassured. If I can trust anyone, that is Elisa. Even if she doesn't exactly have plenty of experience with children. Still, that is better than having Rickard with us the whole time.

"That is exactly what I want. All the attention on the two of us when I look this hideous." I said, and it made Robb laugh. He's been trying to convince me that I don't look bad at all, but I wasn't exactly buying it. I'm tired, or exhausted to be precise, I still can't fit in most of my dresses, and I feel like the life has been drained out of me. No, no matter what he says, I'm sure that I look pretty bad now.

"You're beautiful to me." he said, and he kissed me. He was the one who pulled away. I was not yet ready, and he knew that. It is killing me. I want him as much as I wanted him before, but now is not the time. I may be in pain, and I feel like a dirt old cloth. He knows it, and he isn't pushing me. But that only makes me feel even worse. The stupid, probably irrational fear that he will seek a whore to fulfill his desires started to bother me. It bothered me as soon as I realize that I will need some time to heal, both physically and emotionally. And as much as I wanted to rush myself, I couldn't. In all honesty, I don't know how I'm keeping it together right now. I honestly don't know.

…

Trying hard to ignore the feeling of discomfort, I managed to smile. The whole of Winterfell was passing in front of me, congratulating both me and Robb, leaving gifts and wishing to see the baby I held tightly in my arms. It was a surprise for me that this is common even for a regular Lord. Remembering how Cersei showed of Tommen the same way I'm doing now with Rickard made me feel sick to my stomach.

But I had to keep it up. Looking better than I did in the past few weeks, squeezed into a dark blue dress, I was forcing a smile ever since it begun. The winter worked for my favor now. I had an excuse to be covered up in a warm coat.

My female insecurities bothered me. They reached their peak as soon as I saw Ros, the object of Theon's affection in the corner of the room. As she is a whore, it would have been considered an insult for her to approach us and give us her congratulations. Even in Winterfell, where the rules weren't as strict as they are in King's Landing, some rules were strictly followed.

It seemed like hours passed until Robb finally suggested that we should take Rickard to the chambers. I did it myself, followed by Elisa. She promised me, a thousand times at least, that she will find either me or Catelyn if she needs anything. It took all of my strength to turn around and return to the hall.

At least I was with Robb. Of course, with the rest of the family too, but I got to hold his hand. As always, that was the silent support I was desperate for. And he was there to give it to me.

It would have been a lot easier if I could drink. But I decided not to, since I was feeding Rickard myself.

Robb, on the other hand, enjoyed himself very much. I would have been fine with that if I wasn't scared beyond belief that he will end up in the brothel.

"Elena?" he asked, and instantly brought me back to reality. I was drowning in my insecurities, picking the food on my plate. No wonder he noticed something wasn't right." What is it with you?" he asked, and I frowned. Well, nice word choice Stark." You're not yourself at all these days." He said.

"Well, excuse me _my lord_." I said and ignored the fact that he was taken aback by my response." That tends to happen when you give birth to a child. I am moody, and you are not helping me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go to the chambers. I believe I was here more than enough. Feel free to sleep with the whores tonight." I said, got up, and walked away without giving him a chance to try and say something to stop me. My departure wasn't unnoticed. Almost everyone was looking at me as I stormed off. It was bad enough that the whole family saw it. Tomorrow morning the whole of Winterfell will talk about my marriage troubles. Which I may have made up myself. As I was walking through the castle corridors, I realized that my reaction was too explosive. I shouldn't have done that. But now it's too late to fix anything. I just want to get out of this stupid dress, see that my son is well, and go to sleep.

"Elena! You scared me!" Elisa exclaimed when we almost ran into each other in the hallway. She was holding Rickard in her arms.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, immediately thinking of the worst possible problems that may have occurred while I was downstairs, pretending to enjoy myself.

"Yes." She said with a big smile on her face. I let out a sigh of relief." You shouldn't worry so much Elena. I was just going to your, well, official chambers." She said, and I frowned.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you need some rest." She said, and I sighed once again. I wanted to fight her about it, but she was right. I would appreciate some rest. And if she believes that she can handle Rickard for one night, I should let her do so." And you and Robb should have some time for yourself. I imagine that it gets difficult to be a married couple when you share your chambers with your newborn child." She said. It only made me wonder how many people noticed that Robb and I didn't get along as much as we did. No, we did get along, but both of us were far more jumpy and on edge than we ever were.

"You're right." I admitted, and I smiled at her." But I believe he will be with… with Ros I suppose."

"Elena, don't talk like that. You know very well that that will never happen." The smile on her face showed that she believes in what she said. I wish I had the confidence to do that too." And even if the two of you are having a… lovers quarrel, you do need some rest. Rickard and I will be perfectly fine, and you will see so yourself when you wake up."

There was no use. She will not give up. And I did acknowledge that she has a point. I might as well learn how to sleep without my child in the same room. At some point, Robb and I will need our privacy again. That is, of course, if he doesn't prefer Ros. Gods, I need to get her out of my head for good!

"You're right. If you need anything, if something happens, wake me up. Do you understand?" I asked.

"Yes." She said with a grin." Say goodnight to mommy, my little lord." She said to Rickard, and I started laughing. I kissed him on the head, and I let them walk away.

I walked into the chambers, and I laughed straight away. Elisa had a plan. All of the candles were lit up. It was incredibly romantic. It would have been even more romantic if I hadn't just told my husband to go to a whore. Well, everyone makes mistakes.

As soon as I untied my dress, I started tearing it off. I just wanted to be out of it. Not only did it feel tight, but it represented everything I detested. I felt like I was being shown off. And even though I know that that was not the case, it still felt like it.

It is not Robb's fault. It isn't anyone's fault, it is just a stupid tradition. I shouldn't have acted like that. He deserves better. But I was irritated, and my insecurities got the best of me before I could control them. It is not easy knowing that you are not good enough. Especially if you're not good enough for someone who deserves the best.

I was surprised when the door opened. And even if I was not expecting him, I knew it was him. He didn't say a word, and yet, I knew him, just by the sound of his footsteps and the way he closed the door. I didn't look in his direction. I didn't even cover myself up. I just sat there, naked, on the edge of the bed, pretending like I didn't just hear him walk in.

There was something in the air. Even if I didn't acknowledge his presence by saying something to him, or even looking at him, my attitude changed. I straightened my back, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. That is how he still influences me, without even trying.

He was mad. I was sorry. This is not going to be a good night.

"He's with Elisa." I said, once I realized he was walking over to the cradle. He didn't say a word, but just walked back out of my sight. I was surprised when I felt his touch. I thought that he will ignore me completely. That is why I was surprised when he hugged me. He hugged me, and he kissed the back of my head. This man is incredible. And very forgiving. I should have known better.

"I am always here for you Elena." He whispered." I was just worried, because I had no idea what was going on in that mind of yours. It's easier now that I know. You are beautiful to me Elena. Always. Even when you look tired and lifeless, you still cause my erratic heartbeat." He whispered, and I smiled. How did I deserve such an amazing man?" And for the record, there is no whore in the world that can do what you do to me. I firmly believe in it, and I will never even try to question it. I love you, you crazy, moody woman. And even when you're crazy and moody, I know very well that I couldn't have done any better." He said.

"Wasn't it "I could have done a lot worse"?" I whispered.

"It's the same. Only this one suits you better." He said, and he kissed my shoulder. I was gone. Completely erased. There is no pain in the world that can keep me away from him now.

**Hope you liked it :) And you know the drill, next chapter is up in a day or two :)**


	27. Chapter 27

It started. I know it did. I felt it in my bones, as soon as Robb told me that his father wants to talk to us once again. It will be days, weeks, at best, before the war starts. I know it. There is no escaping it.

And we escaped it long enough. Ned was unrightfully accused of treason a long time ago. We knew the truth about Joffrey for a while now. And as much as I would like to push it back once more, I know that we have waited long enough. And I held my head up high as I walked to Ned and Cat, my hand in Robb's.

I'll send a letter to Tyrion. As far as I'm considered, as soon as he's in safety, it all can start.

"Thank you for coming." Ned said as Robb and I took our seats, the same way we sat the last time we talked in this room, the four of us. Now it felt more final." I have sent a word to my bannermen. They will arrive to Winterfell in days' time. Elena, you should send a letter to Tyrion. Tell him that the best place he can be is with us." He said, and I nodded. I can only hope that Tyrion doesn't have something else in mind. Once father realizes that not only I, but Tyrion as well have betrayed him, anywhere other than Winterfell will not be a safe place for us. Betrayed his trust? I wonder if I ever had his trust.

"And I have sent a word to Riverrun. They will support us entirely. And we will need them." Catelyn said.

"Riverrun is going to be the first one to be hit." Robb said. He may not have any experience in war, but he is a smart man. And judging by the way Ned looked at him, he was right." We need our forces to be strong in Riverrun. And I believe we will need to have the House Frey on our side." He added.

"Because of the bridge." Ned said, and Robb nodded. Neither one of them looked too happy about it. I have never met anyone from the House Frey, but I have heard stories. Lord Frey has more children that he can remember. And he does not treat him well. Not even the sons, let alone the bastards.

"They are sworn to the House Tully. We will have them on our side." Catelyn said.

"No, Cat." Eddard said, a small smile on his face." It will not be that easy with Walder Frey. He is a difficult man. And we are not in good relations. I didn't go to the last six of his eight weddings." He said, and my mouth dropped. Eight weddings? That man really has a lot of spare time on his hands if he changes wives that fast. No wonder everyone in Westeros avoids him as much as possible.

"We always have the other way." Robb said, and Ned nodded. Catelyn and I were just lost now. They were talking about a war. And though we may know much, we do not know war, not a little bit.

"We should try and go over the Twins first when the time comes." Ned said, and his words were followed by Robb's nod." I just have to wonder how high will the price be." He added in a low voice.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, truly afraid of the answer.

"Walder Frey wishes to marry off his children in good Houses. I have no doubt that our House will be more than appealing to him." Catelyn said. Oh no. There is no chance that I will let that happen.

"Well, they can't have Robb." I said. The three of them laughed, and Robb held my hand." And as for the rest of them, we will betroth them to someone else before we reach The Twins. And when it's all over, if they don't want to marry, they won't. Lord Frey won't have a say in it." I said, and Ned nodded.

"That might be a good idea. But who should we betroth them to, even for a while?" he asked.

"Gendry." Robb and I said, in the exact same time. So much for trying to hide the real reasons." He and Arya get along well. Arya would make a scene if we choose anyone else." He said. Oh, he's good.

"And it will be a good thing for him. That way, we could use it when we talk to Renly." I added.

"We will talk with the two of them first, explain everything and see if they agree." Ned said, and I had to hide my smile. Robb and I just managed to bring Gendry and Arya together, without really trying. And without them knowing." What about Sansa, Bran, Rickon?" He asked." He will go as far as trying to betroth your son to one of his granddaughters, or great granddaughters." Ned said. There is no chance that I will make my son marry a girl he doesn't want. I've done that, and I was lucky. But not everyone is. My son, and my children, if I have any more of them, which I plan to, will have a freedom of choice.

"Tyrion." I said, and they all looked at me in surprise." It will only be a formality. They won't even marry. And he would never do her harm. And as for the boys… well, they will stay in Winterfell, so we do have more choices. I suggest that you talk to your bannermen Eddard, explain to them what is our plan. They will agree, I am sure of it." I said. That way, it will all be nothing more than a formality.

"We will speak to Arya and Sansa tomorrow." Catelyn said." I believe that Tyrion and Gendry are good choices for a formality. And who knows? By the way arranged marriages go in Winterfell, they might just fall in love." She said, and we all laughed. It was an honest laugh, out of all of us. But it did not last long.

We parted ways, and Robb and I decided to take a walk. Dressed well in our coats, we walked around the woods. And he was leading the way. It has been a while since I've arrived to Winterfell, and I know it well, but Robb grew up here. There will always be holes and trees that he will know better than I do.

It was nice to get away, and enjoy one of the last days of peace. That is what it seems like to me now.

"Do you think Arya and Gendry will agree easily?" he asked, and his question was followed by a laugh once he saw how I looked at him." I know they have some feelings towards each other, but a marriage is a completely different thing." He said. And he is right. Marriage is something… surreal, I guess.

"That is only a formality, you heard what your mother said." I said to him with a small smile." I suppose they will agree to it. And after that, the only thing that they will need is a slight push from me, and soon enough, Arya won't be the only one with a nephew." I said, and Robb started laughing.

"I do not want to think about that." he said, and I rolled my eyes. He might give her a freedom of choice, but I am sure that if that marriage happens, Robb will not look at Gendry the same way. They are friends now, and close friends if I might add. In a way, Gendry has taken Jon's place until Jon returns. And once he returns, it will be Theon, Gendry, Jon and Robb that go hunting and do all those manly stuff they do that I don't want to think about. Things will change if that marriage happens, but it will only change for the good. At least that is how I see it.

"I love you Robb." I said, and he smiled down at me.

"What did I do to deserve that?" he asked.

"Well, if you're wondering why I'm saying it all of a sudden, it is because I mean it, and because I am scared that something will happen to either one of us, and that I will regret not saying it enough. And if you're wondering what you have done to deserve my love, the answer is simple. You are you. That is what makes me love you as much as I do. And I love you so much that words couldn't do my love justice." I said. He put his hands on my face. The look he was giving me was the look I knew well. His blue eyes were piercing, and once more, I had a feeling that he could see deep within my soul. If that is the case, I hope he sees that there is nothing there other than the love I have for him and our family.

I am not sure if he saw something or not, but he kissed me. He kissed me with such passion that for a moment I thought we will end up rolling around in the snow.

That is what fear does to you. It makes you hold on to what is close to your heart. And you hold on for dear life. I do not know if we will make it out of this war alive, with heads on our shoulders, but I do know one thing. Every moment, every second, every waking hour, I will make sure that this man knows how much I love him. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. He is my choice. My love, my life, my family, my companion, in good times, and in bad. As long as I have his hand in mine, I will accept my destiny, whatever it may be. And I will fight like a lioness I used to be, and like the direwolf I am now, for us to have a future. For our children to hold their heads up proudly, because there is one thing we will always fight for. Our honor.

….

Robb had the unpleasant task of tell Sansa and Arya what is our idea to keep them safe from marrying into a bad family. I, on the other hand, was a complete coward. With Rickard in my arms, I hid away in the chambers, using him as an excuse. I was only honest with Robb when I told him that the true reason why I'm not joining him is because it would break my heart to see Arya get angry with me. Once again, Robb proved himself to be the best husband there is. And I was just a coward.

I just couldn't face it. Even though that was my idea, I couldn't face it.

I was nervously pacing around the chambers with Rickard in my arms. Yes, if it comes to that, I will use him as a human shield. Arya would never attack me if I hold onto him. It's sad to see what I've come to.

And who will tell Gendry? Why did I even suggest that stupid solution, why?!

I need Jon to return as soon as possible. Robb and I need his help more than we would like to admit. For instance, he could have been the one holding Arya, so that she doesn't attack us. But no, not only is he not her, I also left Robb to do this one on his own.

Time wasn't passing fast enough. He only just left, and it feels like he's been gone for hours. I suppose I should get used to that feeling. I will have to do a whole lot of waiting in the days, weeks, months to come. Hopefully not years, but you never know.

I was so distracted that the sound of the door opening made me jump.

"How did it go?" I asked before Robb could even say a word to me.

"They accepted it pretty well." He said, and I let out a sigh of relieve." I told them that it is only a formality, and they both agreed to it. No, Arya did not look to eager." He said. Well, of course he knows what I was just about to ask." She must be frightened, regardless of her feelings." He added.

"I should have gone with you." I whispered. I am regretting my decision very much now.

"Don't feel bad. You will talk to Gendry and Tyrion." He said, and I gasped in surprise. So much for a supportive husband! Now I'm the one that's being thrown to the wolves. Oh, he's only doing the exact same thing that I did. There is no right for me to be angry with him about it." Well, Tyrion is your brother, and Gendry… well, he acts like your brother. I'm sure they will take it a lot better when it comes from you then if it were to come from me." he said. I hate it when he's right.

"You're right. Well, I sent Tyrion a letter just this morning. We will see what is his response. He will agree to it, I'm sure of it. If not for anything else, than because I asked him to. And I have a feeling that Gendry won't take it bad." I said. What Gendry and I talked about has remained between the two of us, just like I promised. I may love my husband, but Gendry is like a brother. If he asks me not to tell Robb, and it's not some sort of life threatening information, I will keep my promise.

Either way, what Gendry had was just a thought. I will still have to inform him about the details of it.

"You should probably talk to him before Arya does. He might have another black eye." Robb said.

"He won't." I said, while he was laughing." But you are right, I have to do this right now. I'll just try to avoid your sisters on my way there." I said, already knowing that that was practically impossible. I gave him Rickard, and then I went to find Gendry. As always, he was working.

Gendry really is incredible. He found out that he's the King's bastard son, and what does he do? He works as a blacksmith, and he decides not to fight for the Throne. The only thing he will be is our way to convince Renly to fight along with us. And when the time comes, he will do it willingly.

Not only do I not know what did I do to deserve the husband I have, but I also do not know what did I do to deserve a friend like Gendry.

"Gendry?" I called, and he turned around." Do you have a moment?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, can it wait?" he asked. I shook my head. Instead of rolling his eyes, or complaining, he left his tools and walked over to me." What happened?" he asked. He must have realized that I don't want to catch up with him, but that I have something more to say.

"I have told you yesterday that Lord Stark called for his bannermen." I said, and he nodded. Well, he will find out eventually, so you might as well say it now Elena. "Well, we were talking about… our strategy. And once it all starts, we are going to have to pass the Twins. And the way we can do that is with Walder Frey on our side. The problem is, he has a lot of children. And we do not want to see Arya or Sansa betrothed to his sons. They would only suffer there." I said. Gendry knows me very well. I shouldn't be surprised that he knows that I'm not finished talking." And I had the amazing idea of betrothing them before Walder Frey can suggest that. It will only be a formality. And if they wish to do so, as soon as this whole thing is over, they will get married. And if they don't, no marriage will take place. The two of them understand that that is the way it should be." I said. Why am I still avoiding the most important part?

"So, Arya and Sansa are both now betrothed?" he asked. I hate this, I really do.

"Yes." I whispered. He sighed, and started pacing around.

"Elena, why did you do that? Yes, I know you did it for their safety!" he said as soon as I opened my mouth to start speaking. I closed my mouth again. He is angry with me, and I just need to take it. I deserve it." But still… I just told you that… And now she's… I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true." He said. Oh! He doesn't… Oh my.

"No, no, no, Gendry." I said, and he looked at me." You are betrothed to Arya." I said.

"I'm what?" he asked in a low voice. Oh, great, now he will be angry at me because of that.

"It's not yet official. But yes, you are betrothed to Arya. Of course, if you agree. That cannot happen if you both do not agree. And she already did, so I suppose that… Gendry!" I yelled as he hugged me and started spinning us both around the room." For the love of Gods, Gendry, put me down!" I yelled. Still, I was laughing. And I was laughing even more once I could see his beaming smile." Gendry, I told you, this is just a formality for now." I said, and he started frantically nodding his head.

"Yes, yes, I know it, but if she wants it, it could really happen, right. After all of this is over?" he asked.

"Yes, if that is what… Gendry, where are you going?!" I asked as he started walking out of the workshop. I have never seen him act this way.

"Well, I have to talk to her. It's about time, isn't it?" he said, and I smiled, praying to the Gods that I don't start crying tears of joy in front of him." Thank you, Elena. For everything." He said, and he started to walk away." Oh, and what about Sansa?" he asked, stopping once again.

"Tyrion. If all goes well. Somehow I don't see that one actually happening." I said, this time without a smile. As kind as my brother is, I know he is not the handsome, young man that Sansa was hoping for. It's a good thing that it won't happen unless they both want it to." Go, find her!" I said to Gendry. He smiled at me once more, and then he ran away. And just moments ago he barely had the time to talk.

I didn't waste my time, knowing that Robb is curious about Gendry's reaction.

"How did it go?" he asked before I even walked into the chambers. I closed the door behind me.

"He did not take it well." I said, and I watched as Robb's face fell in a second." He yelled at me, he was angry. I have never seen him act like that." I whispered, wondering how long will I be able to pretend.

"Elena, I am so sorry I let you do it on your own." He said and I smirked." Elena! You scared me!" he yelled, but then he smiled at me." He took it well, didn't he?"

"That would be an understatement. I have a feeling they will be married someday." I admitted.

"As long as they are happy." He said. I hugged him and leaned my head on his chest." I only hope that your brother gets the letter in time. Well, we will wait for his response." He said, and I nodded.

"I was careful with the words I used. You never know if the letter might end up in the wrong hands." I whispered, hoping that it won't, even if I was careful." Now we only wait for him and Jon."  
"And then it starts." He said in a low voice.

"And then it starts." I repeated, hoping that we will be ready for whatever the war brings.

**Hope you enjoyed this one too. New chapter, as usual, in a day or two :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Sorry for the slight delay. I had a lot of work to do. And studying. I swear, I'm getting sick and tired of the English language, I'm starting to think in English! And I'm sorry in advance for my mistakes. Enjoy. **

In the past two days, I have spent more time with Ned than I did with Robb. We were mostly talking and working on running Winterfell, but every now and then, one of us would mention the dark times ahead of us. The plan was still on hold. And it will be until we hear from my brother.

I started to get worried. He must have gotten the letter by now. The only explanation I have for the lack of his response is that either he didn't want to respond, or he didn't even read the letter. And the thought of those excuses send a chill through me. Why didn't he write me back? Or did the letter reach a person it wasn't supposed to reach?

As careful as I was while I was writing it, there is a chance that someone might have realized that we were up to something. There is no way that anyone other than Tyrion could understand what I actually meant, but it was still risky. Since I don't know whether he got the letter or not, I am not sure what to do next. I am confused and frightened. And if I don't hear from him, I am not sure what I will do.

There was no word from Jon either. He should be here soon, maybe even as soon as tomorrow. Either way, we would all be a lot calmer if we hear from him.

I hate waiting. And even more than that, I hate being helpless. Especially when I would do anything.

It is a truly horrible feeling.

"Elena?" Eddard called, and I turned to him. He had a small, kind smile on his face." You shouldn't worry as much as you do. I am afraid that there will be more than enough time for it." he said. I laughed.

"Oh, there is no doubt about that. Sadly, it is not something that I can control very well." I admitted. He knows me well enough to know that I hate admitting my liabilities.

"Your husband is safe by your side. Save your worries."

"He may be here, but my brother, and his brother, are out there. As much as I love my husband, he is hardly the only person I care for. I will not be calm, not until I see both Tyrion and Jon, safe and sound."

"I'm afraid that you won't be calm for long." He said. I was slightly annoyed by his constant reminder of the uncertainty of the future of all of us. I know that myself, and I do not need him to remind me of it every single day. But I say nothing. He doesn't do it to make me feel worse. That is probably not his intention. That is why I keep my mouth shut. That and the fact that I respect him too much to tell him to shut up.

"I should go and check on Sand." I said. It is the truth, but mostly, I wanted an excuse to get out of here. He only nodded, and I walked out of the room with Rickard in my hands.

Hodor ran toward me an hour ago or so, and somehow explained that it was time for Sand to have her pups. With a lot of nodding and hand movement, he assured me that he can take care of it. And I let him do so. I know that I cannot help, so I didn't even try. I could only make things worse if I try to help. I'm just going to check on her. She is my pet after all.

As I was walking towards the barn, I could see Gendry and Arya walking around the courtyard. They seemed in some sort of deep conversation. I did not want to bother them. I know, they wouldn't mind my company, not at all. They have finally made some progress, and I do not want to stop them in making some more progress.

I pretended like I didn't even notice them. I was just about to walk into the bar, but Robb walked out before I did.

"Two pups." he said, a smile on his face." For now." He added. Neither one of us was happy about the fact that Sand might have more than five pups. We don't even know what to do with them. At this rate, we will have a heard of direwolfs living in Winterfell. And they are not easy to take care of.

"Seven hells, what will we do with them?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"I have no idea." He said, and smiled at his son." Can I hold him?" he asked me, and I laughed as I was handing Rickard to him. It is unbelievable that he asks me for permission. He is his son as much as he is mine. And yet, Robb asks me before he does anything. I suppose he is still slightly insecure. But he has to know that I don't know what I'm doing either. I'm as new in this as he is.

"What is bothering you my love?" he asked, and I smiled.

"Nothing. Everything. Your brother and my brother and their incredible stupidity." I said. At least I made him laugh.

"As annoyed as I am, I believe in them." He said, a meaningful look on his face. I looked away. I hate it when he does that, when he looks at me in order to prove me wrong. He's been doing it a lot lately." They are both smart men. And they know what is about to happen. They will be here Elena."

"I know they will. I'm just wondering will they be here in one piece." I said, and Robb rolled his eyes.

I was always proud of the fact that he treated me with respect. He always asked for my opinion, and he would always take it in consideration. I really was proud of it. In that way, he showed that he respects me, and he showed it on a daily basis. That is why this feels incredibly wrong. I try not to whine, but when I do, I think that he sees me as just another stupid girl, thinking of her girly problems. I'm not just another girly girl. I never was, and I'm not one now, now that I'm a wife and a mother. But when I see him rolling his eyes on a comment I made, I start to think if he agrees with me on that.

"I'm going to find Sansa and spend some time with here. Do you want me to leave Rickard with you?  
"Yes, sure." He said. I smiled, and walked away. I do not want to think of Sand and the trouble and pain she might be in, I do not want to think of the amount of direwolfs that will run around Winterfell in no time, I do not want to think about Jon or Tyrion, and I most definitely don't want to allow my insecurities to resurface once again. Especially not in front of him. Once was more than enough.

One thing I know for sure. I can always count on Sansa. She does not have puppy eyes for a man like Arya does, she does not lecture me, and she is more than happy to be my savior.

I have felt guilty for a long while. I never seemed to give her as much attention as I did to Arya. I did that unintentionally, probably because I relate to Arya more than I do to Sansa. But once I realized that I might actually make her feel bad, I decided to fix that. And I did.

And I had a chance to improve my needle work. I never was good at it, mostly because I would hide from the Septa in one of the castle corridors, or in my chambers. Unlike me, Sansa was a natural, and she was probably a better teacher than my Septa ever was.

Between Rickard, helping Catelyn and Eddard run Winterfell, spending time with the rest of the family, occasional classes of reading and writing with the children of Winterfell, I didn't have much time to worry about my brother and Jon. And yet, somehow, they were always on my mind.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked Sansa, who was in her chambers, sitting by the window. She smiled at me.

"Of course not." She said. I joined her, and for a while, we were both working in silence.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked, breaking the silence all of a sudden.

"Of course Sansa. You know better than that." I added with a smile, and I noticed she didn't smile back.

"I know he is your brother. And I am sure that you have nothing more than good words to say about him. But I wish to hear the truth. Is your brother a good man?" She asked. I will not lie, this caught me by surprise. I should have known better. Even if it is a mere formality, she will still be betrothed to him, if he agrees. I was not thinking about it before, but now it seems like a bad idea. If this is only a formality, this girl will have two failed betrothals behind her. And I remember how bad she feels about her one failed betrothal. This one will only add salt on the wound.

"I could never lie to you Sansa." I said, thinking that that is the first thing she should know." Under no circumstances will I tell you anything but the truth. Tyrion is a good man. I am not saying this like his sister, I am saying this as an observer. I grew up there, I spent years and years surrounded by people who could kill a man without even blinking. No, I was surrounded by people who killed men without blinking. And Tyrion is different. He has his demons, there is no doubt about that. He is far from perfect. He drinks more than he should, and he is more than frequent in brothels. But he is a good man. And I can assure you, whether it is a formality or not, he would never do you wrong." I said.

"Do you think I could… be happy?" she asked. I keep getting more and more surprised each second.

"I do not know that Sansa. I can only be sure of two things. One, Tyrion would never do you wrong. And the second one is that you shouldn't do anything you do not want to do. Yes, you might lead a happy life with him, but if you do not want to do that, don't. I understand that you are scared, and that you have a fear that you are… marked or something. But if you do not want to marry my brother, leave it be. Do not interfere, and let it be just a formality. Because if you marry him, and you do not want to do that, no one can guaranty you that you will have a happy life. Your parents were lucky. So was your brother, and so was I. But that does not happen that often. I saw it first hand, as did you. Do not do it if you don't want it. Because if you do, you might just end up being Cersei." I said. I hated saying those words, I hated scaring her. But it is better that I scare her. Better than then to let her do something she doesn't want.

"I understand what you mean." She said, and I nodded, waiting for the other part, in which she tells me that she understands, but does not agree with me." The problem is, I'm starting to believe that that is not such a bad idea after all." She said, and I sighed. I am not sure what to do. She is too young for my brother, but if they do marry, that would hardly be the most talked about age difference in Westeros.

"Sansa, my brother is no prince. He is a good man, but we both know that he is not what you hoped for." I said, feeling bad about it. Yes, my brother is a dwarf. And yes, I tend to forget about that. Sadly, that does not mean that everyone else forgets it too.

"There is more to that Elena, you know that better than anyone." She said. When did she grow up?" For a while, I was more than sure that Joffrey was everything that I ever wanted. He was a prince, and now, he is a King. He was charming when he had to be. He was good in pretending. I was absolutely sure that he was the one I will love until I die. And look how well that turned out."

"Well, I'm not challenging you on that one." I said, and she laughed. I am still not sure what exactly did he do to her. As long as he didn't touch her, she will be fine. Even Joffrey's mental torture is something that you can outgrow.

"I apologize if you get offended with what I am just about to say, but Tyrion is different. And that does not mean that he is different in a bad way. I am in no way sure, but he might just be the one I need."

"I'm not offended Sansa. He is a dwarf, he was a dwarf since the day he was born, and he will be a dwarf until he dies. I value your opinion, and nothing would make me happier than to see you happy next to my brother, but I feel the duty to warn you Sansa. You and I may look past his looks, but not everyone does. There will be looks, and smirks, and laughter that follows you and him both. Do I thing that that is still better than being married to Joffrey? Yes, yes I do. But the last thing I would like is for you to come crying to me once you realized that it wasn't what you thought it would be. I want you to be happy Sansa. And I want him to be happy too. If both of you think that that is the way, then so be it. I will be the happiest woman in Westeros. But do not do it if you do not want to. I beg of you. Do not do it if you will regret it." I said.

"Whatever choice I make when the time comes, I will not regret it. You said it to me once Elena, don't you remember?" she asked, and I could only frown. I say many things, and I try not to regret them, but I have no idea what is she talking about now." You said something, and I had been following it ever since. While we were on the way back to Winterfell, when you saved our father, you told me never to regret any decision that I have ever made, because at one point in time, it had seemed like the best decision." She said. Well, that does sound like something I would say. And there is no reason for her to lie to me." Whatever I decide, I will not regret it. Besides, it is not just my choice to make. Your brother has a say in it as much as I do." She said.

She is right. Come to think of it, I do not know what Tyrion would say to this. I know that he would agree to a betrothal in order to keep Sansa safe, but I am not sure if he would actually want to marry her. I see no reason for him to decline, but he is a smart man. He will not just be enchanted by her youth, good looks, or the fact that she is from a noble family. She may be all that, but Tyrion, more than anyone else, knows that there is so much more than looks and titles.

"That is true. But, Sansa, whatever you decide, do not decide it in an impulsive way. Think about it before you act. Promise me that, I beg of you." I said, not even trying to hide my worry. There is no use to it. Everyone in Winterfell knows that I worry too much for my own good, I might as well show it.

"I promise." She said, and I believed her. I am hardly the smartest woman alive, but I know a lie when I hear one. And Sansa did not lie to me. She might still be just a girl, but she has seen plenty of things she shouldn't have seen. The worst part is that the worst is yet to come, and she will see it happening right in front of her, just as I will. I was always sure that I have more in common with Arya than I do with Sansa. Yes, Arya and I both have the tendency to speak are mind whenever we feel like it, and we both would much rather play with weapons than with needles. But Sansa and I have some things in common to. We both grew up too soon. We stopped being little girls long before we should have.

By the end of the day, we had six direwolf pups, one worried Lady and still no word from Jon or Tyrion.

It was quite between Robb and I, and it is not just because Rickard is with Elisa in my unused chambers. I was thinking about Sansa, and what he was thinking about, only he and the Gods know.

"Your sister is starting to consider her marital options." I said, careful not to betray Sansa's trust in every way possible. Although, I highly doubt it was a secret. Besides, Robb will not speak of it.

"Who does she have in mind now?" Robb asked. I was surprised to see that he knew straight away who I was talking about. Well, it's not like it is hard to guess who seems to be an object of Arya's affection.

"My brother." I said, and once I heard no response, I turned around. Robb was lying on the bed, and looking at me in complete surprise." Since he is a complete opposite of Joffrey, she seems to think that it will be a complete opposite in every way. And she might just be right. We all know what's Joffrey like." I said, hoping that he would at least say something. He doesn't have to agree with me. I actually prefer when we don't share an opinion. It shows me that we are still two individuals, not just one dull couple who breaths together and thinks alike.

"I know that he is your brother. And he proved himself more than once. But I do not see him fit to be my sister's husband." He said. No, I did not want him to blindly approve my opinion. But I also did not want him to insult the only Lannister I love and I care fore. And what he did was just that.

"You are unbelievable." I whispered, and he looked at me in surprise. Not trying to hide my anger, I marched towards the bed, laid on it, covered myself with the blankets and furs, and turned my back to him." At least Sansa felt bad about insulting him. You are so full of yourself Robb Stark. Sometimes I think I know you better than anyone, and then you say something like this, and you make me question you and our whole marriage. No, don't." I said, once I heard him trying to say something to defend himself." You insult Tyrion, you insult me. It doesn't matter if you're my father, a friend, a peasant, or even my fucking husband. That's the way it goes. And I do not wish to talk about it anymore, because I do not want this night to end with me hating you and every single bone in your body. Goodnight." I said, ending the discussion. My rant, to be precise. And I do not feel sorry. No one insults my brother.

I may love Robb more than words can say, but love is never enough. Tyrion is the one who helped me when it was the darkest. He was like fire in the cold, dark tunnel in which I spent almost 19 years in. And not even my love for Robb will put that fire out. He might as well know it.

**Once again guys, sorry for the delay. I'm back :)  
Oh, and one more thing. After I did some research on actual wolves, I realized that the whole Grey Wind/Sand thing would be highly unlikely. Let's just pretend that it is the most normal thing ever. Oh, what the hell, this is Fiction. Enjoy the impossible things :)**


	29. Chapter 29

The only words I said to Robb were Good morning. I was still angry with him in his talent to not think before he speaks. I used to think that I'm the one with that problem, out of the two of us. However, he beat me to it. At least I try not to hurt his feelings with my words.

And it is not like I didn't have better things to do. I needed to check on our son, and I needed to check on Sand and her pups. Once I am done with that, I will go and see if there is a letter waiting, from Jon or Tyrion. I already know that there will be nothing waiting for me, but I will still check. I have to.

My little boy is more than well. Soon enough, he will have his own chambers. Sometimes he sleeps in our chambers, but not when Elisa has a say in it. She has a habit of silently pushing me into Robb's arms, without me realizing that she had done anything about it.

Rickard is growing, and he is growing fast. I can only imagine that we have days left before the bannermen gather, and we start a war with Joffrey and the Lannisters. No one can use Rickard as an excuse anymore, not the family, not me. I wonder what will we do with him. A war camp is no place for a child, that is certain. And yet, I do not know if I'll be able to leave him behind. His safety is most important, and I believe that I will have to mend thinks with Robb. Whatever happens between us doesn't change the fact that I am not the only one who makes decisions regarding our son. He is not my son, he is not his son, he is our son, and the decisions considering our son, we will make together.

Robb may occasionally be a dumb man, but he is my dumb man. And Gods know, I would be able to forgive him everything. Or, perhaps, almost everything. I prefer not to test that.

"Elena!" I heard a call, and when I turned around, I could see Arya running towards me." Where are you going?" she asked once she was close to me. Gods, we barely talked to each other these days.

"To see Sand. Will you come with me?" I asked, and I smiled once she nodded.

"What did he do?"Arya asked as we were making our way towards the barn where we kept the direwolfs. I looked at her in confusion." You have that face. The one you have when Robb acts like a child instead of a grown man. So I'm asking, what did he do?" She asked. I started laughing.

"Oh little one, you know me well." I said to her with a smile, although she is hardly the little one. She is almost a grown woman. Time flies, I always knew that, but I didn't realize that I've been a part of this family for so long." I am not your brother's mother, thank the Gods. He can do whatever he pleases. You and I Arya, we tend to forget that he is my Lord now. I'm just a… token." I said, wondering it that really is all I am. Sometimes, I know that I'm much more than that. And other times, like now, I wonder.

"You are more than that to him Elena, you know that very well. And whatever happened, you will find a way to make it better. You're both too young to start hating each other." She said and I laughed.

"Why, thank you, you made me feel so much better. I could never hate that man. I just wished that he knows how to appreciate it more often than he does." I said. I do not want to talk about it. Not with Arya, that is for sure. I surprised myself once I realized that I held a grudge against her. I didn't even know it, not until now." Why don't you go and find Gendry? I'm sure he has more interesting stories than I do." I said, and ignoring the surprised look on her face, I walked away.

I was a bitch, I know that very well. And I believe it will be worth it. I understand what it's like to be madly in love, but Arya should know better than to make a man a center of her world. I never expected that from her. Sansa, maybe, but definitely not Arya. It is just another prove on how much love changes people. I love my husband with all my heart, but he is hardly the only thing in my world. There is our son, there is the rest of the family, the chores and jobs that wait for me. If I have to be a bitch to remind Arya that Gendry is not the only person alive, I will. As they say, it's all for the greater good.

Sand was perfectly fine without me. The pups were well, Grey Wind was by her side, and she most definitely didn't need me to worry about her. It was almost like she silently told me, with her big, yellow eyes, that I should save my concerns for someone who needs them. I swear, those animals are acting more like humans than animals.

As I was walking through the courtyard, I finally admitted to myself that I am definitely not in a good mood today. I should avoid people today, as much as I can. I do not wish to burn any bridges.

"Stark!" Someone called, but I did not look around. There was always more than one Stark in the courtyard, and if someone was calling for me, they would have been more specific, especially if they know me. I'm still not bragging around about being a Stark. I am proud, but I do not practice vanity.

"Lannister!" Someone called, and this time, I knew I was the one who was being called. Even if I am no longer a Lannister, I was one, no matter how much I want to forget about it. So I know that this… well, insult, was meant for me. I turned around, ready to throw someone in the pit of one of the Seven hells, but the words I thought of remained unsaid once I saw who had called me a Lannister.

It was Jon.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was already running towards him. I barely notice a horse and Ghost by his side. I could only see him. And the fact that I wanted to hit him with all my strength couldn't overshadow how much I missed him, and how glad I was to see him in one piece.

So I hugged him, instead of hitting him. It is safe to say that my mood just got a whole lot better.

"I'm going to kill you." I said into his ear as I hugged him. I could feel him shaking with laughter.

"I think we both know you won't." He said, and I laughed, even though I didn't want to. I wanted to scold him for not sending a letter before he got here. No, I wanted to kick his ass and stab him with a sword, but I realized that I would just be wasting words. And I'm much too glad to see him in once piece. "May I meet my nephew now?" he asked. I smiled as I pulled away from him.

"Yes, you can. But I suggest you see the rest of your family first. Rickard can live without you a few more moments, but I doubt your brothers and sisters can." I said, and he nodded after he gave it thought." I'll take you to them." I said, and we started walking towards the castle. I had so many questions. What took him so long? What is the situation like in the Night's watch? What is the situation like behind the Wall. Why didn't he write? What will he do next? I truly had too many questions, but they all were less important than the one that came to my mind first." Where's the girl Jon?" I asked in a low voice.

He did not say much about her, but Jon isn't the one that says too much about anything. And I didn't need to hear more words. I could see the look in his eyes when he talked about her, and that was enough for me. And yet, here he is, without her. He did say he doesn't believe she would come with him. Maybe he was the realistic one, and I was the stupid child who believed in the power of love.

"She's dead Elena." He said, and at once, I stopped walking. I expected him to tell me that she didn't want to come with him, or that he had a change of heart and didn't even ask her. I never would have guessed that he would say what he just said.

"Oh dear." I whispered. I never was good in comforting somebody. I never really had to do it, and I had no idea what I am supposed to say." Jon, I'm so sorry." I whispered. That is safe, isn't it? I'll keep my curiosity on hold until some better time comes along. I am sure he doesn't want to talk about it now.

"I didn't even get a chance to ask her…" he said quietly. I think he wants to talk about it, but isn't just quite ready to do so. Well, I'll always be here for him. And I will be here for him if he needs someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. I squeezed his hand with mine, and he nodded, understanding what I said to him without the use of words." We'll have time. I want to see my family and to meet my nephew." He said with a smile, and I smiled back at him.

I can't remember a time where there was more joy in Winterfell than there was today. I suspect it was when Rickard was born, but I was bedbound at the time, so I could not be a witness of that excitement.

Everyone was happy for Jon's return, that is sure. Even Catelyn didn't have a frown while she looked at him. Once again, I thought about what I would do if Robb brings me a son from another woman. And my decision is the same as it was before. I would not take it out on the innocent child. I would take it out on Robb, and Gods only know how that would end. I do not judge Catelyn for acting the way she did. Just because I would have done it differently, doesn't mean that my way is the right way. There is no right way to be honest. That is why I hope Robb never puts me in that situation.

We forgot about our fight, at least for a little while. You couldn't tell who was more excited about Jon's return, Robb or me. It's just… It is just so good to have him back.

Now I was only left with my own brother. Why in the name of Gods hasn't he sent me a letter? Why? What has stopped him, what? Is he on his way here? Or is he being held somewhere, by someone? Now I only have to worry about him.

Well, that and the upcoming war. I amaze myself. I'm worried more about my brother than the possibility of war. Probably because I warned myself a long time ago. This war is not a sudden decision. And I have to admit, as much as I thought of the Lannister as a distant, unfamiliar thing, they are still the people I spent most of my life with. I may not spend sleepless nights thinking about Jaime and Cersei, but sadly, they are still my blood. And Tyrion is my own more than anyone of them. No, I do not feel guilty about thinking of him, and not of the war. Once he is safe, I'll think of the war. I'll fight myself if I have to! I'll ride into battles and slit throats myself if that is what keeps my family safe! And I do not want to have my family in danger even before the battle starts!

If Tyrion doesn't send me a letter… I'll either go for him myself, or I would sent half of the Stark's guard to get him. If I have to walk into the Throne room and kill Joffrey with my own two hands, and afterwards pay for it with my life, I will do it. I have a strong sense that I'm more of a Tully and Stark than I ever was a Lannister. Stark, because this is where I belong. Tully, because their words are my own words. Family, duty, honor.

Robb and I avoided our troubles as long as we could. I have forgiven him by now. The truth is, I had forgiven him last night. I just wanted to show him that what he said actually hurt my feelings. But being away from him made me feel even worse.

And he knew it. He could feel it. As I stood by the window, I looked over my shoulder and I saw him looking at me. The eye contact lasted only a mere second, since I looked away at once.

It wasn't just about him underestimating Tyrion. That was just a good excuse. An excuse, because I am desperately trying to distance myself. I would never want to leave him, never, not in any case. And I could never stop loving him. I could be angry with him, mad with anger, hurt like I was never hurt before, but love will never be a question. I love him deeply. And that is why I am scared.

What will I do without him? It could happen, it could easily happen once the war starts. I could be left without them, and if we didn't have a child, I would end my life myself. But we have a son. And if it happens, and we are lucky enough to live, and Robb dies, I can't imagine being able to find the strength to live on. To keep breathing. So I decided to distance myself.

It didn't take me long to realize that that is quite possibly the biggest mistake I could have made.

Yes, he might die. And if he does, chances are the rest of the family, including me and our son, will die too. We all know it. We know it can happen, more easily than we would like it to.

And I shouldn't be selfish. I should try to find my strength and will before I even need them. I shouldn't say my goodbyes to Robb because he is right here. He is here, with me, living and breathing. I should just stop thinking and cherish every single second of time I get to spend with him.

I know it, and it brings tears to my eyes. I wanted to turn around, to tell him that, to hug him, to kiss him, to rip of his clothes and to be his once again. I wanted his skin against my, I wanted him to hold me with all the strength he could gather, I wanted it more than anything. But I couldn't turn. I just couldn't.

I didn't hear his steps but I felt his hands hugging me around my waist. I closed my eyes, and I leaned back, my head on his shoulder, my back against his chest. That's how much we know each other. He knew I wanted to say something, but I could not find the words. He knew I wanted to do something, but I could find the courage to do so. And he did it for me. My amazing, thoughtful, beautiful husband did it for me. My amazing, thoughtful, beautiful husband who should know to think before he speaks. I love him nonetheless.

"I hate fighting with you." He whispered in my ear.

"I hate fighting with you too." I said, and I put my hands over his." The problem is, you can be an ass."

"Well, if no one told you the truth, I suppose I should…" he started. I had a smile already. He's going to insult me back." You can be a bitch. Occasionally." He said, and I started laughing.

"Why thank you." I said, and I could feel him laugh." I know I can be a bitch. Don't we make a fine couple?" I asked with a smirk on my face.

"An ass and a bitch. Yes, I believe we do." He said, and I laughed. I didn't know what to say now. Or if I should say anything at all. Unlike him, I do tend to think before I open my mouth. The problem is, I tend to overthink every single decision I make.

"At least we love each other." I said, and he laughed.

"That's true. Tell me, what have you said to Arya?" he asked. I was so surprised that I turned around." She came to me, crying her eyes out. All I could understand between the cries and before she ran out was "Elena said." He admitted, and I closed my eyes. Oh Gods. I should have been more careful with her. When she acts brave I tend to forget that underneath the act she is still just a girl, and her feelings could get hurt easily.

"I'm an idiot." I whispered, and Robb gave me a quizzical look." Don't ask. I'll fix it tomorrow." I said, and I hugged him. Just the smell of him helped me." Could you do me a favor and make me forget about the rest of the world for a few hours?" I asked.

"I'd be more than happy to." He said, and I giggled.

"Let me guess, it will be your pleasure?" I asked, and when I looked up, he was grinning down at me.

"Elena Stark, it would most definitely be my pleasure." He said, and I laughed. He caught me by surprise when he lifted me, but I was more than ready to wrap my legs around him, seeing as my arms were already around his neck." And I will see to it that it's your pleasure as well." He said and I kissed him. I was giggling like a little girl.

**Sorry guys, I've started working as a waitress too, and now I juggle two jobs. I write whenever I find time. Keep reading, the story isn't over yet! :) **


	30. Chapter 30

As soon as the blade in my hand was closed to his face, Robb would move, and I would have to stop.

"Will you please stand still?" I asked, irritated. If he didn't flinch every time, we would have been done already. I honestly do not understand why he would let me shave him if he thinks that I will cut him.

"I'm sorry, but this isn't the most comfortable position I've been in." he said.

"Seven Hells Robb, I know how to do this." I sighed, and I leaned back his head so that he can look at me." Do you trust me or not?" I asked, and after he thought about it for a moment, he nodded his head. I leaned his head on the side, and I started shaving him. I am positive there is no chance that I will cut him. I know what I'm doing, and I would much rather work slow, than fast and mess everything up. This is my husband's face I'm shaving. I don't want to cut him any more than he wants to be cut.

"I don't think I have ever heard you singing." Robb said quietly. I didn't even notice that I started humming as I was working.

"And you probably never will." I whispered. Before he could say something, I spoke first." Do not talk, I do not want to cut you." I warned and he slowly nodded. I wonder how long will he be quiet now." I know you have better things to do, but, the thing is, I'm not going to let you. It's a matter of minutes before your father's banners arrive. And Gods only know when you will find time for me and our son. So I will spend time with you, as much as I can, before all Seven Hells break lose." I said.

"I will always have time for you and Rickard." He said, trying not to move his jaw too much.

"I'm not questioning your devotion my love." I said with a smile on my face." I just know the way it goes when a war starts. And this will probably be the biggest war Westeros has ever seen." I said.

"Most days I'm ashamed to admit that you are far smarter than I am." He said, and I laughed.

"I'm not. I'm just an observer. You're the warrior. That is the way it should be. Wives and ladies are either their husbands support, or a token. I have feared, ever since I was old enough, that I will be nothing more than a token. And you, my brave husband, see me as your support. Other than the love I feel for you, I will always feel respect and gratitude as well." I said.

"Why are you so serious Elena?" he asked, and I frowned." Do not get me wrong, I love you for being you. Honest. But you are usually far less serious than you are now." He said.

"It's because I do nothing more than worry. Worry and love. That is all I know how to do." I whispered.

"Most of the time, that is all you need." He said. I smiled, and I kissed him on the forehead.

"I hope so." I whispered, and I took in a deep breath." Now, let's finish this." I announced.

"I will only look younger." He whined, and I laughed.

"I prefer you with a beard too, my love. Yet some acts should be followed." I said. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything to that, and I worked in silence for a while. I was wiping his face when there was a knock on the door. "Come in." I said, and Elisa walked in. "What happened?" I asked. I know Elisa a very long time, and I could see on his face that something is wrong.

"Rickard, my lady." She said, and both Robb and I turned around." Maestar Luwin says it's nothing serious, only a fever, but you should know." She said. I sighed. I knew that the day will come. It is more than common for people to get ill. But you look at illness in a very different way once you're a parent.

"Oh Gods." I whispered." Robb, you do what you should, once the bannermen arrive. I'll be with Rickard. And I'll join you later." I said. The bannermen will have Lord Eddard, Lady Catelyn and Robb to talk to, the last thing they will wish for is me. My son needs me far more.

"I'll wait with you until they arrive." Robb insisted, and I nodded. There was another knock on the door and this time, it was Jory.

"My lord, some of the bannermen have arrived." He said, and Robb and I exchanged looks.

"That settles it then." I whispered, and somehow, I managed to smile." Go and do what you must. I'll join you as soon as I can." I said. Robb nodded, and then he kissed me, not caring about the lack of privacy. And I didn't care either. As soon as he pulled away, he and Jory left the chambers.

"Bring me Rickard please." I said to Elisa. I was far less worried once I was with my boy. I could see that the Maestar was right. It will pass soon enough. And yet, I could not find it in me to leave his side.

I could hear the noise growing louder, coming all the way from the Great Hall. That is the way things are done. First eat and drink, then talk about the war. I had the time. And Rickard had a fever. As soon as he would start crying, I would calm him down, and the fever will leave him. Then, after a while, it would start once again. At last, he seemed to have calmed down. And he finally fell asleep.

"Shhh." I said when Jon walked into the chambers. I didn't want him to wake Rickard.

"How is he?" Jon whispered.

"Well enough. He will be healthy by the morning I suppose." I said. Ghost walked into the chambers, and I greeted him with open arms." I've missed you to, you big whitey." I said, and Jon and I both laughed when Ghost started licking my face." What is going on down there?" I asked.

"They started talking." Jon said, and I nodded." I believe that you should join them." he added.

"Oh, I know. Would you please call Elisa for me?" I asked, and he went to get her. As soon as Elisa was in the chambers, Jon and I left. I didn't expect me to be nervous as I was. I suppose that I still carry the fear of being seen as a traitor, even though I have proved myself loyal to the North, more than once.

"… Renly has no claim!" I heard a voice yell as we approached the door. We walked in, and no one seemed to notice us. And older man, maybe even older than Lord Stark was the one that was speaking. Old he may be, but he had strength in him, that was evident." If Joffrey is born of incest, then King Stannis has the claim. Renly is nothing more than a usurper." He said.

"Some time ago, Robert Baratheon was nothing more than a usurper as well." Eddard said.

"If we should side with one of them, we should side with one who has the claim." The man said.

"My lord." I said, and everyone in the hall turned to look at me." Lord Stannis couldn't care less about us. In the time of war, we should side with the ones who wish to side with us." I said.

"A whore from Kings Landing thinks she knows how to play war. How dare you speak in front of the Lords of the North?!" He yelled, and I smiled. I was amused by the look on Robb's face.

"Be careful how you speak to Elena." He said, and Grey Wind, who was by his feet, growled.

"You must be Lord Umber." I said with a smile, and I walked over towards him." I've heard about you, my Lord. And though I'm honored you think I am an expensive whore from the capitol, you should know that you are speaking to Elena Stark." I said. The look on his face amused me even more.

"Ah. The Lannister bride." He said and I smiled at him.

"I prefer to be called The Stark Wife." I said, and I heard quiet laughter in the hall." Believe me Lord Umber, no one, no one more than me, wants to see the Lannisters pay. The word is, they always pay their debts. I suppose we will find out soon enough if that is true. And if Tywin Lannister really does shit gold." I said. The hall couldn't be fuller, and yet, it couldn't have been quieter. You could hear a pin drop.

I stared at Lord Umber, and he stared at me right back. After a few moments, he began to shake with laughter, and soon enough, he was roaring. The rest of the bannermen followed his lead, and when I looked at him, I could see Robb proudly smirking. Oh yeas, he has a good wife.

"It's an honor to meet you my Lady." Lord Umber said, and I smiled at him. I was more than confused when he pulled me in a hug, but I went with it. A man like that… I prefer that he likes me. It's good to have him on my side. I wouldn't want my husband's and his father's bannermen to hate me.

"The honor is mine, Lord Umber." I said with a smile, and I turned to the rest of the bannermen." The same goes for all of you. Now, I never fought a war, and I was a baby when the last war took place, so I will let you do what you do best. I am only here as support and as an, let us say, strategy advisor. I'm sure you will find the information I can give you very useful." I said. It felt wrong. Who am I to speak to them like I did? I would have kept my mouth shut if Lord Umber didn't greet me as he did. But now I said what I had to say, and I walked over to take a seat next to Robb. As soon as I sat down, he squeezed my hand, and I saw that as a silent support. I was thankful for it, since I needed it. "The Lannister Bride?" I might have played with it, and talked back to Lord Umber, but I was surprised to see that that is the way people see me. Do they really think that I am nothing more than a Lannister bride? The Starks might have grown to love me, and the may see me as a part of their family, but the rest of the North does not.

As confused as I was, I hid it well. I looked like I know exactly what I'm doing, like I'm doing it every day.

Starting a war and planning to strike the people you called family just months ago isn't something that you do every day. Months? Gods, it's been more than a year. No, it's almost been two years. If it wasn't for Rickard, I would still think of Robb and myself as newlyweds. Two years? Now I understand the impatience. We've waited long enough. The time has come for the Starks to have their justice.

"As I said, we wait for the word of Tyrion Lannister." Eddard said once the hall was silent again. Did I really need a reminder of the fact that my brother still didn't send a word? He might even be dead and rotting, for all we know. As much is I love him, and respect him, Tyrion does know how to be an idiot.

"We wait for the Lannister to commit treason so that we can start a war on the Lannister?" one of the men asked. I never was the one to judge, not by physical appearance at least, but this one seemed like he's a wildling, and like he barely moves around other people. And Eddard looked at him with respect.

"Elena." Eddard said, and I looked at him in surprise. Of course, I had plenty of things to say, but I did not think that would be the right thing to do." We are talking about your old house. And you know them, better than anyone here. You should speak. You know your opinion will always matter." He said, and I managed a weak smile. The way I see it, I'm going to be the one directing the attack on my old family, on my old house, on my own blood. If that is what has to be done… I suppose I will do it.

"It is treason for the Lannisters. It is not treason to us. By all means, yes, my brother is the Hand of the King, and yes, he will betray the King, but we all know well that Joffrey is not Robert's son. I wonder how I couldn't see it before. It was… it was more than obvious. Joffrey does not belong on the Iron Throne. And my sister is not Queen Regent. My brother, the Kingslayer, broke his vows. Oh, I can't even imagine how many vows he broke over the years… And they almost killed Lord Stark. It is time for them to pay. And I know how we can do that. Joffrey is nothing more than a puppet. They keep him happy, because they can control him a lot easier then when he's not satisfied. He is sadistic, immature, childish, vain and evil. But he is still nothing more than a puppet. There is one man, one leader, one who controls everything without everyone knowing, and that is my father. Lord Tywin Lannister. It's simple. Well, the plan is simple, doing it, I imagine is not. We side with Renly. He defeats Stannis, we defeat the Lannisters and we take Kings Landing." I said. I'm wondering why I'm talking. I'm wondering why are they listening to me at all. Are the words that I'm saying truly of such importance for this war ahead of us?

"It has been decided." Eddard said, while looking at me." Once I swore an oath to Robert Baratheon, and you swore an oath to me. We will honor Robert's memory and we will honor the North." Eddard said.

"What about the bastard boy?" one of the men asked.

"He has no desire to sit on the throne." Robb said, speaking for the first time on that matter. It took me a moment to realize that they were talking about Gendry, and not Jon. I feel bad for it, but Gendry is still Gendry to me. In my mind, he will never be the King's bastard son. He will always be that boy who never treated me differently than anyone else, the boy I taught how to read and write. Even if it sits on the throne someday, even if it comes to that, he will always be my friend.

"He has a better claim than Renly and Stannis together." Lord Umber said. I would have agreed with him, but I know how much Gendry wants to avoid it, so I kept my mouth shut, once again.

"He does not want it." Eddard said.

"Still, he could be a good threat. We should acknowledge him." One of the Lord said.

"Only a family member or a King can acknowledge a bastard." I said, deciding that this is a good time to speak up and fight for Gendry." I highly doubt Joffrey will do that." I added. Joffrey would rather behead himself than hand over the throne to a true heir. And beheading yourself is not easy.

"We need a King. It doesn't have to be the Lannister bastard." Some other Lord added.

"And do you think that Stannis or Renly would prefer to give someone the throne more than Joffrey would?" Robb asked. Acknowledging Gendry as a King's heir and trueborn son is an impossible task.

"And what about the King in the North?" Lord Umber asked. I swear, to the Old Gods and the New, my heart skipped a beat. And yet, I fear that I should have seen this coming. They want Eddard to rule them, not just lead them. That is not an unreasonable thing, to be honest. But it is not something that any of us Starks want. Not Eddard, not Catelyn, not Robb, not the rest of their children, and definitely not me. If Eddard becomes King in the North, than so will Robb one day. And I was never meant to be a Queen. Not to mention that I do not want my son to have a target on his back any more than he already does.

"I cannot be King in the North." Eddard said, and I wasn't sure whether he was happy about it, or just disappointed." I can barely walk, I have to use a cane. I want you to fight a war, and I cannot lead you in one. When you ride out, I will be protecting the North. And you will be fighting the fight. My son will lead you. My son will fight by your side. This all falls on his shoulders, and on his wife's shoulders as well. If anyone should be your King, it should be my son." He said. Again, I could swear that my heart stopped.

I had hoped for a quiet life.

I had my hopes, and even though I didn't have a say in who will my husband be, I still hopped. Seeing that I love my husband now with all my heart, I was more than lucky. I love him with all my heart. And every time I look at our son, I know that the choice was right, even if my father was the one who made it, and not myself.

Sometimes, I wonder, what would have happened if Tywin didn't decide to marry me to the Stark family, in order to keep the North in control? I wonder who would have been my husband if I hadn't married Robb. And I wondered if he would have fallen in love with some beautiful, young girl, without the baggage that I carried around with me.

I still wonder about it, even though that doesn't change a thing now.

I fell in love. I became a part of the family. And I have wished for all of us to grow old here, to have a happy, normal, slow, family life. I wished for all of us to stay together, and when the time would come, I would wish for all of us to die of old age, in our bed, surrounded by our loved ones.

And now, we're starting a war. Good reason or not, we are starting a war. And not only will my husband be in the first row, but he will be King. And one day, so will my son.

I sat in silence, watching as Lords of the North bended their knee in front of me and my husband, in front of his parents who had to give up the title of King and Queen. I listened to the shouts, King in the North, Queen in the North.

And even now, a part of me still hoped and wished for that quiet family life we will never have.

**Hope you liked it :) I'll post again as soon as I can, but since it's my birthday in about… hm, 22 minutes, I might not post a new chapter over the weekend. I'll do my best. If you like the story, follow, review, favorite, and keep reading. Things are starting to heat up. Oh, gotta love the irony, the first 30 chapters were only the beginning. Enjoy guys, I love you all :)**


	31. Chapter 31

The shouts still echoed in my ears as I was walking through the castle corridors.

…

…

…

_I silently closed the door behind me. I looked around, waiting for one of the guards to see me, scold me, and make me walk back into my chambers. And no one was there. _

_Smiling, I made my way through the corridors. I've been doing this for years. In no way am I a beginner. _

_As confident as I was, I was still scared. If someone sees me, in my cloak, with the hood over my head, they might think that I'm an intruder. I hope that King Robert picked his knights wisely, and that they speak before they attack. I prefer to explain myself to the King and Cersei than to be dead. It would be a very awkward conversation, but at least I would be breathing. _

_Even though I was scared, I did it. I had to. My father says that I'm a Lannister, even though I try hard not to be one. He doesn't love me, I know that. He can pretend very well, but when he looks at me, he doesn't see his loving daughter, he sees the monster who killed the love of his life. And even though he hates me, with every fiber of his being, he acknowledges my bravery. To be honest, that is the only thing about me that he notices, and maybe even admires. "You may be incredibly difficult, but you are brave. Possible too brave for your own good, but still, it's better to be a brave Lannister than a coward." He told me once. Well, if I die tonight, I sure hope he thinks that I was brave. _

_I felt more confident once I was outside of the castle walls. It's always easier to walk out than to walk in. But I will think about that when I'm one my way back. _

_The road I walked on, I knew very well. I've been walking that road for years, day and night, sneaking out to see the only person I know that looks at me and sees a normal girl of 14 years. Gendry means more to me than anyone. He's my family, not the people who are my blood. _

_Although, I do love Jaime and Tyrion with all my heart. Tyrion was always the one who could make me laugh, no matter the situation, and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. And Jaime is the big brother of the family. He always keeps me safe, no matter the situation, no matter how annoyed I am by it. The two of them don't give a damn about the hatred that Cersei and father have for me. _

_But Gendry is different. I never was a Lannister to him. I was just Elena. Just a friend. A pushy and annoying friend, but a friend. _

_There were many things I didn't like about myself, and one of them was the fact that I was short. Tyrion would tease me whenever I complained, saying that I got a much better deal than he did. He was right, but I was still annoyed by the fact that I couldn't reach anything if I didn't jump. I couldn't reach the books on the high shelves, and I could not reach Gendry's window. He made me feel better by saying that I will grow soon enough, just like he did, but it didn't help. Since he knew all too well how annoyed I was with my shortness, he kept a bucked near his window, so that I could climb up and actually reach the window, instead of jumping up and down like a fool. _

_The bucket was there. With a smile on my face, I pulled it to the window, and I carefully climbed on it. _

_Luckily, the candles were lit in the small room he slept in, so I didn't have to wake him up. I could see him sitting in a corner, reading one of the books I gave him. Ignoring the sudden wave of pride that hit me when I saw him reading, I started waving my hands. Maybe I still look like a fool, even though I'm not jumping up and down. It didn't take long for him to see me. When he saw me, waving and grinning at him, he grinned back, and at once dropped his book to the ground. _

_I got of the bucket, knowing what he was about to do next. As he was climbing out of the window, I realized that I wasn't the only one who would be in trouble if we get caught somehow. I would be punished, but Gendry would get the worse deal out of the two of us. The blacksmith he works for is an idiot, a sadistic idiot, and no matter what I do or say, Gendry still doesn't want to leave him. _

"_Who knows where I would end up, and I don't want to leave you." He would say, and I wouldn't try to convince him anymore, realizing that I am incredibly selfish and that I still want him by my side. _

_We didn't say a word to each other. We didn't want to make it easy for anyone to hear or see us, so we just started walking to our spot. Our spot was the beach. The part of the beach that is secluded, and that was our secret spot for years now. Not once did anyone see us there, and I hope it stays that way. _

_We didn't say a word until we were sitting on the sand, listening to the sound of the waves clashing on the nearby cliffs. That is a sound that could never bother me. I loved hearing it in the distance the moment I open my eyes, and I love hearing it while I'm trying to fall asleep. If I ever move away from the sea, I will miss it more than anything. _

"_Why do you have that worried look on your face?" Gendry asked, and I raised my eyebrows." Oh no. Lena, you worry too much." He said. _

"_I do not. I do not worry about anything." I argued, even though I wasn't sure if I was right about it. _

"_Yes, you do. You worry too much about everything. About yourself, about your brothers, about me, about the weather, about the fish in the see, about the boars in the woods, about the clouds in the sky. You worry about everything." He said. I would have argued once again, but in that case, the argument would last the whole night. And I want to talk, not to fight. _

"_Never mind. I'm not worried. It's just… well, I'm sure you saw the whole thing today." I said. _

"_You mean the whole greeting of your Lord Father?" he asked, ironically, and I nodded. The whole King's Landing was talking about the arrival of the Lord of House Lannister, the richest man in the whole Seven Kingdoms, the once and probably the future Hand of the King. Or, as I know him, daddy. _

"_You know, I'm glad that he doesn't love me. I truly am. When I was younger, I wanted nothing more than for him to love me like he loved Cersei. And now… Well, I'm not exactly old, but I see things better now. And I know stuff. If he had loved me, I would have ended up like Cersei, maybe even worse. As much as I would love to have my mother by my side, to get a chance to know the woman who gave birth to me, and died right after, I think that it's a good thing that that never happened. Perhaps I would have been even worse than Cersei, since I would be the youngest, cutest, and the most loved one. But since father hates me with all his heart, I'm not a spoiled brat. He hates me and Tyrion and we are so much different than Cersei and Jaime. I never thought I would have said this, but it's a good thing he hates me." I said. _

"_Lena, you know how I see it." he said, and I rolled my eyes. Gendry was the bigger dreamer out of the two of us. He was the one who thinks that every parent loves his child. Which is incredibly ironic, since he was the bastard, and I was the one who had everything." I never met my father, I lost my mother just like you did, and even though I think your father doesn't exactly hate you, I would never trade places with you." He said with a smile. I laughed, since he never fails to mention it. _

"_I know that all too well. I don't want to talk about my father anymore, it's bad enough that I have to see him now. Tell me, what did you do today? And do you like the book you were reading?" I asked. _

_We talked, and talked, and talked, and just when I thought it might be time for me to return to the castle, we decided to talk some more. _

_Gendry was the one who decided we should go. If he didn't, we might just have ended up talking until the sun rises. And that would not be good. He needs to work tomorrow, and I have to prepare for my part. _

_That was the only think I could think of as I was making my way back to the castle. The part I played. Ever since I was a little girl, I was pretending to be someone else. Someone would say that was a job that I had to have, considering the family I was born into, and the family I live with. Others would say that that is a method of keeping yourself safe. If no one knows the real you, they can't hurt you. _

_I used to think I shared the second opinion, but I don't know anymore. After so much faking and pretending, there is time when I wonder do I even know myself? I may recognize the reflection in the mirror, but do I know the rest of me? My feelings and thoughts? Because the reflection never mattered. The only thing that matters is what's underneath it, and I'm not sure if I know what's there anymore. _

_I was so deep in my own thoughts that I didn't even pay attention on where I was going, or if anyone could see me. I had more luck than I had brains. Once again, I made it there and back again, without anyone noticing me. Gods, if I could sneak in and out, and I'm just a girl, a paid assassin could kill us all in our sleep! I should say something to the King… but, then, I won't get a chance to sneak out in the night, and go and see Gendry. Well, I'll risk it. No one is stupid enough to try and kill the King and his family. _

_I was smiling as I was walking to the doors of my chambers. I still had a smile on my face when I walked in, but I had to contain a scream once I saw that someone was there. It was Elisa. _

_Relief took the place of fear once I realized it's her. If someone else was here, any member of my family, I would have been in big, big trouble. I'm not sure that even Tyrion would be quiet about it if he caught me sneaking out of the castle in the dead of night. And Elisa? Well, I could work with her. _

"_Elisa, you scared the life out of me." I whispered as I was trying to catch my breath. _

"_Good. Now you know how I felt when I came in her to wish you good night and realized that you aren't even here!" she said. Oh, she would have yelled at me if it wasn't this late. She kept her voice down, not wishing to wake up the entire castle, but her tone made it clear to me that she was really, really angry. _

_I wasn't used to being scolded by my hand maiden. She is older than me, but just for a few years. She was my friend, and now, it seems as she took the place of my mother, or my older sister, at least. _

"_I was just out for a stroll." I said, hoping that I was good at lying now, as I was my whole life. _

"_A stroll that lasted half the night?" She asked. Well, I may be a good liar, but Gods know how long she's been in here. She wasn't easily fooled." It's that boy again, isn't it?" she asked. It's in times like these that I wish I never told her about Gendy in the first place. _

"_Yes. He's my friend Elisa, and I don't have too many friends." I said. _

"_My Lady, if someone catches you, they will think that the two of you are secret lovers, and not friends. I know that you care for the boy, and that you are friends with him, but you need to be careful." She said. _

"_And I am. We both are." I said. _

"_Oh, and what if your sister came to see her tonight?" she asked. _

"_Cersei would never come and talk to me in the middle of the night." I said. _

"_It doesn't matter, it's still dangerous." Elisa said. _

"_Elisa, do you see me as a Lady you work for, or as a friend?" I asked her. _

"_That is a trick question." She said, and I smiled. She was right." I work for you, and to me, you are M' Lady, but I do see you as a friend." She said. _

"_And you are my friend. Not just a hand maiden, you are my friend, who has been by my side ever since I could walk and talk. And I'm talking to a friend now, not to someone who's in charge of me. My hand maiden would have scolded me, and expressed her worries, but my friend would support me, no matter what." I said. _

"_I would be worried for M' Lady, but I would be worried even more for a friend." She whispered. _

"_Oh, you're good." I said with a smile, and she started laughing." You shouldn't worry so much about everything Elisa." I said, ignoring the fact that I was giving her the exact same advice Gendry gave me not so long ago. I walked over to her, and I put my hand around her shoulders." It will all be fine. I'm fast and capable, I'm good at sneaking around, and I'm incredibly lucky." I said. _

"_I suppose you are right." She said, and I smiled." Now, I suggest you go to sleep M' Lady. Your father would expect you to eat with him tomorrow morning, and you've already lost hours of sleep." She said, and I rolled my eyes. Soon enough, I will be pretending again. Oh, the joy." And do be careful M' Lady. Whenever you sneak out. You have and act to play. You have to be a proper Lady." She said. And that is why Elisa is my friend. She knows me. She knows I'm not a proper little Lady. She knows I'm only pretending to be a proper little lady. _

"_Well, at least I don't have to be a Queen, do I?" I asked, a big smile on my face. We both laughed. _

…

…

…

…

"… _at least I don't have to be a Queen, do I?" _

I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout, I wanted to refuse, I wanted to decline, I wanted to run, run, and never look back. And I couldn't. My honor binds me here, and the love I have for my family binds me here.

And it is because of that honor and love that I am Queen now.

Elena Stark, born Elena Lannister, Queen in the North. The Lady part gave me chills, I can't even think about the Queen part.

This is everything I never wanted, mixed with everything I ever wanted.

I have a family I love. I have an amazing husband, and we have a beautiful, strong little boy. I have sisters I wish I had while I was growing up. I had brothers. I had friends. I had a family. And I'm a Queen.

I never wanted this. And even though I know that my family didn't want it either, it doesn't help me. It doesn't help me at all. None of us wished for this to happen, and yet, here we are, Robb and I, King and Queen in the North, succeeding Eddard and Catelyn, who are still Lord and Lady of Winterfell, and our son, the Prince, the future King. Now, I wanted to cry.

What worried me the most was that I had never seen this coming. How could I have been so stupid? How did I not realize that this will happen? It isn't exactly a logical step forward, but it shouldn't be a surprise either. And here I am, surprised, shocked, and more than anything, scared.

I couldn't be in charge of a castle, let alone the whole North! And Robb! He's as young and as inexperienced as I am! I was afraid that I will lose him when this ends, but now I can almost be certain that I will lose him.

Not only are we starting a war, but we're declaring an independent Kingdom.

We are dead. We are dead people walking. Our time is coming to an end, faster than it did before.

I thought about how my father will react. He sent me up here in hopes of keeping the North under his control. I thought about his reaction when he hears that we're starting a war. And I do not dare and imagine his reaction when he hears that we've declared North as an independent Kingdom.

That is how I know that my time is coming to an end. He didn't kill me when I killed the love of his life, but he will kill me now. I know it. And he will probably do it in the worst way possible.

We're all dead. My whole family, my son, my husband… Rickard. Robb. Everyone.

I was walking in silence and I was shaking. Robb didn't say a word to me since we've left the hall. He is probably as frightened as I am.

I walked into the chambers, and Elisa jumped up from the chair she was sitting in.

"My Lord, My Lady." She said, and she walked out of the chambers, but not before I could share a look with her. I could see it clearly, and so could she. She didn't call us Your Grace, but she heard the shouts. She knows.

Even now, my biggest worry is my son. I walked over to his cradle, and I touched his face. His fever was down, and he was sound asleep, too young to know what just happened with his family, and to innocent to pay for someone else's sins.

"I'll be with him tonight, if that's alright." I whispered, and Robb didn't hide his surprise considering my suggestion." I'm worried about him. And I don't want you to get ill, since you'll be riding out as soon as Tyrion has the time to write a damn letter." I said. He raised his eyebrows. He knows me." Yes, I do need some time to think." I added, knowing what he suspected.

"I love you, Elena." He said in a low voice." I hope you know that."

"I do." I said, a weak smile on my face." And I love you too. Always." I said. I wanted to kiss him, to be close to him, but not tonight. I carefully raised Rickard out of the cradle, and I went to his chambers, the ones that were still mine by definition.

I closed the door behind me, and I slowly walked to the other chambers. I put Rickard in his other crib.

"My sweet boy. I hope you don't pay our depts." I whispered. Once I tucked him in, I started crying. I started crying and it wasn't long before I was on the floor.

I felt like I was going to drown in my tears.

I never really left the sea. I might not hear the waves every night, but I can taste the salty water. Sadly, I taste my tears, and not the salty water of the seemingly never ending blue paradise.

It doesn't matter where I go, my devils follow me. And they remind me of everything, as soon as I believe, just for a second, that I am happy.

"_There is nothing more difficult than being a Queen." _I remembered Cersei saying. And for once, I could see what my sister meant. For once, we agreed on something.

_**Writing sprint! Woo-Hoo! Hope you liked it. I'm going to experiment a little more with the flash back scenes. I think it's a good thing to see what Elena was before the whole thing begun. Well, it's not like we don't know her already, but I'm going to try and explain a bit more the relationships with her family members, the relationships in her past. And I might change the POV's a few times, once again. Anyway, I hope you liked it. If you do, tell me. And if you think the whole story sucks, and that I suck as a writer, tell me that too :D. **_


	32. Chapter 32

Robb Stark is my rock. There is no doubt in that. He is my support, he is my best friend and a lover at the same time. I would trust him with my life, and I wouldn't think twice about it. But he is not the person I wished to talk to right now. To be honest, Robb was the last person I wished to talk to now.

Tyrion is my brother. The one person that had been by my side my whole life. The one who never questioned me, and the only one who always put me before him. He is a long way from here, but even if he was next to me, he wouldn't be the person I would want to talk, and seek advice from.

Gendry has been my best friend for years. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for that man, and he knows it. And it goes both ways. Even though I have his unconditional support, he is not the person I want to talk to right now. As much as I love him, and trust him, he can't help me now.

I never thought that this day would come, but it's here. There are two persons that I needed more than anything in this situation. And they are probably the only ones that I cannot have close, under any circumstances. I needed Jaime. And I needed Cersei.

After everything that has happened, I needed them. I hated admitting it, I hated it with more than words could describe, but I could not escape it.

I wanted to be a little girl again, guarded and safe. I wanted Jaime to be here, to hug me, and to be the big brother he used to be. His sick, sick mind made no difference. I needed my big brother now, and I needed him more than anyone.

And Cersei? The horrible sister that hated me since the day I was born? She is the only one that could understand the way I feel now. She and no one else. Never more in my life have I wanted an older sister, who would give me advice, and comfort me when I'm scared. Right now, I am scared beyond belief, and I needed her to be here for me.

In a few days, my family will start a war with the only two persons that could help me now. And there is nothing that I can do about it.

And I can't even look Robb in the eyes. I ran away from him last night. I might love him more than I could ever say or show, but I could not face him. He is my King, I am his Queen, and I cannot even look him in the eyes.

I was always aware that I wasn't born to achieve greatness. Even though I carried the name of the House Lannister, I was always just a girl. Just a normal girl. The only way I stood out from the other was my determination. I wanted to be an archer, and I learned it. I wanted to know how to sword fight and I learned from the best. I was different, but I wasn't special. I was supposed to marry a man from a good family, and I did. I married the best man in whole of Westeros. A kind, honorable, honest and all around good man. We were supposed to lead a quiet life, to have a family, and to inherit Winterfell someday. And that was supposed to be it. Lady of Winterfell, nothing more, nothing less. And I was perfectly fine with it. To be honest, I preferred things the way they were, with Eddard and Catelyn in charge, and Robb and me helping them, standing by them. Somehow, we ended up here. We are King and Queen in the North. We rule, not only Winterfell, but the North. We are in charge of the North.

Am I supposed to wear a crown now? Oh, who gives a damn about the crown?! I should be worried about the armies my father will send directly to us, in days' time!

We are nothing more than dead people, living on borrowed time. And no matter what we do, we can't change it.

I looked down at my boy, who was in his cradle. He wasn't ill anymore. He was smiling at me, perfectly unaware of all the Seven Hells that are breaking down on his family. He's growing up so fast. I would do anything to stop it. As long as he's a baby, all the problems and responsibilities do not affect him in any way. But once he grows up… Well, he will probably grow up too fast. Just like his father and I did.

All of the things that could possibly go wrong went wrong. And there is nothing for me to do, other than to accept it the way it is. I can only accept it as it is, and try to catch my breath along the way.

I am no Queen. I know it, Robb knows it, Eddard and Catelyn know it, but it doesn't matter. I'm not a Queen, in no way, but I am married to a King. I will be the worst Queen in the history of Westeros.

Rickard was smiling at me as I was walking around the room, with him in my arms. He really is a beautiful boy. Looks more like his father with each passing day, and that is just the way I like it. Even if I was blessed with not looking like a Lannister, my child could have just as easily had blonde hair. The only thing "Lannister" on both me and him is the nose. Rickards hair was dark, reddish brown, not exactly auburn, but he was definitely not blond. And in his eyes, I could see his father and Catelyn.

My brave little boy.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said, expecting either Robb or Elisa. It was Elisa.

"Your Grace." She said, and she bowed to me.

"Don't." I said, and she looked confused." Please, Elisa, don't ever call me that. I could live with "My Lady", but I beg of you, do not call me Your Grace." I said. That is the last thing I want to hear, especially if it's coming from a friend.

"I apologize." She said in a low voice." I wasn't sure… I'm not sure of anything anymore." She added.

"Is anyone?" I asked, and she gave me a weak smile." Elisa, how in the name of Gods has this happened? How did we get here? How?" I asked.

"Well, we took the King's Road." She said, and I sighed.

"I wish I could laugh, but I can't." I said, and she shrugged. I could see that she was confused and that she didn't know what to say to me. She probably wished to help me, despite how impossible it might seem." And I need answers. How did we get here? Not that long ago, I was still living in King's Landing and my daily worries were where I was going to hide from the Septa, if the guards would catch me sneaking out in the middle of the night, and can I find a thousand new ways to annoy my sister. Not that long ago, that was our daily routine. And now… I'm a wife, I'm a mother, and somehow, I'm the Queen in the North. How?" I whispered. Elisa couldn't answer me. And I'm not exactly sure I want an answer.

"We came here Elena." Elisa said, and I looked at her." One day, the King told you that you're going North with the rest of his family. We arrived, and you… Well, you fell in love. Perhaps not with your husband, but with the family. You cared for them too much Elena. If you didn't give a damn, we would probably still be in King's Landing, I would still follow you around, and you would be married to Renly." She said. Every time that someone reminds me of that unfortunate paring that thankfully never actually happened, I feel relief. Whatever troubles I'm in now, it's still better than being married to Renly. Or being married to Oberyn Martell.

"Well, I know what I think, but what do you think? Was it all a mistake? Should I have been more cold and less friendly? Would I be happier today if I stayed out of it all?" I asked. In no way am I questioning the decisions I made. I made them, and I stand behind them. I just want to know what she thinks.  
"Your life might have been a lot more calmer, but I wouldn't say happier." She said, and I smiled." You love your man. You have a beautiful, strong baby. And you love this whole family. Yes, your life might have been calmer, but I highly doubt it would have been filled with happiness more than it already is." She said, and I smiled. She is right. It does not matter where I could have ended up, I would not be happy if I didn't have Robb by my side.

"I love him. If I have to be a Queen to prove that, than that's what I'll do." I whispered. I was reassuring myself more than I was saying it to Elisa.

I still needed reassuring. Deep down, I was still an insecure little girl, and not a Queen. Thankfully, it does not take me long to pull myself together once again. I'm back. I might not be overjoyed with it, but I have to be the Queen. And I will do what I am supposed to do.

"I'm not telling you what you should do Elena, but he wasn't exactly cheerful this morning." Elisa said, and I nodded. I could only imagine how this all must feel for Robb. And I wasn't exactly the most supporting wife last night. While I believe that my reasons were understandable, I can't be sure about how Robb sees them. He might just see me as an unsupportive bitch. Even if I would have preferred to be in my chambers for the rest of the day, I knew that I really shouldn't do that to him.

He needs me. And I need him too. More than ever before, and it this was barely the bagging.

"No, you're right." I said, and I took in a deep breath."I'll get ready and then I'll go see him. Could you watch over Rickard?" I asked.

"Of course." She said, smiling." Now, let me fix your hair." She said, and I had to give in. I was ready to endure the torture, but she was finished before I knew it. Elisa knew very well that I wanted to speak to Robb as soon as I can, and that I don't want to waste time on trying to look pretty. Or his mood was seriously bad when she saw him.

I didn't hesitate before I walked into our chambers. He was standing and looking out the window. He looked at me, but by the time I turned around after closing the doors, he was looking out the window again. And he didn't say a word.

As much as I loved him, I knew that things between the two of us aren't always perfect and magical. Every now and then, he says something, I sulk, he apologizes, and once again, we're mad about each other. Whenever we have does sort of moments, they never last for too long, and once they are over, we carry on like nothing ever happened.

This time was different. And not only because I was the one who needed to apologize. I have no problem with admitting that I am wrong when I know I am wrong. It was strange, now that we switched our roles, but that wasn't the problem. The true problem is that this is very much different than anything we ever faced before. This is about a war, and about ruling. About duty and family. This is no time for us to act like angry children.

I knew I was supposed to speak first. I just didn't know how to start. I opened my mouth, and closed it, realizing I had no idea what I should say to him. Then again, open, close, open, close.

"You hurt me Elena." He said, before I managed to make myself speak. And his words only shut me up even more." I needed you." He added. Well, I am pretty sure I couldn't ever feel more miserable than I do now. I knew that he was bothered with what I did, but I suppose I wasn't aware just how much.

"I am truly sorry." I said, finally being able to speak." I have made many mistakes in my life, but not staying with you last night is one of the biggest ones, by far. I understand that you needed to talk to me, but I needed some time too. I was selfish, and I am sorry, but you must understand." I said.

"Understand what?" he snapped. He never talked like that to me before.

"Understand how I felt too!" I said, a little bit too feisty considering that I am trying to apologize.

"Oh, and I feel brilliant." He said, and he finally turned around. He is really angry with me." You think I wanted this?" he asked.

"I know you didn't. And neither did I. The problem is, you don't know the first thing about being a King." I said. I was aware that I was being too honest, but this is important.

"And you do?" He asked. Not only have I never seen him this being this angry with me before, but I have never seen him this angry ever before. He was always calm and collected, and now, I have a horrible feeling that if we continue, we might reach hate. And once I wondered if we could even reach love.

"As a matter of fact, yes, yes I do. I have lived with the late King for a bigger part of my life. I have seen the way it goes Robb. Can you say the same?" I asked.

"Just because you lived there does not mean you know anything about being a King." He said.

"And am I the one who should know that, or you?" I asked. Before he could say anything, I was speaking once again." The only thing I need to know is how to look pretty and stand next to you. I will not be in trouble. Now, the real question is, do you want me to become Cersei, or do you want me to be the same girl you married? Against your will, if I might add." I said.

"I was never forced into it!" He said, and I smirked.

"Oh, weren't you? Because I seem to remember the look on your face." I said.

"I wanted to marry you!" He yelled. I was surprised, but with the yelling, not with the words he said." I could have said no. We would have paid the price, but we will still pay for it now. I could have said no, but I said yes, because I wanted to marry you." He said. Oh Gods. Why this, why now?

"So, what, you're telling me you were in love with me?" I asked.

"I wasn't in love. I was a kid. I knew that that was the way to save my father. I knew you were beautiful. I knew you were funny. I knew I will fall for you like a fool, if only I had a chance. You weren't the love of my life at that point, but I wasn't exactly forced into it." he said, and his voice was back to normal. There will be time for swooning later. As much as I melted when I heard those words, I can't think of it now.

"Then tell me, do you want me to be a Queen, or your wife?" I asked.

"I need you to be both." He announced. I did not expect to hear this." I can't rule alone, and neither can you. Do you remember when you first told me you loved me?" He asked, and I nodded." Before that, you said that we were in this together. We are in this together. I need you to be in this with me. I am the King in the North now. I never wanted it, you know that. But it cannot be changed. I am King in the North because my father cannot be and I will do him proud. I need to be a good King, and for that, I need you by my side. I need you to be my Queen. I need you to be my Queen, to stand by me, to tell me your opinion, to help me rule. And at the end of the day, when it's all over, I need you here, right by my side, to be the girl with a sharp tongue that I love more and more by each passing day. I need you to remind me that I am not just a King, but a husband, and a father, and a son, a brother, friend… I need you Elena. This is not the time for you to get scared. I need you." He said.

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I have always hated crying, ever since I was a little girl. I would try and fight it, even if I was alone, in my chambers. And crying in front of someone was worse.

No matter how hard it was, I would fight against it, because I did not want Robb to see it. He may see me happy, angry, worried, but never have before have I shown him fear. Never at this extent at least.

"I never wanted to be a Queen." I said, and I lost my breath. I could not pretend any longer. Not for him, not for everyone. I didn't just lose my breath.

Robb caught me before I hit the ground. He pulled me up, and he calmed me down a little bit by stroking my hair.

"It will all be fine, my love." He whispered.

"So much for your strong Queen." I said, my voice shaking.

"I didn't marry a strong Queen. I married a strong girl." He said, and I smiled at him." And you didn't marry the King either. We will get there together. We will grow together. As long as we have each other, I am not worried about us. But please, do not leave like you did last night." He added in a low voice.

"I was afraid of this exact conversation. It had nothing to do with you. And I'm never leaving you again." I said, and I kissed him.

I'm not sure what happened. As we were kissing, something just blew up inside of us. Before I knew it, we were ripping each other's clothes of, and we were on the bed.

It's been a while since we were this impulsive. Having a child can change your dynamic. I'm more than happy to know that we still have that passion for one another, just like we did at the begging of our story.

One day, I will ask him about what he said today. About how he felt about me. And he will tell me that story, but that will not be today. Today, we have more important things to worry about.

"Oh Gods." I said, once I realized something that I haven't paid much attention to before.

"What is it?" he asked.

"What if you get me with child again?" I asked, but there was no answer from him. I shouldn't be surprised to see that I'm not the only one who didn't think about that at all." It is possible Robb. What will we do then?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not keeping my hands off you." He said, and I laughed. That's settled then." If it happens, it happens. War, peace, it doesn't matter. You are my wife, and you are my family." He said, and he kissed me once again. A war camp will not be a good place for a pregnant Queen, but if I don't have a choice, I will live with it. It could be worse, I suppose.

We were kissing and, I suppose, contemplating making love once again when there was a knock at the door. I jumped off him and I covered myself with the blankets. There was no use in trying to get dressed. It will take me far too much time, and by the time I'm dressed, the person at the door will still know very well what have we been doing. And it might even be something urgent.

"Come in." Robb said once he was sure that we were both covered up. It was Elisa.

"Your Grace. Your Grace." She said, and I rolled my eyes.

"What have I told you?" I asked, irritated by the damn title.

"Elena, your husband is the King. You may be comfortable with me calling you by your name, but you will have to take the Your Grace thing when you're with him." She said, and Robb and I both laughed.

"You can call me Robb, Elisa." He said." It's going to be difficult enough as it is." He added.

"What is it Elisa, is Rickard alright?" I asked, remembering that she must have had a reason to be here.

"He is more than fine Elena." She said. Relieved, I was more than ready to hear whatever bad news she had for me now." I just thought you might wish to know that you're brother has arrived." She said.

**Hope you liked it guys :) I'm working on the next chapter :)**


	33. Chapter 33

**Hey guys :) Here's a new one, I hope you enjoy it. You know what to do, review, if you have anything to ask, feel free. Enjoy :)**

I was running around the castle, and I was running fast. By now, there wasn't a corner that I didn't know, a shortcut that I hadn't tested, and at this moment, I was using all the knowledge I had. I got dressed in the matter of seconds, I ran out, and I am currently avoiding the obstacles on my way. And the obstacles were the servants, a few direwolfs, and even Hodor, with Bran on his back. I was running, I wasn't paying attention to anyone, because the only thing that mattered now was my brother.

These last few days, I was worried about what I will do once he arrives. Even though the Stark bannermen know very well that my brother is on are side, he's still a Lannister. I have already imagined a hundred different scenarios that the seven hells can break loose on us, but it all can wait. It can wait, because right now, I'm just a little girl, who wants to hug her older brother.

I ran into the hall without thinking twice about it. And everyone turned around to look at me. All of the Lords, Ned and Catelyn, the servants, everyone, my brother included. He was standing on the other side of the table where Ned and Catelyn were sitting.

I have noticed the Lords and their sons, and even their grandsons rise as I barged in. I haven't gotten used to the fact that I am a Queen now. I was surprised by it, and even bothered, but the only thing I cared about now is that I can finally look at my brother. He looked well enough. All of his limbs were in their place, and unless he is castrated, he's fine and healthy. And he wouldn't have been grinning like he was if he was castrated.

"I'm going to kill you myself." I said, as I was walking over to him, almost running again. He laughed, and he started walking towards me too. Perfectly aware of the fact that we were being watched by the people whose respect he is yet to earn, I did not want to make it any more difficult to him. I was more than happy, and if we were alone, I might have actually picked him up. Now, I was controlling my reactions, and I didn't even fall on my knees, as I usually do, but I just lowered myself down a little bit. It was more than enough for me to hug him with all the strength I had in me.

I imagine I will feel the same kind of relief when the war starts, and Robb comes back to me. That is, of course, if he comes back to me. But I have to keep some faith.

"Will you have me beheaded my Queen?" he asked me. He was whispering so that only I can hear him.  
"If you call me that, yes, I will." I answered, and I too was whispering.

"I do have to kneel." He said, and I took in a deep breath. We finally let each other go, and as soon as we did, he kneeled in front of me. It was just wrong. It was wrong in too many ways. I will never understand the joy Cersei and Joffrey feel whenever someone kneels in front of them. I wouldn't feel accomplished even if it was a random man, let alone my older brother." My Queen." He said. And he meant it.

"Get up, please." I said, and I could hear quiet laughter in the hall. Queen or no queen, they know very well that he is my brother. And he raised himself, finally." My Lords, Lord Stark, Lady Stark, if you don't mind, I would like to steal my brother since he has some explaining to do." I said.

"Fell free." Ned said with a smile, sure that he will see no spikes with heads on them. I walked out of the hall, and my brother followed me. As soon as he closed the door, I turned to him.

"Sister." he said, with a big smile on his face." You are a Queen now, Elena." He said, and I could hear the pride in his voice. And I decided not to pay much attention to it.

"Where in the name of Gods have you been?" I asked, and before he even had a chance to speak, I started my rant." I see you have both of your hands, so I know you could have written a damn letter. Do you… do you have any idea how worried I was? That you didn't get the letter? That Cersie or father had done something to you? That you didn't flee and that you will be in King's Landing by the time this stupid Queen in the North thing reaches them? You should be lucky you're the only brother I have left, or I would strangle you with my bare hands, right here and now." I announced.

"Feisty, I see." He said, and I rolled my eyes." I was fine, Elena. I didn't have the time, that's all." he said.

"You didn't have the time?!" I yelled.

"Elena, please. You may be the Queen, but you shouldn't pretend to be Cersei right now. I'm fine, and that is all that matters. I would like to see my nephew if I may." He said. Gods, he's good.

"Don't think that I will forget about this just because I love you." I said, and he smiled. I held my ground for a couple of seconds, and then I couldn't hold it any longer. I smiled back at him." Follow me." I said.

"Rickard, is it?" He asked as we started climbing up the stairs.

"Yes. After Eddard's father." I said, and I smiled." It was the only appropriate name I could think of. Well, it was either that, or Tytos, after our late grandfather, and I didn't want to do that to my son." I said with a smile on my face, and Tyrion laughed.

"I prefer your choice too, but it would have been priceless to see fathers face if you had gave your firstborn that name." he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, well, considering the fact that my people declared independence and named myself and my husband their King and Queen, I doubt he needs more reasons to be enraged with me."

"Don't forget the war you will start with him." Tyrion added.

"How could I?" I asked, and we both laughed. I almost forgot how easy is to be careless when he is around. Yes, I was still very much troubled by the whole war situation, but once we joked about it, it had seemed a little more manageable.

"You look good for a woman who's just given birth." He noticed, and I laughed.

"I see you lost your track of time too, along with your mind. It's been half a year since his birth." I said.

"Oh Gods." Tyrion said, shocked by how much time has passed." Is he speaking?" he asked.

"Not yet. And I hope he doesn't speak soon. I don't want him to grow up. It's true, what parents say, you know." I said, and by the look on his face, I knew that he had no idea what I was talking about." When you hear those words, "they grow up so fast". You never quite understand the meaning of them, until you're a parent yourself." I said.

"I am positive I never heard father say that. Especially when it came to me." he said, and I laughed.

"You know what uncle Gerion used to say. The best part of him died along with our mother." I said. I shouldn't have said it. The town of our conversation became a far more serious, and a saddened one.

"There are many things I hold against that man. But nothing more than the fact that he made you feel guilty for that. You felt guilty for years." He said.

"I still do Tyrion." I said. There was no point in lying." I will never stop feeling guilty for that. I suppose I have to thank father and Cersei for that. The problem is, I don't really care anymore. I have done everything for them. I was a Lannister, and I did what they said. They never appreciated it, they never respected me, and even when he sent me up here, he still thought I was working for him. This war is not starting because of my own revenge. It's starting because someone needs to avenge both Eddard and Robert. And we will do it. All I can say is… Whatever Cersei, father, and even Jaime get, is something that they have somehow deserved." I said.

"I was hoping we won't talk about that straight away." Tyrion admitted.  
"We can't avoid it very long." I said, and he nodded, knowing that I was right about this." Here we are." I said as I opened the chamber doors. Elisa was there, watching over Rickard, who was in his cradle. As soon as we walked in, she bowed to us." Leave us, please." I said to her with a smile, which she returned. She knew very well how much I actually missed my brother. I walked over to the cradle, and I smiled at my son, who started waving his hands around when he saw my face. I took him in my hands, and I walked over to Tyrion." Rickard, meet your favorite uncle. Tyrion, meet your favorite nephew."

"Well, considering Joffrey is his completion…" he said, and I laughed. I handed him Rickard." Oh, he really is a good looking boy, isn't he? He takes after his father, but I have no doubt that he will have your character." He said, and I let out a nervous laughter. I hope he isn't like me at all.

"I certainly hope not." I said, and Tyrion looked at me in surprise.  
"Why not? You are the only Lannister with a personality, even though you're a Stark now." He said.

"You have a personality too." I said, and he smiled." The Stark blood one the fight in my boy. Which wasn't that difficult at all, considering I don't look like a Lannister at all. The only thing Lannister that Rickard and I have is…"

"The nose." He cut me off before I could finish, and I laughed." More than enough, if you ask me."

"I couldn't agree more." I said." He likes you already." I noticed once I saw the beaming smile my son was giving to his uncle. He had no idea who was holding him, and the only thing that mattered was that he was smiling. I noticed that Rickard smiled at us, whenever we smiled at him. Which was almost all the time. Who could frown at a baby? Well, besides my father, and myself, when he wakes up Robb and me in the dead of night. Which he doesn't do that often anymore, thank the Gods.

"He looks kingly." Tyrion said, and I smirked. "I know you didn't want it, but that you can't change it. Your husband is the King, and one day, your son will be the King too." he said.

"Unless we all just die, which isn't exactly impossible." I corrected him.

"You should have more faith in your husband." Tyrion said.

"Oh no, I have faith in him. Probably more than I should, to be honest. The problem is, I know exactly what we're going up against. And so do you. He knows it will be difficult, but… He's never fought a war. And if you combine that with the fact that he's almost idiotically brave, you may understand my worries." I said.

"You think he might put himself in the first line?" he asked.

"I know he will put himself in the first line. He didn't tell me that, we still didn't talk about the battle strategies, but I know my husband. He is going to put himself in the most dangerous position. And deep down, I know that's the way it's supposed to be. You know, the King should be brave and should be in danger just as much as his men are. He should be fighting his battles, and not sit in a tent and wait for it to be over. I know that that is the way it should be. The problem is, the King is also the love of my life. I would like nothing more than to lock him up here, in Winterfell, and leave the battles to the warriors." I said. I know, I know it very well, staying behind is not an option. It's bad enough that Ned isn't able to be on the battlefield with his soon. He has to stay behind because of the injury his leg suffered when my other brother was being an ass. And Robb? He would rather kneel before Joffrey that let his men die for him while he's in a safe place, waiting for the results.

"He can win, Elena." Tyrion said, and I was surprise with the certainty that I head in his voice. He is usually the one who doubts everyone and everything." He can win. We can win. I'm not saying that we will, I am saying that we can. No one starts an impossible war. Except the Grayjoy's." he added, and I started laughing, ignoring the guilt I felt, considering that my friend was a Grayjoy.

"Don't let Theon hear you." I said, and Tyrion grinned at me, silently telling me that he doesn't give a damn if Theon can hear him or not. I smiled, but sooner than I would like, the serious thoughts have taken over me once again." Have Ned and Catelyn speak to you about Sansa?" I asked, hoping that they have. Tyrion is my brother, and it should have been my duty, but I was hoping that someone might have decided to soften the blow.

"They have." He said, and I nodded." I suppose you wonder what I think about that?" he asked.

"Yes, I do." I said.

"I'll have to talk to the girl first." He said, and I frowned, completely surprised with his answer.

"Why? Never mind that, you do know that it is only to keep her safe? Some Lords might want a Stark for a goddaughter, Walder Fray specifically comes to mind, and we won't let them marry just anyone. As soon as all of this is over, it can be done too. You don't have to marry her. Gendry doesn't have to marry Arya, although I am pretty sure that marriage will happen, one way or another." I said.

"I know it merely a formality." Tyrion reassured me." But I am not a… regular Lord. I want to be sure the girl knows what she's doing. After Joffrey, and myself, I wonder how many opportunity's she'll have."

"Joffrey didn't touch her. And neither will you." I said. Will he? No, he would never do that.

"Even if we do get married, I wouldn't touch the girl unless she wanted me to, even if that day never comes." He reassured me, knowing that I can be slightly overprotective when it comes to my family. He was usually the overprotected one, but now it was Sansa, who was just a girl." But I still wish to speak to her. As a matter of fact, I think I'll do that straight away." He announced, and handed Rickard to me.

"I think she might be with her sister, they usually have classes with their Septa at this time." I said.

"Well, we might be ashamed of it, but we are still Lannisters, aren't we?" he asked, getting up on his feet." Let's see if a Septa can defeat a Lannister, shall we?" he asked, and I laughed.

"Be careful, this one is a tough one." I warned him, knowing that my Septa was much more forgiving.

"I've missed you, baby sister." Tyrion said, and I smiled so much that my checks hurt. It doesn't matter how old I am, if I'm a wife or even a mother. To someone, I will always be a baby sister. And even if I can manage more than well without his advice or protection, Tyrion will always, in a way, be my savior. So would have Jaime, if he hadn't done what he did. Times change, people change, and most of all, people make mistakes. But some things will never change, no matter the troubles that lie before us. One of those things is that I will always enjoy being Tyrions overprotected baby sister.

"I've missed you too." I whispered, and I squeezed his hand. He let go sooner than I would like. But I knew what he was doing. He was preventing me to become the old Elena, the one I was in King's Landing. I have always relied on people, too much for my own good. And I trusted them. Again, too much for my own good. The only one who never turned on me was Tyrion. And now, he was reminding me, without the use of words, not to forget the girl I have become once I decided to save Ned, and his family. And I will never forget that. I have learned my lessons, I have chosen my side, and I will defend it until my last breath, no matter when it comes.

"Your uncle is a strange man little one." I said to Rickard once Tyrion closed the doors behind him." A good man with a kind heart, but not any less strange." I said. Even though I was afraid that he is growing up too fast, and that I will miss this times, it wouldn't have hurt to have some sort of feedback.

The truth is, I can't wait to see him grow up. To see his father teach him how to ride. To see Arya teach him how to shoot an arrow, since she might just be better at it than Robb is. I can't wait to see our family direwolfs follow him around, and not me. I hope I do see it.

In orded to see it, I will pay a price. As hard and almost impossible that it will be, he will stay behind. He will stay in Winterfell. That was decided, with an ache in my heart. A war camp is no place for a newborn. And I, as a mother, shouldn't be leaving him behind, but I am doing that for his own good.

No matter what happens, Winterfell will be protected. That is why he will stay here. And he won't be the only one. So will Rickon, Bran, Arya and Sansa. They will remain here with Eddard, who will protect them. On the other hand, Robb, Catelyn, Gendry, Jon and myself will be leaving, possibly with Tyrion too. That is the way it should be done. And I do hope I get a chance every now and then to ride back to Winterfell and see my son. It makes me sad, knowing that he might grow up without me and his father by his side, but he will at least grow up.

With Rickard still in my arms, I went to Robb's chambers. Well, Robb's and mine. It is absolutely ridiculous that the one Rickard's in I still call mine. It's just a habit. Robb was there, where I left him, only he was dressed this time. I handed Rickard over to him, because I could see the look on both of their faces. Robb truly is a good father. Whatever happens, I should always be grateful to him, at least because of that, if not for the fact that he is a good husband too.

"I didn't expect you to leave Tyrion's side so soon." He noticed and I smiled.

"Neither did I. But he wished to talk to Sansa about the whole marriage thing." I said. I was purposely avoiding talking to him about that ever since that fight we had. Well, it wasn't exactly a fight. It was mostly me sulking about his inability to think before he speaks. Again, you can only avoid things for so long.

"They might actually get married?" he asked, and I just shrugged.

"It's only their decision. And I have urged both of them to think before they do it, so whatever they decide, it will only be because they want it. But as far as anyone else is considered, Sansa and Arya are both betrothed. And your brothers too." I said, remembering that Ned made a formality with Lord Karstark and Greatjon, for Bran and Rickon to marry their daughters. Again, they might do it, but for now, it's nothing more than a formality. "I'm more worried about Rickard, to be honest." I said.

"You think Lord Fray would want him?" Robb asked, and I was surprised that he was surprised.

"Well, once he realizes that he can't have anyone else, yes." I said, and Robb sighed.

"I won't have him promised someone before he's even one year old." Robb said, and I nodded. I would love nothing more than for our son to have a choice. I wished I had the same, but I did not. I was more than lucky by the way it ended, but not everyone is. I want him to have a say in this." I'll talk to some of the Lords, maybe someone has a granddaughter Rickard's age. It will be just a formality and once this is all over, he could grow up to have his own say." Robb said. Thank the Gods.

"Just keep him away from the Frays." I said, and he nodded. He put his arm around me.

"We will be leaving soon, Elena." He said, and I looked up to him." Now that Tyrion is here, we don't have any reasons to wait for. And I suspect that it will be days, maybe even hours before the Lannisters find out that the North declared independence. By the time the raven reaches them, we should already be on our way." He said, and I nodded.

"I know." I whispered. I have no more time left to fear." I'll start the preparations. And I'll prepare myself for leaving our son behind." I added, knowing that that will be the most difficult part for me.

"It is for his own good Elena. I don't want to do it anymore than you do." He said.

"I know." I said, nodding." I love you." I said, and he bent down to kiss me. It was just a short, sweet kiss, and it still made my heart jump.

"I love you too. Always." He said, and I smiled. I never really believed in the meaning of the word always, but if he says so, the he'd better love me always.

**In a chapter or two, we'll be on the road. It begins. **


	34. Chapter 34

I was always aware that leaving Winterfell was never going to be easy. Definitely not if we're leaving it to go to war. I was prepared for the difficulty. But nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for the utter chaos that was surrounding us now.

Not only did I have my son to take care of, but I apparently also had another child to take care of, in the form of my husband. Now, Robb knows many things, and he knows them well, but packing is not one of those things. After hours of discussion, I somehow managed to convince him to let me handle everything other than the horses, weapons and amour. I was always the loudest when it came to debating about gender equality, but in this case, I was more than happy to do the typical, "woman stuff" as my dear husband called it.

By the time the week was coming to an end, I was cursing the late King Robert for even taking us to visit Winterfell to begin with! If he had just listened to me in the first place, he would have probably been alive and well, and the North would be at peace. I, on the other hand, would probably be married to Renly. No matter what he would have done, it would end up with me cursing him.

And the preparations were very difficult. Unlike my husband, I did know what could be useful for us and what would be completely useless, but that was it. When it came to the amount of things that we will need, I was completely useless! Our numbers were constantly changing, since we had some late arrivals who decided to support us, even though they had not been a part of this new, Northern Kingdom. And it was obvious that we will join forces with Riverrun once we get there. Finally, I have decided that there was no such thing as too much in the time of war.

Even though Eddard decided to hand over the title to Robb, he was still the one in charge, unofficially. And no one complained about that, especially not Robb. Countless times, I was thankful for his wisdom and the one of his Lady wife, but never before like I was now. He, unlike his son, actually fought a war. And Catelyn, unlike me, knew very well what it was like to wait for a husband in anticipation. We needed them more than ever before, and we were not ashamed of it. If only Ned could come with us… but he can't. And if I am to leave my son here, for someone to keep him safe, there is no one I trust more do that than Lord Eddard Stark.

And, since one of them is here, we needed the other one on the road with us. Catelyn was needed, and she, much like myself, had to leave her children too.

Now, that was the actual difficult part. Sansa never would have even thought of joining us. Even though she might wish to be with us, she knows that she will be of no help on the road. As did Bran. That boy grew up so much since I met him, I cannot find the words to describe it. As much as it pains me to say, if something happens to Robb, I am glad to know that Winterfell and the whole North for that matter, would be in good hands. Bran is a smart one. And mature, unlike his younger brother, and, of course, the frequent troublemaker, Arya.

Rickon is still very much a child, and it was understandable to see how desperate he was to join us. He was so determined to go that I was scared we might find him hidden in one of the carriages on our way South. I have no idea how he did it, but Eddard convinced him that it is better that he stays.

And Arya was a handful. No, even worse. She led me to the point of thinking that facing dragons will be easier than to convince her to stay behind. And I could understand, I really could. Not only is her brother going, but so is her mother, and me, and her other brother. And like all of that wasn't enough, Gendry was leaving too. I imagined what it would be like for me if someone told me that I have to let Robb go himself. I never would have done it.

The whole Arya situation is still left for me and Gendry to fix, and I will see to it today. But now I need to talk to my brother first.

For some strange, unknown reason, there still was no word from King's Landing. I had suspected that Joffrey would have already declared us traitors and asked for our heads, but as far as we know of, he did no such thing. And I can only imagine it's because of the more imminent danger, called the true Baratheons. Both Stannis and Renly are closer to them than we are. But we are not that far either.

Sadly, that is not the only problem. We all know Joffrey is no leader. If he were to face our worse warrior in combat, he would be dead in seconds. And he will not march at us, no matter what. I know it, Robb knows it, everyone in Westeros knows it. He has no army, he doesn't have enough money, and he has no experience. And the one man, _the one man_, who has all of that, is father.

I wasn't scared because Joffrey didn't yet decide to punish us all and have our heads enhancing the beauty of King's Landing. No, that did not scare me at all. For all I know, they didn't even tell the stupid boy that we have declared independence. With his temper, Gods only know what he would do. He might even kill Cersei or something that stupid and impulsive.

Not having any response from Lord Lannister was what scared me. I lived with him, the man is my father, whether I like to admit that or not. I know him. I know the way he thinks. No, I cannot guess what will his next move be, but I can do my best and suspect. And I was almost certain that he would have said something by now. I half expected to get a letter from him, telling me to calm things down, or cursing me to the deepest pits of hell. And yet, there was nothing. Not a single word.

Lord Eddard and Robb didn't think much about it. It is not actually common for two fighting sides to communicate over hand written letters. But Tyrion and I knew better. We might not know war, but we do know Lord Tywin. And if he didn't declare to me that he will kill me himself and feed my guts to the wild animals, then, I can only suspect he plans to do that sooner than I would prefer him to.

While they may have kept the truth from Joffrey, they couldn't keep it from lord father, I know that. He knows, he knows very well. He knows I'm the Queen in the North, and that Tyrion is right by my side.

"Elisa?" I called and she turned around." Could you oversee this? I need to speak with Tyrion." I said.

"Of course." She said, with a bow. I raised my eyebrows, but she pretended like I didn't do anything. She still wasn't used to calling me Elena. And I'm not going to give up until I'm just Elena to her again.

I got Rickard form the cradle, and I went to see my brother. Considering that the hours I get to spend with my son are counted I was spending every single moment with him. It's hard, not knowing whether I will ever return to him, see him grow and become his father's son. But at least he will get a chance to do that. At the end of the day, this war isn't just revenge. It isn't just about honor and about defending it. It is for giving our children, and their children, and their children and the generations after that, a good place to live in. As long as a Lannister sits on the throne, Westeros will not be a good place. And I say that as someone who was born a Lannister.

I walked with Rickard in my arms, and I was holding him with one hand in order to knock on the door. Once Tyrion told me to come in, I clumsily did so, and thankfully, we didn't fall.

I was surprised to see Sansa here. Actually, I was so surprised that I didn't even have a chance to try and hide my surprise. And I am told that staring is even more rude for a Queen than it was for a Lady.

"I apologize for my interruption." I said, trying to hide my surprise at least now. But they saw right through me, and it didn't take me long to drop the act." If it's something important, I can wait, but I wish to speak to you Tyrion." I said. I was giving them a choice. I can go on and do my work, and wait for them to finish their conversation. I was not being the Queen my sister used to be. She never failed to put herself first, and I, unlike her, remember very well that we are all human. We are all human, and when we all die, we will all still be the same. Rotten flesh, bones, and later on, nothing more than dust. My father and my sister might have their gold, but their bones are not made of it. We will all be dust in the end. I never forget that. Maybe that is why people believe I will be a good Queen.

"I'll leave you to it Your Grace." Sansa said, and I didn't hide how unpleasant it made me feel." I'm sorry. Elena." She said, and I smiled gratefully. I can barely live by the common folk calling me Your Grace. The last thing I want is for a family member to do so. Especially the one who is more a Queen than I'll ever be. I might be married to a Northerner, but I wasn't born here. Sansa has more North in her than I ever will. And to her, and the rest of the family, I wish to be nothing more than Elena.

"Thank you Sansa." I said with a smile. She ruffled Rickard's hair as she was walking past us. Catelyn has said that he looks almost exactly like Robb when he was a baby. That thought always made me smile.

"Let me hold my nephew." Tyrion said with a smile, not even looking at me, but at Rickard. I handed him over with a smile on my face. Other than myself and Jaime, Myrcella and Tommen were the only family members who loved Tyrion. Cersei and father were always ashamed of him. Jaime had always had a strange way of showing his affection, but he did love him. Joffrey hated him, but Joffrey hated everyone other than himself, so that was never a surprise. To me, Tyrion was the light in the dark. And I remember, with a smile on my face, how much Myrcella and Tommen enjoyed his company and his jokes. Unlike their older brother, they had kindness in them. It pains me to think that they might lose this war, just as much as their mother might. Whenever I feel bad about that, which is more often than I would like to admit, I remind myself that they will not be on the battlefield, and that Robb isn't vicious. If we survive, and they survive too, they will not be punished for their parent's mistakes.

"I need to speak to you about something." I said as I was taking the seat Sansa occupied moments ago.

"Oh, you and your worry." Tyrion complained, and I smiled." Elena, it's simple. We will either win, or lose. We will either live, or die. Either way, it will be much better than it is now." He said.

"You're not a parent Tyrion." I said flatly, almost hurt by his words." You are not in love. I am. I am in love with my husband. We have a boy. We have a family. I don't give a rat's ass about my own life. I only wish for them to live. It's not that simple as it seems to you." I said.

"Well, when you put it like that…" he said, and I nodded." What do you wish to speak of?" he asked.

"Tywin Lannister." I said, and he nodded. It is obvious that I am not the only one who was thinking about him." I am surprised he hasn't done something by now." I said.

"Like what?" Tyrion asked.

"Sent a letter? Come here himself too skewer me like a lamb for supper?" I asked, and Tyrion smiled.

"He might not be a kind man, but he is smart. If he had tried to do so, he will be dead before he even lays eyes on you." He said, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, Tyrion will make a joke about it.

"You know very well what I meant." I said, and he nodded. He was using his humor to hide his worry. Unlike me, he is not an open book." This is not like him. And I am starting to get worried." I said.

"Only starting?" he asked. Now he's taken it too far.

"Tyrion, I'm being serious." I said and the anger was clear in my voice. For the first time since I became a Queen, I have sounded like one." You know I love you with all my heart, but now is not the time for humor and jokes. If we survive this, feel free. But not now." I said. It almost sounded like a threat. But it wasn't that. It could never be that. My brother knows that I could never do him harm.

"Are you really that worried because he didn't threaten you yet?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Yes, yes I am. And it is not just that. We know him Tyrion. You and I, both. He would have said something by now. It frightens me that he is changing his usual tactics." I admitted.

"Because we might know what he will do next?" he asked, and I nodded." I hate to admit, but it does make sense." He said. Oh, he finally realizes that this is not the time for jokes!

"He is a good leader. He knows war. But he has never fought his own. No, I do not think that he considers Robb family. Of course he doesn't. His daughter was married to the King, and he did not look at him like family, let alone this Northern savage I'm married to." I said, and Tyrion smiled. He knows very well what I mean by it. I still haven't forgotten the kind words Cersei had for the family that I am now part of. And to this day, they haven't done a single thing to make me think that they are any less civilized that the Lannisters. On the contrary, really." But he knows we are here. We might not know him like our other siblings do, but we know him. And I am afraid he thought of that." I said.

"Even if he did, it doesn't change anything." He said, and I raised my eyebrows." It all comes down to the fight. He can only change the way he acts, not the way he fights. Just because he hasn't warned us that he will try to kill us himself doesn't mean he won't do that. Let me tell you something little sister." he said, and he looked more serious than I have ever seen him." Your husband may be fighting this war. And both of Robert's brothers may be fighting this war. But let me tell you, no one, no one more than you and I has a bigger target on their back. He wants them all dead, but no one more than you and I."

I knew it. Of course I did. I know my father, and I know that our betrayal is the worst part of this whole story. He is not hurt. He is enraged, angry and bloodthirsty. I knew it all along, but hearing Tyrion actually say that out loud send shivers down my spine.

"Do you think we'll die?" I asked. He was the only one that I could ask this question. I have asked Robb, but he would always turn it to a joke. He never thought I was serious. And I pretended like I wasn't. But I was serious now, and Tyrion knew it. He is the only one whose answer wouldn't scare the life out of me. I am not sure why. He will speak the truth, just as much as Robb or anyone else would.

"No. I honestly think we'll survive this." He said, and I nodded. He would never lie to me, not about this. And I grew up next to him. I can tell when he lies, and he is not lying now." I think we are on the winning side. And I think your husband and his father are the ones who should never bend the knee again."

"I hope you're right." I whispered." We have too much to lose." I said. I didn't get to hear his response, because we were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in." Tyrion said. These are his chambers after all. To our surprise, it was Maestar Luwin.  
"My apologies Your Grace, My Lord." He said, and I got up on my feet. I didn't know the man for my whole life, but I knew him well enough to see that something was wrong.

"What is it Maestar?" I asked him, not even bothering to tell him not to call me Your Grace.

"There's been a raven Your Grace." He said, and he handed me the scroll. There was no sign on it.

"Has Robb seen it? Lord Stark, Lady Stark?" I asked, surprised that he decided to show it to me first. I suppose that I should get used to it.

"It has your name written on it, Your Grace. I brought it directly to you." He said, and I turned the scroll, to see Elena Lannister written on it. I recognized the writing at once.

"My old name." I said, and I sighed." It's from our brother." I said. Both Tyrion and the Maestar were surprised, but not as much as I was. I thought I made it clear to him when I left King's Landing.

"Well, open it!" Tyrion said, and I did just that. It was short, but it said more than enough.

_Elena, _

_Stop this at once, I beg of you. _

_This will not end well, and I do not want to see something happen to you. _

_Make your husband drop the whole "King in the North" thing. If you continue this, I will have to fight you. I wouldn't mind taking Robb Stark's head, but I do mind taking your husband's head. _

_Stop it Elena, I beg of you. _

_Jaime. _

"What does it say?" Tyrion asked, and I shook my head.

I walked over to the desk, and I found a piece of paper, and a quill. I did not waste my time on common courtesies, or kind words for that matter. I just wrote one sentence, and that one sentence held more meaning than a whole page could hold.

_In that case, he might bring me your head. _

"Maestar, send this to King's Landing at once. To Jaime Lannister." I said, and I handed him the piece of paper." He asks of me to stop Robb. And he says he will give me his head. I might have suggested something slightly different." I said, speaking both to Tyrion and Maestar." After you do that Maestar, please, call for Robb. And Lord and Lady Stark. They will want to hear of this." I said, and he nodded.

"Yes, Your Grace." He said, and he left us. Tyrion was still holding Rickard, and I was shaking. Not out of fear, but out of rage. How dare he? How dare he?!

"I suppose father send his message over Jaime, if you read between the lines." He said once he read Jaime's letter than I handed him.

"I suppose he does." I whispered. Anger has completely taken over me. Until now, I wished for this all to end as soon as possible. Now, something's changed." To hell with them all. If they want to play the game, we'll play it. I'll play it. I've been too kind for too long."

"Remember what they say. Well, what Cersei says. There is no middle ground." Tyrion warned me.

"I don't need middle ground. He promises to give me my husband's head? Then I won't shed a tear when my husband gives me his. I don't need middle ground for this Tyrion. They've started it, and we will end it. I promise you that." I whispered, looking at my brother and my son. We will do this for them, we will do this for us. We will do what has to be done.

**On the road in the next chapter. It's safe to say, and pardon my language, shit just got real :)**

**Review guys, I need more feedback! :D**


	35. Chapter 35

**Ok guys, I'm going to start this one with a big thank you for all of you who stayed on this journey so far. To love and to fight is not coming to an end, not just yet. That brings me to the second part. The apology. I am so incredibly sorry. I kept you waiting and I failed myself in so many ways. I just didn't have the time. I work six days a week, 8 hours a day, and that one day of I get, I use to teach English. Between the work, the studying and the teaching, I barely had time to breathe. And now I come to the third part. , Daybreak96, babiluv22, AnnieAC, and all of the rest of you that I didn't name, thank you for everything. And last, but not least, thank you to BGio89, for the message that reminded me that this story is not just done yet. Thank you guys, thank you all, and once again, I'm sorry. I will be updating as soon as possible, and for what it's worth, I'll start the next chapter tonight. Thank you. Love you all. Ana. **

… …

… …

"Arya, I am sorry." I said, for the hundredth time. And she still didn't see it. She still didn't see that we are doing this for her own good. She prefers to think that Robb, her parents, Jon, Gendry and I have some sort of pact or a deal to do exactly the opposite of what she wants to do. She might have a good and kind heart, but for some things, Arya is still no more than a child who doesn't want to grow up.

"I can help Elena, you know that." she said, still convinced that she should go with us. I sighed, not knowing what to do. I do not wish for her to get angry with me, but if she continues, I might as well say anything in order to make her change her mind. Even if that meant she'll be angry with me." I know how to sword fight, you saw me. I can help." She insisted. And I don't know what to do.  
"Yes, you are good with a sword. You've seen me with a sword, haven't you?" I asked, and she nodded. I could see in her face that she has no idea where I'm going with this. And to be honest, neither did I." And would you say I am good with a sword? Would you say that I should fight, that I could be a fair opponent to a Knight?" I asked.

"Yes, I would. You are good with a sword, and you could kill a knight." She said, and I nodded.

"I probably could. But you know what? I won't. I have told you once, when we were still friends and not family. I've told you, that a time comes, when things change. When you grow up. See, I will go on the road. I will not be in the field, fighting and killing. Do you know why? Because I will be waiting for Robb. I will be waiting for him. To congratulate and support him if he returns and to be in grief if he doesn't. And I am going because I am needed when it comes to strategy. Your brother is a warrior, but I was born a Lannister. And that is why they need me, and that is why I will help. Now, a part of me might wish I was right beside my husband, fighting with him for the freedom of the North. But I will not do it. See, I may be good with a sword, but I am better with words. And I will be there where I'm most needed. As will you. I will leave my son tomorrow. Jon will leave his father tomorrow, Gendry will leave you tomorrow. But we will come back. As long as we have something to come back to, we will fight and hope and wish to come back. And like I am needed there, you are needed here. You need to be that something we wish to come back to. That is your role in this Arya, and it is just as important as mine, as your mother's, as Robb's, or as anyone else's. We do what we must. And if you are so determined on using a sword, than you will be the one who protects my son if we don't make it." I said.

I am good with words. Or I will be, if I manage to convince her that it is best that she stays here. Judging by the look on her face, she sees it now. My words might have worked.

"I don't want you to go Elena." She whispered." I don't want any one of you to go, but mostly, I don't want you. You know it. You know that bad things happen when you go. Bad things happen when you leave me." She said. I remember that. It seems to me that it was in another life, and not just two years ago when I left to go hunting, and Bran was pushed of the tower. Afterwards, I left for Casterly Rock, and Arya almost lost her father. I remember clearly, when I returned, how she said what she said now.

"Arya, I have to. And I promise you, nothing bad will happen now. We'll break that curse. Your father is here, and he will protect you from anything. Men, animals, dragons, you name it. And stop thinking that we won't be back, because when we return, we'll have a wedding to plan, won't we?" I asked with a big smile on my face. My smile grew even bigger when she blushed. But she still did not smile.

"What if you don't come back?" She asked.

"I always come back. That is also something that happens whenever I leave." I said, and finally, I made her laugh." We will all be back. And do not dare and worry about Gendry. He will be more than fine." I reassured her. After hours of debating, both with and without him, Robb and I have decided that he probably won't be fighting. He may know how to use a sword, be he has never been in a battle before. He's never killed a man, and we wish for that to stay that way. And unlike me, he doesn't have a whole other army marching to kill him. Well, neither do I, considering that there is no news about an army going towards us. But we know better. As soon as we take a step out of the gates of Winterfell, they will know. And they will fight back. Once they do, the real trouble starts. And that is not something I will tell Arya. She doesn't need that, not when she's staying here.

"You promise you will come back?" she asked, and I nodded.  
"I promise. One way, or another, we will come back." I said. She knows what I mean. We may try to survive, but that does not guaranty that we will. And she knows that. But we will return. The question is, will we return alive and well, or will we be just bones in a wooden box, waiting to be laid to rest?

We never said the word goodbye. After I have promised her what I did, we just hugged, and after a while, I left the room, not saying another word. I have already said goodbye to Sansa and Rickon. We will speak once more with Eddard before we leave, so now, I'm only left with Bran.

And saying goodbye to Bran will probably be the most difficult thing. I gave Arya hope. Sansa knew very well what we have to do and why we have to do it, and Rickon is too young to know what is actually happening. Bran isn't. Bran is old enough to know, and while he might understand, and while he might have hope, he keeps his distance. That is why I have delayed my goodbyes with him. Until now, when I know I cannot delay it any longer.

I hesitated with my hands on the door of Bran's chambers. I have to do it. I might as well just do it now.

"Bran? Am I interrupting you?" I asked, peeking into the chambers. He was on his bed, and since he just put it down, I presume he was reading a book.

"Of course not. Come in." he said. I gave him a weak smile, and I walked into the chambers. As I turned around to close the door behind me, I took a deep breath. When I was face to face with him again, I could see that his expression has changed. I suspect mine did too." You're leaving today?" he asked.

"Tonight." I corrected him, and the only response I got was a nod of his head." I don't want to tell you stories Bran." I said as I sat down on the end of his bed." You know very well that we will do our best to return, to come back to all of you."

"I do. I also know that you might not return, might not come back." He said, and I smiled.

"You always were incredibly smart." I said in a low voice, and finally, I got a smile from him. A very small one, but a smile none the less." This is war Bran. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, you will still have to pay a certain price. The winner pays a lesser one. But when you think about it, if you have lost the ones you love, do you really need a victory?" I asked, more myself than him.

"If that is true, then why fight?" He asked. I was blindsided by his question." If the greatest treasure that we have are our loved ones, why risk their lives with a fight? Why not let your family live in peace?"

"First of all, you are my family." I corrected him. I am not insulted, but I am not exactly happy with having to remind him that the Starks are more of a family to me than the Lannisters ever were." Second of all… give me a moment, please." I said, desperate to have a chance to sort out my thoughts. Why are we doing this? Did Bran just ask the most important question of them all?" We are doing this because it is the right thing to do. My nephew shouldn't be the King. My family should pay for the things they have done. This is not… it is not pure revenge Bran. Or a desperate desire for blood. When you think about it, there really is no other choice. Not if we wish to do the right thing." I said.

"It's always the Starks." He said." We always do the right thing."

"Someone has to." I said, and he smiled." Ugh, I'm going to miss you little one." I said, and before he got a chance to escape me, I locked him in a tight hug." Look after your nephew. I know I'm leaving him in good hands, but take care of him." I said.

"Always." He confirmed with a smile. We hugged for a little while, and then I left. Once again, without using the word goodbye.

I was so overwhelmed with the conversations that I had to lead today that I almost forgot about the most important thing I have to do today. I have to say goodbye to my son. And even though I know he won't be talking back, that will be the most difficult conversation I will have today.

But it will have to wait. Now, Robb and I have to talk to Ned and Catelyn. Out last council before we leave.

I ran into Robb in the hallway, and we continued together, without saying a word. Silent, but hand in hand. Because there is no chance in hell that either one of us could do this without the other.

Mostly, we talked about the strategy. We were avoiding the emotional parts for as long as we could. And it is going very well, since there is a lot for us to deal with.

"Someone has to say it." Catelyn said, and we all looked at her." How in the name of Gods are we going to pay for this war?" She asked.

"We can cover it." Ned said.

"Not if something unexpected happens. And I have a feeling it might." Robb said.

"Well, I think you need to follow me." I said, and I got up on my feet." I have something to show you." I said once they didn't stand up with me. They realized that I was serious, and got up at once. We were going through the hallways, a bit slower than usual, because of Ned's leg." I believe I've got the payment part under control." I said as we were walking into the chambers that used to be mine by title, and that are now Rickard's. I didn't wait for them, but I got down on my knees and pulled out a trunk from under the bed. I didn't open it, but I pulled out one more trunk. Then, I stopped." I have seven more trunks." I said, and then, I opened one of the trunks. It was filled with gold, from top to bottom. I could see the surprise on their faces." Well, I used to be a Lannister. And believe me, this is just a small portion. No one ever noticed it." I said. They were all looking at me in complete surprise.

"You robbed your father before you left?" Robb asked in a low voice, but I could see a hint of a smile.

"No. It just… gathered through the years. Jaime had his armors, Cersei had her dresses, Tyrion had his wine and whores, and I had nothing. So I just… kept it. I suppose I had a feeling I would need it once. And I suppose I was right." I said with a smile.

"Elena, you are one smart girl." Eddard said, and all I could do was smile.

…

…

…

For a while, I couldn't understand why we were starting out journey in the middle of the night. Soon enough, my father will find out. It doesn't really make a difference if he finds out now, or in the morning. So I couldn't understand why are we making things more difficult by leaving in the dead of night. But now, only moments before our departure, I could understand.

Arya had fallen asleep in the hallway. She had a plan to say goodbye to us, or maybe even sneak out with us. But now, she will never get a chance. And if we don't return, her last memory will be our hugs, and not our backs as we were riding away.

Robb and I were alone in our chambers, standing over Rickard, who was sleeping peacefully in his cradle. We were looking only at him, and not at each other. In the months, maybe even years to come, we will be seeing plenty of each other, and on the other hand, we both fear that we might forget the face of our son.

Am I a horrible mother? Am I even worse than Cersei? After all, she never left her children's side.

"I will never be able to forgive myself if you never see him grow up." Robb said in a low voice.

"Me? Both of us are supposed to see him grow up. Not just me." I whispered.

"Of course, but you in particular. If there was a chance for me to do this without you, I would do it. But I need your help." He said.

"And here I thought you couldn't handle being away from me." I joked.

"I would barely manage to do so, but if I had to choose… you would stay with him."

"To tell you the truth, I would probably choose the same. But there is no choice. Just one path, and we are both taking it."

"If we fail, at least we will fail together." He said, and he kissed the back of my hand.

"Oh, shut up." I whispered with a smile on my face. I kissed my son's forehead, and I slowly started walking away from him. The pain was not just an emotional pain. My chest is actually hurting.

"This is the right thing Elena." Robb said. I wasn't sure if he is reassuring me, or himself, but I didn't question him." No matter what, he will live. Even if you and I both die, father will keep him alive." he said, and I nodded. There was always that plan. If we lose the war, Rickard will be long gone from Winterfell, even before my father thinks to kill my only child. And even if it calmed me, it was a last resort.

"I can't." I whispered with tears in my eyes." Let's just walk away. If I stay another second, I'll never leave his side." I said. Robb put his hand on my shoulders and he walked me out of the room. There were tears in his eyes too. He might have a strong exterior, but I know very well that on the inside, he feels just as bad as I do.

I repeated to myself that this is the best for my son. I was still repeating that as I mounted the horse. the entire army was already marching and riding, only Robb, Gendry, Tyrion, Jon, Catelyn and I remained, as well as about a 100 soldiers that were our guards for the night.

Ned was the only one who was still awake. And that was for the best.

I waited as he said goodbye to his wife and son, and then he approached me.

"Please, take care of him." I said as he petted the horse I was on.

"And you of him." He said, and I nodded, knowing very well what he meant with that." I trust the two of you, Elena. I trust Catelyn too. If anyone can do this, it's the three of you."

"I hope you are right Lord Stark." I whispered.

"Ned." He corrected me, once again, with a smile." Farewell Elena."

"Farewell Ned." I said with a smile, and only moments later, we were riding.

Riding away from Winterfell and from a pretty large part of my family. I did not dare and look behind. I know very well what I'm leaving. I do not need to look at that. As long as I don't turn around, there is a chance I won't change my mind before it's too late.

I have my brother with me. I have Catelyn, who is the only mother I ever knew. I have Gendry and Jon, my friends who I see as brothers. And I have Robb. Always, I always have Robb.


End file.
